Amazing Blog Post!!!

I found this blog today and it's amazing.  I know I was supposed to find it and I am pumped.  So pumped that I can't really put it into words.  She just kinda put it into perspective for me, how thankful I need to feel for Joron.  How much he's helped me through triggering me.  How he's my divine counterpart, with me always.  My soul "best friend" and also my Beloved.

http://mirror-of-my-soul.com/2015/03/19/the-seven-keys-that-unlocked-my-twin-flame-reunion/

The Seven Keys that unlocked my twin Flame Reunion

Posted on March 19, 2015 by doucejonna

Each set of twin flames goes through a period of preparation leading up to their reunion. Having fully surrendered, they enter the flow of synchronistic & predestined events, finding themselves increasingly empowered and guided by a higher power. This is the magical path from surrender into illumination where many lessons are finally understood, where insights and events bring about validation and awareness, and where the twins align with the vibration of the Twin flame Sacred Heart and Consciousness.
Since I wrote about the positive direction my own Twin flame union has recently taken, many automatically assumed that the shift happened because my twin had finally “got it”. Unfortunately, this perception that our twin flame is somehow the culprit to our reunion not happening is both misleading and counterproductive. Rather, what enabled the shift was BOTH of us consciously seeking to take FULL accountability for ourselves, as well as our part in bringing about balance within our connection. Personally, I came into realization about who I am, about how I perceive and create my own reality and then consciously sought to align these with the KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW of my heart. Here is my story of the events and realizations which catalysed these changes.

1. You are responsible for giving yourself the love that YOU need

Almost a decade ago, I spent 18 months trying to build a relationship with my twin and failing at it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his contradictions and not knowing which foot to dance on with him. While he insisted on how much our “close friendship” meant to him, he kept pushing me away using my supposed “expectations” as an excuse. In the end, the emotional price simply became too much to pay and so I jumped at a chance to marry and build a life with someone else. This life, while not fully reflecting who I was inside, provided me with a respite and a temporary escape from the connection – and more importantly, gave me the family I had always wanted. Not realizing it at the time, I acted in perfect reflection to my twin who at the time reverted to his “safe” marriage where he was not able to be his full authentic self but which did not come with the intense fire brought on by the mirror of his soul, me.
It wasn’t until crisis after crisis started to appear in my life at a fast succession now nearly 2 years ago that I became aware of all the time that had passed. I knew in no uncertain terms this was my wake-up call from the universe. After six months of personal hell, I ended up critically ill in hospital. On that very day, my twin flame sent me a letter telling me about “a positive image, reflection and energy” of me which he carries within him wherever he goes. It was the first time in 8 years he mentioned our connection and the first I’d heard from him in over 18 months. However as I lay in hospital ravaged by a potentially deadly infection and recovering from major surgery, he was the last thing on my mind. I simply felt numb and I knew things had to change.
During my slow recovery I could hardly muster the energy to do anything other than the bare minimum to look after my job and children. Underneath it all I just wanted to find myself again. Inspired by one of Teal Swan’s videos, I started doing only things that a self-loving person would do. I would ask myself “What would a person with self-love do?” and go by that. As I made loving choices for myself, I began to feel my whole and complete self being activated and my soul began to feel free. I finally understood that it was MY responsibility to give myself all the love that I needed. I could not expect anyone to fully love me if I did not first fully love myself.
As I started to love and recognize myself more, I moved from making small positive changes to making bigger changes to create a more balanced, loving life for myself and my children. Eventually I made the decision to leave my marriage as I finally had enough self-love to recognise all the ways in which it did not serve my highest good.

2. You are already whole and at One with your Twin Flame

It didn’t take me long to notice that the more I did things that I loved and that brought out the real me the more I was feeling my twin as part of me; always present when I was present. It was more than just a lingering static memory of him; it was his actual loving, reassuring presence and energy completely entwined and interacting with mine. The more I became my true Self, the more I was moving into closeness with him – and with God. This led me to the deep realisation that the disconnection from him all those years ago had actually led to a disconnection from my Self. This was the first of many Aha moments to come.
It hit me that this reflection, this part of him that I carry within me will never cease to be magnetised by the whole that is him because it is part of him. And I will never cease to long and ache for the part of me that he carries with him, because such is the divine rule; that all that which has been separated from God must return to him. I knew now that I would never return to the way I was before I knew him since this connection would ALWAYS be there. It is forever. I understood that to find peace and wholeness within myself I needed to accept who he is to me. The choice was mine: to accept and deal with it; or to live a life of pain exiled from my own wholeness?
I realized that the Twin Flame reunion is an inside job. Undeniably since we are part of each other, to gain balance within our greater One-Soul, we must first gain balance within. It is only by creating harmony within that we can bring about harmony without. As I remembered the words in his recent email, I wondered whether he was feeling this same oneness with me that I was now recognizing within myself.
3. You can change your reality by changing your perception
With the realization of my own wholeness, the feeling of my twin being very close to me at heart level became very real, and I was feeling him moving closer and closer with each breath. Spirit was now nudging me to approach him and so seven months after his email I wrote and told him about the events of the past year. He replied, saying he hoped I still considered him a close friend and how he wished that I had told him about my illness so he could have come and looked after the house and kids. I was perplexed. How was he still, after almost a decade of little or no contact talking about our “close friendship”? Surely he hadn’t expected that I would contact him in time of need after he had constantly failed to show up for me in the past? This puzzled me a great deal.
In his email he also told me how sad he was that I never had the time to see/catch up with him. It dawned on me that he had asked to speak to me, to see me or to catch-up with me in almost every email during the past 8 years, and that I had simply ignored these requests without any explanation. I suddenly felt like he deserved to hear my reasons and so I wrote to him again, telling him the simple truth, which was that I could not consolidate him with the rest of my life, and how seeing him would bring into ruins the life that I had so carefully built for myself. It was the first time that I had been able to be honest with myself, let alone him, about the pain that I still carried. However as I wrote the words down, I knew I no longer wanted to be afraid.
He replied saying he hoped my dilemma would never get in the way of our common ground, shared values and dreams. I was even more puzzled. This was not the first time he had told me this. Why did he keep on talking about our shared values and dreams when clearly he had never wanted to nor had any time to share them with me? I was now seriously questioning my interpretation of past events, choices, words etc. I was so puzzled that I read through nearly a hundred of our old emails and suddenly a new level of understanding and consciousness was bestowed upon me. My understanding suddenly shifted and I saw both him and myself with new eyes.

