So I've been honest about this unexpected change in my circumstances but I hope it's obvious that I love James. I love him. He is truly the one I want in my life. I always have since I met him. It has been painful, so so painful, to be away from him for so long. Total despair. I don't even know how I've lived through the pain I've felt over being apart from him and wanting him in my life like I had him. I want to share the dreams we spoke of. That is why I am not "giving up" or letting go or moving on. This kind dear man I am spending time with and sharing love with- I don't know what tomorrow brings with him. I make him dinner. I talk with him. I bring him happiness. Love is what I am in his life. Just love. I am a good loving person and I am easy to love... so it is what it is for the moment. I have too much on my mind and in my heart to think any farther than that when it comes to all this.
But James- I hold him in my heart always.
I do hold a place for him in my heart.