Colder Weather: Hearts Will Melt

"Colder Weather" Zac Brown Band

Before I begin let me say that I got banned from Spiritual Forums, and I will not try to rejoin.  Why?  Because my guidance has told me to stay off the forum for a couple months now and I did not listen.  First I got banned for a week for using too many quotes.  Then after the ban lifted I went back.  Then my guidance again told me to stay off but I continued to post.  Another ban came for a month for using profanity.  That month passed and I began posting again.  Ever since oh about March the energy on the forum has shifted from what it was when I began there back in November.  It's draining, wearying, hopeless and jaded at times now- wasn't like that back when I joined.  I try to be a shining light but obviously Spirit wants me using my energy elsewhere because last week I suddenly, out of nowhere and for no reason, got this message at SF:  "You have been banned for the following reason: None.  Date the ban will lift: Never."  Well... I just can't ignore that as a strong message from Spirit to stay off the damn forum now.  So I shall.  I wish everyone there the best of luck, and I surely hope people there don't cave to the now widely-spread belief that this is only about soul, only about spirituality, only about mission and has nothing at all to do with transcended romantic non-normal earth-based unconditional love for another human being.  That is total fear-based, jaded, walls up bullshit.  Jenna Forrest has it right, and not many on the forum want to believe what she teaches: treat them gently beyond all measure no matter what.  Swallow your pride.  Quiet ego.  Love them.  And believe.  The energies will balance out.  One twin can raise up the other.  In time with unconditional love, gentleness, cherishing the divine connection instead of fretting and worrying "what's wrong with him?  Why does he do this and that?  He's so lucky to have ME as his twin..."  Oh please, spare me.  Only that totally tender special unconditional love, ego-less and meek, will bring two twins back together.  Be strong but inside your heart be malleable and soft.  Humble is a good way to be at this stage of life.  The Divine is trying to humble us.  Cocky is not what Lightworkers are meant to be.  You wanna be sarcastic, a smart ass, throw walls up and work out of fear that is cleverly disguised as "strength" then be prepared to learn the same lessons over and over again.  Only those vulnerable enough to even walk away but still own and cherish that love will move forward in a healthy manner, but that is just my truth.  My mini-rant.  I am tired of the jaded negative spin that is put on this divine connection, a gift God gives us that we are expected to honor and cherish, on SF- so I am not surprised that Spirit is ensuring I don't go back on.  That said- I unfortunately will miss my friends on the forum and I do wish everyone there my prayers, good thoughts, love and best wishes.  I hope those who feel in their hearts they can reunite, and who love their twin souls no matter what, on all levels, work hard and believe it can happen.  Just remember no matter what the gurus teach- it is less of ego when they run and more of SOUL.  Soul-orchestrated to push every one of your fear-buttons.  If anyone wants to email me please do at roseawen1973atgmail.com.  Stay in love :)

I heard this song  "Colder Weather" yesterday while driving and I am surprised I didn't crash.  I've heard it before but never truly listened to the words.  It is a song about me and Joron, actually I think it would fit for many twin souls.  Allow me to explain.  My guidance tells me all the time not to forget who he really is.  The "fake" him is cold and ambivalent.  This winter was the worst of my life because he was at his coldest going from this ooey gooey ball of walking love to BAM one day his love was shut off and for weeks he was just eerily cold.  The weather outside when he left in October was just turning chilly following the warm loving summer we spent together.  His first message to me after he separated from me even said, "Enjoy the cold."  I didn't realize then that his demeanor was going to go all chilly and non-affectionate and this was going to scare the shit out of me and force me to own my truth... that his leaving was soul-orchestrated to teach me some lessons and heal me.  That the real loving kind man was still there inside and wanted to come back to me just as soon as I no longer told the universe over and over again "I am the kind of woman any man can leave at the drop of a hat.  I know he will leave me.  I know he does not really love me."  Since I could not shake those fears he had to own his soul role with me, play his part, and he left me and faked not loving me in order to show me the power of my energy.  What I am NOT supposed to do is believe the "cold" is the real him.  And as long as I do believe the cold is the real him then he cannot come back to me.  He is left out wandering in the cold wanting to come back to me.