4. You are not your story – and neither is your twin

I realized all the ways in which, my vision blurred by my own ego, I had misinterpreted and even completely misread his words and reacted to him from a place of fear & ego rather than love. Things, conversations, moments all came back to me. The first thing I saw were all the ways in which I had simply not been ready or mature enough to step into my union. Having blamed him for 12 years for being the runner I could now see that I had been the runner all along and that I had been just as scared and unprepared for the intensity of this connection than he had! My heart melted in compassion for him as my renewed understanding towards my own behavior allowed me to deeply understand his.
I could see how our long separation had been both necessary and inevitable. I also saw that his past and current withdrawals had nothing to do with me but rather with the intensity of having to face himself. Certainly I was not the victim here; it was just a story I had been telling myself. At last, I made the decision to finally release all the false stories, beliefs, roles and personas and to fully embrace WHO I ALREADY AM. As I did this I felt free; free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had set up for myself when I hadn’t known my own power, or the power of God, yet.
5. Your twin flame is of divine service to you, as you are to him
I had been quick to assume that my twin was the unconscious one who either failed to see the truth or who denied it, however I was now bestowed with the knowing that he had always known about our connection, just like I had, and that all this time he had been waiting for me to come into this same awareness. I finally understood that this validation regarding his feelings could never have come from him – it could only come from realizing the truth of our One-soul where our love is always felt and experienced as a One.
Clearly, his love for me was just as unexplainable to him as my love for him was to me. He had always, regardless of circumstances, loved me and cared about me – I no longer needed to hear it, I could feel it. He had always showed up to guide me past the thresholds of the various stages and realizations of our journey, facing me in his own way, in order to serve our Union. I saw how by triggering and challenging me, he had always invited me to heal, to connect with my true self and to face my fears. He always knew just what to do/say to get me to expand in the love.
My twin flame had always been my biggest champion, my biggest ally and my closest friend even when appearances had me believe the contrary. I realised that it was him who by not being there taught me to seek and find comfort within our shared Twin Flame heart; it was him who by triggering all that was unhealed within me taught me how to heal it; it was him who by turning down my love taught me that it needed to be returned to God; it was him who by withdrawing his love from me taught me that I did not need anyone’s permission to give it to myself; and it was him who by allowing our separation to go on for nearly a decade guided me to a place outside of time where we are never separate.
I suddenly felt humbled and immensely grateful as I realized that all this time he had been of Divine Service to me. He had awakened me, reminded me who I am, taught me the meaning of true love, and then called me home to him, to God and to Divine service so beautifully. I felt such deep love and reverence for him. This love filled all my empty spaces and started overflowing everywhere and I prayed to God that I could be of such Divine Service to my Twin Flame in return. I wanted to always be there for his growth for the greater good of all, whatever it took. I now trusted him fully, and I could finally sigh in relief – we are in this together, no matter what.

6. You set the standard for how you show up in the connection

I had always known he was my mirror but I was now starting to see the precision with which the mirroring happens. I saw the internal balance and vibration that we BOTH had to demonstrate to be able to come together and I started to relax in the knowing that if I could balance the inner, the outer would alter in reflection, and that if I increased my vibration, he would have no choice but to do the same.
I felt like there was still a way to go to for things to fully fall into place, however in the meantime I decided to set a new standard for how I show up in the connection. I vowed to remain centered and connected and to meet whatever arises with love, compassion and honesty. I would no longer pussyfoot around him or treat him like some emotionally and spiritually impaired person who is afraid of my love, my passion, my feelings, or expectations, and I would no longer censor my words, emotions or experiences for fear of scaring him away. That energy had only ever created doubt and confusion between us; after all we are mirrors. Instead, I would only emanate the power of knowing what I know and I had absolute faith that he would reflect it back to me. If he didn’t then it simply wasn’t time yet.
I wanted to reach out to him, to let him know that I now take full responsibility for my part and acknowledge all the ways in which I had contributed to the imbalance between us. I offered to meet him. No reply. I sent him my phone number: no reply. I was intrigued. Why was he suddenly silent? I could feel the energy between us pulsing with something unprecedented. Little did I know that once again he knew exactly what to do in order to get me to fully open up to this new awareness within me. His silence literally pulled the truth out of me.
7. It is by knowing WHAT YOU KNOW and by owning it that both you and your twin will be lifted out of confusion into alignment with your destiny.
With a whole new level of transparency and accountability, I wrote him a long, heart-felt letter. I didn’t ask, beg, hope or make any demands – I simply told him everything and invited him to take my hand and rise in love. I was responding to a higher calling, to a sense of belonging and being where I need to be, not only in the greater scale of things but within my own journey. I felt like a bird who never questions its existence or path yet which without any hesitation simply arises high into the sky and allows the warm winds to carry it to its destination.
I knew I did not want him back at any less than his fullest and truest self and he could take all the time and space he needed to get there. I knew that in the meantime God would continue to guide me and provide me with all the love that I needed. However, if I was hearing this call to return to him in order to align with the divine plan, then as part of the One-soul he had to be hearing that same call. There was NO OTHER WAY. Therefore, wasn’t I simply claiming our destiny by asking him to join forces with me on the outside like he had done on the inside?
I knew my email was a signal which would tell him that it was time to come HOME. I was truly calling forth his divine masculine to match my divine feminine; I was now a Queen ready for my King to return home to rule the Kingdom that we had built together. No matter what, we would end up being ONLY LOVE, vibrating together in the heart of God in our eternal Oneness and Life. To return to who we are, to where we belong is to simply stay there: to stay in this love, and this now became my only option.

