Kisses

I really wish I could kiss James.

I'm okay. I feel sad missing him though. I've already explained that I don't feel I can control that sadness or aching for him so I'm accepting it. What else can I do? Get a lobotomy? Run off and date someone else in an effort to ease my heart? So not genuine to myself and not very nice to someone new either. Not loving to James.

Nope. This feeling is not going anywhere so I have to accept it. I love him though. I really do. I miss him and the sweet tender way he kisses me. I ache for his genuine love. I miss us being together. I just really wish I could know him again and have his gentle kind caring presence back in my life. That is where I am right now.

I look back and see that he was everything I asked for. Everything plus a few things extra!! Perfection. And he is so so beautiful. His face is beautiful. His eyes are gorgeous and his smile is glorious and I miss him through and through.

He made me laugh. He made me laugh because he is silly and a goofball and he would be goofy and make me smile and laugh. Perfect love. A romantic friendship. I could be myself with him, and I know he loves me for who I am. Even now I know it.

I am a good person and I deserve huge wonderful love in my life but he IS huge wonderful love! He is what I deserve! I know life spent together with him would be amazing, a dream come true. I know he would treat me so so good. He would treat me how I'm meant to be treated. He did when he was here and I wish I could go back and accept his huge love and still be together with him. But now all I can do is hope and wish and pray that I will hear from him again. Or see him. I want to see his sweet smile and hug my Love. I'm dying to hug James. My sweet loving friend.

All I can do is accept this ache. Honor the love I have for him. Hold his sweet memory close to my heart. Cry when I need to. Smile through my tears. Hug my James Bear and pray so so hard to know my kind loving friend again.

I pray for honesty and truth. I want honesty and truth shown to me again. I know him!! I know the dear man he is and I wish I could know my kind friend. I believe in him and trust him but I miss that loving thoughtful amazing man. I wish... I could have my gift back.

I love you.

Jennifer.