I Love...

~Sweet Love~~

I'm reading a book called "The Power."  It is by the author of "The Secret," Rhonda Byrne.  I think when she wrote "The Secret" she felt later that she needed to expand on the idea of love and gratitude so she wrote a few follow up books and one is "The Power."  Maybe I mentioned this in a recently-made post.  She writes about the power of love, how energy attracts so if we feel love we attract love but if we feel fear then we attract fear.  She also writes something so small yet powerful.  She says to "talk about that which you love."  

Talk about that which you love.  We as human are addicted to talking about our issues, our problems, our gripes and all the things we do not like in life.  We create our own monsters through our fear/ego and THEN to top it off we obsess about the bad thing we created which essentially makes all the badness just stronger, attracting more negativity.  Talking about our problems actually creates more problematic energy and then we attract more of the same to ourselves.

So- to counteract this, to stop the madness, to BREAK THE ADDICTION, she says to ONLY talk about that which we love.  So let's say you go out to a fancy restaurant and the appetizer shows up cold.  What to do?  Well I'd suggest calmly, patiently and lovingly bring it to the server's attention, and be thankful when a new hot appetizer shows up.  Then let the mistake go.  Be grateful to the server for remedying the cold appetizer, and then enjoy the rest of the wonderful meal.  Concentrate on the lovely company, the delicious food, and the attentiveness of the server.  Not another word of the cold appetizer.  This way you don't attract anything more of what you do not want and ONLY attract more of what you do, the appreciation of the good meal will attract to you more opportunities to be grateful for other good stuff.

Does that makes sense?  Only talk about, concentrate your energy, on that which you love.  Let the rest go.  Let the cold appetizer go.  If you were to sit there bitching about the cold appetizer rather than appreciating the rest of the meal then believe me- next the drinks will spill.  And the bill will be wrong.  And dinner will be burnt.  And a couple at the table will have words.  And the car in the parking lot won't start.  Why?  Because you will be attracting to you more things you can bitch about instead of attracting more things you can feel good about.

Get it?  Good.  It's taken me a longggggg time to understand this.  We call it "lessons."  We say we are "tested."  We say "I feel like the Universe is out to get me!" when REALLY what is happening is we are creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies.  Like when we fear fear fear that a wonderful love is too good to be true, and then he leaves.  And what to we say?  "I just KNEW it would happen! It never fails.  They all leave,  It always happens to me!"  Well... yeah.  Because you created it.  We create it.

What if we start consciously creating good stuff?  Like really working at it?  Keeping love journals? Talking only good words?  It takes practice.  Believe me.  I am working on this right now because I WILL make it to reunion when I shift my words, intentions, energy concentrations, etc.  

So I was thinking... of all the things I love.

1. I love chocolate ice cream,  A lot.  Actually I just love chocolate... and James always brought me chocolate, lol.
2. I love my cats.  They keep me company, and they boss me around.  I need that from time to time.
3. I love how James always brought me goodies.  His generosity warmed my heart and I am so thankful for his kindness in bringing me little gifts, for wanting me to be happy.  I really love that about him.
4. I love having a nice warm cozy well-worn, well-loved, colorful inviting house to come home to.  I love that his house has been a home for myself, my son and various other people and pets who have needed a place to stay.
5. I love my job that is easy, comfortable, quiet, has a nice office, and offers me a good solid salary, ample time off and good benefits including I work where my son goes to school so I can see him when I want do during the day.
6. On that note I love my son's awesome school that is affordable.  They really care about the kids.  His school is offering him a great start on his education and life in general.  I love that he goes to school where I work so I can see him if I want to, just to stop in and say hello and let him know I am thinking of him,  He is close while I make our living.
7. I love my twin soul for opening my eyes to what I create with my energy.  I love James for loving me so much that he chose to walk this path with me.
8. I love James, lol.  I love his strong sexy hands that touched me so gently, like I was fine china that needed to be handled gingerly, carefully.  I love that he respects me so much.  
9. I love that James shows me all the things I need to see in my energy so I can attempt to transmute into love.
10. I love that James LOVES talking with me.  I love the conversations we would have about so many different stimulating topics.  I love that he also loved hearing my thoughts,  My mind interests him, and I love that.  I just love how we'd talk into the night and how he never ever wanted to say goodnight or goodbye.  I love how he always wanted to keep me on the line, talking and cooing and saying "I love you."
11. I love how James totally accepts me, and wants me to only be honest with him no matter how painful that might feel for me.  I am thankful for the unconditional love between twin souls.  I love that I can be myself with him, that he wants me to be,
12. I love that the "Symphony of Science" videos make my sweet little Geologist's memory, his true self, come crashing back to me like he is in my arms again right now.  I love all the interesting information he shared with me.  I love how he knew I'd enjoy it, that he trusted and appreciated my mind enough to share with me, to want to discuss his loves with me.  I love that he shared his passions with me.
13. AND I love love love that he always asked me to share with him what I love.  That he openly accepted my passions even though they differed with his.  I love that he did not care; he saw it as a point of discussion, something to keep up on the phone until 2AM discussing and debating about God and science and the REAL scientific definition of the word "theory."
14. I love that this staunch Atheist of mine wanted to take me, a passionate spiritualist, to meet his hero, Richard Dawkins.  I love that he bought us tickets to his book signing, and he invited me to spend the day with him,  I love that he wanted to show me around the museum where he worked, and he wanted to take me to lunch.  I love that he was proud to call me his girlfriend..
15. I love that I have a had a chance to experience such perfect love.  From a jaunty tight sinewy sexy friendly fun little golf-loving scientist.  I love his love for me.  I love that he adores me the same as I do him.  Like he adores every hair on my head- I know this, and I love it.  I am thankful for his love.
16. I love that he insists that one day he will come back and see me, and he always said he wants to teach me to golf.  I love that he will one day teach me how to golf so we can share that together.  I look forward to golfing with him one day.

