There is one thought I have over and over. If I could go back to some years ago, those four years after all of this started happening, there is one important thing I would change, and I think it is a very important point to make to people who are in a twin flame separation right now.
I wish I would have let myself miss him, entirely. Just miss him. I wish I would have let myself cry whenever I wanted to, missing the shit out of him, crying from love and sadness over being away from him. There is a HUGE different between being sad because you miss the shit out of someone you love and being sad because you fear that someone doesn't love you, sad because someone left you and doesn't care any longer.
People told me I wasn't supposed to miss him, that being sad is a bad energy. But being sad over missing someone you love, wishing you could be together, is okay. It really is.
If I could go back then I would have allowed myself to realize we were separated for a reason, for a twin soul connection, not entirely real life, and that he loved me and I obviously wasn't "ready" energetically-wise to allow our reconnection so we were still apart and it hurt SO FUCKING BAD being apart from the person I loved with all of my heart and soul.
I did love him, tremendously. I should have just felt the love, let myself ache for him and cry for him and feel that deep longing, the longing to be with him. I wanted so badly to put my arms around him, to kiss him and laugh with him. I absolutely ached to communicate with him. Oh MY GOD being separated with no communication was so god damned hard. I missed talking with him, emailing and exchanging funny messages and loving words, and the hours-long phone calls, the soft gently words, his humor. His sweet voice. I missed that so much, and it made me treacherously sad.
I wish I had fell into that sadness, let the missing him envelope me and soothe me, in a way. Instead I would try to harden myself and it ALWAYS spiraled me into anger. Anger at God for putting me in a twin soul union. Anger at my soul. Rage, dark dark rage. Anger and rage is a dark sharp gnarly ugly energy. Sadness over missing someone you love, simply missing that person and aching for them, is a soft buttery, even healing energy. I always felt better, like another wave of cleansing would pass, when I would just cry and cry out of love for him. Crying helped me purge. But when I would get rageful inside it only brought me more pain and more separation from James. I should have just let myself be sad, heartache over loving him yet being apart.
Let yourself cry. Miss that person if you are in separation. Know he/she is only doing their "job" but love them, don't be angry. Don't feel guilty for being sad, but only miss them and love them. Don't feel rejected, don't feel forgotten. They have not forgotten you. Love them, even if it means hurting and aching over being apart. Cry if you have to, cry over the missing them.
Being separated from the person you love is painful. Heartache is real. That's why they call it the blues. Because when you love someone dearly it hurts being away from them. That's called being human, having a heart, and it's okay. So don't let anyone tell you that you should be stronger, forcing a happiness you don't feel. Go on and be grateful for whatever good you have in your life but also allow yourself to miss the one you love. That's what happens when you love someone wonderful and they are not with you- you miss them.
I speak from years of experience, almost eight years to be exact.
Jen
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