It is challenging to want love and desire someone this strongly. I ache for James. I do want to kiss him all over. Everywhere. I miss him. Last thing I did with him was kiss him all over and make love with him. He has a glorious body. Like wow. Attractive in every way and I crave him. I want to kiss him and touch him forever. So that song always gets to me. "I need you." I want to be close and intimate and loving with him. I would love to have more sweet pillow talk after making love.
*sigh* This is what I wake up with in my mind, right? Just how much I miss him and want to make love with him. Yeah I miss our lively fun talks too. I love talking with James because it is sweet, loving, stimulating in all ways. Cute and flirty too; he used to push me to tell him my fantasies. But in a gentle sweet flirty boyfriend way. I felt shy. No one had ever cared to know my fantasies before. It was always a great to speak with him. And he has the best voice. Makes me melt. Literally. Ugh. Sexy voice.
But really I want him close and in my arms. Hugging me holding me kissing me and making love to me, with me. That's what I want, always.
My son was upset last night. He spent the weekend with his dad and he was really missing him last night. So he was crying at bedtime, kept saying he missed his dad. My son is really sensitive like me and when he gets really tired it comes out in him. So I cuddled him, sang him a bunch of soft songs, and snuggled up with him comforting him until he relaxed and fell asleep. There was nothing else to do besides let him lay there and cry alone and I can't do that. I love him. When he is sad I comfort him. I am happy to do that. It calms him so he can fall asleep okay.
We all crave comfort when we are sad especially when we miss someone we love a lot. So it kind of made me extra sad because my son was sad and missing his dad, crying, and I was able to hold him and hug him to comfort him. You have no idea how much I would like that for myself now. I want to be hugged and held while I'm sad. Or until I'm no longer sad. Until I feel better. I want James to hug me and hold me. It hurts. I feel like my son; I miss someone I love. I want to talk to him or see his face or spend time with him. And day after day I ache like this, craving those hugs. Praying for his embrace.
I know how my son feels, missing someone so much that you cry yourself to sleep. Thing is we can Skype his dad. He can call his dad. His dad can make arrangements to pick him up for an extra couple hours. And then it will be all better. My son will feel relief and his sadness will be alleviated.
Whereas I'm going on three and a half years of wanting to be with the one I love and miss. I am just so ready to know James again. I love him and miss him. Comforting hugs and cuddles would be very much welcome. I go to sleep missing him and wake missing him. I wish I could have him here with me again. I desire him in every way possible. But even more- I just love him. I always love him. Whether or not I hear a word from him or even know anything about him I love him and know I always will. But I miss him so very much too.
Everything always works out. You will get through this experience. Matt Kahn uploaded a new video that I think you may like! https://youtu.be/nSgI1kxvzUk Much love to you! Namaste
ReplyDeleteAlso, here's another video for before you sleep! I found it very soothing and relaxing :)
ReplyDeleteForgot the link haha https://youtu.be/COdLDFliLBs
ReplyDeleteI tried watching this and no offense but it is not for me. I get nothing out of someone whispering to me on video. I investigated this and while I can understand it I am not at a place in my life where I want to "pretend" that someone is caring for me. Luckily I have my son and we snuggle, etc., and maybe that replaces this. But the crinkly noises and whispering and scratching are more Hellish for me than satisfying or triggering some kind of relaxing response. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't have anxiety. I sleep like a baby; I sleep about 8 hours a night straight through. I don't have swirling worries or anything like that. What I have is HEARTACHE and that is very very different.
DeleteIf I drink in the evening and then this causes me to wake in the night THEN I can have some anxiety. Then those thoughts come in (mainly finances, that I am not good enough, etc.) because I feel shame and guilt from drinking. I know what to do in those cases: I take out my journal and I write to God or the universe or to that "higher me" and just say I know everything is fine, taken care of, and I am protected. I don't have to worry about my life because I am ALWAYS taken care of- always have been, always will be. And you know how like my friend and her kids live with me? I feel like God uses me to allow her the same protection; she has a place to live and she is taken care of so are her kids. Overall I feel relaxed about life. But I miss James. I love him. I want him with me. There is a really big difference between missing someone and feeling sadness than being anxious or needing to relax. I don't need to relax. I need my Love back in my life. But as always thanks for thinking of me.
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