"Like I'm Gonna Lose You"

I wish.  I wish so much that I would have held you just a wee bit tighter the last time I had you in my arms.

I wish.  I wish as you walked out my door, walked down the steps and crossed my lawn on that chilly October night that I would have ran after you, threw my arms around your cute little neck and hugged you, told you how much I love you and how heartbroken I was that you were leaving.

I wish.  I wish that last time we made love I would have looked in your eyes for even longer.  Whispered I love you one more time.  Touched your face for one more moment, ever so gentle.

I wish.  I wish the last time I kissed you I would have closed my eyes and told myself, "Remember how this feels forever.  Know your husband.  Trust this kiss.  Know this kiss." 

I wish.  I wish... that I would have loved you like I was going to lose you.

My Heart.  My Love.  My Buddy.  My Friend.  I miss you so much. 

Ever so much.

I Love...

~Sweet Love~~

I'm reading a book called "The Power."  It is by the author of "The Secret," Rhonda Byrne.  I think when she wrote "The Secret" she felt later that she needed to expand on the idea of love and gratitude so she wrote a few follow up books and one is "The Power."  Maybe I mentioned this in a recently-made post.  She writes about the power of love, how energy attracts so if we feel love we attract love but if we feel fear then we attract fear.  She also writes something so small yet powerful.  She says to "talk about that which you love."  

Talk about that which you love.  We as human are addicted to talking about our issues, our problems, our gripes and all the things we do not like in life.  We create our own monsters through our fear/ego and THEN to top it off we obsess about the bad thing we created which essentially makes all the badness just stronger, attracting more negativity.  Talking about our problems actually creates more problematic energy and then we attract more of the same to ourselves.

So- to counteract this, to stop the madness, to BREAK THE ADDICTION, she says to ONLY talk about that which we love.  So let's say you go out to a fancy restaurant and the appetizer shows up cold.  What to do?  Well I'd suggest calmly, patiently and lovingly bring it to the server's attention, and be thankful when a new hot appetizer shows up.  Then let the mistake go.  Be grateful to the server for remedying the cold appetizer, and then enjoy the rest of the wonderful meal.  Concentrate on the lovely company, the delicious food, and the attentiveness of the server.  Not another word of the cold appetizer.  This way you don't attract anything more of what you do not want and ONLY attract more of what you do, the appreciation of the good meal will attract to you more opportunities to be grateful for other good stuff.

Does that makes sense?  Only talk about, concentrate your energy, on that which you love.  Let the rest go.  Let the cold appetizer go.  If you were to sit there bitching about the cold appetizer rather than appreciating the rest of the meal then believe me- next the drinks will spill.  And the bill will be wrong.  And dinner will be burnt.  And a couple at the table will have words.  And the car in the parking lot won't start.  Why?  Because you will be attracting to you more things you can bitch about instead of attracting more things you can feel good about.

Get it?  Good.  It's taken me a longggggg time to understand this.  We call it "lessons."  We say we are "tested."  We say "I feel like the Universe is out to get me!" when REALLY what is happening is we are creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies.  Like when we fear fear fear that a wonderful love is too good to be true, and then he leaves.  And what to we say?  "I just KNEW it would happen! It never fails.  They all leave,  It always happens to me!"  Well... yeah.  Because you created it.  We create it.

What if we start consciously creating good stuff?  Like really working at it?  Keeping love journals? Talking only good words?  It takes practice.  Believe me.  I am working on this right now because I WILL make it to reunion when I shift my words, intentions, energy concentrations, etc.  

So I was thinking... of all the things I love.

