Truth Quest

I know my journey is a quest to know truth and focus on it since I do manifest situations into my life, and James is my mirror.  And manifestation is the same as "The Law of Mirroring" in that manifestation is simply mirroring.  And I know James is my mirror.  I've said that a thousand times on this blog.  He is my mirror.  I am probably his mirror too but all I want to show him is love and my willingness to do whatever I can to hold on to my belief while I walk this path with him.  I take this to mean that we each have different things to show each other, and I am only showing him love.

The truth aches.  The ache is bittersweet.  I know in my heart and memories that James is nothing but a dear sweet kind man who treated me as if he cherishes me.  He does cherish me.  I believe this.  We are like this picture, and I do hug him in my imagination, in my mind.  I remember what bliss it felt like to hug him.  If only I knew back then- I would have hugged him that much tighter.  I remember sitting in my dining room with him, so close and intimate, friendly and laughing, kissing for hours.  That was the entirety of our time together.  Blissful heavenly perfect love.  It was heaven on earth.

And I miss him and the love we shared together.  I ache so deeply right now.  The truth aches.  To remember him so fully and completely and to long for that truth to be back in my life is a pull, a longing, that I can't properly explain.  It's my heart constantly calling out, calling out.

But the one thing I know is my memories are real.  They are truth.  I know this.  I know he loves me strongly and love like ours lasts forever.  I do feel like we are still together, inside of me.  But I ache, and it's deep.  I don't always know how to deal with it.  I am doing the best I can.  I suppose I can only surrender to it and pray to manifest miracles.  I am working very hard to stay aware of all my energetic choices, every single one.  I have to admit it is an exhausting business, trying to stay as conscious I can be- a very conscious aware responsible loving manifestor takes a lot of thought and focus, and of course I am not perfect by any means.  But I feel like when it comes to James my energy and focus is going to have to be damn near perfect since any single thought, action or word can and will affect my connection with him.  By perfect I mean of love, faith, trust, belief, etc.  Any slippage into doubt or questioning him, his personality, his integrity, his honesty or his love for me will affect my connection negatively.  I see this.  It is a fact.  It it out of this world but it is a fact in my union with my twin.

I am working to focus only on truth, and that is his love for me.  But as I said it aches so much!  Because remembering him is sooooo bittersweet.  I want him back with me.  I want his sweet perfect divine friendly kind gentle affectionate love back in my life.  I miss him and our love so much!

My sweet love.  He is still my sweet love.  There comes a time in a twin soul journey where there is quite literally no one left to talk to besides God and your twin.  I talk to both.  At this point God is the only one who can truly understand it, and to play it safe speaking to no one is really the best option since every spoken word can and does hold creation power.  So right now, and this is such a challenge for me, I am striving to speak to no one about this.  At all.  And I am chatty so it is hard.  Yet I think running my mouth has held me back from my twin and I'd like to stop that now.  I pray that what I see, this process with its patterns and ups and downs, is truth and I can shift us back together.  I truly do believe this is on me now.  Totally on me.  Me co-creating with the universe, me fighting for my truth, me standing tall for love, fully believing.  Me learning that I am a strong creator being whether I like it or not, and the sooner I accept it and pay attention, be aware and try to be a strong loving conscious manifestor, the sooner I will create more joy and happiness in my life.

If you were to ask me what I think the main point of all of this has been so far I would probably say it is learning that I truly have manifested this entire situation, all the way through.  I am a manifestor.  I even manifested him coming to me.  I do think we totally love each other and I have to be aware of my energy because I have the power to de-create too which simply means manifesting what I do not want instead of what I want.  Fear creates what we do not want.  Love creates what we dream of.  Love brings our dreams to us.  Hence why unconditional love is so so important in this journey because the more we love ourselves and our twins unconditionally the better things we are manifesting since we are manifesting only out of love. 

James is my dream come true.  I love him so much.  Without him I would never have been able to see all of this so clearly.  I am really working to focus my energy and see if I can co-create some miracles in my life because I know our love is there.  I know he loves me, and of course I adore him too.  I dream of having him back in my life again like I did before, only truth, only love.  My love and my friendly funny BFF.