Do you realize how many times my twin soul has told me "I want to see you again?"  Quite a few.  It started all the way back in November when I was terrified of him.  We all know how twin soul separations go- they are surreal.  He'd say "I can't see you again because it was only attraction," and then an hour later he'd say, "You are perfect for me and I want to see you again.  Will you see me?  Do you want to?  I love you."  SURREAL.  I thought I'd entered The Twilight Zone.  

Fast forward all these months and now I understand even though it's still a challenge to quiet my fearful ego that says because he is quiet means... his love is, well, not here.  And that is "nonsense" as my guidance calls it.  Total nonsense.  Right now my twin soul, and this is not a dare to the universe but truth, could email me something cold and I'd be all like "meh."  It's not really him.  I know the real him.  He's shown me plenty of times throughout our "dance" that he is still the same man he was when we met but when I ignore that sweet man and concentrate on my fear then I get fear which is his cold.  What a fucking roller coaster.

My guidance tells me to stop ignoring my "gift" which is his love.  I love him a lot but I don't often think of him much any more.  I mean I think of him but in a very casual almost distance sense.  I want him with me, and I love him for helping me but keeping him at a distance is easier, right?  I don't bring the real him close.  "Ignite your gift.  Ignite the love" is what I am told.  "Protect your gift.  Protect his not normal love."  Ugh!  He did his part in helping me to heal.  How the Hell am I going to back away now and tell him "Sorry baby but I forget the real you?  So I'm going to be all like-sorry but I'm letting you go now?  I'm going to insist that he's actually this cold ambivalent person instead of fighting for our love... I'm going to believe all of this nonsense instead of standing up for my truth which is Joron actually loves me very much and had to "shift" into his role to help fix me?  Really?  I'm going to give up on our soul contract that easily out of fear?  Give up on him?  

I think not.  And I think those people who say "You shouldn't have to fight for love" can kiss my non-jaded ass, thank you very much.  Sometimes the best things are worth fighting for.  It is much easier to let go than it is to face fear and fight.

This song and video hit me hard.  I wrote this on youtube:

"He has to leave her; his soul tells him to even though he loves her.  Maybe she has something she needs to learn while she's alone.  He loves her deep inside though and he tries to tell her this by telling her "I want to see you again but I'm stuck in colder weather."  The colder weather is life without her.  He's stuck in that cold until she can believe in his love even if he isn't there. He wants her to believe in him.  This is why he says, "Maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?"  Maybe tomorrow she will stop doubting him and realize his love.  Just because he has to leave doesn't mean he's running from her due to lack of love. Instead of believing in him and his love she tells him nope- you're just made for leaving.  He feels her all around him, her "ghost" which is her soul and sees her everywhere but he's a "runner."  A "runner" in one half of a couple who has to leave because change needs to happen.  He does not leave by choice but by Destiny, and he needs her to believe in him.  She doesn't at first and near the end of the song he believes those things about himself which makes him wander around in "colder weather" for even longer.  He is now saying "I'm just made to leave you" when this isn't true but since she insists this to him instead of believing him when he says "I want to see you again" it then becomes his truth too.  We create our own truth through our thoughts, words and beliefs.  He wants to come back to her.  Now that he believes it too he's having a hard time finding his way back to her because she's ignoring his love.  This is why the light goes out.  At the very end though she realizes in her heart that he loves her so she goes to find him and she ignites that love strongly so he can find her- that's the symbolism behind her lighting the barn on fire.  He wants to find her but she has to believe in him, that he will be back, that he's not dropping her like a hot potato.  "It's a shame about the weather" means it's a shame that we are apart so believe in me so I can find you again.  It's a song about fear of abandonment and rejection, thinking the worst of a person, not believing in life-long love.  He tells her he knows they will be together one day, and he can't wait 'till then but first she must believe him and ignite that love, and she does.  Lesson learned, love fought for and they reunite. Love is not always easy.  Sometimes we are made to fight for what we love, what is important and good.  Not everything good comes easy."

