This man has helped to heal me on a soul level. On a 3D level it appears, wrongly, that he's just "ignoring" me, and that is so not true. I am not exactly sure what the silence is all about right now. Maybe that last little bit of fear in me, my inability to strip myself bare and let him back into my heart, is the block. This is all of Spirit you know. Spirit knows my every thought, intention, etc. For example... an old flame came back into my life, vaguely. He would be SO easy to frolic with. He wants to see me and keeps speaking of this "epic kiss" we shared years ago. He and I have never been able to be together although an intense attraction was always there. He moved back near me, wants to meet for coffee, and I know he's a "test" of sorts.
I don't want that. He's a decent man, attractive, Italian and suave... but I want more. I deserve my twin soul. It would be pointless, total backsliding, fear-based, to run off to the arms of another man. And so totally wrong. Ugh just the thought makes me want to scream. I shudder at the thought actually. I only want my Joron. Only. This union is not of "real life." It is inter dimensional and transcended. It will be tested. Yes we can choose against our Higher Will- this is why we have free will. I can choose to go against my intuition and dive in to the instant gratification if I want to.
And I would regret it forever. So just nah. I'm in this for the long haul. Joron has been with me energetically every step of the way to show me my path, to be my Light that has guided me out of the darkness. I still had much to overcome when we met, and oh my GOD was his love a wonderful brief reprieve, his "not normal" Divine perfect love. Yes I put him on a pedestal, and he deserves to be up there. I hope he can see me down here waving up at his adorable self. I adore him. I want no one other than him.
Has it been easy? Not really. It's been terrifying but it is time for me to let these past ten months go. Like the song, "The cold never bothered me anyway." The cold is fake, manufactured, not real. His love is all that is real, and the fact that he is super open to hearing his soul. He follows his Higher Will, and so do I when I actually listen and abide. I am trying so hard to abide right now. It's not always easy, and fear has tried to hold me back but I won't let it. I refuse to allow the "role" Joron has played for me override who he is in his heart. I want a future with my Love. A life together. I want to move to California with him, be a family, and together Light up the world with our love. It is possible because we love each other tremendously with a love that is, quite literally, out of this world.
I am sad because I have allowed myself to nearly let my gift slip away. I miss his kisses. His warmth, his touch. I miss communicating openly with my love and I seriously hope this strange energetic "ban" {that I know is somehow blockages} on our contact ends soon. At the same time Spirit is kind of in charge so I can't push it. I can contact him, and I probably will because I rarely do. I will tell him my heart with no luring, no "wiles," and only an honest open heart. No fear. I need to let him know that I want him to come back to see me. I've never once really asked. I want my Love back. I am so ready to be done with all of this. It *is* energy. It *is* intention, so as a shout out to the Universe at large: he loves me. He is my future. We will be married. We will have a child together. He will be my son's step father, and we WILL love each other hard, deep, full and forever. We already DO love each other fully. Now bring him back, please. He's told me over and over "I want to see you" and this time- I want to be waiting energetically with wide-open arms. Please bring him back to me now.
My major lessons are over. Do you hear me Universe? I've learned through love relationships over and over and over and over... and I got it. Loud and clear. It's D.O.N.E done. Capital D Done. Enough already. No more fear, only love. I love him. He is only love to me. I want nothing more in life than to be reunited with my love. For us to be apart is tragic because together we can and will Light up the world. Apart we glow. Together we will ignite a huge flame of Divine Love and Light. Please bring him back to me now in all ways. I know his soul walks the path with me, and I love him for that. But I miss my boyfriend, my love. I do. I am thankful to his kind soul, for his sacrifice. For his sticking it out all the way to the bitter end. But I am ready to let it go now, forget that "role," KNOW his love- feel it... and move forward, together and better even than before. I want how he always says "We will make love every night." When we do we will truly be "making love." Creating Love in the world. Not long ago he said, "I love you too and I want you to be mine forever."
I am his, forever. We are together even now, never have been apart. Maybe by 3D standards we have but when back in April he told me "I think of you as my girlfriend" that was truth- we stay faithful to the love we have for each other while we go through this process, and that faithful love is a beautiful thing.
I want my twin soul, no I NEED, for him to know that I KNOW and believe and trust in his true love. I know who he is. Love with a capital L. I remember, and I won't let him go. The nonsense is over now. No need for it when there is no more fear and a complete understanding of what has happened. Cause and effect baby. I fear and he retreats. I treat myself badly, kill my Light, cave to vices and fear and inner hatred, and out he reaches to hit me with energetic fear... until I have finally seen and can now get it right. I may have had to learn the same lessons over and over again but SHIT there comes a time where one must throw her stubborn hands in the air and say "Enough is enough already! I give up! I surrender! I will listen now! I am done... with all this pointing the finger at everyone and everything else, playing the victim card, distrust and disbelief. Just done with all the nemesis bullshit. DIE NEMESIS. You will not beat me so you may as well back the fuck off, give up, leave me {and my twin} the fuck alone!" I will give my nemesis nothing left to poke me with. HA! Take that, asshat-fear.
