Please Read This!!!

I had a strange, otherworldly and totally eye-opening experience last night.  But first let me tell you that watching these 'Symphony of Science" videos brings my little scientist back to me in a heartbeat. He would share them with me and my son and I would watch them.  They ARE him to me.

Last night I decided to write to him.  He responded, and this is what I need you to understand if you find my blog and read this.  IT WAS NOT HIM.  I was actually told by my Higher Self "Feel me working through him."  We emailed for two hours and very little was him.  Maybe a wee bit.  He misses me.  But I was pushed, prodded, challenged and made to face my fears.  It was a surreal exchange that really does not need to be repeated but by the time we were done I was oddly comforted- it IS Higher Will running this show.

I don't care who you are.  I don't care what you do.  I don't care how much you heal, the reiki you get or learn, I don't care how many blogs you write, how many people you counsel- Higher Will IS in charge.  You can fight that fact as long as you want to; I sure know I have.  I have fought, been scared, been skeptical.  When he first went quiet and cold it about killed me, and I've had a very hard time swallowing all of this journey.  It's like my HEART knows my truth: He is an amazing man! Sweet, balanced, wanting a relationship.  Joron wants to climb in bed each night with me.  He wants to hold my hand, make babies with me.  Treat my like a princess, be a gentleman- and Higher Self has been pushing me this entire time to hold on to my TRUTH- despite what I am shown through him.

And it was sent home last night.  I must MUST must bring him back in my heart as close as I can.  It is about the love, at least for me, and I am going to say that for twin souls, twin flames, it IS about the unconditional love.  Knowing who they really are no matter what they show us.  I think this is where twin souls are falling apart.  We can't look in the mirror.  We run off.  We blame them {and this is hugely damaging!!} We turn to the arms of others for solace... and reunion never happens.  And when this happens then twin souls get a bad rap. People get mad and disappointed and then blame the universe.  I DO!  I have, all the time.  I did just yesterday.  "Why do I have to go through this?  Why ME?  Why why why.  Why so hard.  Why so long.  Why so... blah blah blah."  Why is he so mean to me?  Why is he doing this to me?  All that silly bullshit.

Hello victim mentality!

He's freaking helped HEAL me.  The man was deeply strongly purely in love with me {and still is} and at the drop of a hat he listened to his soul and left his love.  His heart was gutted too.  He hurts.  I just don't allow myself to see it and am afraid to believe it because it would mean he, gasps, loves me. But fuck I've felt it!  He's shown me that love, his longing, and I ignored it.  He's totally shown me that he misses me and wishes he was with me right now but I blew it off because I have a problem with ignoring love.  I've had resentment inside me for him, even after all this.  It's been very hard to clean myself out entirely- but I have to now.  It is a MUST. It is not fair to my twin soul to NOT believe in him, and I'm sad that I have been so tempted to think of him as a monster.  My cute adorable wobbly bow-legged sweet-as-pie Geologist.  The answer to my prayers.  My rocks.  My heart and soul.

This has been a scary journey but thank God it's only been one year and I am seeing.  It is about Love and healing, and don't let anyone tell you it's not about the love because without the love reunion is not going to happen.  It just is not.  If you need to back off- back off but keep that love inside.  Heal thyself but keep that love inside for your other half.  Know the real person, not what Higher Will is showing us through this person in order to help you heal.

I am not saying Joron is "perfect."  None of us are perfect.  He is only perfect to ME.  He is... just wonderful in my eyes, and I will always think that.  And it is so comforting to have Higher Will tell me and show me that I can just surrender now and believe in him.  It's okay.  I don't have to have this hugely spiritual lifestyle. I don't have to be perfect.  But I do need to love, and I do.  I do- and that is very important right now.  I know who he is, and I have to nurture that man in my heart.  The man I knew.

I will tell you why- when I resist remembering him or trusting in him or having a small fear that maybe, just maybe, some of this COULD be him- I get that mirrored back to me.  Do you understand?  Whatever I believe him to be, wherever I place my energy in this, is what is shown to me from him.  Last night it was weird.  I'd say he was weird but it clearly was not him.  It was Higher Will working through him for two hours straight, and I've watched this happen before with him.  Not of this world.

I can take it.  I don't mind that we talked again about him coming home soon, that he said a mix of cold and warm stuff, that he dropped away without a good night.  I did my best to own my truth, and I told him over and over that I love him- and I do.  I can look in that mirror now.  I see that it is our Higher Will forcing me to believe.  I am okay with that.  And I am pretty sure now I am supposed to REALLY concentrate on the man I know him to be.  I am free to love that man, his goodness and Light.  He truly truly is a sweetheart, and I am committed to bringing us back together.

In my situation I have always attested that it is my energy which has guided this thing.  I needed some major healing, big time inner work to be done.  Joron always said he was cool.  A good guy. Happy.  No hang ups, loving childhood.  He is sure of himself.  Financially stable.  Hard worker. Moral.  Kind,  Peaceful. I don't know how it works but I just don't see him as majorly flawed. Actually I don't feel majorly flawed either.  I could have been a lot worse than I was.  And one thing I am really happy about- I have not been mean to my twin soul.  I've doubted and yes I've shot some shit to him in my head although I try to keep that reigned in.  Right now we are separated because I have not fully believed in my truth, in the man who was shown to me.  I get scared and doubt.  I let the fear 3D advice from others sway me.  And it's time for me to stop that.

Again it was shown to me that Higher Will can and will, and does, "use" him freely.  And I mean instantaneously.  Over and over.  He treats me whatever way my guidance wants him to in order to make me SEE.  Nothing I say or write or want is going to make a difference until I embrace my truth, that loving guy, again- fully.  Cleansed of all resentment and fear.  Just love.

JUST LOVE.

I know some of us have a hard time with that.  I've read all the excuses.  Out of fear we make excuses.  We say twin souls are supposed to be separated, only for the healing.  FUCK THAT- God would not be so cruel!  NEVER.  Where the hard part comes in is we are expected to OWN OUR SHIT and not many people can do that or are willing to do it.

I am.  I am not running.  I am in this for the long haul.  I refuse to let my sweet twin soul flounder around out there hurting inside begging me energetically to believe in him so he can come back to me.  That's a sad sad thought that I would turn from him after all he's shown me.  Never.  I don't care if I have to be alone for a while longer.  Or that I miss him.  Or that I long to kiss him- those things just mean I love him.  I will hold out for my hero.  For my rocks.  My little Science Trip.