1. I love chocolate ice cream,  A lot.  Actually I just love chocolate... and James always brought me chocolate, lol.
2. I love my cats.  They keep me company, and they boss me around.  I need that from time to time.
3. I love how James always brought me goodies.  His generosity warmed my heart and I am so thankful for his kindness in bringing me little gifts, for wanting me to be happy.  I really love that about him.
4. I love having a nice warm cozy well-worn, well-loved, colorful inviting house to come home to.  I love that his house has been a home for myself, my son and various other people and pets who have needed a place to stay.
5. I love my job that is easy, comfortable, quiet, has a nice office, and offers me a good solid salary, ample time off and good benefits including I work where my son goes to school so I can see him when I want do during the day.
6. On that note I love my son's awesome school that is affordable.  They really care about the kids.  His school is offering him a great start on his education and life in general.  I love that he goes to school where I work so I can see him if I want to, just to stop in and say hello and let him know I am thinking of him,  He is close while I make our living.
7. I love my twin soul for opening my eyes to what I create with my energy.  I love James for loving me so much that he chose to walk this path with me.
8. I love James, lol.  I love his strong sexy hands that touched me so gently, like I was fine china that needed to be handled gingerly, carefully.  I love that he respects me so much.  
9. I love that James shows me all the things I need to see in my energy so I can attempt to transmute into love.
10. I love that James LOVES talking with me.  I love the conversations we would have about so many different stimulating topics.  I love that he also loved hearing my thoughts,  My mind interests him, and I love that.  I just love how we'd talk into the night and how he never ever wanted to say goodnight or goodbye.  I love how he always wanted to keep me on the line, talking and cooing and saying "I love you."
11. I love how James totally accepts me, and wants me to only be honest with him no matter how painful that might feel for me.  I am thankful for the unconditional love between twin souls.  I love that I can be myself with him, that he wants me to be,
12. I love that the "Symphony of Science" videos make my sweet little Geologist's memory, his true self, come crashing back to me like he is in my arms again right now.  I love all the interesting information he shared with me.  I love how he knew I'd enjoy it, that he trusted and appreciated my mind enough to share with me, to want to discuss his loves with me.  I love that he shared his passions with me.
13. AND I love love love that he always asked me to share with him what I love.  That he openly accepted my passions even though they differed with his.  I love that he did not care; he saw it as a point of discussion, something to keep up on the phone until 2AM discussing and debating about God and science and the REAL scientific definition of the word "theory."
14. I love that this staunch Atheist of mine wanted to take me, a passionate spiritualist, to meet his hero, Richard Dawkins.  I love that he bought us tickets to his book signing, and he invited me to spend the day with him,  I love that he wanted to show me around the museum where he worked, and he wanted to take me to lunch.  I love that he was proud to call me his girlfriend..
15. I love that I have a had a chance to experience such perfect love.  From a jaunty tight sinewy sexy friendly fun little golf-loving scientist.  I love his love for me.  I love that he adores me the same as I do him.  Like he adores every hair on my head- I know this, and I love it.  I am thankful for his love.
16. I love that he insists that one day he will come back and see me, and he always said he wants to teach me to golf.  I love that he will one day teach me how to golf so we can share that together.  I look forward to golfing with him one day.

You must realize I'd do just about anything to have my love back in my arms again.  I know he is meant to teach me to golf.  James is the sweetest man ever.  I cannot allow my fear, the lies, to win.  I can't.  Do you understand this?  I would rather die.  I would rather die than allow my fear to become my reality forever.  You who read my blog must realize that if our fears are strong enough then they will become our reality- and that is sad sad sad.  I know James.  I know his love.  I know how he loves me.  He is so passionate.  He is intelligent and strong and has such a strong heart.  This is why HE is my twin soul.  MY GOD.  I know why he is my twin soul.  He is special.  So loving.  And unique.

Honestly he amazes me with his ability to show me myself.  I love him for it.  This way I won't swirl around in the darkness forever, creating less than love.  I had to see what an expert manifestor I am expected to be: and I do create, fast and hard.  So I'd better create love.  I am trying.  I really am.

I do miss my Beloved,  I cherish every hair on his sweet little head.  I love the sparkling silver hairs in his sideburns.  I love his youthful appearance and nature, his childlike quality.  I love how he bounded through the parking lot on our first meeting like a happy little puppy and hugged me with a warm sweet smile and told me, "You are just as beautiful as I knew you would be."  I LOVE that he asked to hold my hand on our first date, and he caressed my hand with his thumb in a way that made me fall in love with him to the deepest places inside of myself right then,  On our first date.

I love him so much.  In a way that most humans would not be able to understand, and I am okay with that.  I am very aware of the journey my soul has me on, and I may get upset or tempted to run off but I keep bringing myself back.  Mainly because I love myself enough to work towards my blissful future with the one I love.  And because I love him enough to defend him,

I want to, one day, be able to hand him my writings and say, "See.  See- I always knew, really, who you were at heart.  I knew the real you even if I was scared.  Even if you had to show me my fears I've always known the real you, and I trusted you.  And I love you, always."

I do know.  And I will love him forever.  I love everything about him.  And that means I love myself because he is a mirror image of me.  I am the same as him.  I am loving and unique and fun and sweet and caring too.  I am perfect, and he shows me that just by being himself.

I love him humanism.  I love his science.  I just LOVE him.  I love how he treated my son so wonderfully.  I am thankful that he brought my son little gifts too.  He is so thoughtful and kind. Sweet and generous and his kindness amazed me.  Yes- I was not ready for him!  He shined light into all my dark corners and I was not sure what to do with him.  He was a mystery to me, and I got frightened because I did not know what was happening to me.  Why was I being shown something so perfect?  I got scared.  He is my everything, and I won't be content until we are back together.  Me and my other half.  My destiny.  I do remember him, that man who popped my son's car set into his little two-door manual transmission and treated us to a fun day together.  What kind of man does that for a woman?  Only one who loves that woman tremendously and wants to treat her well, how he feels she deserves to be treated.  Only a damn GOOD man with a loving caring heart.  And that IS my James.  No doubt about it.

I have to get through this.  It is a grow or die kind of thing.  James deserves way more than me settling for believing the mirror of my own fears.  How sad would that be?  Like sad movie script- I am choosing to believe ONLY the truth.  And truth is this man fell hard in love with me, never stopped loving me, still loves me.  He is out there loving me hard, wanting me back.  Asking me to believe.  Asking me to believe in him, in God.  In my dreams.  Faith.  

He is my wonder.  I do adore him, and I know him.  My Beloved twin soul.  My heart.

