No, I am not "reunited" with my twin soul James. But that doesn't mean I have not learned a ton along the way. I realize (and this can hurt if I let it) that my own fears, what I allowed myself to think about, talk about, focus on and even write about keep my twin away from me. I know that my own energy is what kept me separated from James. Even if he does not realize this- it doesn't matter. I know what my experience has been. I know all the times he was so close, contacting me after I'd work hard on my energy and focus, and then I'd derail, get scared, affirm something negative in my mind or I'd dwell on something that had happened in the past, and BOOM he'd "disappear" again. I look back now and realize (I'd bet my life on this) that *I* created that distance and disappearance. Unfortunately I couldn't stop myself.
I have to admit this makes me sad. I have a happy life with a lot of love in it. I am thankful for all of my blessings, and I feel very blessed to share love with my kind boyfriend. In my heart I feel that if I could not be with James at least I was blessed with another dear soul- even if it is not James. I would not have settled for anything less, less of a person, less goodness, and this man is a good man. He is not James though, and it is not the same. There are times when it hits me hard that I was in the PERFECT relationship with the PERFECT man for me, my "one and only true love" and the man I had dreamed of, asked for, and held in my heart- and then it was all suddenly gone. James and I talked about my deepest dreams- I wanted to have another child with a good man who would love me and make a beautiful family with me. James was that man. I can't replace my dreams with another person. James is the only person I want to have a child with- I can't just substitute someone else. I do love David but I (and I don't mean to sound mean) but it is James that I wanted to marry and be a family with. James said he wanted to be married again, loved coming home to spend time with the woman he loves, and he was just everything, every single thing, I wanted for in a man and in a husband. So to know I HAD that and then "made it go away" sometimes feels like I killed my own dreams. God damn does that hurt sometimes. To deal with the pain I really try to focus on what I DO have, the joys I have in my life, all of my blessings.
But it does not mean I do not love and miss my twin soul. I firmly stand by and believe what I've shared on this blog about twin souls. And I hope anyone who comes to this blog realizes what I've experienced first-hand does NOT match 97% of what is taught out there about twin flames. Much of what is out on the Internet are incorrect teachings that will only keep you in suffering longer.
Here are some key points:
- this is a lesson in manifestation. When you meet your twin this means you have very strong manifestation energy. All that means is you attract to you whatever you are focused on most. This also means that if you focus on your fears, doubts and worries then you can make those things happen. I fully believe I did this with James (again, whether or not he realizes this doesn't matter.) We were brought together because we both wanted the same thing so the universe brought us to each other. And then I focused on my fears and doubts. Doubts that I was not worthy of long-lasting love. Doubts that a man would love me but "not enough" to choose to stay with me forever. I questioned my beliefs. I worried that because he was Atheist that maybe somehow I was doing something "wrong" with "God." He literally showed me EVERY single worry I had. He'd sometimes even repeat them to me after I had thought them in my head. It was some crazy shit let me tell you. And then finally he was "used" to show me that I did not know how to accept love. I did not know how to fully accept when a man was trying to love me, and when he wanted to love me. It was like... James was loving me, showering me with love, yet I still did not fully believe in that love. And then all of a sudden he was gone and it was like... I was shown my fears through him. BECAUSE I MANIFESTED IT. So always remember- those of you who are on the receiving end of the silence and unwanted distance- YOU are the one creating it. Not your partner twin.
- this has nothing to do with "his or her problems" or "what he or she needs to heal." NONE. Not one bit, and the more you focus on "He needs to heal this insecurity" or "She ran because she needs to heal daddy issues" then the more you are going to suffer. You will suffer because your twin "becomes" anything and everything you think about him/her, say about him/her, write about him/her and even pray about him/her. So if you pray to God, "Dear God I love my twin even though he has A, B & C issues that make him ignore me... I love him although he has so much healing to do..." then all that will happen is your twin is going to behave like he/she has all that healing to do. Because you are believing it and affirming it. Even if your twin outrightly says or shows you there is something wrong with him/her then you must be strong enough to not ever focus on it. Instead you must affirm the opposite. It is your responsibility as a manifester to do so.
- No, it's not only about the "romance" but you CAN love them. You can miss them. You can let your poor aching heart be torn to bits over longing for them- as long as it is done from a place of LOVE. Never ever think, "I am so sad because my twin doesn't love me anymore." Never think, "Why does he continue to ignore me? Why doesn't he want to talk to me?" You have to be strong enough to realize they go quiet ONLY because they are reflecting your fears back to you. And they also stay quiet when they "feel" or know all of the negative shit you think about them. Only assholes ignore other people. So if you are insistent on believing that your twin soul is ignoring you "on purpose" or because he/she wants to ignore you then you are essentially telling the universe you believe your twin is an asshole; then your twin will behave even more like an asshole because you are thinking those things. So the best thing to do is just love them. Always from a place of love. Even if you cry. Tell the universe you know this is some kind of crazy divine experience (even if you don't like it) and you know your twin is perfect love, and you know your twin actually loves you, and focus on on their goodness. Only goodness. Only warm love. Because when you do that then that love energy and your positive beliefs about them will actually open up the lines of communication with then at it can allow your twin to reach out to you as their "real self" instead of your fear-mirror.
