If I wasn't pretty much staying completely away from alcohol these days I guess I would be embarrassed to make these admissions about my past desire to drink but we all have our vices we are overcoming, our demons we have battled. I called out to God to change my life by the time I was forty, and then I met my twin soul on my fortieth birthday. I was also warned by my own mother months before I turned forty to beware: she began drinking hard at forty and it was then when she turned into a stumbling bumbling alcoholic. Not much of a coincidence in the timeliness of the path my journey has taken me with Joron and my healing, hm? I will always believe he came into my life at a predestined time to help save me from turning into a train wreck. And I love him no matter what.
I'm sure you realize without me writing it that I hid my drinking from everyone; I didn't drink often yet when I did it was too much and too often for a woman whose genes are dripping with alcoholism. Drinking is a hotbed of addiction waiting to happen for anyone in my family. But no one knew it was a vice I turned to too often in order to escape my reality. I rarely drink now- believe me I've been shown the repercussions of what happens when I do. These were not my only lessons concerning drinking. The last one finally cured me entirely of turning to any fear-based binge drinking and now I rarely drink at all. First of all I want to stay healthy and happy for me and my son, and secondly when I drink it directly affects the connection I have with my twin soul- and I am not willing to jeopardize the beauty of what I have with him on a soul level in exchange for drinking.
I went to try Quantum Healing a couple months ago in the midst of this separation. I met the nicest fella, "C," who was the Quantum Healer. He could not hypnotize me, and I was bummed. But we talked for six hours and I told him about my connection with Spirit, how I feel I talk with my soul. He reaffirmed that it seemed like I was already channeling my Higher Self so there really was no need for me to have Quantum Healing- I already was highly guided. It ended up being a very positive experience and he told me, "You really need to write this all down Rose. It's very interesting and could help others who walk a similar path as you." He asked to keep in touch and I said surely. It's always great to meet other Lightworkers.
A few weeks went by and I was having a horrible moment. My son was with his dad; it was a Friday night. Fear and doubt, henchmen sent to tussle with me, were on both sides of me, poking me repeatedly with thoughts like: You must be crazy to think this guy really loves you. This is all in your head. He's gone gone gone. Long gone.
I hadn't heard from Joron in a few weeks, and it's easy to lose hope in the silence. I sat there with a bottle of whiskey and a ton of fear. Right as I cracked the seal on the Jim Beam my cell phone rang and it was C- the Quantum Healer. He asked how I was going, what I was up to and I decided to be honest with him. I told him I was having a bad moment and wanted to drink. Very calm and caring, soothing and supportive- not at all chastising or humiliating, he told me to go dump out the whiskey and I did. He explained that as open as I am it only opens a low-energy portal for the darkness to channel into, and I lower my energy vibration so so much when I drink. I know this. I do. We talked for a few minutes and I thanked him for calling me. As I hung up I realized he must be a soul mate because he "felt" me or was sent to help me right then at that moment.
What happened next is really odd but very cool. It was the first thing that glaringly showed me this telepathic connection between my twin soul and I is very real, and very strong. My guidance told me to go do something creative- make jewlery. Now... to avoid the pain of missing Joron I had started pushing him out of my mind. I refused to listen to his old voicemails, and I would not even look at his pictures. My guidance asked me to listen to some upbeat music, listen to his old voicemails, and look at his pictures. I was asked to bring him close to me for an evening. I decided to finally listen. I turned on some eighties music because Joron and I are both fans of, and had often discussed, eighties music. I looked at his picture while I worked on my jewelry. I talked to him. I told him I did love him, and I asked him if this could possible be real. I told him how much I missed him. I listened to OMD's "If You Leave" and felt a pure rush of nostalgia while wondering why Joron felt like the boy I never knew yet should have. He felt like the boy I should have went to prom with, the boy I should have gotten my first kiss from. I wondered what he looked like in high school. I marveled over the fact that we were always so so close in life, born together at the same time in the same place, yet our paths never crossed even though we felt like we'd totally met somewhere before.
I kissed his soul. And then at about midnight I went to bed. I dreamed I had my huge eighties hair, all curly and hair sprayed to heights unimaginable; it was a very specific dream. I woke in the morning to a few different emails from him. I still can't get over the sweetness and amazingness of what Spirit and soul energy can do. I'm tearing up just writing this. He wrote right as I was going to sleep telling me he was watching music videos of eighties music and laughing at their "big hair." He asked me to send him a picture of myself from the eighties, that he wanted to see. He was, for that moment, his old fun light-hearted self again- not the cold emotionless character Spirit had turned him into after our separation- and it was totally divine. He wrote a few messages that were funny and joking... and it was yet another indication to me that our connection was strong and my soul was not lying to me. It also showed me what my "high" energy could do. I was working on my jewelry, creating. Listening to music, loving my twin soul. And he felt me- or my soul communicated to his soul and his soul worked through him to respond. I don't know exactly how it works but it does.
I sent him a few pictures of myself from back then, big hair and all. I asked if I would be able to see him too. I wondered what he looked like as a child. He wrote back thanking me for the pictures, and he said I was just as beautiful in high school as I was now {and I always felt like a huge dateless boyfriendless dweeb in high school; I never dated, didn't go to prom, etc.} He said he'd send one of himself as soon as he could find one.
A few days later I was sitting around and I thought to God, "God... Joron has not said 'I love you' since we separated and I so miss his I love yous. I really wish he'd say I love you again." About ten minutes later an email popped through from him, well a few did. He sent me some old photos, and the first message he ended with, "Love you." Love you. Undeniable that I was being taught a huge lesson about soul communication, one I really try to remember during the silence. And he sent me a photo of himself as a child, in his little league uniform, as if he could hear me as I spoke to him in my mind.
I still have the photos of him. One is his high school graduation picture. He is adorable... and although it wasn't our path I still wish he'd been my high school sweetheart, my one and only. Instead we each had these crazy relationships and winding paths that took us from coming into the world in the same hospital at the same time to us growing up right near each other to him getting married on my childhood street and then moving all the way to California and back to the Midwest for a very short period of time in which he met me while he was single. Me? I was married and divorced twice, separated from my second husband while the divorce was settling, and just getting over another broken heart when I happened to meet my twin- and I was single. It was so... noticeable how The Divine orchestrated our meeting, and yes- I will remain faithful in my hope that one day soon he and I will finally reconnect and resume our lives together. I do know from the bottom of my soul that he is my helper. I call out to him in my most neediest of times and he responds to let me know- this is happening. Have faith, and I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment