Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Not much of an update. I said it before, that I really don't have much more to say. I am all worded out as far as sharing goes. What else can I say? I'm trying. I love him. I want him back in my arms again; I adore him. I love every inch of him, every sweet golden buttery inch.
I am at a point where I can't tolerate anyone offering me guidance. I don't want to hear about the soul connection: if you walked in my shoes for a few weeks you'd see that I understand plumb well about the soul connection.
Sharing with others, non-twins and even most twins, does not work either. I have one friend who is experiencing very nearly the same things as I am. Her fears and doubts come back to her through a human man who knows her every feeling even when they are apart and not communicating, so she gets me. I do have friends who are supportive of my decision to keep going, try to follow this path like I've been shown. One of them asked me the other day, though, "Is he just busy with work?" which means she thinks he is not responding to me because his work comes first, and that is not truth. Truth is he is not going to respond to me due to whatever is inside of me holding me up.
My other friend who is a twin wants to know what would happen if I confronted him, asked him why he tries to hurt me. Well that just reaffirms that I THINK he is hurting me and then I'll get more of what I believe in. So she does not really get it either. If her twin were to filter to her the messages I've received- she'd lose her fucking mind and go ape-shit crazy.
I feel like... I want to bash my head against a wall because I send myself in circles. Honestly I can only go very quiet now. Someone on FB read one of my posts and asked me what is going on and I told him. He's 20 years older than me, "spiritual" nature. He started getting kind of flirty in a really "not able to put my finger on it" manner. It was not just "unconditional love." And he is married. And last night after he said hello I just was not in the mood for it so I told him I was going to bed. He sent me a "selfie" of himself. Seriously? He knows I am in love with someone- I don't need to see his selfie. I really don't. I did not ask for it. It upset me. People upset me. 3D upsets me. Real life upsets me. I want my wonderful Beloved back, the one I can count on. A man who will respect me and not send his selfie out to women on FB. Today this man referred to me as "kiddo" and tried to offer me guidance and I about tore him a new asshole. I find that I can't tolerate bullshit any longer. He has a wife yet he is going out of his way to tell me that his day was brighter because he shared part of it with me, and he sent me his selfie- so don't counsel me on relationships because no wife would appreciate that. Sorry.
Really I am at an all-time high of "Don't push my buttons." Maybe Spirit is pushing me to keep my mouth shut, then fine I get it. I reminded me to not ever talk to married men; some people will not agree with me- but some married men when you engage them in *friendly* conversation will cross a line. It annoyed me. And I don't need people telling me my truth. I already know it. Does it feel good? NO. The silence does not feel good. I miss James. Yes, James. "Joron" his angel name meaning "earth worker." My Geologist. I honestly think that no matter what my ego tells me, how much sometimes I do want to run, how upset I get, how hard I can fall into fear- I honestly won't love again, not like I love him. And anything less would pale in comparison. Anything less would not be worth it. I'd rather be that old lady with twelve cats. James is faithful and good.
I so miss my buddy. My faithful lover. My good man. I hope he is well and happy wherever he is and whatever he is doing out there in the world. My love.
So I'd better get this thing done. Because he's all I want. He's the best. He's The Man for Me. He is my one and only. So I can bitch and moan and doubt and get pissy and anxious and bemoan my situation as much as I want to. And hold myself up. I can talk about it, hash it out, reaffirm the things I don't like to see in the mirror. I can do all the things I know NOT to do.
Or I can shut the fuck up and deal. Accept. Love, quietly. Keep the frustrating to a minimum. Tolerate him not being here in my arms, and realize I am the reason why he is gone. Sometimes that truth is so fucking frustrating that I want to puke: I did this. I have nowhere to point any fingers so I'd better just relax. Find my happy place. Silence myself.
In the book "The Power" {by the writer of "The Secret" Rhonda Byrne} she says to "talk about that which you love" and leave the rest alone. When we discuss that which we do not love we still give it attention, negative attention, and we bring what we don't want to us.
