This Deep ACHE

Another copy-paste:

Message on Twin Flames from Kali by Sophie Bashford 
5-12-15

Dear Ones,

You must break open to this love. You must allow the heart to overspill itself; to give you lifeblood and courage to traverse new paths; to give you energy that is truly divine in origin; to take you back, back, back to your true natures.

You Are One. I speak of the twin flame partnership. I speak of the mighty and ferocious powers that are working through layers and altered dimensions in eternal space - to get the two of you reunited once again. I speak of the fierce longing that burns within your hearts: the desire to crest all other experiences of desire. I speak now - directly and clearly to your heart - of the most powerful bond that can exist between two physical manifestations of Light.

I ask you all to surrender. To lay down your barriers and tools that you keep held up in front of your precious hearts, lest they become vulnerable, open, and melted down to Love. You are so scared of this love, and yet you have been rushing towards it for each and every one of your lifetimes upon this beloved Gaia.

You have wanted nothing less than this true, desirous, all-encompassing, ravenous and tsunami wave of love. You have longed to be consumed, taken over, drenched and submerged within the totality of this twin flame sphere of burning Light. Your hearts, bodies and minds have settled many times over, during countless lifetimes, for intimate connections that have done something to assuage the searing heat of passion and yearning within your Soul..but have not quenched the raging thirst for the One with whom you share mirrored light molecules, reflected soul essences, fractured filaments of DNA which crave to be re-connected and vibrating; singing; chiming - in Wholeness.

This is your moment, Dear Ones of the Light and the Eternal. The moment has arrived in which you will be transported - bodies, minds, hearts, spirits - into the loving, cradling arms of your twin flames. I am Here to oversee this project for you, because I am capable of stripping away all defences and all existing conditions that stand in the way of you and your beloved twin flame.

I am Kali. I wish to make my Self known to you, if you are not yet familiar with my presence. Do not guard against me, for I come bearing gifts of the Soul and abundant fruit-baskets of light that will nourish and sustain you for all eternity. Do not run from me, simply because I hold up my swords and proclaim that IT IS TIME for you to walk away from the old chains of existence that have kept you bound and gagged, pushed down, suppressed your inner glow, held dark covers over your eyes and ears and numbed you to your true radiant purpose on this planet.

I am here to usher in sweeping changes, because my methods of purification ultimately aid you in your quest for reconnection with the Source of All Life. You wish to be One with the Divine, and to experience Life as a passionate, sensual and intimate dance with the Goddesses and the Gods. You wish to use your eyes as they were designed to be used - especially within your intimate relationship - as sacred information connectors and transmitters of complex divine codes of wisdom. You wish to use your eyes to deeply excavate the Soul, devouring one another's hearts as you surrender to rapacious waves of infinite, body-melting, spirit-bursting, kundalini-firing Holy Rivers of Twin Flame Love.

These bodies, once they reunite - connected through the chakras and physical senses - find themselves to be set alight: burned open to a devotional, sensual rhythm that calls them both back into the very Heart of the Divine. They feel a Call to one another that transcends all other demands upon their being. They are willing to move heaven and earth for the chance to be together once again, for indeed, they have both been steadily moving towards this gift of reconnection for thousands upon thousands upon thousands of years.

Your hearts are being opened on this day in ways that prevent you from remaining purely in the logical coldness of the masculine mind. You are being flooded with emotions, and also sexual desires, because this is the opening to the feminine essence - the sacred energy link to the whole of creation.

I will not stop opening your heart to the raw, aching pulse of longing. I will not stop tearing down your emotional and psychic defences to revealing yourself in tender expressions of love. I will not stop breaking down pretences, denial or lies which prevent you from accepting that you are One with a cosmic counterpart who has waited for you since the beginning of Time.

I am Kali, and I work my mystery around you now. I will keep your heart spread open like a blossomed lotus flower, oozing nectar, hotly aromatic, sensuously charged with secret, explosive desires. You will not be able to shut this energy down, because it has claimed you for it's own. You are totally surrendered, fallen to your knees from the seductive scent, the magnetic powers that radiate to you night and day, through all dimensions of time, from your long-lost eternal Beloved.

There is no need to fight this energy, because it is your Holy Saviour. Allow your hearts to be broken open to the divine thunderbolts of this love, and you will see how what comes next is a rising Phoenix of Light; an elevation into the higher echelons of divine living; a transcendency into sublime realms of wonder.

Today, your hearts are my priority, because a heart must be trembling, softened, coaxed open to it's deepest desires. I am the one to press my fingers upon your hearts so that you allow it's pure, innocent yearnings to flow freely - and to send you dissolving into endless raptures of devotion with your One, Eternal Twin Flame Love.


