Memories

I heard this song not long ago and it really made me think.  The words explain my heart.  He sings that we can cheer for those who are with us right now and still think of those who are not with us now.  But one part where he sings that he can't pick up the phone and call right now but will one day, man, that hit me hard.

I wish I was in contact with James.  I will always wish that.  I miss my friend.  I miss talking with him, laughing with him, sharing with him and seeing his smile.  I heard another song today, one that really reminds me, and I have not heard it in a long time so it grabbed my attention.  And I cried which I rarely do over this situation any longer.

My life is super happy, as I've said.  I honestly try to live my best life.  I've learned to always lean towards being loving, kind, grateful and positive as often as possible, if not always.  Life flows a lot smoother that way.  We leave for Disney World Sunday morning.  I am SO blessed, and I realize this and I am thankful for it, truly.

The other night my boyfriend Dave and I were together when my friend Lori text me.  Lori is my "twin soul" friend who I've known for about 5 years now.  We've walked this path together, thank God.  She is like me, super independent, strong, happy, loving, has a great life.  But she still gets signs of her twin soul.  And she still loves him.  So sometimes we reach out to each other when the signs are strong, or we have a dream, or just those times when our hearts might ache a little more than others.

Dave asked me, "Is everything okay?" and I told him yes, that it was Lori texting me.  And we began talking about James.  I told Dave I know I have not said anything about James in a long time, and that's because Dave is SO good to me so I feel like I should just keep it to myself, but that it's still there.  Dave is such an amazing man.  He again told me if someday I were to see James again he understands all of it, and he agreed from the beginning to understand and respect my heart and feelings.

So I tell myself to live each day like this song- to love, embrace, accept, enjoy and be grateful for all the love I have in my life right now.  But at the same time allow myself the dream of seeing James again.  I still think about him every day.  I get frustrated because I know what was true for us: he loved me greatly, and that love never ended.  I know it might seem crazy but I remember after allllll the time that passed, all the weirdness that happened, months in almost years of quiet and STILL he reached out to me and told me that I was right, he loved me and always had.  I knew that, and I still believe it now.;

My prayer is one day one of those "miracles" happen where somehow my heart, my thoughts, my intentions, my energy are clear and aligned to a point where James can reach out to me.  I kinda gave up trying to reach out "in real life."  I know that doesn't work unless things are aligned, and I guess I just... I dunno.  I have more faith that he'll reach out on his own when/if that times comes.  I have hope that one day it will happen.

This song "Memories" though, wow.  It is exactly how I feel.  I can't help but miss him.  I still do. 

Jen