I love that through the chaos he reached out and reminded me that he cares about my son by asking me if I have him enrolled in any sports.  I love how even when having to mirror me, show me myself, he still was able to say. "Hey I am thinking of you and yours.  Make sure you get your son into sports because it would be good for him,  I love you and him, and I am showing you in the only way I can right now.  Believe in me.  Please."  James told me he wanted to be a part of my son's life.  I love that he wants to be a part of my son's life.  I love how he stood behind my precious little man and helped him feed the baby alligators.  I love how he positioned him and showed him how to golf, how he gently taught him and had fun with my son.  I love how he cares and how exceptional he is.  I love how he cares for us, and how he misses up, and how he really wants to be with us as a family.  I can't wait for him to be part of our family.  I know he wants to.  I KNOW it.  I love how when we got home he went into his trunk and found some colorful golf balls for my son to keep.

I have one of them sitting on my book shelf along with the crystal growing kit he so kindly and sweetly bought for my son.  We grew the crystals.  I'll never get rid of them.  My sweet little scientist. I am so in love with him.  I long for him.  I ache to have him back.  He is a gift.  A gem.  And I do cherish him.  I am thankful for ever having met him at all, but my life was changed by him and I will never be the same again.

Life is better with James in it.  He showed me a different way to view life.  He is expansive.  

I miss my scientist.  

I love my sweet sweet love, my James.  

Goodbye Girl

So I stumbled upon a song today that, again, is a total message for me.  Like James himself is reaching out to touch me through a song.  Here is it.

Goodbye Girl

All your life you've waited
For love to come and stay
And now that I have found you
You must not slip away

I know it's hard believing
The words you've heard before
But darlin', you must trust them
Just once more

'Cause, baby, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you, goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again

If you wake up and I'm not there
I won't be long away
'Cause the things you do my goodbye girl
Will bring me back to you

I know you've been taken
Afraid to hurt again
You fight the love you feel for me
Instead of givin' in

But I can wait forever
For helpin' you to see
That I was meant for you
And you for me

So remember, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you, goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again

Though we may be so far apart
You still would have my heart
So forget your past my goodbye girl
'Cause now you're home at last

 These lyrics, obviously, totally speak to me.  Loud and clear.  I love how he says goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together because the things you do will "bring me back to you."  Now come on- how perfect is that wording?  "Cause the things you do will bring me back to you."

There is just no overlooking that. not in my world.  This whole song is us.  "You fight the love you feel for me instead of giving in."  I am trying to surrender to the love.  To surrender to spirit.  I really do totally just love this man, as anyone who has read my blog knows.'

I also know this song is truth- I met him and felt home.  My future.  He is my future.

My Sweet Geologist...

I wonder what would happen if I tried not to think of this connection for a week.  Or maybe even a day.  Or an hour.  Could I get through not thinking of it for one hour?  I wonder if I am meant to forget about it?  Maybe not.  I did find two Nicholas Sparks books when I was cleaning my closet today so maybe those will divert my attention.  For a moment.

I took the day off work today and tomorrow.  I have my friend and her two kids and cat living with us for a while and man this house takes a lot to keep up!  And I also just like to have to time to clear my mind.  Well, it's never totally clear.  James is always on my mind!

Our first kiss was under the full Blue moon on my birthday, fortieth at that.  The Universe made it so I can't ever forget.  Honestly- I can't ever forget.  How can I forget my birthday?  So many things make me think of him...

The moon
The stars
The night sky
The park across the street from my house
The bar around the corner that I pass every morning; I can see him walking across the lot to hug me
Anything Geology- rocks.  Rocks remind me of my Beloved
Atheism
Evolution
Science

I can't escape the sky.  I can't escape Terra firma.  I can't escape science... it's always there.  I step outside at night and see the beautiful full moon or a star-filled sky and *oops* I'm reminded of him!  I see all these science kits for kids and *oops* I'm reminded of him.

I love him so much.

There is quiet still.  All I can say is I am not sure :)  I don't know exactly what is happening or what will happen.  I know he loves me.  I know I dream of a future with him, and I know I love the stuffings out of my little scientist.

That is all.

I Just Close My Eyes...

Again with this song.  I love the pictures in this video.  "All I really need is you."

That is so true.  I know according to all the spiritual "rules" that attachment is "wrong."  But I love him so much.  I can barely stand it- I love him so much.  I feel him.  I know him.  I adore him.  I will love him forever.

LEO SAYER

When I Need You Lyrics

When I need you
I just close my eyes
And I'm with you. And all that I so wanna give you
It's only a heartbeat away.

When I need love
I hold out my hands
And I touch love. I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day.

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone can't take the place of your smile.
But you know I won't be traveling forever.
It's cold out
But hold out
And do like I do.

When I need you
I just close my eyes
And I'm with you.
And all that I so wanna give you babe
It's only a heartbeat away.

It's not easy when the road is your driver.
Honey that's a heavy load that we bear.
But you know I won't be traveling a lifetime.
It's cold out
But hold out
And do like I do.
Oh
I need you.

When I need love.
I hold out my hand
And I touch love.
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day.
When I need you
I just close my eyes
And you're right here by my side.
Keeping me warm night and day
I just hold out my hands
I just hold out my hands
And I'm with you
Darling.
Yes
I'm with you
Darling
All I wanna give to you
It's only a heartbeat away.
Oh
I need you
darling.

Love You 'Till The End

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Not much of an update.  I said it before, that I really don't have much more to say.  I am all worded out as far as sharing goes.  What else can I say?  I'm trying.  I love him.  I want him back in my arms again; I adore him.  I love every inch of him, every sweet golden buttery inch.

I am at a point where I can't tolerate anyone offering me guidance.  I don't want to hear about the soul connection: if you walked in my shoes for a few weeks you'd see that I understand plumb well about the soul connection.

