I Think... on Love

I think I could use a hug right now.

I think I am ready to forget every single spiritual teaching I've ever been taught if it did not come from my own spiritual guidance or if the teaching does not totally, completely 110% resonate with me in my heart and soul.  I am tired of listening to spiritual teachers who like to "preach" and hear themselves talk; it's not very different than being "religious" and I am done with religion.  Exhausted am I of fighting for "detachment" or being told that I need to be 100% happy ALONE or else I am not loving myself.  The last time I checked God created Eve for Adam because God created Adam and saw that Adam was alone and it was not good.  God wanted Adam to have a mate, love and companion so he created Eve.  I do not believe the creation story as fact but I do believe much in the bible holds some base truth even though it's more metaphorical than literal.  I believe the creation story to be allegorical in nature but the truth behind it shows that we are not meant to be alone.  We do not have to freak out inside trying to get to a place where we don't "need" love from another person because we as humans are CREATED to desire love from other people, just not unhealthy co-dependent love.  We are meant to love ourselves and others, and loving ourselves first is a very important part of this equation.  But loving ourselves does not mean we have to be forced to be happy being alone.  When I went to church I had the most amazing preacher, Shawn.  He once gave a sermon on Adam and Eve that blew my mind; it was so good and he explained the relationship between Adam and Eve in a way that changed the way I viewed the two of them.  Shawn said that God created Eve from Adam's rib so she would come from a part of him that was in his middle, to walk besides him as an equal.  God did not create Eve from part of Adam's head so she would not rule over him, and God did not create Eve from Adam's feet so Adam would never rule over her.  They were created as equals, and God created Eve to be Adam's mutual confidant, friend, support and love.  It was the sweetest most honest, loving, healing and believable teaching on Adam and Eve I've ever heard, and whenever I start to feel guilty because I crave "romantic love" from an adult male companion, James to be specific, I always remind myself that God did not create us to live alone.  God created us to pair bond and be social and loving.

I think that maybe Jesus did exist and he was this awesomeoneously open-to-Spirit, loving, forgiving, kind and understanding "hippy" type fellow who really pushed educating people on their own personal power and the importance of LOVE in our world.  Jesus taught people that loving themselves and loving others is the key to "The Kingdom" and this meant that Love brings personal joy and freedom right here on earth.  The Kingdom means "heaven on earth."  What he did NOT teach is that being perfect and obeying "God" will get us to heaven in the sky after we die.  No NO no.  Jesus taught two important base messages: 1) "you reap what you sow" which is Manifestation 101- if you sow love and happiness then you will receive love and happiness but if you sow fear and doubt and pain then you will reap the same.  And 2) unconditional love for self and for others is so so important; it the key to all personal and universal happiness and health.  If we were to follow those two messages then we'd all live happy lives.  I believe this.  If I loved myself enough to NOT be afraid that I am loveable then I'd still have my Beloved in my life and I'd be a lot lot happier than I am right now as I battle through my fears concerning love.  If all I sowed was love, security, belief, trust, joy and love for myself then I'd only get that in return... and my twin would not have had to leave me.  So Jesus' teachings, in my opinion, hold a lot of truth.  And my thought is maybe because he empowered people and tried to teach them freedom from being imprisoned through fear and by "The Man," he was killed for it.  I really don't believe much more than "Jesus is Love."

I think if I sit back and look at what my own guidance has taught me over the years it all boils down to me loving myself.  Since my guidance started coming through loud and clear back in August/September of 2011 my entire journey has concerned me understanding and believing that "God loves me" and that I have a strong soul and a good heart, and that I am a good loving person who is loved, easy to love and worthy of love, wanted.  My guidance used the label "God" because it is what I know.  That is my belief, the God word.  I was told that it is okay for me to be loved and to believe I deserve to be loved as strongly and deeply as I love others.  And oh how I have battled that truth.  This is me concerning that guidance:

My guidance has had to drag me kicking and screaming in order for me to believe that I deserve to be loved.  God wants me to believe in my own goodness!  I can't really explain why it's such an issue for me.  It is an issue that has been deeply rooted in me, and I don't know exactly where the issue/block comes from.  My childhood?  Possible past lives where residual energies passed over into this life?  I don't really believe too strongly in all that past life stuff because I have enough CURRENT life stuff to deal with but who knows.  All I know is this is has been an issue for me, and I think that my entire twin soul journey, actually my Awakening that has been ongoing for years now, has been about me overcoming this damn block, even when I didn't realize it existed.  The incapacitating fears of "I am not good enough, I will be left behind, I will be forgotten, I am easy to let go of, I am easy to forget, I won't be held on to, I am a convenience, I am not a priority, I am someone who is loved on a whim and then can be easily let go of..." really really sucks.   It's my nemesis, it's what I battle, it's what my Hero's Journey is all about- believing in love when it is given to me.

