My Son

Thankfully I have my son. He is pretty much my reason for living right now. If he was not in my life I'm not sure I would stay here. I get so exhausted by how much I hurt and how sad I feel that sometimes I imagine how peaceful it would be to just not hurt anymore.

I know we all have our own private battles. I share mine here because I can't talk about this "in real life." I have to hide it. And I hurt every single day.

I don't know what to do. I honestly feel awful right now and I'm not allowing myself to drink so I have nothing to dull my pain of missing someone I love so much. Also having utterly no idea when I might hear from him again slays me. It is Hell.

I'm hurting. This hurts. I wish it didn't hurt anymore. I had no idea when I met him that I would be here in bed crying over missing him nearly four years later. No idea whatsoever.

I'm so sad.

Each night when I put my head on my pillow I tell myself I'm strong because I've gotten through one more day without you.

Jennifer