Wishes

Hello there.  I keep the blog open because I know people find it and maybe it still may help someone out there.  I try to share that just because I am not with the man I've called my "twin soul" in "real life" doesn't mean YOU can't be with yours.  I believe you can be.  I really do. 

I still think of James.  Not as often though.  I had to stop the constant focus in order to get on with my life.  Note that I do not say "let go."  I have never "let go" of my hope that I will know him again, talk with him, hug him and know him as the person I met five years ago.  I will always hold on to that hope.  And I will never let go of the love I have for him in my heart.

But I, of course, learned a lot in five years.  I learned that I can't live like I was forever although for a while living like a hermit and working through some of my worst "demons" was what I needed.  God I used to cry.  All the time.  As I look back I think each time I had a HUGE cry I released something, even if it was small, and healed 1% more.  Crying is okay.  Feeling sad because you miss your Love is okay!  Just try not to let it take you to a place where you hurt so much that you feel angry; that's what used to happen to me and ANGER is not a good energy, ever.  Other people might tell you otherwise but I know what I LIVE and I can tell you that ascending beyond feeling anger at anyone is a good place to be- I am still working on it, believe me.  I get angry but I realize it and try very hard to get past it and let the anger go instead of dwelling on it and letting it fester which only makes the anger energy more powerful.

Love your twin soul, that's okay.  But I learned I had to "move forward" and live my life without my twin in it.  Why?  Because I tried.  I did what I could, everything I could really, and I was still alone and very sad and hoping and pining and wishing and missing and... I could not live like that.

So here I am, and I have a very happy life.  My life is SO FREAKING BLESSED.  When "they" say that twin souls are blessed- that is real.  Those of us who walk this path- we ARE strong manifestors.  Even while not being with your twin you can still bring blessings to you.  Yes even while you love and even miss this wonderful person who you long for.  I've learned this so I do everything I can to "watch" my energy and keep it clear.  Am I perfect?  HELLS no.  LOL- nope.  But I take this so seriously that I really try.  If I find myself upset by something a person did then I try hard to shift my energy away from that person to instead focus on something that makes me happy.  Or if I know the person is hurting or something like that then I might even try to pray for that person instead of being angry.  I TRY.  Because I know that being reactive and being angry do nothing good for me, nothing.

I saw a psychic over the summer.  At the time I was struggling with one of my employees.  I knew she was suffering emotionally but she was difficult to work with and her performance was low.  When I tried to make her aware so she had the opportunity to improve she got angry and defensive, and the whole situation was making me angry.  The psychic picked up on my energy immediately.  She told me I had to let go of the anger and let it go no matter what the final outcome was.  So basically take the steps but remain non-reactive on the outside AND the inside.  She reminded me that I am very powerful and a creator but that I only create goodness from  A PLACE OF JOY.

JOY.

She reminded me that I have to address the issues in my life but not let them affect my energy.  And I need to constantly remind myself of this.  JOY is powerful.  And boy do I know when you are hurting and missing someone that joy is not easy to find.  I am no expert.  I learn as I go.  But if you cannot achieve joy then try LOVE.

Even when you miss your twin.  Even when you are grieving and pining and feel like the pain of separation might kill you- please own that love you feel.  You can feel sadness and love at the same time.  I even feel joy and sadness at the same time.  When I am outside under a clear crisp night and I look up and see the start it reminds me so much of James.  It makes my heart swell, memories flood back and my eyes tear up and I'm a little sad because fuck I still miss him.  But I am also joyful and thankful for all of the blessings I do currently have in my life.

I realize that LOVE and JOY and THANKFULNESS are the "good energies" the empower positive manifestation.  If you really want something and you "count your blessings" a few times a day then the things you want will come to you sooner.  You might be saying... "But I want my twin so why isn't he here?"  And all I can tell you is most likely it is because even though you love him dearly you've also had crazy negative fearful thoughts and beliefs about him- and those are the things that keep him away.