THIS is how I feel about my James, right here.  Fully surrendered to this love.  I cannot explain it, and I don't often use my blog to simply share my heart-feelings for him or for our union.  I am so in love with him.  It is beyond a "romantic" love where a person expects another person to make her happy.  It is way beyond infatuation or those love-chemicals that flow through two people who are close together.  James is not here.  We have not kissed in twenty months.  My love for him is not based on any type of "human" 3D-based love.  It is a divine love, a "true love."  My love for him is unconditional... and it will last forever despite circumstances.  That said, I ache for him.  Every single fiber of my being cries out for my divine counterpart.  I miss his sweet face.  I miss his gentle loving kisses.  I miss his tender sexy unique voice.  I miss his sensual yet caring caress.  I miss how he feels like my best friend, my confidant, my brother, my son and my lover all in one.  I miss... him.  I miss him so much that he is always here, on my mind and in my heart.  There is nothing I can do to push him out, nor would I want to.  There is no way for me to distract from the love I feel for him.  Songs remind me of him.  Songs tell me that he loves me and misses me.  Songs bring me to my knees, reducing me into a sobbing heap of surrendered love just begging God and Higher Self to keep me strong and out of ego, healing fear and doubt and owning truth and love, so I can bring my Love back to me.  My Love.  He used to write to me and say, "Is it time to see you yet?  Is it 4PM?  I'm anxious to see my love."  

He called me "My Love."  Love... I miss my love.  I MISS MY LOVE.  I love that man, that soul, on a totally different dimension than is known to most people, and I don't mean to sound egotistical, like it's a "better" love.  It's just different.  Before- I could move on from men.  The old Jennifer loved hard but could love again.  I loved but had to move on and then found new love, new lovers.  This time... perfection came to me and cannot be replaced.  My heart is no longer my own; it belongs to my soul and my soul is very much in love with my twin soul.  My soul is telling me to stay right here, in love with James.  And I can't NOT listen, not this time.  There have been plenty of times in the past when I have not listened to my soul but this time- this love- I am listening.  I am staying in this love, no matter what.

I do ache for him.  I know there are others who have moved on and who feel stronger for it, and that is their path.  Mine is to stay here.  I live a good life with happy kids, a comfortable home, trips, fishing, festivals, laughing, dancing, singing, lots of cuddling... yet I have a longing, a missing, an ache inside of me for my One True Love, my twin soul.  And there is nothing out there on this earth that can fill that space inside of me besides him.  Through him I was shown the love I am made for, a gentle caring compassionate love, and never again could I settle for anything other than his specific energy.  His love.  I do know it is a divine connection but he was my "boyfriend" when he was in my life, and... I ache to have my dear sweet scientist boyfriend back in my life again.  I honestly miss him more than I can express here because there are not words to describe it.  I feel like I am still in a relationship with him despite his physical self not being with me.  I am not alone- and I can't be with another man when I feel like this, and I have no control over feeling like this; it is given to me from my soul/Higher Self which is very much in love with James.  So in this love is where I will remain.

When we made love for the first time, that beautifully sweet first time, he moved inside of me and looked into my eyes with such love.  I wrapped myself around him, wound together like the eternity symbol, and I fiercely spoke to God.  I remember squeezing y eyes together while embracing him, feeling him inside me {and oh God does he feel so perfect inside me} and I screamed inside myself, "God this is the last man I will ever be with.  He is it, my last lover.  I only want it to be James, forever.  Please, this is my husband, this man.  I want no one else after him."

Something inside of me knew.  He helped purify me... but I miss him to the depths of my soul.  It's like there is a beacon in my heart and it is constantly crying out to him- I love him.  I miss him.  I ache to be one with him.  I have to see my love again.  Life is just not complete without him with me, with us as a family.  Again, I do have a good life- but life would be more colorful, more full, blissful, once he is by my side in all ways.

I pray to God, Higher Self, Jesus, and all the angels that watch over me that one day soon James and I are reconnected; I pray and ask for the strength to continue to move forward in creating space for him to return to me because I believe he wants to, very much.  He misses me and loves me the same, and he's just waiting for me to "get there" so he can be reunited with "his love."

My heart is just... broken open and oozing, weeping, love for him.  Life won't ever be the same for me until his return, until we are back in each others arms again.  Until then, I carry him with me always.  My love for him is eternal, a fire that cannot ever be extinguished.  If time, space, silence, insane communication, and all the rest has not been enough to cease my love for him then nothing can.  My love for him is unconditional and never-ending, and I totally trust the love he has for me is the same. 

Divine love.  Huge love.  I am surrendered to this love.  I pray I soon reach that point where I can see his beautiful adorable sweet loving face again, like ASAP.  He's always told me he "has to" see me again- so I pray it's soon.  Separation... is bittersweet.  Being locked in his arms would be much much better!

I love you so much my little science trip.  I need you.  "Only a heartbeat away."

  

Twin Message from Birgit

Another post I'm going to copy paste on my blog, for a very specific reason.  This "overlooking of cruel behavior" is something I've had to do when I am being mirrored by my twin.  I won't go into depth here since I am trying to focus only on the love and not the "nonsense" but I do want to say one thing, and it's sad.  Sort of a reminder to me.

I am very well-behaved with my twin soul in how I react to him in 3D.  Knowing him has helped me become blessedly non-reactive, an achievement I am SO thankful for.  But just because I refuse to react in 3D meaning I do not engage when I get a strange message... I don't email back something shitty, etc. but still I may feel fear inside that I don't express.  In my union he absolutely mirrors my fears that I do not express to him "in person."  EVERYTHING inside of me is under a magnifying glass when it comes to my twin soul.  I can go through my journal and see where I've written things that are reflected back to me through James.  My private JOURNAL.  Like I used to get all ego-pissy and write in my journal, "I deserve love now!"  Then one day he wrote to me and... well now if I am going to write anything it will be, "I am ready to bring your amazing love back to me."  I won't write here what was actually reflected back to me through demanding in my journal that I "deserve" love- like any love.  Just know that each time I get mirrored I can go back and see clearly where it originated from!

So I might put on a brave face and stand up to the reflection by not reacting in 3D but still I might be tempted to wonder, "Is is REALLY mirroring or is this guy a total unfeeling jackass after all?"  Not possible, not after the angel he showed me in real life.  But anyway.  Last year we were in the middle of yet another strange email conversation and I was facing down fear, hardcore.  I wrote to him and told him I still wanted to marry him and have his baby.  This is what he wrote back to me, "What?  Are you fucking kidding me?  You would seriously want to spend your life with this asshole?"

It reminded me of her message below, here where she says our ego may ask us if we really want to spend the rest of our lives with such a "bad person."  And it made me sniffle a bit because my twin soul is the FARTHEST thing from an "asshole" but see- when I FEAR him, or worry that he's just hurting me, the mirror will show me that, "Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who is hurting you?"  It was almost like "soul sarcasm" in a way.  Because me and my soul both know he's not really hurting me and that knowledge is being shown to me through his words.  He's showing my my fears that he may be a huge jerk after all, and like this message below states- we have to look past the triggering.  We have to know that when we allow it to hurt is it is only ego flaring up.  Ego will kick and scream and drag us back into feeling wounded.  Oh... I've been there.  I read through my old journals and find where I go back and forth between fear and love, lies and truth, screaming ego and heart.  I can totally see why I've been separated, how my energy has kept me from him, maintained the road blocks that have not allowed my twin soul to come back to me.

I am now trying to stay fully out of ego.  I feel like I know truth.  He loves me and he's my very strong twin soul who knows everything about me, and in our union silence plays a large part in pushing me to clear and see truth.  When he does come forward he shows me my ego.  He also shows me love... just enough to let me know to hang in there.  To trust in him.  To believe in us.  I really am doing the best I can right now to totally trust and stay in love. And one day when I have lots of love in me and little fear or ego- then he can show me that balance.  He can show me love.  So this is what I work towards, him showing me TRUTH which is love.  But I have to trust truth first.  I must believe in the TRUTH, and truth for me is the man who sat at my dining room table and bowed his head before eating the meal I'd cooked for us.  An Atheist, he softly said to me, "Do you want to say grace?  You can go ahead and say thanks to God if you want... if you don't mind though I'll just thank you for the food."  He said it with a gentle smile, very understanding and respectful.  So sweet and dear, thoughtful.  The epitome of of thoughtfulness, grace, love and Light.  THAT is my truth, and I am fighting for it.  I refuse to let fear kill my truth about James, no matter how long it takes me to hold on and own that truth for good. 

I've always said that if he walked in my front door right now, or when he does walk in my front door, and we lock eyes for the first time no apologies will be needed.  There will be nothing to forgive.  He's doing his part in our union, playing his role in our mission, and I do not fault him for HELPING TO HEAL ME, especially showing me how not to become a raging alcoholic.  All I will need to do is be embraced by him and kiss him until we melt into each other and then kiss more.  I will need to touch his face and run my hands over his chest and hug him tightly.  And kiss some more.  And then get naked and have hours of non-stop loving and kissing... that's all I want with my twin soul.  Love.  Maybe some pillow talk, even science pillow talk.  Nothing less.

I believe her words here, totally.  "Trust your heart for soon you will be where you've always wanted to be... in the arms of your Beloved Twin Flame."  I know that as long as I trust and believe, hold on and know truth, and LOVE him fully- then one day I will bring him back to me.     

Twin Message: Twin Flame Purpose
We are at a quantum leap now; all of the old attachments between TWIN Flames are being cleared away, which means that both remember their purpose of re-uniting ..
When we know that things are moving closer, that the Reunion is closer now than ever before - our ego will try to hold us back in fear, telling us the story of how cruel, insensitive and harsh the other one has treated us - and do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a "bad person"....
Here it is important to stay centered in the Soul Vibration and not go for the lead of ego - for ego will lead us backwards, while Soul will give us the progress we searched for so long.
There may be some days of being vulnerable, feeling hurt by the actions of the other one, losing faith in the relationship - know that this is temporary and shall pass, it is just a clearing of the lower ego, which we no longer need in our lives.
Therefore it is important to Trust - in spite of what the past has shown you - in spite of all odds in the outer world - Trust your Heart, for soon you will be where you always wanted to be..
in the arms of your Beloved TWIN Flame.
Notice, that there is nothing to forgive, because everything has happened due to mutual agreement before incarnation to liberate each other and live in the vibration of freedom, that Pure LOVE always offers ...
With Love & Light,
Birgit
March 16, 2015

Twin Flame Ascension Message Summer 2015 by Cassady Cayne

I rarely copy-paste on my blog but sometimes I stumble across info that I'd like to share.  This energy update was sent to my email by someone who must read my blog, and I've never received an energy update before.  When things happen like this I tend to pay attention although normally I blow off things like "energy updates."  This one, though, is worth paying attention to because it is very hopeful and feels right to me.  They've used the analogy of the butterfly coming out of the darkness of the chrysalis, and that is the same symbolism that was given to me by my guidance and then straight from my twin soul as well so it is not a comparison that I can overlook. I feel this symbolism applies to ALL of us who are Awakening now, especially those of us who are twin souls/twin flames.

As this energy update says, the last few months have been a challenge for many of us.  I know it has been for me, a BIG challenge for me.  Certain things have happened in the last few months that have really pushed my limits of being able to stick with this without running off in fear; I actually tried- I attempted to date and {I feel} was shown that this is definitely not the best option.  So I am back to writing in my journal and working to stay VERY strong and very much in belief, trust, hope and love for my twin soul.  I do believe that my twin soul loves me unconditionally, and I do believe he wants to come back to me.  I believe in him, and I believe in US.  I pray this energy update is valid and does apply- I feel many of us have been marching along working hard to have faith in our unions, and my dream, wish and prayer is that for those of us who really believe in ourselves, our twin and this union, I hope we reunite very soon.

I had a thought the other day that made me smile and that is James is the last man to have blessed my life, and my heart, mind, body and soul.  Many separated twin souls feel they owe it to themselves to "move on" once their divine counterpart goes quiet.  That is their free will choice and it is not up to me to judge their decisions because maybe for some this is the right choice.  At times I've thought I might want to move on too, date someone else, have romantic love in my life but so far, for twenty months now, I've made the choice to remain committed and devoted to my union.  I will admit I had one planned date recently, and he was... alarmingly sweet and adorable.  But he did not stay in touch with me and I will not reach out because I feel I am not meant to.  After meeting him I DO believe there are other people out there we could have feelings for after meeting a twin soul... but for me the question is: am I meant to?  No, I don't think so.  See- my twin soul did not want to leave me.  He had to since he was acting as my mirror, and I cannot desert him.  I am choosing to be strong and work to allow/bring him back to me.  The thought that made me smile is that after my prior two year-long stint of dating too many men who were not right for me, sharing my body, heart and mind with men who were not right for me, and feeling utterly exhausted and worn out from some of the unloving {to myself} choices I made- I met my twin soul and he waited for me to be ready for him.  He was tender and oh-so-patient, gentle, respectful and kind.  He waited until I was comfortable enough to be more physically intimate than just kissing and holding hands, and when we made love it was sweet, kind, loving and healing.  And he was the last man I kissed or made love with.  I don't feel that is a... sacrifice.  It is a choice I've made, and I am happy to know that he is my special one, the one I am waiting for, the one for whom I am saving myself: heart, body, mind and soul. Knowing he was the last one to grace my body with his caresses and kisses and love makes me feel good.  Special.  He is worth waiting for, and I am worth waiting for my one and only true love.

And with that, here is the summer energy update.

http://www.twinflames1111.com/blog/twin-flame-energy-updates/ascension-message-summer-2015/

"We are still in the midst of a cosmic purge as a part of the ongoing Twin Flame Ascension process, and I have been asked to bring through a message from spirit:

“Dear ones, we know these past few months have been a challenge for many of you and we want to let you know that all is well and will be getting better and better. Do not fear. We are proud of you and pleased to say that everything is going according to plan.

You are going through a cosmic gateway right now where you are being pushed to let go of anything holding you back from ultimate Ascension – past life trauma, karma, ancestral energies of survival.

Upgrading, out of survival fears

In the old days before modern medicine, refrigeration, government structures, plumbing and so on, things you take for granted now were essential for survival and the energy of fear permeated every part of living on a deeper level than today.

Things like staying clear of infection and disease was essential to survive because there were no hospitals, earning money was a life or death situation because there were no banks or credit, having a family was a necessity and survival wasn’t possible alone because there was no insurance or social support if things went badly. In other words a lot of fear, gathered up over hundreds of generations.

These energies are still present in the average human being, transmitted through genetic energies passed onto you – modern human beings still carry these fears into this time, even though society has radically changed. We are pushing you to release this now because it is no longer needed.

Enlightened Twin Flames

You are at the moment upgrading your whole systems. You have been like old computers trying to run brand new software, which is slow at best and at worst can cause crashes and breakdowns. The current energies are busy updating the very fabric of your beings so that you can handle the higher frequencies and increased light absorption.

This is not an endless process – Ascension has an aim and becomes more and more a joyful process as you go along. Those of you who are already deep in Ascension and who have been stirred in this way can feel within that you are in a period of change, like the caterpillar in the chrysalis about to emerge a butterfly soon. You have felt yourselves changing profoundly. We want you to know that this is the last of it. You are becoming “Enlightened Twin Flames” – filled with ever more light.

Accelerated Twin Flame Ascension

Those of you who are newer to Ascension especially the past few years, are going through an accelerated version of it – those of the younger generation who are impatient to get moving on your path and get to the good of it, the light of it. You feel it in your being, the blueprint of wanting to emerge victorious after a period of darkness, confronting your inner weak spots and challenges and pains and wounds.

This density and dark energy is being brought up into the light to help you so you can then move on into ultimate freedom. Being a creator of your own and others’ good on earth, and in perfect alignment with your Twin Flame. You are also coming to the end of it, and we understand your impatience – you can already feel what awaits you happily at the other end. Use this sense of hope and positivity to help you forward.

The upgrades are a process going on behind the scenes and you have all been aware of it on a soul level – you have agreed to it. Much of the energetic upgrades are happening at night especially during sleep, to help you “uplevel” yourself. Therefore, if you experience strange dreams or resurfacing fears during sleep, do not take this as a sign that bad things are happening – it is simply a part of the release process.

Challenging past months

You are now nearing the end of this process, another higher plateau where you can feel more at ease. Depending on your level of inner awareness, many of you are coming to the end of this dark night in the coming months. We have pushed you these recent months, pressed you on to get rid of the last negativity that you had hidden away in the recesses of your being. You may have felt it. It has been challenging for many of you. Deep fears, so deep you had almost forgotten until they came up.

Advice for when you feel ungrounded

In the near future you will begin to notice changes, a feeling of knowing where you are headed, your inner “compass” comes up to date, you feel like “yourself” more and more. In the mean time be patient with yourselves and take care of yourselves while this goes on. If you are feeling hazy and foggy, unfocused or on edge with discomfort or fear, spend some time in nature.

Be around others who make you feel good, and around animals and children – they are therapeutic. Do not lose yourselves in abstract information and overthinking – this will only make you feel even more ill at ease and ungrounded. Go upward and outward. Summer is coming in the northern hemisphere – rejoice. Let nature lift you up with her as she blooms into life once more and know that by autumn you will be feeling like a new person, lighter and freer.

Positive developments

One last thing we want to emphazise is that Ascension is not endless. It has a particular purpose, for you to rise into light and freedom and live as a beacon for others to see. To live as an example of freedom and love, however that manifests for you. Do not be afraid.

You see, the goal is to get you clear and light sooner rather than later. We do not expect you to spend decades wading through the pain of the past and old energies – we would like this to be as quick and smooth for you as possible, and this is why we are stirring individuals to explore and publicly share energy clearing tools and modalities which will enable and assist large amounts of you in rapidly speeding up the release process, so that you may enjoy your existence on earth and your Twin Flame connection as much as possible.

Inspired action

That is the aim. We know that it is possible. We are aware that some of you struggle with faith, but remember if you do not take action and at least try and open to the possibility you cannot per definition get any further. The universe assists and protects you, that is correct, but it does not run the whole “show” for you when you are on earth: you are source energy embodied and in that capacity you are always the co-creator of your own experience. We cannot as easily release the past for you if you keep holding on. You have free will at all times.

We are proud of you, you have come so far already and we have complete faith in you. Call on us should you ever be in need of assistance, comfort or support.

Yours eternally,

The Archangels of Light”

Lights... Camera... Action!

I was talking to a friend the other day and an analogy for my twin soul union came to mind, and I want to share it here.  My Higher Self often refers to James by saying, "His role for you..." and it will be explained to me that his role in my life is to not only love me but to also force me to face my fears.
But I know Higher Self is strong and has a ton of power, and Higher Self is me in another form.  I know this although sometimes it is hard to conceptualize.  And those of you who read my blog know how my stance: I do not reflect anything to my twin, not that I can see.  He reflects back to me my fears, doubts, worries, etc.  He also reflects love back to me when I am in a space of belief and trust- mainly though I am shown my fears through him.  He is my trigger, my catalyst, my mirror.

In my journal I have a lot written where I am majorly pissed off at HS.  I used to write things like, "Why the fuck are you doing this to me?"  "Why is he doing this to me?"  "I know you can change this so bring him back to me already!"  'Why is he staying away?!"  I used to get mad and think HS was "keeping my twin away from me," and it made me furious.  Why can't it be easy already, right?

Well when we are expert manifestors creating our own lives then every thought, intention, word, belief, bitch, moan, worry, etc. can and will create our existence, and this is shown to us strongly through the twin soul.

Now as time has progressed I no longer "blame" my Higher Self although I do feel my HS has a lot to do with my union.  So this is how I view my HS- as the DIRECTOR of the script that *I* write.

Do you follow me???  I am the writer of the script of my life.  And when it comes to my biggest life lesson, which is to overcome my fears concerning love, my twin soul is the main actor in my play.  His "role" is to enact whatever I script for him.  And who "directs" the play?  Higher Self.  So basically whatever I write, whatever script I create, my Higher Self ensures that script is enacted through my twin soul.