My nemesis should know that I am gaining a good final grip on all of this so there will only be Love left, nothing more. ONLY LOVE TO MIRROR. I am living. I am going to Disney World with my child. I am booked to see Mr. Garth Brooks, entertainer extraordinaire. I love myself, and I live a clean pure life now. The darkness did not get me; my twin soul made sure of that fact. I have only joy and bliss in my life. How does that feel Mr. Nemesis? Nothing left to reflect back to me but Love. I've had tons of love mirrored back to me via my twin soul, believe me. Huge amounts of ooey gooey love but the cold really hit me hard. It was meant to but now it can thaw. The cold can melt away- it just does not bother me anymore, so it's useless. Pointless. All I feel now is Love and Light and understanding. I cherish him beyond belief. No more nemesis. I will achieve my Hero's Journey, thank you very much.
Oh, and I will travel. I'll find the cash to do so. Just FYI. Next up is a cruise.
And know that I realize I am a fucking Warrior of Love, a fierce Tigress of ass-kicking unconditional love and affection. There are not many who rock Love like I do, not many, and I am proud to say that. I have not let go of Love. Through all of this utter heartbreaking maddening frustrating terrifying chaos I have played the one most important role in my life perfectly well, and that is being a loving mother to my son, and I never caved and ran from my twin soul nor did I ever lash out at him. I've been as patient as I can while learning my lessons and having inner crap stripped from me. Am I perfect? Hell no. But I try damn hard to protect my Love, especially that of my son and my twin. Nothing else really matters in my 3D life besides my little man, and I have managed to always love him with all I have, despite my broken heart. He will never feel the pain, shame or distress that caused me to have to fight this battle, and for that I am eternally grateful. My son is a walking ball of Love and Light and Joy, and everyone sees it He glows like his momma does! This is why he tells me "Mom thanks for making me" and "You are my little sweetie pie" and he busts out all the time with "I love you mom!" I have listened as well as I could- and I have LOVED all the way through. I am one strong ball of Love and Light. Now let me attract to myself the blissful life I, we, so divinely deserve.
Please God make this happen for us. I love you my twin soul, with all my heart- and I know you love me too. Time to let it all go, everything but the Love that is.
One day my Love will go to Disney World with us, as a family. Or Disney Land in California.
No more fear, no more doubt, he loves you, you love him, said many times how much he wants to meet you again... Then it's simple: buy a ticket to California and do him a nice surprise! No more "yes but", "what if?" Etc... Just do it!
ReplyDeleteHugs
FF
... Give it a try , whispered the heart! (;
ReplyDeleteLOL- you are so sweet. I'm sure you realize your situation and mine is totally different. You are not in a twin soul separation even though you are physically far from your Love. I am in the midst of a twin soul separation. It is not real life, not 3D, not controllable by surprise visits, emails, phone calls, etc. I've been shown this over and over. The only thing that works, and I'm told this directly from my Higher Self just as if I was having a conversation with another person {one much smarter than my 3D self who is writing to you right now} is my energy, belief, intention and manifestation. There is nothing I can physically do to get him back. Buying a plane ticket would blow up in my face. I already did that once and it wasn't pretty. I thought I could force it, make him see, and instead he told me not to come see him because he did not accept "uninvited guests." Months later once I believed and listened to Spirit he told me he wishes I could come visit him. But I can't until Spirit deems me ready to do so. It's hard to learn that Spirit is in control but for me it is true. Spirit kicked me off the forum. I wrote the one loving email weeks back where I "felt" the real him again and two minutes later he text me asking for a call. THAT is how it works for me; all energy. I cannot force a thing. So no, a trip to CA will not happen until this is healed and we have a twin soul reunion. Of this I am sure, and I am okay with it. But thank you for your loving intention. I wish it were that easy!
ReplyDeleteUnderstood and you seem to wait for this "Spirit's green light" thing in a positive and accepting manner now, which is good. But I just meant it doesn't have to be completely passive, Spirit will not make calls and write emails by Himself. But I totally get the "it will happen when it's supposed to happen " thing. Heck I waited nearly a year myself, hope it will take less long for you guys!
ReplyDeleteHugs
FF
In my case Spirit did write an email to me. Spirit used my twin soul as a "vehicle" to do this. Never underestimate the power or determination of The Divine.
ReplyDeleteOh I don't! And that's why I think the next call or email will be done by Spririt through you this time. Seriously you seem more than ok now, based on your writings at least. My hunch is that Spirit still has work to do on him, not you (and I don't write this to "diminish" him in our eyes, we all have issues and he still deserves to be on a pedestal, that's not the point)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, happy to see you are strong and balanced and not doubting anymore now
Hugs
FF