This song really speaks to how I feel about James. It's a sweet song and she has a lovely unique and powerful voice.
I miss him. So much. I cry every night. I wear eye makeup during the day to remind myself that I can't cry all day long. And I don't know if it is wrong or not but I can't really help it. I can't stop it. I love him so much and I miss him with every cell in my body, every fiber in my being. If there is such a thing as an ache in the heart, then I have it. I know it well. My poor little heart aches for him every minute that I am awake. And the thing is I don't think I have much choice. My choices are to either miss him and feel it, allow it, or else I'm going to have to shut down and turn away and stop all of it. As in move on, and I can't do that. So I am going to feel the ache and there is not much I can do about it.
Because I love him.
I wish he was with me right now. I wish he was here holding my hand and smiling his cute little smile, making me laugh with his silly friendly affectionate nature. I wish I was looking forward to him coming over this evening to sit and... kiss me passionately and lovingly for hours like we used to.
Heaven.
He always held my hand too, always. God- I wish I could hold his hand again.
Also, I'd written a few recent blog posts and deleted them. I don't feel comfortable right now sharing much of anything besides just expressing how much I miss him through a few songs or words here and there, so my apologies.
Stay strong my friends,
Jen
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