But the key here is that I write the script.  I do believe my twin soul signed up for this role before we came here to earth and he knew the part he would play.  And when he mirrors nonsense to me it is because I have scripted the nonsense.  But at the end of the day he as a real man, not the actor playing the role, really truly LOVES me.  His love for me is truth at all times but he HAS to play his role in my play, and that role is created by ME.  ME me me.

So when I am talking on the phone to my Aunt who asks me "How's things with James," and I start to tell her all about the strange shit he wrote to me, and I put energy towards the nonsense instead of the love, then I've just SCRIPTED more nonsense to be played out by my twin, and often this is done through the silence.

And it is directed by Higher Self.  I know it is.  I often feel like Higher Self is the energy that animates my twin soul so really {not to be confusing} but then the director would also be the actor.

Higher Self DOES "control" the situation but it is based on MY energy and the script I am creating through all my thoughts, intentions, worries, written words, spoken words, beliefs, worries, doubts, fears... and love I create.  All of those things create my script and then my Higher Self directs my twin soul to enact my script... just the way I've written it.

I hope that makes sense to some of you.

YOU are the creators of your own scripts.  How will you write the role your twin soul plays for you?  If you down yourself then your Higher Self will ensure your twin soul shows you this by playing it out for you in some way, shape or form.  If you doubt your twin soul then he will also show this to you by enacting the script you have created.

Guys I've seen this happen perfectly in my union.  I could say to a friend, "My twin's favorite color is red," and then two days later he could send me an email saying, "Look at these new golf clubs I bought in my favorite color, red!"  That's a neutral example but I am sure you can imagine what would happen if I was talking to a friend and said, "My twin soul is such a fucker!"  As the actor in my play, and I just scripted him as a fucker... what do you think his next scene in my life will consist of?

Now imagine I finally get to a point where I know in my heart, mind and soul that my twin soul is only love and truth, and it's all I write about, think about, pray about and occasionally say to others... the script I write will have turned into a love story where he will once again become my TRUTH, my Prince Charming, my Love.

We all the ability to write, script, our own happy endings.

Got it?

It's a wrap!

Jen

Love on A Friday

Image snagged from http://www.jeremynoeljohnson.com

It is currently the Friday before a holiday and I have exactly 53 minutes left in my work day.   My exuberant little toot of a five year-old son is excited, looking forward to when I come pick him up so we can begin our "stay at home days" which means the days we get to spend together where I do not have to go to work and he does not have to go to pre-school.  We can be together having fun, and the fun starts tonight because we are going to a small festival that is held in my town each Friday night throughout the spring and summer.  There will be live music, food, treats, and possibly a kiddy train ride plus there is a big park where he can run around and play on the playground equipment. 

I'm looking forward to our weekend together but I have to say- my heart aches.  My heart is aching out of my chest... I feel such immense love for my James today.  I can't help but miss him to the depths of my soul.  He and I are both Leos, born within a few hours of one another {remember, in the same hospital too,} and the beautiful image of the Leo about made me think of us.  

I dream of the moment when I connect with my Beloved again.  Many teachings on the web stress moving on and forgetting {or trying to} and being oh-so independent, not needing the twin soul.  Well, you know me if you've read my blog, I am not one of those people.  I was made for the love of my James, and I need that love.  It is the only love for me.  I need his gentle touch, his sensitive nature, his respectful, kind, loving heart and soul.  I quite obviously do not need it to "survive" as I am sitting here writing this blog, living and breathing, and he is not been physically with me.  I mother my son wonderfully, I take care of a large home that houses myself, my son, my friend and her two children, and I work full-time in a professional position at a university.  I LIVE.  I take care of business.  If a pipe clogs- I fix it.  If the snow needs to be shoveled I... either do it myself or pay someone to do it for me ;)  My house is clean, my "kids" {mine and my friend's kids} are well-fed, loved immensely, and well-taken care of, well-LOVED.  So am I- I also love myself.  I spend ample time with my son and I try to remain happy and joyful as much as possible.  I do not "need" anything to live- I live now.

But my life would be so much more rich and full and colorful and delicious and amazing and deep and... Heavenly and blissful with my James in it.  It would feel more "right" and complete.  Yes, complete.  With my James living with us, loving with us, sharing a life with us.  I miss him deeply.  He showed me his wonderfulness two summers ago and it was a perfection I will never be able to let go of, overcome or replace.  His heart is one-of-a-kind, totally unique, and he is meant for me.

I wish more than anything that James was waiting at home for me tonight when I get home from work with my son.  I wish he was there to greet me at the door, kiss me and hug me while my son excitedly hugs him and begins rambling off to him about his day.  James loves my son.  Very much.  he was good to us when he was here, an angel who showed me how I am meant to be loved: with a tender, affectionate, caring, patient, kind, joyful, passionate, intimate, generous, respectful and attentive energy.  He is all of that and more.  I wish he was headed to the festival with us, together being that family we discussed we would be, my son's loving and caring step-daddy, my Beloved mate and partner-in-crime ;)  I feel in my heart this day will come for us.  My twin soul has shown me such love and whenever he is able to come through and reach out to me, no matter what he has to show me about my thoughts and beliefs, he always manages to somehow slip in that he needs to see me again, that he MUST see me again, that he wants to see me again.  And I know when that moment finally arrives for us he will melt for me and I will gaze into the beautiful blue eyes of the sweet man I know and love.  He will cup my face with his tender gentle hands, smile into my eyes and kiss me until no time has passed and we are again one in all ways. 

