Wow. Many blessings in my life for which I am very thankful. I am now officially the director of my department which is mind blowing to me!! I owe a ton of thanks to my past boss who really mentored the Hell out of me and pushed me while I was struggling. I'm so thankful to him. This is huge for my career!! I'm very excited.
Also I have this new love in my life and he's a sweetheart who cares immensely for me. He treats me how I am made to be treated, with a soft gentle loving affectionate touch. He's a wonderful man and I do love him and care for him.
All that said, I dreamed vividly about James last night. And I rarely dream about him. But last night he was in my dreams and I saw his sweet face. The dream has affected me all day. I miss James so very much and NOTHING changes that fact. Oh my God it is bittersweet. I'm still very much in love with him. Loving someone else doesn't change how much I love James. It makes my life more joyful. Love with a good person brings happiness no matter the circumstance.
My new love knows this. He's missing his beloved wife and trying to deal with it the best he can. My heart goes out to him. I can't imagine how badly he'd be suffering without me here. He ended up very sick after Christmas and is still recovering but I think much of it is emotional. My son and I took him to the ER with chest pain on the 26th and then after being cleared he got a fever which he's still fighting. I've been taking care of him and shudder to think how this would all be if he were alone. It would not be good so I feel like I'm where I'm meant to be for now. But I don't know what to think about the future. It's a very strange experience to love two different men at the same time.
I miss James. I wish I could have my friend back in my life. Not a day goes by where he isn't on my mind or in my heart. No one can ever understand what it's like to fall deeply in love with someone, adore him really, and then he disappear. No matter the reason I'm still not over it. I mourn and grieve James. It still aches. Despite all the wonderful love and blessings in my life missing him still aches.
To all of you loving someone and missing that special person this holiday season my heart goes out to you.
xxoo
Jennifer
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