I stumbled across this article because it was shared via email through a list I'm on. I rarely get email so I read it and I'm glad I did. It's validating. It is not twin soul stuff. It's written by a witch.
The article speaks to how this idea that we have to be jolly and joyful all the time in order to be spiritual and of the light is just not realistic. We do need to feel our feelings even if they are not all happy happy joy.
I need to be free to feel sadness without someone lecturing me telling me if I'm sad then I'm not healed because sadness indicates there is something more that needs to be released.
Oh just fuck all that noise!
Please understand the ache of missing James and longing to kiss him again is not the same as the unrelenting pain others have when they are solidly stuck in fear.
I can be mostly happy with a twinge of sadness most of the time. That's how I live. Mainly happy with a dash of ache, that constant wishing James was with us. But sometimes that sadness gets stronger and that is okay too. It's sadness inspired by loving someone.
Perspective: a woman is totally in love with her man and he has to go away for an undetermined amount of time and it's somewhere far away with little possibility for contact. So three months in she has not heard from him yet she knows he loves her... don't you think she still is going to miss him and cry and be sad while still living her life? Don't you think she would pray every day for him to finally be back home? No one is going to tell her to just be joyful and soar on the wings of their love and find God in the silence and if she aches then it's not love.
Bullshit. She would be eating Ben & Jerry's every night crying in her Cherry Garcia while watching "PS I Love You" for the 47th time.
I have to be authentic to myself and my feelings. We all do. There is a huge difference between me being sad because I miss him and wish to see him again and me being FEARFUL.
If I was sitting here terrified that he just left me, rejected me, has no feelings for me, then THOSE feelings and beliefs would not be good because they have the power to manifest shit I don't want. If I was bawling wondering "How could he do this to me?" then well I would have an even longer row to hoe ahead. If I was in major spiraling pain doubting him as a person, questioning his intentions, convincing myself what we had was not real and telling myself I need to move on and suffering in pain from what I was creating then YES that would all be stuff I would need to focus on letting go.
But none of that applies to me. I know he loves me. He wants to be with me. I just have to stop getting scared, stop wandering off, and stay in the right direction with my energy and focus. I get sad because I miss him and love him and I'm lonely for HIM. My heart calls out to him. And that's okay because through my sadness I only feel love with no fear and I need to be gentle and honest with myself and my emotions.
No to the fear-based, angry, blaming suffering. We all feel it in the beginning and have to move past it. But for me I don't think I'll ever move past this sweet ache I have for him yet my thoughts and intentions are of love, hope, faith, trust, and truth... even if I'm crying in my Cherry Garcia.
I am in a TF relationship too and I don't really believe in witches b/c don't you think that they are against the will of god?
ReplyDeleteNo dear I do not believe identifying as being a witch is against the will of God. "God" gives us the freedom to believe what resonates with us. Just like there are good and bad Christians I would bet there are good and bad witches. Everything should be done with love and if so then it's fine. The way you said this shows a strong dogmatic belief in God and I don't believe that way. God just wants us to be Love, that's all. Matters more that we are loving than how we label ourselves.
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