More Contact from My Beloved

This will be brief.  On Monday I had a day off work and it turned into an intensely emotional process of writing and crying and feeling.  Oh, feeling.  Feeling truth.

All the songs told me "I miss you Jennifer!  If only I could be with you!  I hurt too!"  I cried for me.  For him.  For my son.  The other day I had a moment when I was feeling shitty.  I was writing shitty and then my music player quit playing, stuck on a song with a shitty message.  A message that said, "If you can't remember me then maybe we should move on now."  And then, at that very moment when I knew Spirit was telling me to pull my head out of my ass and drop the attitude, my little son turned to me and said, *insert little boy impatient sigh here* "I want a step-dad mom!"

Ohhhh, of course he does.  I asked him who?  Who does he want as a step-dad?  "Yames."  James.  He wants James as his step-daddy.  Total sign from above.  A reminder that James is *supposed* to be my son's step-daddy.  He WANTS to be my son's step-daddy.  He told me so himself in his soft gentle endearing voice, "I don't really know how to be a daddy but I could learn.  He's a great child."

So Monday I wrote and wrote and wrote but I forced myself to shift and have some compassion for my poor twin soul.  This man is sacrificing for me.  He's "hurting" his love when he does not want to- James hates hurting people.  He'd much rather love me than push me or tough love me.  He wants to hold me and comfort me, not make me cry or, God forbid, scare me.  Yet he has to scare me to get me over those fears.

I need to be so strong and know him SO well that nothing about him scares me.  Believe me- I know this for a FACT.  I cannot fear him.

I spent Monday reaffirming his goodness, and feeling sympathy and love for him.  Defending him.  Probably properly for the first time in a longgggg time.

And that night, after two months of silence, he wrote to me via email.

No coincidence.

I am working on it.  That is all I can share.  And this- if you want to reunite with your twin soul then know they are perfect just as they are and they are sacrificing for you.  Never blame them.  Don't worry about their lessons and what they are learning and their flaws and their weaknesses and blah blah blah.  That shit will only hold you back.  It takes courage to see and believe that it is a divine lesson but when you KNOW it- know it.  See the mirroring for what it is and clear yourself of fear while loving them through it all.

Trust me.  Glorify them.  Put them on a pedestal.  Know they love you.  Know their sacrifice.  It's not all about your loss and your pain.  It's about them too, and they hurt.  No matter the illusion, no matter the appearance of the situation- they miss you and love you and you must know this in order for them to ever come close again.  Believe they are good and sweet and loving and kind.  Believe in their loneliness and broken heart too.  Have compassion and empathy for the hurt they are feeling over being separated from their twin... who is you.

I feel so sad for my twin soul who has missed out on my son's last year and a half of life.  I know my Beloved loves my son and wants to be with us.  I'm so sorry he's been unable to because he's helping me fight my fears.  He's missed out on a lot of joy and that breaks my heart for him.  Big hugs to him.  I love him so much.

xxoo

Jennifer