So... I am still on my journey of trying to watch my words. And I love him. More than life itself. More than air. More than chocolate. I just love him, and I am not going to be scared or ashamed to say it. He means the world to me.
He is my everything.
Does this mean I put him above myself? No. I love myself. I love my son. I love others- but there is a special special place in my heart for my Beloved.
That is all. I wish you all well.
Over and out,
Jennifer AKA Rosie
PS- Rose suits me. She never let go.
Is it okay for me to email you
ReplyDeleteIt's about TF and I don't feel comfortable discussing it here. It might be a lil lengthy..
Hello! Please don't take this personally but at this time I am not really talking to people personally about their twin soul journeys. Only because I am working hard to stay focused on myself and my own emotions and it's taking some work let me tell you! Anything I could tell you I've pretty much written somewhere on my blog. I am sorry I can't help you more right now. I wish you the best!
DeleteHi, it's alright.
ReplyDeleteI just want to share some stuff I've learned that worked for me.
To calm your mind, you can try meditating or reading scriptures.
Sometimes I try to keep myself busy when it gets to that phase.
Sometimes talking to other people and relaxing in general/in nature helps
I talk to God everyday whether it be appreciation or frustration
Making sure I'm on God's radar
Loving yourself and taking the best possible care of yourself when it's that phase again helps
And just like you, I used to write out the whole journey and everything I'm experiencing
But now I do it less.
Also, sometimes just reading relationship advices in general helps because it can give you a fresh perspective, other than your own
because I've noticed that sometimes we can get looped into our own thought process and habits so I found it nice to see what other people would say
And of course, the nature of this kind of relationship is very different from what people normally experience, so take people's advices with a grain of salt
You have to realize when he's really crossed the line and be able to differentiate that from when it's just people not being able to understand your relationship.
I find that Twin Soul boil down to love and compatibility. In my case, I've learned how to communicate my wants and needs, and learned how important communication is between us.
Because even Twin souls come with a special bond, he may not know every single little detail that you're concerned about. And last but not least, try to think positive because from experience, whenever I accidentally project something negative, it always comes back and hunts me! Because he reflects it right back :P
I hope this helps, this is like a brief review of my soul journey.
I know sometimes it gets tough, but know that we are very fortunate and very much blessed by God to have such a special person in our lives.
Thank you for your kind words and for wanting to help me. I appreciate it. I do some of the things you say here. I stay away from relationship advice because none of it suits my twin soul union. Also I don't talk to people about him much except to say that I love him and miss him. It is not explainable and I can't expect others to understand. They would only judge him and that is not fair to him. My twin is blameless in our union; I created all that I do not like. He has never "crossed the line." He has only reflected back to me what I've put out there. You are right about thinking positive. God knows what happens when I send out negative. I try to remind myself that even though I don't like this journey- I DO love this man. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYeah I remember hearing a quote, " you bring who you are into every relationship." So take it easy.
ReplyDeleteI've recently found a method that really worked for me which is asking God to bless me with wisdom in dealing with whichever areas in my life, and he led me here.
Since then, I've really gotten a brighter view of the relationship.
You know when people talk about things "meant to be?" That's like referring to our souls signing contracts on lessons that we will be learning in this life. So unless you really screw up or somehow deviate from God's plan for you, some things are unavoidable, and that goes for the good (soul reunion) and the "bad" (tough lessons and challenges)
And thank you to you too, specifically for the post on one of the twin souls lying and the post before it. They're both very true, because I was the one who "bite his head off."
I haven't read every single one of your posts but I know another thing that I tried many times that worked even though it hurt, a lot, which was letting go and letting God. And he always comes back. Always.
Since then, I've tried to make myself take it easy. Because in my case, it had to do with the tension that would build up if I didn't and then the internal drama and turmoil that would ensue.