Sharing with others, non-twins and even most twins, does not work either.  I have one friend who is experiencing very nearly the same things as I am.  Her fears and doubts come back to her through a human man who knows her every feeling even when they are apart and not communicating, so she gets me.  I do have friends who are supportive of my decision to keep going, try to follow this path like I've been shown.  One of them asked me the other day, though, "Is he just busy with work?" which means she thinks he is not responding to me because his work comes first, and that is not truth.  Truth is he is not going to respond to me due to whatever is inside of me holding me up.

My other friend who is a twin wants to know what would happen if I confronted him, asked him why he tries to hurt me.  Well that just reaffirms that I THINK he is hurting me and then I'll get more of what I believe in.  So she does not really get it either.  If her twin were to filter to her the messages I've received- she'd lose her fucking mind and go ape-shit crazy. 

I feel like... I want to bash my head against a wall because I send myself in circles.  Honestly I can only go very quiet now.  Someone on FB read one of my posts and asked me what is going on and I told him.  He's 20 years older than me, "spiritual" nature.  He started getting kind of flirty in a really "not able to put my finger on it" manner.  It was not just "unconditional love."  And he is married.  And last night after he said hello I just was not in the mood for it so I told him I was going to bed.  He sent me a "selfie" of himself.  Seriously?  He knows I am in love with someone- I don't need to see his selfie.  I really don't.  I did not ask for it.  It upset me.  People upset me.  3D upsets me.  Real life upsets me.  I want my wonderful Beloved back, the one I can count on.  A man who will respect me and not send his selfie out to women on FB.  Today this man referred to me as "kiddo" and tried to offer me guidance and I about tore him a new asshole.  I find that I can't tolerate bullshit any longer.  He has a wife yet he is going out of his way to tell me that his day was brighter because he shared part of it with me, and he sent me his selfie- so don't counsel me on relationships because no wife would appreciate that.  Sorry. 

Really I am at an all-time high of "Don't push my buttons."  Maybe Spirit is pushing me to keep my mouth shut, then fine I get it.  I reminded me to not ever talk to married men; some people will not agree with me- but some married men when you engage them in *friendly* conversation will cross a line.  It annoyed me.  And I don't need people telling me my truth.  I already know it.  Does it feel good?  NO.  The silence does not feel good.  I miss James.  Yes, James.  "Joron" his angel name meaning "earth worker."  My Geologist.  I honestly think that no matter what my ego tells me, how much sometimes I do want to run, how upset I get, how hard I can fall into fear- I honestly won't love again, not like I love him.  And anything less would pale in comparison.  Anything less would not be worth it.  I'd rather be that old lady with twelve cats. James is faithful and good.

I so miss my buddy.  My faithful lover.  My good man.  I hope he is well and happy wherever he is and whatever he is doing out there in the world.  My love.

So I'd better get this thing done.  Because he's all I want.  He's the best.  He's The Man for Me.  He is my one and only.  So I can bitch and moan and doubt and get pissy and anxious and bemoan my situation as much as I want to.  And hold myself up.  I can talk about it, hash it out, reaffirm the things I don't like to see in the mirror.  I can do all the things I know NOT to do.

Or I can shut the fuck up and deal.  Accept.  Love, quietly.  Keep the frustrating to a minimum.  Tolerate him not being here in my arms, and realize I am the reason why he is gone.  Sometimes that truth is so fucking frustrating that I want to puke: I did this.  I have nowhere to point any fingers so I'd better just relax.  Find my happy place.  Silence myself.

In the book "The Power" {by the writer of "The Secret" Rhonda Byrne} she says to "talk about that which you love" and leave the rest alone.  When we discuss that which we do not love we still give it attention, negative attention, and we bring what we don't want to us.

So... I am still on my journey of trying to watch my words.  And I love him.  More than life itself.  More than air.  More than chocolate.  I just love him, and I am not going to be scared or ashamed to say it.  He means the world to me.

He is my everything.

Does this mean I put him above myself?  No.  I love myself.  I love my son.  I love others- but there is a special special place in my heart for my Beloved.

That is all.  I wish you all well.

Over and out,

Jennifer AKA Rosie

PS- Rose suits me.  She never let go. 

Just Sharing: Gratitude {A Re-Blog}

I stumbled across this blog and wanted to post it here.  It is all about gratitude and affirmation.  I hope it help you!  Gratitude and affirmation are what I am concentrating on right now.  Hugs to all!

http://dramandanoelle.com/using-gratitude-and-affirmations-to-attract-your-twin-flame/

Using Gratitude and Affirmations to Attract Your Twin Flame

Posted on December 9, 2013 by Dr Amanda Noelle • 4 Comments

Gratitude that you’re here, love! Here’s my blog about gratitude and using affirmations to attract your Twin Flame.  But first, thanks for reading, and as your Twin Flame Matchmaker, I want to express how much I can’t wait to for your Twin Flame attraction! 

Are you a spiritual woman who really really really wants to attract her Beloved but who also suffers from the following?:

• You fear you’ll never have your dream life, dream love, and Twin Flame relationship
• You get super frustrated by dating the wrong people, so you sometimes don’t date at all
• You’ve been badly heartbroken and it’s been hard trying to get back on the ol’ dating horse
• Even though you’re super spiritually connected, you somehow forget that angels have your back in your dating life and relationships
• You keep freaking out because you feel like you’re getting too old have your own biological Starchildren, or like life will be over before you know it and you’ll have died without experiencing your Great Love

Oye! That’s heavy… But this article will help you break free from these bummers! Let’s transform your fears into love so that you can attract your Twin Flame.
The vibration of fear slows down the Law of Attraction‘s ability to work for you; it tells the universe that you’re not ready yet. Fear blocks us from receiving the love that we deserve. And you deserve it. So it’s time to let it go, let the fear dissolve, and let God!
One of the biggest aids to overcome fear is working with Divine Love. While fear slows down manifestation, love speeds it up rapidly. With Divine Love, you can attract anything you want: your 6-figure BLI$$ness clients, money, a soulmate, and your Twin Flame. And the prescription for that today is through using gratitude and Twin Flame affirmations.

