I am not going to say much, sorry. But I did want to share that I am pretty sure Spirit is asking me to fully surrender now. And that means no more emailing my twin soul at all. He's told me he will be back here soon and wants to see me. And now- I am working to trust in blind faith. "Wants to see me" means we will only come together if my energy is where it needs to be. It really has very little to do with his intentions to see me.
All along I've been told to defend the love he has for me. Defend the kisses. Know his goodness. And I do. He is a doll, and I will always believe that. I also believe that he loves me tremendously and wants to come back to me. It is up to me to let my walls down completely and BELIEVE so he can come back. And it is to be done with my energy and intention, with total faith in God and The Divine and James. No control on my part through my emails or phone calls or text messages.
Not many people out there realize or are willing to believe that none of those methods of communication really make any difference in a twin soul union. Not even face to face actually because a twin soul will be anything to you that he is supposed to be. And those forms of communication can be taken from you. I am writing in my journal as if he hears me and feels me, and I am believing. It's the power that I have available to me, the power to tell him how much I adore him, and that I believe totally in the good kind loving amazing man he showed me when he blessed my life, through energy.
I miss my love to the depths of my soul. I pray, hope, wish and trust that I will see him soon. I know he is out there and wants to be with me. My soul aches for him. I need to comfort him, and a hug sure would be nice.
I think that maybe, finally, I "felt" what I should feel for him. He deserves my love fully. He swept into my life and totally fell in love with me. And he went out of his way to show me his love. He bent over backwards to prove his love to me. At the end there he sent me some odd texts that said, "What gives? I tried and was good to you..." and he meant- why do you doubt me? Why do you doubt my love? And he also wrote, "You should accept love." Because he'd been trying to show me love in every single way but I was still secretly scared, and you can't hide fear from Spirit or a twin soul. And the next day he was gone. And the thing is- he DID try. He did everything he could in a six-week period to show me his love and try to get me to believe in him and his AMAZING love. If you could only see the emails he sent me. "I believe in us." "I appreciate you." WTF was I thinking? He went out of his way to plan a PLAY DATE for me and my son and him, like a happy little family. He wanted to share his bread with my child, lol. He is perfection.
He is God's love for me.
I was blinded, obviously. Blinded by my past, by my fears. By my feeling unworthy of such strong pure love. I WANTED to believe in him. But I was scared. I had the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" syndrome going on, and I wrote that in my journal at the time. Luckily I documented my doubts so I can go back and see what I was thinking, what I was manifesting.
Right now Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up on Us" is playing. I feel like... I really need to love this man from the depths of my heart no matter what. No matter if I see him this week. No matter when I see him again. He does deserve for me to defend his love, stand up for this connection, and see past the nonsense which is my own fear. I miss him so much. It is so beyond "romantic love." At this point all I want to do it... hug him. I want him happy. I do. I want us both happy and I do believe we are meant to be together because I know he loves me too and wants to share his life with me.
Your prayers for strength and courage are welcome :)
Hugs to all.
Jennifer
Your twin uses 'Hold On'. Mine uses a similar song, which he said reminds me of him. 'Hold on, we're going home'. It came on at 22:00pm, at a concert, in between bands. Randomly. Totally out of place genre-wise.
ReplyDeleteYou seem very similar to me, personality-wise. Reading this blog actually scares me sometimes at how similar we are, our stories, even our twins...
Weirdest synchronicity I got...well, the name of my spirit guide has long been appearing in weird ways, but it first started in 2012, when I dated my ex who had the same name as my twin. He messaged me randomly, for the first time in over a year. In the LIGHTS gig. I knew something weird was gonna happen before I entered the venue.
My twin flame always seems to appear through music, and whenever I attend concerts the syncs go haywire.
We have songs, the initials of the singer and title matching ours...songs mentioning the Soul. Or again, our initials, and a singer featured with the same name as my spirit guide.
I follow my spirit guide a lot. On a playlist of 200 songs, I randomly played...and 'Wish I Had An Angel' turned out to be the first song that came up - thats when the syncs about my guide first properly took off big time. So I have faith in my angel, and in the white light - especially considering I sensed the white light, the telepathy and the astral projection before I even knew the concept of a Flame.
I also performed a ritual, like you did. With the stones. Except mine was with fire. I did it when my last boyfriend abused me. Again, didn't have the foggiest what a Flame was.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying my hardest. I empathise with you so much when I read this blog and I thank you.
I struggle to share myself with a lot of the spiritual community as I'm fearing judgement. I'm one of the 'indigo children'; going on 19, I also haven't met my flame in real life yet, despite having had that plan it all went to shit, bad things happened. I feel so bad for him. I'm also a gay male. I feel like my flame story is unconventional as most stories I read up on involve much older people, meeting in person pre-separation, and heterosexual. Kinda makes me feel like the odd one out :L
I know I'm definitely one of the indigo children. I didn't even know the concept of an indigo child or Lightworker until recently, but early on, my flame mentioned he was reading up on indigo children...
I have work to do. I have to stop smoking. Including weed. I really, really need to stop and cut way back on the ganja. Its difficult but then again my flame goes around taking Class A's so its all part of the healing..
I knew I was healing before I knew. One day into my separation, I glanced a DVD of 'The Purge' in my living room. I sensed it, felt it.
I try to go on in hope. I'm getting constant syncs about reunion. My flame blocked me completely a month ago, yet his profile still has every single trace of me left. Except one...this ''friend'' I had, was sexually assaulting me and my guidance said GET RID for a long time. I did, at a club night. it was massively synchronised...the music that played when he entered the venue was the song reminding me of him. And I bumped into him on the dance floor as 'dirty little secret' came on - and dirty little secrets he has indeed. The day I got rid of him, my twin ... suddenly unfriended him. Other than that, and the blocking me, all other traces remain. Including my sister. And a cover photo he drew for me *sighs*.
I know mine has been through a lot, and I know from his friend he was certainly worried about getting attached - he's been through a lot. He's a kind, loving soul - he's actually very similar sounding to yours..charitable, generous, intense (in a good way).
The day after he blocked me, I was at my friends house and he put on American Pie: Reunion. Which features a main character with the same initials as him.
They say flame reunion is marked by the angels singing 'Hallelujah', and since February, and especially this month of all months, that word/lyric has been popping up in bizarre ways. And if we're talking this month, I mean bizarre. Also, bearing in mind that a cover of Hallelujah is sung by a singer with the same name as my spirit guide...that specific cover then getting mentioned on a quiz show...the fact that I thought about that at one point only to suddenly hear a man on TV exclaim the very word itself...
My flame gets the synchronicities too. I saw on his profile all the time before he blocked me. Numbers - of activation, of awakening, of angels. And someone with an almost identical name to me inviting him on the 11th to a party involving the word 'Light'. He's been invited to something else too, by the same guy. A poster for the event, covered in Flames.
I guess my biggest fear is that the Divine is giving me false hope, as part of some twisted nudge to force me to evolve. Hmm. I dunno. I dunno why I'm even writing all this. I'm tired, and confused. And I miss him.
Take care, your blog really makes a difference to me.
Oh and P.S. our dads share the same name, our mums have semi-identical names.
ReplyDeleteLiterally, the synchronicity is screaming at me so hard in the face its actually fucking me up a little. Ha.