But let's say you really would love a new party dress.  You think about this dress for a while, and then you practice "focusing on what you love" or "counting your blessings."  If you really work at stating at a good place, no complaining, no anger, not speaking about what you don't like, refraining from talking about anything negative that has happened to you, and if you instead really work on focusing on what you love in your life- then you might see a party dress somehow show up in your life.  It will show up *easily* because (unlike your twin) you have no "chaos energy" attached to it.  It is neautral energy so there is no block, no resistance- the dress can show up *poof.*

Twin souls don't show up that easily because we talk about them, we have psychic readings about them, we replay alllllll the crazy conversations we have about them, we call a friend to chat about them, and typically what we talk about is NOT about all the things we LOVE.  We discuss the problems and how to "work them out" and in TALKING about the past problems we make them stronger in the present, and it creates an energy block and they cannot come back.

But we don't really do those things about a dress.  So there is no block and the dress shows up via a gift card to a dress store, or the paiirrrrfect dress at a resale store for like $5.00 or or or.

These things, the blessings, they happen to me almost DAILY.  I am not bragging but sharing the power we have with this "manifestation energy."  I like Abraham Hicks the best when it comes to learning about manifestation and energy.  Abraham explains (through Ester) that ALL WE NEED TO FOCUS ON IS US.  We do not need to save the world.  We do not need to become healers.  We do not need to fix others.  WE NEED TO FOCUS ON OURSELVES.  And when we do, when we live from a place of loving energy, when we focus on what we love, when we count our blessings then suddenly these dreams we have start coming true- and we barely even have to try in the physical to make them happen.

I "brought" James to me.  It makes me cry to think about it!!!  OMG- I totally manifested him, hardcore.  I did not know what I was doing then, or how much power I had.  I did a "true love ritual" where I wrote all the things I wanted in my "true love" on rocks with a sharpie.  And then I met HIM- and he is a Geologist...  and he was all of my rocks.  Every one of them.  It still makes me cry because James was "the answer to my prayers" but I was too scared, had too much to work through still, in order to fully accept the gift I asked for, that came to me in flesh and blood, in this sweet attentive response glowingly amazing SMART brilliant funny caring gentle KIND loving man.  IT STILL KILLS ME.  I love and cherish the memories of him but it aches deeply to know I had my absolute dream come true... and he loved me so much.  I believe our love still exists.  But I miss my friend.  I miss him dearly.

The song I posted, whenever I hear it I think of James.  I think of... how wonderful it would be if he would just reach out and say something like this to me... "And I really do miss your smile."  Yes I am in another relationship (but as I've stated here before) the man I am with in an angel and he knows I still love James dearly and he realizes I want to see James.  He's told me if that opportunity were to ever happen he wants me to take it; he realizes I ache to talk with James again, see his face and know him.  We don't talk about it much, of course, but he knows.  I've always been honest- I strive to be honest always.  I AM so blessed.  The man in my life, David, he loves me so unconditionally and he treats me like an angel.  He's such a good man and I do love him.  But, and how do I explain this, I feel differently about him than I did with James.  It is just different.  I can't help but still feel that James was my "dream come true" and if this thing we call "twin flames" is honestly real then I feel James is definitely my "twin" where David is a very dear and sweet soulmate... or however it works.

When I knew James he was very special to me, and he still is.  Even though I am with this sweet man who is kind and wonderful (and I am kind and wonderful to him) and I feel so blessed and thankful to have love in my life instead of pining and grieiving and crying alone... it just is not the same.  I still feel like James is my "one true love" and I can't help that.  I'll always love him, always miss him, and still cry.

That is what I mean by "I can feel joy and sadness at the same time."  I DO focus on my blessings.  I count them daily.  I try to keep my energy loving and joyful.  I have a sweet love in my life and I am thankful for that.  I have a dear wonderful son, the light of my life, and I am so blessed to have the gift of my child.  I have an excellent job, loving friends and family- and so many blessings.  I really do, and I realize it.

But none of that erases the sad feeling I get from missing James.  I still love him.  I still wish I could talk with him, talk about our truth.  I want to know the man I met on my birthday five years ago, who asked to hold my hand, who went to the park and was swinging on the swings with me, who has the most brilliant adorable smile, who respected me and loved me so deeply, who made me laugh a lot- I sooooo miss him.  And I wish him the happiest of holidays.  I always wish him happiness.  He deserves it.

"There's a warm wind blowing the stars around and I'd really like to see you tonight."

Merry Christmas,

Jennifer