I just love this- I think it's so cute, hilarious and truthful! We are all the same on the inside!
Spirit told me "they" are happy I see this for what it is, a reflection and not a "lack of love." I was told that I have "unnatural energy" that still needs to be released and all of this is a tactic to help me understand, see it and release it.
I am thankful for the update from spirit. "Unnatural energy." I can tell you that I still get very angry at the divine. I am not going to explain why but sometimes I feel upset and I get mad at my very soul for choosing this lifetime's experiences for me. I am not saying it is right that I feel this way but that sometimes I do get VERY angry. I wonder if "unnatural energy" refers to this deep anger I can feel. Because here is the thing- as a manifestor, if I send out huge super blasts of anger then I am bound to have that anger come back at me, reflected back to me, in some manner. So I need to release that anger. It's not a matter of right or wrong. It's a matter of God does not want me to live my life throwing out huge amounts of anger since that anger will come back to me. I feel God wants me to live a life as a conscious manifestor and to do so I have to control my emotions. I must learn to release and "let go of" those lower-based emotions.
I still believe too that I need to be careful what I say and write about James and this experience. I don't have the leeway to indulge in venting, complaining, etc. or even writing down doubt or talking out stuff that does not need to be discussed. All because my words spoken and written have the power to create experiences in my life. And I do believe what I think, say, write, believe, etc. affects how James is able to connect with me. So I must be very aware. Hence spirit telling me I need to release "unnatural energy."
On my blog someone left a comment yesterday about twin souls not reuniting. All I can say is it takes a lot of inner work and being conscious of energy in order to reunite. This experience can be maddening, and it can create a lot of resentment and anger. I know because I have experienced it. I want to talk to James. I get angry that there is this block, and I know it is not his intention so I get mad at spirit instead of James. And I should not do that either because the silence was created by ME and my doubts and fears. So I can't blame anyone else even when I want to blame someone else. I know it can be unnerving but I wonder if so many twin souls are separated because we are creating the separation ourselves due to all of this "unnatural energy" we still harbor inside ourselves. Being strong manifestors means having impeccable awareness concerning every single thing we are speaking, writing, doing and intending. Impeccable intention, always. Is it easy? No. Is it necessary to make it to reunion? Yes. It is necessary because our twins are our #1 mirror so it is their job to show us what we are manifesting. They "pretend" to become what we are manifesting. They "act" like they are angry or dismissive or cold or cruel or cutting or judging us or rejecting us or being critical or even making fun of us because they are "acting" as our mirrors. Whatever they are showing us, the basis of it comes from inside us first. We are the cause and they are the affect. We are having those fearful thoughts or we speak our doubts about our twin to someone or complain on a forum about them or their behavior and then later they will show us that behavior more and more, in the hopes that one day we will finally put 2 + 2 together and come up with 4, realizing WE are actually manifesting this union. They will do this and do this until we finally see it, realize it, believe it and shift it.
I don't know about the paths of the other twins out there. I don't know if what I am explaining here pertains to all twin souls. All I know is James' behavior towards me changes based on my own thoughts and energy. Especially when I write my thoughts down or speak them out loud. I might have a fearful thought but if I take that doubt or fear and speak it or write it then it's like I energize it, like magic almost, and sometimes it is then shown to me. And I have to learn to accept this as my reality. I have to learn to control my emotions and what I am speaking and writing; I'd like to finally create life circumstances that I DO love. I want to allow truth again. See with us the love is already there. We started with truth which is love. Then it got skewed once I began doubting. I myself veiled the truth... and I want our truth back, our love.
I've been asking myself what does releasing energy mean? I was told that I need to release this unnatural energy, so what does that mean? Only thing I can think is it is now time for me to have mastery over my emotions. When I feel anger creep up I need to recognize it and stop it in its tracks, shift my thoughts to something higher. Not let my fears and doubts get so strong that they begin to create. A thought is one thing. We sometimes cannot help our thoughts. But we can sense the thought and then dismiss it, release it, before it turns into an emotion. Before it turns into an energy that creates. Maybe I will have a moment of doubt but I need to ensure I don't go talking to someone about it or repeating something "bad" that has happened. I have to LET IT GO. Release it, move past it. Ascend beyond it. Let it be a passing thought, nothing more. And consciously shift the thought higher, to a good loving memory. Or let it go and get out for a walk or read a chapter of a good book. SOMETHING to disengage from the fearful thinking so that fearful thinking does not turn into some fear-based emotion which can and will manifest, often through my twin soul.
I feel like I am being tempered still, like the universe is forcing me to face any shadowy energy inside me so I can transmute it into love. And ugh, it's been quite a journey! I don't think some of us are allowed to fall back on that saying, "I'm only human" any longer. Spirit is expecting us to be more than human, way less ego and far more love. I've battled with this for so long but I feel like I am being asked to be WAY more soul and less human, fuck me. It can be a painful process {I'm crying just writing this.} I pray that the balance is shifting for me so I am more love and less ego. I know I can be stubborn. Spirit said this to me in this last message my friend gave me. Spirit said I am stubborn but strong and I am highly loved. I am trying to always remember that God loves me; sometimes I ache so badly that it is easy to feel like higher self and God are ambivalent towards me. I need to remind myself always that I am loved, and call to mind the instances where good things come to me, where I am shown I am loved. My good life, my health, my loving friends and family, solid job, steady income, etc. etc. All blessings that show me I am loved even in those times when I feel like a solitary ship floundering around in a vast tumultuous ocean fighting desperately to stay afloat.
I guess this is why my soul once told me that my life is like that of a butterfly, that I am more soul than human, that I am transforming into a butterfly so I can really soar. And THEN my twin soul told me the same thing. He dreamed of me telling him I am not really a "homo sapien" but instead a butterfly, and to not be sad that I am not really "human" because I am meant to be a butterfly. I've known all along it is because my soul is asking me to cleanse myself of all those dark human emotions like anger and fear. To believe instead in love.
Duh, right? It's inescapable, isn't it? Oh GOD I pray for strength, fortitude and a gentle loving kind nature, always. On the inside too where people can't see it but where I manifest from, where it is most important. I'm so tired. I really want to get to the other side of this now.
I love James. I really do. And I miss him so much. I want to talk to the kind loving caring man I know he is, truth. I know he is my loving friend who cares for me, and I miss my loving friend with all my heart. I have faith that in the end once I am able to release the energies that I need to let go of and I shift my inner thoughts and intentions to where they need to be, then James can come back to me. I do hold on to that hope because I KNOW we love each other. And it is a beautiful rare genuine love, a love worth working for, clearing for, being tempered for- pretty much doing anything "of the light" for. I can say this: if there ever was a twin soul who was going to make it to reunion, then that is me. I have always felt in my heart that I will see him again, in love, and we will end up together in the end, sharing life and love together.
Jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment