Missing someone this much is so painful. I feel entirely depressed and I wish it was different. I really do. I have shit I need to do today but I'm sitting here crying. I want to be able to talk to James. I want truth. I miss him but I need truth. I miss him. My heart aches. I know he is a caring kind person! That is what makes me the most crazy. He is a good friendly empathetic man. He cares. He would talk to me. I remember him and I know that's him. So this makes me nuts.
I want James. No one else. But I miss him. This ache is deep and painful and I need it to be relieved. I need to speak to him. If I could talk to James where he sounds like the man I met on my 40th birthday, totally sounds like the same sweet friendly personality, then I would believe whatever he has to say. It would be the real him. Who I know he is. I know that is James. And James would speak to me. The man I met and became friends with before we even had our first date- he would talk with me. I need to speak with him. I want to talk with my caring friend again. I need truth.
I do try to live a good honest life. I try to listen to what I seem to be shown. I honestly could give a fuck what anyone else thinks about me but damn it helps to have someone to talk to. Sometimes it just helps to write here.
People reach out to me and that is fine but it still seems my opinion and thoughts are not readily accepted and that's cool. I can tell you if James were to say hello or ask to meet me all I would do is welcome him with open arms, no questions asked. I would be so thankful to see him or hear from him that all I would do is thank him. Or hug and kiss him and I would hope that finally we could talk freely. Honesty no matter what it is. He was kind when he was here last year. But I wish to know him again like before. James is the kind of man who keeps in touch. He is considerate and responsible. I want to know that man again. I just want transparency and honesty. The man I met.
It is hard living like this. I am depressed and restless. I'm unhappy. I know my blessings but they don't make me happy. I feel like shit actually. It is Hellish. I want tonfucking cry all the time. I miss him and need to talk to him. I crave resolution. I pray for it. Honesty. Truth. I do have my dreams. I wish James could be here with us. I feel that he is meant to be here and wants to be here. But honesty and truth is what I need. We should be talking to each other. He always said "friends forever" and YES we are lovers too but more than that we are friends.
It is so painful to miss my friend this much. I so badly want to see him or talk to him again. Just honesty. I want to sit and feel the man I met. Sweet. Kind. Caring. Wonderful. Friendly. I miss his friendly nature.
I miss my funny caring loving friend so much. I wish I could hear from him soon. I do only want James. He is the man I want to talk to. Only him. And I won't have any resolution to this until I can talk with him and I know it is truth and real. And that will be when he is his normal kind caring friendly self. Until then it feels abnormal and wrong. And I miss him, all the time. Because I love him. I need truth.
I have a twin as well and I have been keeping up with you blogs. Everyone's journey is different, and all I can think of is the fact that maybe you should try shifting your emotions and not dwell on James being away from you? The LOA - things happen based on what you focus your attention on. If you really are in a twin flame relationship, you are connected in the non-physical aspects, so you should be able to feel the presence of James... focus on that feeling and accept what time is bringing you at this point in time. If you can't feel that connection, then you are not in a twin flame relationship and it's time to move on.
ReplyDeleteYes obviously I can feel him and the love. If I didn't do you think I'd still be doing this? NO. If he was like anyone from my past where once it "ended" I was able to "let go" then I would have like three years ago. I want truth. I want to talk to him honestly and openly. I want to see him again. I want him HERE. I want us to be able to sit down and have a normal discussion like two mature grown adults. I want to talk with my caring friend again. I can appreciate your guidance on not focusing on him being gone, but like you said- everyone's journey is different. I WANT TO KNOW MY FRIEND AGAIN. LoA says to focus on what we WANT. I want him here. I want an open caring conversation. I want truth. I want to know James again like I did before. I am trying to shift my focus from him not being here but it is a challenge when I miss him so much, and that's my journey to experience.
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