My dream of becoming a writer came true through gratitude of something small.

First, I’d like to share a story of how using gratitude allowed me to make my dreams of being a paid writer come true. I had always dreamt of becoming a freelance writer, and at age 24 I found myself in a relationship in China, I didn’t know how I could make my writing career happen, not to mention the language difference.
I began writing small affirmations in my diary, saying that I saw myself writing wellness articles and nutrition recipes for various trendy magazines. Then, one day, I got the opportunity to write a very brief article about mini apartments for a well-known expat magazine in Shanghai. It was a totally random topic given to me by the editor 3 days before it was due. While what I really wanted to write on was wellness, nutrition, and fitness, I took the job and cranked my best work out, because it was at least something…I really wanted to start writing ASAP and had to get started somewhere! 

Gratitude success steps:

From there, I took whatever came my way just to get out there. Little by little, things came, and I felt so blessed for each step. I took them with acceptance for what they were, and then with gratitude. I celebrated each win. The mini apartments article got published, and within a few months, I got paid monthly columns in 3 of Shanghai’s hottest expat magazines as a nutrition and fitness writer! This was pretty cool for a 24 year-old!
Then, during my 2 years in Shanghai, I had many incredible opportunities that spread from my first writing gigs, including: speaking gigs, private clients, group fitness courses, teaching nutrition lessons, a yoga modeling job (and I didn’t even do yoga then), and a gig where I posed as a couple camping sleeping bag with a really hot model who didn’t speak any English!  Each step of the way I was grateful to the Universe for brining me my dream from seemingly thin air.  Where is your gratitude-attitude going to take you?

Somehow, when we stay in a space of gratitude, something always comes next.

The universe taught me a lesson: start somewhere, accept it, get grateful for it, and something really juicy will come along. It’s like a present, a surprise from the Universe.  I always forget to be in a state of gratitude until I have to remind myself.

Then goodies seem to miraculously fall from the sky.  Seriously, if there’s one thing missing in your Law of Attraction steps, it’s probably starting from love and gratitude. We’re human, we’re designed to want more more more more, and it’s so easy to get frustrated and forget to be in the space of possibilities. Start seeing that you’re where you’re at so you can infuse it with love, then the Universe can pull you up to the next level of receiving!

Start a gratitude diary, or gratitude jar

You can create a sacred space to write down all the things you’re grateful for. This includes things from your past, like “I’m grateful I graduated with honors,” things from your present, like “I am grateful that I have a lovely group of friends,” and things from the future, such as “I am grateful for my Twin Flame relationship that’s coming in.” Put future manifestations and affirmations in present tense to tell your subconscious that they are happening now, as future tense “I am grateful for my future relationship” perpetually keeps it in the future, which is no good if you actually want that Twin Flame relationship or X thing!

Gratitude opens you up to a vibration of receiving.

To be in a vibration of gratitude, all you have to do is get into the feeling. Like opening your arms to the Universe and saying “I am open to receiving!” (one of my favorite affirmations!).

You can simply focus on things you’re grateful for, the blessings in your life. Even the imperfect blessings, like your home that is too small, your body that has asymmetry, your children that cause you strife, or your singledom that causes you loneliness at times. You can also be grateful for things you’re manifesting in the future and get excited about them. The subconscious knows no difference between past/present/future. Be grateful for them all.

To get to the Twin Flame vibration, you gotta be grateful for the love that you already have.

You are great. Get grateful for that!  You my single sista’ are worth a million bucks…more, infinite bucks. You are a priceless gift from God/Goddess and it’s not even funny.  Can’t you tickle yourself pink for being you!?  You are a rockstar, a rainbow of love, a lifetime of experience reflecting your own curiosity.  There is so much you offer the world, so much you care about, so much compassion underneath that judgmental edge that can come up at times!  All along, you have been perfect, loved, and deeply spiritual. To work on your own self-love, I recommend this self-love meditation talk:
[fvplayer src=’http://youtu.be/peMBEGiFHi0′]

Mainly, it starts with accepting yourself and loving yourself at every step. Even if you’re single, you’re in a relationship with your body. Get grateful for your body! And you will attract another body–your soulmate’s body!  Your soul has incarnated into your body, but your soul has also incarnated into a body of another–your Twin Flame.  Your other half. Getting grateful for your own body, acting loving towards it is a powerful way to attract your Twin Flame.  In my third video How to Become a Soulmate Magnet, I give you some powerful self-care tools and inspiration so you can get in your body.

Twin Flame affirmations are powerful.

When it comes to attracting your Twin Flame, affirmations are a very powerful tool. Self-love affirmations clear out family and childhood blueprints and low self-esteem blocks that can be stuck in your subconscious, in your aura, even in your cells, water and DNA. In order to vibrate at Twin Flame Love, you have to heal and clear out these old toxins. Affirmations are a power tool to do so.
I like being creative with my affirmations and writing my own, but here are some that you can start off with or borrow for a bit!

Twin Flame gratitude affirmation:

“I am my love and my love is me. I am grateful for my own love and for the love surrounding me. I am grateful for all the love in my life, down to every last human, every last animal, vegetable, and spinning molecule. I affirm my love and gratitude for God/Goddess, for myself, for all beings, and of my Twin Flame relationship.”