Honestly I don't know how to let go; I don't want to. There is no "letting go" for me unless it means letting go and releasing energies that are no longer needed. But when it comes to my twin I won't "let go." It just does work for me. What happened each time you let go and he came back? Did you stay together? And I do not believe in God the same way most people do so just giving it up to God doesn't work for me. No offense meant to you but I am not one who can just hand things over to an invisible force and expect it all to work out in the end. That's not me. I have the things I do, and love him and believe in him are the top items. I can't help it that I miss him and want to be with him again. Thing is- I love him no matter the outcome. I don't JUST love him because I want to see him or talk to him. Whether I were to ever see him again I will always love him. No man will ever compare, and that's okay. That is my heart. I am really glad you found your way here and it has helped you! I definitely believe in divine guidance, strongly. I am glad my words and experience has helped you in some way, given you a brighter view. These unions cannot be seen through the lens of a "normal" human relationship. Take care and thanks again!
DeleteLol he comes knocking on my door after a few hours, without fail
ReplyDeleteGod is kinda like the universe
Sometimes he sends signs and sometimes I pay attention but other times I can be too blindfolded or have a perspective that's too colored from the worldly point of view to notice
It's the way energy works, the unvierse's energy, my energy and his energy
Energy/vibrations
For me, letting go is more like just letting go of expectations, and just relax
Like enjoying the ride of life and love while on it, along its waves
I know letting go of expectations works for many people. I don't really have expectations but hopes and my heart's desire. James and I spoke of marriage and a family. I have my heart set on that outcome- the outcome we already discussed. There is no way for me to let that desire go. No way. So I won't. I will try to relax though. I miss him so it's hard to relax completely. Reading allows me to relax some. It quiets my mind but get this... no LIE. I will want to "relax" and "let go" for a while so I'll randomly pick out some fiction. Then I'll find out it has a character just like my twin, or it reminds me of my twin, or it points to something about this experience, etc. etc. It is ALWAYS there, thrust in my face. Even when I try to "escape" from it a bit. I guess there must be a reason for that. Thanks again. I wish you the best. I hope my twin comes knocking on my door pretty soon.
DeleteHaha yup, I agree with you.
ReplyDeleteRecently, the main characters in novels The Scarlet Pimpernel, Pride and Prejudice, and A Room with a View have been baring resemblance to my own romance lol
Twin souls are the greatest love stories of all times! Our own romances are the greatest romances of all times! Artists, writers, painters, and movie makers all model their love stories after ours ahaha :)
And yeah, I agree with you. I can't stand it when people badmouth about him. That's why I bottle everything up inside sometimes. And then people start asking me why I'm in such a bad mood and I can't even explain it to them. Honestly, things like this sometimes get confusing and its human nature to try and not only figure out the whys but also understanding the whys. If only we had the perfection of knowledge. Anyways, I'm glad you're so sure about your man :) because sometimes when I look at my situation from different perspectives, it gets complicated. So now I just try to look at it from the best point of view, which is the most positive perspective. And then it's like there's the unpredictable and unexpected in life which comes along with the changing state of things around a us. Lol.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what else is funny? When I talk to my other friends like have a regular conversation? There would be something that that friend says or does that resembles what he would do.. Lol. And then it'd feel like I'm talking to just another different version of him, or it's like life gives you constant reminders about him lmao and then the miraculous conincidences too.. Just the way things process lol the way the universe does its thing and the way we react..
ReplyDeleteYep those reminders happen often don't they? Spirit's way of never letting us forget completely! We are not meant to forget. I am very sure about my Love and I love him very much for walking this path with me. Thank you for your comments!
DeleteHere's an update on me and mine:
ReplyDeleteThis is ridiculous! It's like he only pays attention to me when I've decided to live the rest of my life without him, as in letting go of expectations of us communicating. But now I've reached a whole new level where I just SURRENDER and accept reality as it is, and this still leads to sometimes where I have a really strong urge to delete him from my life completely. This shit is ridiculous. And I'm surprised at how positive I was in the beginning of the month. But from a human perspective, it just looks like shit right now and has been looking like shit. I thought things will start looking up in this thing after certain conditions have been fulfilled in my life, but it's still looking.. Like omg what is this.
