Working on revamping my mood a bit. It seems when I feel these huge tugs at my heart I then get a little angry because I hurt. So I am trying not to go there.
I was wondering- if I could speak to my soul/Higher Self again, what would I want to know? I'd like to know why me? Why am I a twin soul? Why did "I" choose to be a twin soul and have this journey, and I am not even saying this in a "crying" way. I mean it very seriously. Why me? Well if I could guess one answer the only one I can come up with is because my soul knew I'd be strong enough to do it. My soul knew I'd be strong enough to see the cause and effect and do my best to hold on to the love and truth while learning about my powers of manifestation.
My soul knew I'd love James SO very much that I would fight my ass off through this and be as strong as possible. It is honestly the only answer I can come up as to why I specifically am experiencing this particular journey which is kind of unique. And I do love James. I am very much in love with him and I remember the sweet love we shared when he was here, and plenty of love we exchanged after "this" happened. I feel that he loves me still. I've had to learn a lot through this process, and I am still trying my best. No matter what I love this man and I know who he really is, and I refuse to let go of that truth. I know I create all this, and while I might not like that, it is the truth. James started off as ONLY loving kindness, and I know that is who he is. I also know in my heart that he loves me too, very much. And he misses me. I am strong enough to know this is the truth, and yeah it aches missing him but I have to continue to be strong and just focus on truth which is that sweet gentle love, our sweet gentle love, the love we feel for each other. The love we both are.
This song is from a CD I bought years back. I may have posted it here before. I pulled it out the other day and listened to this song and it made me cry. This is exactly how I feel about James. He is perfect to me and for me, and there is no one else on earth who could do everything the way he does it, the way I love. I miss my sweet little scientist golf-loving intelligent funny witty friendly fun boyfriend. I miss my friend so very much. I am so in love with him... love love love. I remember the first moment I saw him and I felt like this song says- he seemed to come from above. Perfection. All smiles and gentle touches and great conversation and little glances and holding hands and walking and swinging together under the light of my birthday blue moon. I know magic like that is REAL, and our love is REAL. I know it. And I love him with all of my heart. Always.
I just wanted to let you know that I very much feel your sorrow and pain, and I send you much healing white light to surround your heart and soul to help you move through this too. Your words speak so much of what I feel, it's as if I wrote them. I know you are doing everything you can to keep going because I am doing the same. It is the most painful journey I have ever had to experience, and for the past several days I have been thinking the 'why did I have to be a twin?? Haven't I been through enough in life?? why was I given such an amazing gift from the Universe just to have it so cruelly yanked away??'...and on and on. I love my Michael with that same depth that you love your James, and it has been such trauma to have him leave my life. I still even feel like a piece of me has been ripped off and out of me. I am doing so much work through this because I have no choice. That is how I feel...it's my duty for our Union, so I am trying to remember that as much as possible. For the past 2 days I have been stuck at home feeling horribly ill with a bad head cold, body aches and pains, terrible headache, chest pain deep in the center, a burning solar plexus, nausea, and to top it off I am deeply grieving...again. I thought I was good for a few days because I had a massive type of awakening moment on the 6th and something shifted magnificently, but I am once again deeply missing my Michael. I too know in my heart what was real and what happened between us and I know he knows too...he was there! But I am plagued with fear today that he is forgetting me and moving on. Sheesh...there is so much to work through in all of this. I can accept that we have a bigger picture duty in this Union and I want to accomplish it WITH my Love. I don't know about James as I have not read all of your posts, but my Michael definitely had some issues to work out, without me. I have had moments of serene clarity when I feel like he did this, and by doing so gave me gifts from his higher self to work with while he is 'away'. I just have to connect the dots. (Yes, I have imagined that he is on a mission to the moon and I will hold heart space for him for when he has done his work and returns. Don't I sound crazy?)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my heart feels your pain and I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Somehow, we will transcend and our Kings will also be ready for our Love.
Love & Light to your heart,
Tammy
I can tell you love Michael just through your words written here. And yes, I love James very much. I read about unconditional love, love with no attachment, and that is what I feel for him. In my journey I've always felt James has no issues to work on. I'm not in denial either. He only showed me that he is very strong and emotionally and mentally stable. He showed me that he was very much ready for a close relationship that he hoped would result in marriage. James is healthy and balanced and he has a strong loving gentle caring protective personality. So I am not a twin who feels my Love left because he needed to work on his shit. No, I needed to work on mine and I needed a strong mirror to show me those things because they were hidden and I could not recognize them. I needed him to be able to show me my issues, and as my mirror he has done so. He's done his role for me well, and I love him for it. I know there is no lack of love between us but I am still working on releasing some stuff, and he is still helping me do so.
DeleteWith you, please be careful with your fear because those fears could be shown to you as truth. So if you fear that Michael is forgetting you and moving on- you could actually create him doing that very thing, or he might show you that he is doing it even if he isn't, like pretending, so be careful please. You must get ownership and control over your thoughts, and please NEVER ever write them down {like you did here} or speak them out loud because in each case {writing a fearful thought or speaking a fearful thought} you energize that thought and make it become more real. Think of it, literally, like magic. Because at this point it is magic. If you have a scary thought, think it and then release it. Try not to let it turn into an emotion. Just recognize the fear and objectively let it go. DO NOT WRITE IT DOWN. I speak from experience! Always know you and Michael both are perfect, love each other, and focus on the love. I know what you are going through. I send you love and light too because I know it is a challenge but you are strong and you will get through it. I do believe only very very emotionally strong people twin souls. Hugs to you!
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