You must realize I'd do just about anything to have my love back in my arms again.  I know he is meant to teach me to golf.  James is the sweetest man ever.  I cannot allow my fear, the lies, to win.  I can't.  Do you understand this?  I would rather die.  I would rather die than allow my fear to become my reality forever.  You who read my blog must realize that if our fears are strong enough then they will become our reality- and that is sad sad sad.  I know James.  I know his love.  I know how he loves me.  He is so passionate.  He is intelligent and strong and has such a strong heart.  This is why HE is my twin soul.  MY GOD.  I know why he is my twin soul.  He is special.  So loving.  And unique.

Honestly he amazes me with his ability to show me myself.  I love him for it.  This way I won't swirl around in the darkness forever, creating less than love.  I had to see what an expert manifestor I am expected to be: and I do create, fast and hard.  So I'd better create love.  I am trying.  I really am.

I do miss my Beloved,  I cherish every hair on his sweet little head.  I love the sparkling silver hairs in his sideburns.  I love his youthful appearance and nature, his childlike quality.  I love how he bounded through the parking lot on our first meeting like a happy little puppy and hugged me with a warm sweet smile and told me, "You are just as beautiful as I knew you would be."  I LOVE that he asked to hold my hand on our first date, and he caressed my hand with his thumb in a way that made me fall in love with him to the deepest places inside of myself right then,  On our first date.

I love him so much.  In a way that most humans would not be able to understand, and I am okay with that.  I am very aware of the journey my soul has me on, and I may get upset or tempted to run off but I keep bringing myself back.  Mainly because I love myself enough to work towards my blissful future with the one I love.  And because I love him enough to defend him,

I want to, one day, be able to hand him my writings and say, "See.  See- I always knew, really, who you were at heart.  I knew the real you even if I was scared.  Even if you had to show me my fears I've always known the real you, and I trusted you.  And I love you, always."

I do know.  And I will love him forever.  I love everything about him.  And that means I love myself because he is a mirror image of me.  I am the same as him.  I am loving and unique and fun and sweet and caring too.  I am perfect, and he shows me that just by being himself.

I love him humanism.  I love his science.  I just LOVE him.  I love how he treated my son so wonderfully.  I am thankful that he brought my son little gifts too.  He is so thoughtful and kind. Sweet and generous and his kindness amazed me.  Yes- I was not ready for him!  He shined light into all my dark corners and I was not sure what to do with him.  He was a mystery to me, and I got frightened because I did not know what was happening to me.  Why was I being shown something so perfect?  I got scared.  He is my everything, and I won't be content until we are back together.  Me and my other half.  My destiny.  I do remember him, that man who popped my son's car set into his little two-door manual transmission and treated us to a fun day together.  What kind of man does that for a woman?  Only one who loves that woman tremendously and wants to treat her well, how he feels she deserves to be treated.  Only a damn GOOD man with a loving caring heart.  And that IS my James.  No doubt about it.

I have to get through this.  It is a grow or die kind of thing.  James deserves way more than me settling for believing the mirror of my own fears.  How sad would that be?  Like sad movie script- I am choosing to believe ONLY the truth.  And truth is this man fell hard in love with me, never stopped loving me, still loves me.  He is out there loving me hard, wanting me back.  Asking me to believe.  Asking me to believe in him, in God.  In my dreams.  Faith.  

He is my wonder.  I do adore him, and I know him.  My Beloved twin soul.  My heart.

I love that through the chaos he reached out and reminded me that he cares about my son by asking me if I have him enrolled in any sports.  I love how even when having to mirror me, show me myself, he still was able to say. "Hey I am thinking of you and yours.  Make sure you get your son into sports because it would be good for him,  I love you and him, and I am showing you in the only way I can right now.  Believe in me.  Please."  James told me he wanted to be a part of my son's life.  I love that he wants to be a part of my son's life.  I love how he stood behind my precious little man and helped him feed the baby alligators.  I love how he positioned him and showed him how to golf, how he gently taught him and had fun with my son.  I love how he cares and how exceptional he is.  I love how he cares for us, and how he misses up, and how he really wants to be with us as a family.  I can't wait for him to be part of our family.  I know he wants to.  I KNOW it.  I love how when we got home he went into his trunk and found some colorful golf balls for my son to keep.

I have one of them sitting on my book shelf along with the crystal growing kit he so kindly and sweetly bought for my son.  We grew the crystals.  I'll never get rid of them.  My sweet little scientist. I am so in love with him.  I long for him.  I ache to have him back.  He is a gift.  A gem.  And I do cherish him.  I am thankful for ever having met him at all, but my life was changed by him and I will never be the same again.

Life is better with James in it.  He showed me a different way to view life.  He is expansive.  

I miss my scientist.  

I love my sweet sweet love, my James.