Not long ago a reader left me a comment that I did not post. She told me I should let go and move on. She said if James was choosing to move on and not reply then I should do the same.
I appreciate people reaching out to me, and I totally know not everyone understands my beliefs. No one else has walked in my shoes so how could anyone else understand what I've been through? That said, I don't go on the blogs of other people and tell them how they should feel or what they should do. I don't think that's the right thing to do. I share how I feel here for anyone else who might be feeling the same way, or in the same place as me in this twin soul/twin flame journey.
What does "letting go" even mean? Let go of what? Of the hope that one day I can see James again and have a normal real caring conversation with him again? No, I can't "let go" of that.
I feel I have "moved on" to a point. I live my life. I share my love with another man who is caring and wonderful, and I do love him. But how else should I move on? Forget entirely I suppose. Stop hoping. But that is not me. I KNOW what happened between me and James was not normal or real and I won't be fully settled inside until it is resolved. I need some kind of resolution from James himself. A discussion. Some truth and reality. I need to sit down and talk with the man I know he truly is, the man I met five years ago.
Right now is a sensitive time for me. I began talking with James in August, and we met 8-20. I don't care how long it's been- I still remember it. The mild summer nights, the clear skies with all the stars, the constallations, all remind me of him. Of my time spent with him. And it is bittersweet because it still makes my heart ache since I don't know him anymore. I still miss him, and no amount of "letting go" or moving on will fix that.
Who truly can control their emotions, their heart? Not me.
And I've never believed he wanted to leave me. He loved me. A lot.
Think before you post your replies. I am not asking for your opinion. Nor your advice. I'm merely sharing how I feel and sharing my experience.
I had two cats when I dated James. They always wanted to be hanging around us. After making love we would come out of the bedroom and there they'd be waiting expectantly for us to emerge. One night he threw open the door and said "kitties!!!" Sadly tonight I put my one remaining cat to sleep, my black sweet darling kitty I've had for 14 years. My son asked to be with me when it happened. It has been an exhausting evening for both of us and I'm ready for bed.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. You are so right , it’s impossible to let go of something so overwhelming and powerful. My heart ACHES everyday, everynight for my TF. It is unbearable. He is always in my soul, it’s like there are 2 souls in my one body . We had a bad break up, and it has been about 4 years, he had contacted me multiple times but I had never answered my phone or return his calls . Last July was the last time I heard from him, he left a voicemail asking me to meet him in Hawaii, ( where he was at the time ) that he was so sorry for the countless chances I had given him and that he love me, that there was nothing anyone could do to take that away from him.As much as I wanted to I did not respond. That was the last I’ve heard from him. He met sm1 and got married a couple months after.
ReplyDeleteStill , there he is constantly around me everyday,I cannot shrug him off ,I cannot forget him. We won’t be one in this lifetime but I know we will be one eventually, on a different realm.
I loved him the first sec I ever laid eyes in him, I felt a thud in my heart and a voice inside me said “ he is the one “. I will love him till my last breath on earth . Like he said , nothing, no one will ever take away what we had .
I hope, like you do,to see him again one day, to talk with him, to look into his eyes and see my soul.
His name was Niles.