I think it is time for me to say "fuck off" to all the rest of the teachings out there concerning all the spiritual and universal laws.  And the teachings about soul.  I don't understand why I have experienced this lifetime.  It's been a painful lifetime and I don't really understand why, and maybe it's best if I don't try to figure it out.  It's confusing.  The teachings can be contradictory.  It all boils down to love and goodness, in the end.   Karma, to me, is you reap what you sow.  God wants us to love ourselves, love others, love animals, love earth, love LIFE.  When we do this comes back to us, and no it is not punishment or reward from God.  It is we create our own energy.  We get what we put out there, and God has no control over that.  WE DO.  And God is whatever we want it to be, and God does not have to be anything at all.  We are guided to follow those two "guidelines" of "you reap what you sow" and "Love others as you are supposed to love yourself, totally unconditionally" because it puts good energy out into the world and brings good energy back to us and others.  And the opposite is true- take a look around you in your town, on the news, and you will see this is truth.  When fear is put out there then fear comes back in all different negative, hurtful and hateful ways.  It does not matter what a person "believes" in.  What matters is that people are loving because love will only create more love.  Loving means patience, kindness, empathy, compassion, helping those in need instead of judging them, respecting self, and even walking away from situations and people who do not practice these two rules, wishing those people nothing but goodness but getting the fuck out of a bad situation in order to love self.  Love means making sure our kind words match loving intention.  The list goes on and on.  Love is where it's at.

I think SOMETHING is guiding me.  I mean, I know so.  No question there.  Thing is I don't really know exactly what it is.  Sometimes I am told to just follow "Higher Will" and everything will be okay so I tend to think of it as my "Higher Self."  Something speaks to me in a way that I cannot deny.  Richard Dawkins author of "The God Delusion" and brilliant scientist would say I am mentally unstable and experiencing delusion... but delusion does not change radio stations after telling me, "Listen..." then playing me a song with a message I'm meant to hear.  Delusion does not send shock waves of energy through my back when I'm vehemently being spoken to.  Delusion does not tell me something and then immediately James, a human being, emails me and REPEATS what my guidance has just told me.  THAT IS NOT DELUSION.  But it's okay if Richard Dawkins wants to think so ;)   I've tried to think that maybe it is something like "quantum entanglement" or string theory or something Physics-based but it's too much like a person or an entity.  It's "intelligent" and wants the best for me even if the road getting there has been very very rough {kicking and screaming, see above.}  I also feel that I should have the appreciation for my guidance enough to affirm that it exists; it is of the Divine and it is trying to help heal me of my fears about myself.  Still I think there is less of a divide between science and "spirit" than most people would imagine.

I think if someone does not believe in "God" or in any type of "supernatural" or "intelligent" energy out there besides like... the energy of Physics or science then "God" will speak to those people in a different way tailored to them.  Through nature, or the universe.  By guiding them to the right information when it is needed, by putting that song in their head or the article in front of them or making the appropriate doctor's phone number easily accessible... and that person would never ever have to believe in any type of "deity" or supernatural intelligence.  It's how it works for plenty of us, every day.  I'd think that Richard Dawkins has his own "energetic intelligent loving guidance" but he does not realize it, and that's fine for him.  That is his path. 

I think the myriad of mind-bending teachings out there can be boiled down to the importance of practicing love and goodness.  For ourselves and for all else in our world.  Imagine the world we would live in, the Butterfly Effect that would happen, if everyone made only loving choices in actions, thoughts, words, beliefs, etc.!  Miracles would happen.  And I don't mean religious thoughts.  Not even "spiritual."  Just LOVING.  It is that simple.  NO fancy labels needed!!  Just "love."  Unconditional love.  Not "I'll love you if..."  But just "I love you.  And you.  And you.  And me.  And humanity.  And the world."  It means pausing to thank the flower for its beauty instead of picking it.  It means stepping over the ant instead of on it.  It means telling the cashier it's going to be okay when the customer in front of you is abusive.  It means realizing this earth we live on needs to be passed down to future generations so we should respect it and take care of it accordingly instead of abusing it like we could give a shit about what happens tomorrow, personal and global responsibility!  Love means parenting through patience.  It means NOT HITTING CHILDREN.  You can't hit your dog without getting arrested.  You can't hit your wife {in the USA} without getting arrested if caught... then why the FUCK do we still think it's okay to hit our innocent vulnerable children or call them names and ruin their sense of self-worth???  Ugh!  The opportunity to practice love is everywhere.  As it pertains to me I already do a really good job at the loving everyone else, helping others, feeling empathy and compassion for people, especially kids and those in need.  I mean there is always room for improvement and I try to watch my words and thoughts as it pertains to those around me.  My main challenge personally, though, comes in loving and fully accepting myself, realizing I can be chosen as the one a man wants to love, forever.  That I am worth it.  I'm getting there. 

Amazing song..

Jennifer