Of course he comes to you when you decide to "let go." You are not meant to "let go" of him and any expectation of you communicating. How can you manifest speaking again with your twin soul when all you want to focus on is the opposite? Really? Stop listening to all the other "advice" out there that is all ego-based and instead listen to your HEART. Fight for this, fight for your love. Do not give up on it so easily by "letting you" and living your life without him. You are not meant to so he will always pop up when you decide to let him go. Maybe instead tell your twin in your heart, in your energy, in a letter in your journal or even to him personally that you know he is wonderful and you love him with all your heart and you never want to be without him. Be honest with yourself. Until you are honest with yourself things will continue to look like shit.
DeleteLetting go means letting go of ego. Letting go of fear. Letting go of stuff that has happened. Letting go does not mean letting go of your hopes and dreams! How in the world can you expect to ever manifest what you want if you insist on "letting go" of what you want? I refuse to ever do that. I might mess up because I tend to fear or let anger flare up. But I will never ever give up on what I want by thinking I have to "surrender" and give up what I want most in life which is a life with my twin soul. Nope, never. In order to be a manifestor you have to put energy towards what you want, not run from it.
DeleteBut they said that you'd never have to chase after true love and true friends. Then why have I been the only one starting the conversations or just initiating things in general. And even when I do, a lot of times the conversation only grace the surface and it's hard to get to his loving/ lovey dovey side. When he used to start conversations with me when I'm busy and I'd give a very surface response while still listening to him, he'd get pissed and just do whatever that will get my attention (kinda like a lil kid from my perspective). Then why can't I get upset when he's giving surface responses now and not initiating anything?
ReplyDeleteBesides, I've told him things like that within the last two months and he just said "thank you.. Etc". Until after a week or so, he reciprocated. Like whyyyy?? Like I have no problem showing him love and initiating things but things like this and no matter what type of relationship takes TWO people!
ReplyDeleteThere's a part in The Scarlet Pimpernel where Percy is polite and distance towards Marguerite and Marguerite breaks down asking him why. He remains so but there was a twinkling in his eyes that gave him away. It wasn't until Marguerite went after him to Calais, France to warn him of danger that Percy that Percy finally lets down his wall and they reunite again, lovingly. Lovingly, just like before they had the misunderstanding standing between them.
ReplyDeleteHe just tells me he's busy with whatever. Whatever, man. It's like whatever now. I feel at peace when I don't think about it.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. If he is really your twin soul then... it might take a while for you. Twin souls reflect back to you anything you are feeling inside of yourself, and believe me I understand how it feels. I know how it is to see the Facebook memes that talk about "true love is always there for you." Well that is NOT soul-based twin soul love. Believe me a twin will, and often does, totally ignore you. For a long time if necessary. And I don't really have advice for you because my journey is all on my blog. My twin does not respond when I doubt him, or when I am secretly angry even if I don't show it to him. He always knows. When I doubt him and think he is only trying to hurt me then he stays quiet. When I wonder why is he acting like this, all aloof and cold- then he stays quiet. We have to realize they don't actually want to do it. It is a RUSE. It is illusion. I was just told recently that the reason why I am going through this is to rid myself of "unnatural energy." That is ego-based energy like resentment or anger or bitterness, or blame. He will tell you he is busy. He will appear to blow you off. He will give you every excuse in the book. He will act like he couldn't care enough to respond, or else he will be very casual when inside you are screaming out for him to "love you" again. He does love you. But for now he has to hide it until you accept what you are going through.
Delete"He just tells me he's busy with whatever. Whatever, man. It's like whatever now. I feel at peace when I don't think about it." <---- EGO- that is all ego talking. Please watch your love movies. Listen to love songs. Let your heart soften. Was your twin different before? Did he "change" like many of them do? The change is to push all the ego out of you so you can manifest from your heart. If your twin soul showed you love before then believe in that love. It is what is truth for the two of you. It is how he really feels. It is his real nature. But you gotta focus on THAT instead of losing your mind over the illusion you are creating right now. I hope this makes sense, and sorry to be so blunt with you.
