Love

I heard this cheesy 80s pop love song a while back and it made me smile, and then cry.  I remember being young when I hear this song.  Debbie Gibson.  I even had some of her "Electric Youth" perfume in the cool hip-looking bottle.  I can even remember what it smelled like!

When I was with James he made me feel like I was young again.  Sitting on my couch making out for hours.  Kissing and kissing and kissing.  OMG it was special and good and what I would not do to have all that back again.  I ask God often- what do I need to do?  Really?  When can I hear from my friend and Love again?  I miss him so very much.  And yes still he is all I want.

I miss his kisses.  I miss how he'd gently touch my face and then smile as he leaned in to kiss me.  I just really miss his sweet kisses, and he always told me I am the world's best kisser, that he absolutely loves kissing me.  I feel that he still misses my kisses too.  His eyes are so blue and the way he would look into my eyes and then kiss me.  He made me swoon.  I miss him so much.

I wish he could be back with me, in my life, together with me, close to me, intimate with me.  *sigh*  I dunno.  Holding on is about all I can do, and deal with this the best I can.  Out of all the people in the world I could talk to James is the one person I want to talk with most.  My heart aches for him.  Nothing stops it.  I try to keep my focus where it should be.

So I gotta share this, and it might sound odd.  I don't blog a whole lot and here is why.  I would just say the same things over and over again.  I have found that I should not really even repeat or explain some of the things that happen to me because if it is something I do not want to happen again- then I am simply asking for more of it, or to dream about it, or something.  And I don't want that.  I am trying to be very careful with my energy and what I focus on because- listen... I can't make this stuff up.  I could write something here on my blog and then five minutes after posting here I will see more evidence of what I wrote about pop into my life.

This tells me to focus only on what I really want to see more of in my life, and that is James and his presence and his smile and his touch and his sweet sweet kisses.  I want to hear from him.  I want to have a real conversation with him because I miss him terribly.  I want to feel happy and blissful with his gentle happy presence in my life.

I really just want my sweet kind friendly sexy Atheist scientist boyfriend back in my life.  THAT is what I really want.  I want him back like I had him, funny, silly, goofball, always making me laugh, kissing me senseless, writing me sweet messages, coming over to see me, kiss me, hug me and be near me, making sweet love to me, being my friend and my lover.  I want James back in my life.

I miss him and love him so very much.

Jennifer