Ignite his love.  How interesting.  Sometimes I wonder in this new world of "unreality" if Joron could possibly figuratvely be like the man in this video.  Yes he's in CA living, enjoying his career, having a good time- but does he hurt inside?  I've always pooh-poohed his messages and comments on the phone that sound like he aches for me.  Why?  Because I've never believed I am the type of woman worth aching over.  How sad is that?  In reality I am NOT leavable.  I am one to be cherished and held on to come what may, and I'd hoped he hold on to me but I feared he'd let go.  Fear won out.

I can't insist that he's this nonsense person who suddenly decided to stop communicating with me over night because it is NOT TRUE.  He is a man who, out of the blue, can want to talk for four hours and then tell me later via text "I hate saying goodnight or goodbye."  A man who moans my name over the phone and whispers I love you all in the same breath.  Who tells me "I need you in my life.  I need you."  He told me to ask him anything, insisted it really- because that is how Spirit works.  I asked him what happened to CA?  What happened to me visiting?  Us getting married?  In a very dream-like manner he said, as calm as ever, "Nothing has changed.  I feel the same way now that I did then."

He bought a freaking tri-level home.  Come on!  Yet I doubted and I worried and I allowed myself to be terrified and convinced that somehow he still didn't love me, that he... well, in the song he says "I want to see you again but I'm stuck in colder weather" meaning- I so badly want to see you again but we are separated for a reason and until you get it straight I can't come back to you.  I'll be wandering around out here aching for you while YOU ignore my heart and think the worst of me, and that will put more and more distance between us so please just believe my love now!!!"  But instead of believing she reiterates to him, insists to him, "She says... you were born to leave me."  She uses her power of intention to believe the cold instead of his love, and slowly he becomes what she believes until finally at the end when his "Light" begins to fade she runs out to ignite the Love and they reunite.  She has to believe him in the end, believe in the real him and his love.

That's my truth.  This has been one wild ride but I know this man loves me.  I know that this has all been one really strange, scary and at times very loving ride used to push me in the right direction.  I am ready for it to be over now though.  I understand.  I am not scared any more, and I miss my Beloved.  Yes we work together in soul but I cannot hold his soul in my arms, kiss his soul in the morning, hand his soul a cup of tea, or discuss science and religion and LOVE over the breakfast table with his soul... and I can't really entwine his naked soul in my arms and make very real human sweaty blissful love.  So I want my boyfriend love of my life Divine twin soul back in my life very badly.  If I gotta write oodles about what he means to me, how much I know he loves me, and what I remember about him to keep him close to me just so I know I've done absolutely everything I can, totally listen to Spirit, then I will.  I love my life.  I love my child and my friends and family.  I booked a trip to Disney for me and my son, and I landed Garth Brooks tickets for his come back tour which kicks off in Chicago *woot woot*  I LIVE and I LOVE.  I am not longing my life away, aching so badly that I feel imprisoned.  This is not a union I want to escape from.  But damn I am ready to have my love back in my life.  I will be patient because I know it is up to Divine Timing but I will say this- I love him.  I believe in him.  I trust my gem and my gift, and I refuse to accept any more Divinely-inspired nonsense.  I won't create it with my energy and I won't accept it even if I accidentally do shoot it out there.  His last messages to me were so laughable!  Again with the "I'm coming home to see you" and then a few hours later "Oh I'm not after all."  Well they never sounded like him to begin with but I'd asked for a sign to let me know we were not dead in the water and I got one but they were just strange.  At least this time he let me know he was not coming back, and I did not crash at all.  I just told myself, "Okay.  More time to prepare.  He'll get here some time or another!"

The ending of the song goes something like this:

When I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whispering pines
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
But I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait 'til then
I can't wait 'til then 

Oh yeah.  I know soon we'll be together, as soon as I can stop believing in this cold weather, and I am pretty sure that time is now.  I am ready for my Beloved whenever it is time for him to return to me which I do hope is soon because honestly... I can hardly wait 'til then.