DeleteYeah haha he read my mind and feels the same way. Don't know what to do now. Maybe just inaction.
ReplyDeleteJust relax and regroup. Feel love in your heart. That would be your best bet.
DeleteHa. The universe in general right now.. Omg
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ReplyDeleteYes ego will do that. Must try to believe your heart.
DeleteGuess I felt at peace because we were consciously/unconsciously headed to the same notion
ReplyDeleteIt's like somewhere along the way, you stop forcing it and trying to make something happen because you know that God's got it all under control. Because somethings just need to happen so you have to let it happen. Here's my new favorite quote, All I know is no matter what I'm feeling, God is working.
ReplyDeleteI do believe God guides us. But I believe since we are created in God's imagine God gives us the power to create our lives and make energetic choices that bring our happiness closer or push it farther away. So I don't agree with the notion of just handing it over to "God" thinking God will fix it all. I feel WE are expected to use our energy and intention to play an active role in creating or allowing what we want in life. But just start by praying and honoring your heart. Love and good thoughts even if you miss your twin and even when you are confused. Pray for clarity and to keep a peaceful heart and mind.
DeleteMid-May, I was thinking we should get married. Then, he sends me this song on how we should get married.
ReplyDeleteI just wanna tell him about this synchronicity and that I miss him but I don't know if I should hold back
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ReplyDeleteOkay my thoughts: yes you must be loving in your thoughts, not negative. By negative I mean angry and mean. I think we are allowed to feel sad or miss them because we love them. But never shitty anger, blame, etc. This is because your twin will show this back to you until you don't have it anymore. And it is not fun. Yes it seems to take over your world but that's because it is your mission. Nothing 3D is more important. Only thing as important to me as my love is my son. Nothing else. Not a career not a hobby, nothing. That pull is meant to be there so we do not run off and distract.
ReplyDeleteI feel when you distract and do not keep them actively in your heart then it prolongs the separation. So focusing on a career or a hobby or something in order to try to escape the connection is not your best option. Plowing through as hard as you can is with as much positive loving focus as possible. That way you are actively manifesting your destiny which is a future with him. If you don't focus then you don't manifest. No one is out there doing it for you. Its up to you.
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ReplyDeleteLove, if you have a twin then the union is your mission. Clearing yourself out and healing is your mission. Being only love inside is your mission. Not saving the world. You heal. You do the inner work necessary and your twin triggering you is part of that process. Then you reunite. That is your mission. Best of luck to you.
DeleteEveryone's life path is different
ReplyDeleteJust work inner and don't talk. Love is your mission. Try not to get frustrated. Best wishes to you.
Deleteso I listened to ur advice and stopped giving up on him but now I'm in a really weird situation. We were semi-arguing as in he was trying to argue, while I was trying to work it out. And then on the iPhone, my msgs stopped delivering one day, and then I waited around and then a week later a guy with the same first name and last name initial msged me online. And this guy has just been half messing with my head and half acting like "tf". So I decide to msg tf using another number to see if it'd go thru and it does go thru.. Plz don't say anything too harsh, thx. And I still haven't really given up on tf, so I'm just taking reality in and see how it goes cuz u can't really force someone or somethings. So now that the msg did go through with tf, I'm just keeping my distance because if he really did block my primary number, then he has his reasons and the last thing I want is for him to block my other number. And also I blocked the guy who msged me online, because if he really was tf, he'll find another way to get in touch with me.
ReplyDeleteOh I won't be harsh if that is what you meant. None of us deserve to treat each other less than gently! I'll tell ya, sometimes really weird stuff happens in this journey. I think that yes the original messages may have blocked to tell you something but then you started getting messages from another source that felt like and sounded like him- I've had that happen too. I think it is like them trying to get us a message even when they can't directly. Just relax. He is probably trying to get through to you. Keep an open mind :)
DeleteI don't know why, but there's something trusting this time, that everything will be alright.
ReplyDeleteGood. Glad to hear it!
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