I ache for him.  I do.  And I am not ashamed to admit that.  It does not mean I am not whole.  I am very much whole and strong.  It does not mean I am co-dependent- I've been doing it on my own for a while now, pretty much a hermit {except for being with my son and see a few good friends} while I work on my healing.  Despite a few glitches I've stayed strong, hung tight and am working towards our reunion.  I understand the journey we are on together is a spiritual mission of love and healing but this does not mean that at the end of the day... I don't miss my dear sweet adorable twin soul, my endearing boyfriend, friend and lover.  The one who loves communicating with me, sharing with me, and knowing me in all ways.  He loves my mind and I appreciate that about him.  I love my James with that love which cannot be described, with a never-ending fire while will burn through eternity.  He is irreplaceable to me,  my treasure.  I know he loves me and that we are meant to be together.  Just right this moment, on a Friday afternoon of a long long week... my poor little strong-loving heart aches for my twin soul.

I his last message to me he wrote, "I hope I get to be intimate with you next week.  HOPE and WISH."  Well intimacy does not mean sex.  Intimacy means looking inside someone, taking the time and energy to really KNOW a person, to want to know a person.  To be attentive and understanding, to pay attention to someone deeply- that is intimacy.  James was always very intimate with me right from the very start and I pray for the day I know that intimacy with him again.  He took the time to get to know me.  He WANTED to know me.  He craved knowing me, and I did him.  That craving is still there for both of us; there is so much more for us to know about each other.  I love his intimacy. Besides my child, his love and affection, the intimacy we shared, is the best thing in life to me. I am so immensely thankful and appreciative of the love he has for me, for everything he did for me and showed me when he was in my life, and I am grateful for what he's had to show me since he's been gone {even if it has hurt.}  He is just so dear to me, my sweet little science trip.  My Beloved.

I pray... I PRAY and wish and hope and trust that one day soon I will hear from him again.  Until then my handsome Leo resides here, in my heart, where he will forever remain.

I wish you all a wonderful weekend.

xxoo  Jenny 

Belief & Desire & Truth

How true is this!!!  And it clears up a lot of stuff for me.  LOVE IS THE TRUTH.  

I sent the following email to a friend today.  I wanted to share it here.

"I'm watching this great video on parenting from Teal Swan. I like her.  As I watch I am noticing that I am already doing a pretty decent job with a lot of this, and also she's helping me see where I can improve.  She says that we have to be careful with what beliefs we feed to our children, and this is why I stopped taking my son to a Christian church once he started growing very aware.  But she talks about manifestation and she makes a comment that really struck me.  She says for manifestation to work, desire and belief must match in order for what we want to manifest to actually come into our reality.

That's a huge clarification for me.  I can't just sit here and write out these stories about James over and over again while inside I've been terrified of him or unable to believe he'd actually choose me.  Nothing will happen if those two energies are conflicting.  Holy shit do you know what happens when I do that?  I will get from him some of the desire I want to manifest, and some of the fear-nonsense all wrapped into one message!

It will be interesting to see what happens once I write-manifest from a place of strong confidence and low doubt and fear.  From TRUTH.  I still have work to do but I've been only writing from a place of love and knowing he loves me.  I feel his love more now so it is easier, and I know one day it will shift.  I feel it because I can look back and just see how much he's loved me and desperately tried to get me to see his love and believe it as truth so I will believe in him.  It become more and more clear every day so I am definitely working on it.

I ask myself sometimes, "If James were to write to you RIGHT NOW- would you really want him to?  What would he say/show to you?  How have your thoughts and words been?  Would he show you more scary stuff or have you been in a place of only love and truth so he can show you love and truth?"

Sometimes these last weeks I want to thank him for NOT writing to me, sparing me the torture of seeing/experiencing my mirror-reflection.  I feel like I ONLY want to finally hear from him if 1) I REALLY have see something that needs to be cleared in me and only his words will do it for me or, 2) when I reach such a clear clean place of love and belief that he is able to contact me and mirror back ONLY truth which is that strong intense crazy-attracted magnetic loving caring yet a little bit naughty committed love we have for each other.  Those are the two instances where I would want to hear from him.  I honestly think since I understand what is happening right now I am content with the quiet while I am working towards clearing out fear and owning only truth.  I know if I hear from him when I have any doubt or fear then it's going to be shown to me through him, and it's kinda fine right now for me to skip over all that.  He told me he wants me cuddled in his arms to that's my truth, and it will tide me over until the time is right!