- Truth is important. Always. I could write a novel on this with twin souls. You cannot lie to a twin or about a twin. You can't even lie to yourself because your twin will know. No matter how surreal it seems, or how uncomfortable it feels- always be honest with your twin. Don't hide anything. They know. And they will show you. You can't really only think of your twin as a "person" once this experience happens to you. You gotta start seeing the world from totally another perspective where SOUL is so much stronger than you ever realized before. Our twins listen very closely to their souls telling them to mirror our "stuff" back to us. So even if your twin WANTS to talk to you- they will not do so if they are acting as your mirror. And I know this hurts them. They actually miss us and long for us too. They LOVE us and are forced to "act otherwise" or behave in crazy odd manners that is unlike them. They are sometimes forced to actually act in ways that are hurtful to their twins (us) and don't think it does not kill them inside to do so. I know it does. James showed me this but back then I was too fearful to believe it or understand it. He would talk to me after months of silence (and me nearly begging him to respond) and he'd sound so so sad and say, "I miss you Jennifer. I really miss you." IF ONLY I could go back knowing what I know now. I'd be strong enough to overcome my fears and scream out to the universe who he really is and then maybe he could have come back to me.
- Truth is love. If any thought, focus, emotion, belief, words spoken or words written about your twin are ANYTHING other than loving and positive then it is not love, and only love is truth. If you affirm anything other than love about your twin then be ready to one day hear from your twin and it won't be pretty because they will be forced to show you something less than loving.
- Love them. Their mission is to help you overcome negative beliefs, fears, doubts, being less than loving, etc. They are here to show you that you are manifesting your life with every thought, every emotion, every word you speak or write- so if you have a fear you need to heal then your twin is literally bound to show that to you and often that is through disconnecting via silence and distance. And when you do hear from them they act as a mirror instead of acting how you want them to act. The only time you will LOVINGLY hear from your twin is when you have spent ample energy affirming only loving goodness about them. If you do both- affirm goodness but also worry, discuss your fears about your twin with a friend or a psychic or online then what will happen is you will hear from your twin and it will be a crazy mix of love and weirdness. Love and... almost like denying you at the same time. Both FEAR and TRUTH reflected back to you in the same message.
- Our mission is to love them through it all and always affirm their goodness. No matter what. I don't believe we are meant to "run off" and force them from our minds. I believe we are meant to be strong enough that even if they are not in our lives (what I am living with right now) we are still supposed to talk to them kindly in our minds, affirm their goodness and their loving natures. I just feel this in my bones, and I appear to get signs of this too. I don't really know the outcome but I feel better when I still list his good qualities and tell the universe that I believe in him and his loving nature. I realize what he did for me. He left the perfect woman for him, and he told me that himself. He told me he finally met the woman he'd wished for, the woman he would want to have a child with, the woman he'd want to wake to ever morning. And then he was "forced" to let me go. I can't imagine how hard that was because had I been forced to leave him in the same way it would have killed me. And I believe that is exactly what happened. I wish it didn't have to happen like it did but I can only thank him for what he did for me instead of being mad or thinking he's less than the loving kind sweetheart of a man I met, dated and fell in love with.
Daily I work to count my blessings and put no focus on what bothers me. I don't always succeed in ignoring negativity or disappointment. Even sadness. I miss James and it can make me sad. But still I really do work always on putting my focus on what I love about my life, my blessings, my success, my love. It can just be hard to look back and not grieve for the wonderfulness I had which is no longer with me in my life. Talk about regret. It's weird because at the same time I think about how my current boyfriend David needed to meet me. And I him after all I'd been through with the twin soul experience. But Dave had lost his wife and was grieving so deeply and I have helped him through some tough times. I can't imagine how he would have made it through without meeting me, honestly. So I ask myself- what would have happened? I "had" to meet Dave. Yet I miss James and still wish it could have been him. I love them both but I still miss James. That's the challenging part. Any other man in my life I've been able to say bye and totally let go. Not James though. I still love him just as much and I still ache to know him again. I don't always know what to with all that so I just love him in my heart, love David who is here in my life and I "enjoy" each day as it comes. I've said it before on this blog- a heart CAN love two people, each in similar ways, and it can feel love, joy and sadness all at the same time.
And that's okay.
Take care,
Jennifer
