I hope anyone who might be reading this has a very happy, blessed, fulfilling and prosperous new year!
Wow what a year 2020 was, right? I know the last year has treated people in many different ways. My heart goes out to those who've lost a loved one or a friend due to covid. My life, my family, we've been well. We've been careful, as careful as we can be, and everyone is healthy. I'm working. My son is going to school. My parents are healthy, and I pray that the vaccine is available to everyone ASAP. Please keep thinking positive, and don't forget the power of manifestation.
January 20, 2021. I have it marked on my calendar with highlighter and hearts and exclamation points and balloons and smiley faces, and I am so happy! I can't wait for the new Biden administration to be in office.. It would take me days to explain how I feel about the last four years, and this is not the time nor the place for that type of pontification. Suffice to say that I hope the last four years brought to the surface and shined a spotlight to the shit that needs to change in our society, and I am confident that it can only get better from here.
That said, I hope anyone who might still be reading this, and everyone else too, is healthy and happy and doing well. No one could have imagined the happenings of 2020.
I miss seeing people smile. Seriously, I am a smiler. I like to SEE people. I like to say hi at the store. I like to make random conversation with someone I don't know. So these fucking masks suck although YES I wear them and YES I realize their importance. But I don't like them. I do look forward to when I can smile at someone and see them smile too without a mask. And lipstick, like what's even the point? Now it's all about mascara. Thrive Cosmetics, that is the best mascara EVER, just FYI. I literally have the smallest eyes and little to no eyelashes yet Thrive makes me look like Cher.
Last night I had a James Dream. OMG! It felt so real! I love these dreams because they make me remember. How do dreams work? Like seriously, it's all X-Files. It was like I saw him. I HEARD his soft kind voice. I saw his face. I felt him because we hugged, for a long time, and I could literally FEEL him. *deep sigh, like really deep sigh like you just dropped your favorite book in the tub, no worse but I can't think of worse.* So weird how these dreams feel so damn REAL. Like dudes I heard him. We were hugging, this huge hug. Just a hug but it was like the most beautiful hug ever, more perfect than baby flying unicorns. Or meltless ice cream. It was a huge warm melting beautiful smooshy lovely perfect long hug. And then I think I woke up.
Sadly I woke up. I wanted that fucking sweet hug to last forever. I could have kept sleeping for hours wrapped in the warmth of his inviting hug. In my dream I actually was going to end the hug (I was scared) and he emphatically said, "No" and kept hugging me.
And now I want to weep. And I probably will. Because to this day, over 7 years later, I still miss James. I love him, I think of him, and there is no other man in my life (and at 47 there's been a couple who have made an impact on my heart) who has meant the same to me as James. And my biggest wish is to be able to hold him in my arms. In my dream last night I remember thinking, "I'm going to start crying. I can't believe it's really him, finally. I have my arms wrapped around him and his arms around me and I get to finally hug my beloved friend again."
It was a really sweet dream. I so wish, with all of my heart, that I could hug him again. I'm thankful for that dream.
Happy New Year. Be happy, healthy and safe.
xxoo
Jen