I am confident, well to about 80% now of trying to only trust in Higher Self and God, that this is a solid process that I can trust in: once I clear my shit then he can shine his love clearly to me.  No doubts about it, no two ways about it, no stopping the process- I KNOW I will reach that point where I am owning my truth so he can mirror back to me ONLY love, and then he will come back.  We will reunite at that point.

Here is the parenting video.  It is really good, and I am pleased that I already intuitively {through Higher Self's guidance} do many of these things in and effort to guide my child."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Blttfj0KgQY

More on Manifestion & Intention

A quick shout out about the miracle of manifestation.  It is about a twin soul friend of mine.  We met on spiritualforums.com.  I've blogged about her before.  We shall call her "L."  Well L has a twin soul we shall call "J."  L and J met a lonnnngggg time ago, happenstance meeting.  She saw him.  Their eyes locked.  She felt the magnetism.  Later that night they ended up out together and he kissed her and she ran off.  End of story from back then.  Fast forward over ten years.  L is contemplating leaving her marriage, and she's right on the verge.  No other man is in the picture; she's simply very unhappy but with a young child it takes courage to leave and she'd on the fence, beginning to doubt her decision and wondering if she should stay.  That very day she sees J again and the feelings that flow through her let her know that she must take the plunge and trust her decision to end her marriage, so she does.

But see she has no idea where J even lives.  She knows nothing about him yet she feels in her heart, with that knowing of the truth that the heart knows yet the mind cannot understand, that they will be together in the future.  She has no idea how to contact him though.  She looks on spiritualforums and reads a post {mine} about manifesting {compliments of my Higher Self} and she gives it a shot.  She literally manifests J into her life by privately writing in a journal that she would see him.  And she did see him.  And she privately wrote in her journal that she would talk to him, and she did talk to him.  He came by her work and they spoke and exchanged info and and and...

And it is a year later.  She knows quite clearly that he is her twin soul.  She knows quite clearly that he responds to her based on her energy and her intention, and her ability to overcome her fears and know his love for her.  She has manifested some happenings that I will not repeat here for the sake of... privacy :)  Approximately a year ago J offered something large to L but at the time she could not accept the offer.  Now a year later she is hoping and praying to have the offer repeated but she knows better than to ask outright because she seems to be "blocked" whenever she physically tries in 3D to reach out to J.  Her texts are cut off.  She gets no response or the text stream will end mid-conversation.  If she has any fear or doubt or worry that J is not contacting her or blowing her off, etc. then there is little contact, and it's always very strange.  Unreal.

So she decided to buckle down, overcome and ignore any doubts or fear and write in her journal all about what she wants and knows is meant to happen, especially concerning this large offer he made to her a year ago, an offer that has never been spoken of since.  She concentrated only on the good, on her dreams, on thanking him through her journaled words and energy for the offer, thanking him for the love she knows he feels for her...

And he text her recently and repeated the offer, out of the blue with NO 3D contact from L at all. 

She absolutely manifested this by ignoring any negative thoughts and by only thinking of the good, and by concentrating ONLY on what she knows is meant to happen between them.  I wanted to share this here because there is NO coincidence here, and it does take work.  My friend L is super strong, super courageous but she is no different than you or I.  If she can do it then so can we but the key is staying positive and not faltering.  It takes overlooking the illusion because remember our twin souls show us our fears/doubts and that can sometimes be hard to take or look past but we have to.  It takes overlooking that fear and doubt and really owning the loving TRUTH we know in our hearts {that our heads often fight} but can be afraid to dream about when we don't have it right now, or when it seems too good to be true. 

I really feel it means we have to concentrate our energies on what we truly want, like L has done here.  This is why I feel that dating, turning away from our twins and concentrating our energies on something or someone else, might not be in our best interests... unless we are not looking to reunite.  I don't think we get punished or anything for dating but since our energy and intention creates our reality then whatever we concentrate on most is what we attract to us- this means if we concentrate on someone else, or some other energy, and push the energy of our twins aside, then we are not attracting them back to us.  So in the end the distance and separation continues to be a result of our energy, not theirs.  And it's not "God" or The Universe or Higher Self or some evil entity or The Flying Spaghetti Monster keeping us apart... it's still just us.   I know many people end up giving up on a twin soul reunion and desire to move on, and that is for sure an option and your prerogative... until your soul tries to push you back on track to your destiny whether you want it or not.  I am assuming due to free will that some people are able to consistently ignore the signs and achieve living a good solid life either by themselves or with someone who is not their twin yet I don't think this is aligned with the original destiny their souls have planned for them. 

So- Where we are concentrating our energies?  What thoughts and intentions are we manifesting?  I honestly feel this entire twin soul mission is... just that, a mission.  It takes time and energy and concentration.  We have to really want it to make it happen, and it takes work, especially healing ourselves so we can achieve the appropriate energetic vibration to make positive manifestation possible.  To be able to perform the appropriate energy work we need to be clear, healthy and cleared of most fear and doubt.  We must vibrate on a level of love and confidence in order to open our hearts for our twins to come back to us.

Way to go my friend L ;)  I guess "dare to dream" really is more than a catchy phrase.

Tschus,

Jennifer