I AM my Twin Flame 

My Twin Flame Reunion happens now

I allow my Twin Flame Reunion to happen naturally

I unblock all old Twin Flame karmas

I clear all karma with my Twin Flame Counterfeit now

I allow my Matchmaking Angel to align me with my Twin Flame

Self-love affirmations

I AM the beloved
I AM loved
I love myself
I AM Divinely lovable
I AM the Shakina, the Divine Feminine
I AM Divinely perfect
My body is my temple, and she’s Divine
God/dess loves me
I AM a child of God/dess
I AM a child of the Divine Mother
I AM a child of the Shakina
I am a Little Shakina
Repeat your affirmations daily, as much as possible! I am not about following formulas, but to practicing affirmations when you feel like it, to your heart’s content. Morning and night are great times to journal in bed, affirmations to paper. Daytime I like to do affirmations while I run, dance, and move my body.
To your high-self esteem, high-end, high-income, High-Healed Priestess happiness! In joy, love, and gratitude.



Dr. Amanda Noelle, The Twin Flame Matchmaker, helps High-Healed Priestesses turn their BLI$$ into 6 & 7-figure BLI$$nesses and swiftly attract their Twin Flames.

When I Need You

I thought it might be polite to update.  I miss my twin soul.

The. End.

LOL.  I do miss James so much.  My GOD my heart is aching.

Lately, again, I have not been manifesting or writing to James or my soul in my journal. I was letting myself get distracted with other things when it is more important for me to at least TRY to do what my guidance has asked me to.  That is to focus on my healing, focus on believing in the love, trusting the love, feeling the love, creating more of the love, loving my twin soul, and taking my energy OFF the harsh mirroring.

One thing I have learned through all of this is it is NOT RIGHT for me to go out there and try to push my truth.  It is my truth, for me.  I share it here in case it resonates with anyone else.  If Spirit wants someone to find what I have to say then Spirit will send that person to my blog.  I don't need to force-feed my experience to someone on a forum or on Facebook or anywhere else.  I do think we get to a point where these become solo-journeys.  Pushing what I feel is truth is being kind of egotistical and I don't need to be in ego.  So for me going quiet, staying inner, is where I need to be.  I don't need to be judging other people's experiences because all of our stuff is personal.  We each have unique experiences, and we all have our own journeys to walk through.  I don't need to be judging people at all for the matter.  I have enough stuff about myself to concentrate on without worrying about what others are doing, feeling, thinking, etc.  That is their business, not mine.      

I know there are people out there who think I am deluding myself.  *sigh*  I am not deluding myself although sometimes I do have to "tick off" all the reasons why I know all of this IS truly happening.  I can honestly see why this person would feel I am trying to lie to myself.  I DO have to remind myself of my truth on a consistent basis.  You know why?  Because I get *this* close to screaming FUCK THIS and running off.  Far.  Like "In a land far far away" far away.  I feel myself slipping into feeling resentment and anger and all that does is increases my separation.  Yes it is SO easy to slip into 3D ego, old beliefs, fears, doubts, etc.  I wage a constant battle with myself to stay on track when the "real world" begins to seduce me...

Hell- I don't know if what I am told is the truth for anyone BUT me but it is what I gotta keep following, and that is to constantly work to KEEP MY HEART OPEN.  To remember that adorable man who I know is TRUTH, the one who I know loves me.  The one I am connected to in spirit. 

On the web I also read a comment from someone that she cries a lot lately.  I do too.  Especially when I hear songs like this one, "When I Need You" by Leo Sayer.  I will just burst into a huge crying jag where I release like... I just lost something or someone very valuable to me.  Like my heart aches drastically.  Like I miss someone from the depths of my soul.  This person is in communication with her twin soul but she cries and thinks about how devastated she would be to lose him. It got me thinking.  Maybe it is okay to be exposed and vulnerable, not so strong all the time.

I wonder if maybe I am trying too hard to be strong and "joyful."  I can't really NOT miss him.  Not cry when I write about him.  Not ask God to please help keep me strong and open and loving.  Not beg to shift my energy so he can come back to me, to end the separation.  I just want him back in my arms again.  I am having a hard time being separated from his wonderfulness, and at the risk of saying something TOTALLY spiritually "wrong," I NEED him in my life.  I do.  I need him back with me.

I do not feel complete without him.

I can work.
I can play.
I can mother.
I can love.
I can be strong.
I can even create {as long as it does not take a lot of inspiration.}

Yet I still do not feel complete without him.  Not fully.  Not really, and I don't think I ever will until he is back with me, where we belong: together.

This song.  Oh, this song.  I miss James in a way where I can't find words to describe it.  I can see his smile so perfectly in my mind.  I remember just how sweet and perfect he is.  How he made space for me in his heart, wore his heart on his sleeve, and invited me into that space.  How much he wanted me to be his girl.  How excited he was to come see me and spend time with me.  How sweet he is to my son.  Generous, kind, loving.  And my heart just breaks to pieces.  Absolute pieces.

I cannot stand that he is gone.  I understand it.  I have to accept it but it hurts.  And it does not hurt because something inside of me is not healed.  It hurts because I gave my heart to someone who is not here.  That is why it hurts.  Because I long to touch him.  Kiss him.  Hug him.  Cuddle up with him in bed.  I just miss my love.

So anyway- I hope for those of you who read my blog it can help you in some way, shape or form.  For now it has turned into a way for me to document my feelings and share.  In no way, though, am I trying to shove my truth down anyone's throat- we all have to learn how we learn, and we are all free to believe what we will.  God bless us all :)

And again, to my twin soul:  "Oh, I need you."