Signs, songs, nudges- I still get them. But what I really want is to see James or hear from him. I really want to know some truth. Honest truth. I feel I deserve that.
I want to hear from him where I know at first contact that he feels and sounds like the sweet kind man I met, the person I know he is. I want truth. I miss his giddy warm friendly energy. I do want to kiss him. When he was here last we surely did kiss
I want more of that. I know that is truth
Warm sweet loving kisses. Holding and hugging each other. That's what I dream of.
I'm kinda quiet because the only thing I can say is I love James. I miss him. I wish he was here in my life now. Some days it is very painful and those are not good days for me to write here. I want to be fully happy now with my dream here in my life. I want my happiness. My bliss. I want that. The best way for me to explain how I feel right now is I live because I'm a mom; that is why I'm still here. And I dream of the day when I'm fully happy and personally fulfilled with my mate and companion by my side. I want that person to be James like we discussed when he was here. Living together, married. He told me many times I would make the best wife. I want to be his wife.
So right now I hurt. More than I want to express here. I wish he could be back. I miss him so much.
Hi Rose my name is Juleen, I ended up here tonight for some reason and am remembering coming across your stuff in late 2015/early 2016 after my Twin "ran" for the first time, and how after all the Twin stuff I have come across since then, your words explaining the dynamic are still the most on point I have found! I just felt compelled to reach out bc I can feel how bad you are still churning in the grief and how it feels like it will never end and how stuck you feel in it, in spite of everything you know..it reminds me of myself! I feel like I am getting close to Union w my Twin now, but have struggled so much w these same energies around abandonment and grief, and just wanted to say to you that I feel like I recognize that same heavy "templating" that I have had, and that what I've learned is that it's important to remember that we choose to experience the connection this way, and it's really just waiting for us to use our knowing to trust that we can choose another experience of it regardless of whatever conditions are there..after writhing around for quite awhile in the seeming impossibility of this I finally realized that it is quite literally just a choice..a choice to trust your knowing over physical conditions in a really focused literal way..
ReplyDeleteI know I used to get hung up on feeling like this felt unbearable bc it felt like forcing myself to be happy w nothing, w losing and not having, for some horribly indefinite period of time, but then I figured out that it's really abt shifting your energy from sadness and lack and loss, to trust in your knowing and that this trumps the physical "conditions" in so doing..you already know that this is all energetic and HAS to respond when we make shifts..but I can feel you doing the same thing I used to (and still not completely not doing yet), which is forgetting to just CHOOSE to disregard the conditions..and use your knowing to trust that choice..at first it's like, ok yeah and we go to do it but STILL end up getting stuck at needing the conditions to be different, to reassure us that we can trust in not needing the conditions to be different lol..instead of just saying fuck the conditions, the conditions are BS and that is the point, our KNOWING is the ONLY TRUE condition anyway!
I think the point for you as for me too is to be able to simply just rely on your knowing to make this choice, that he is HERE, that your Union is here NOW, just on the other side of that choice..it's ridiculous really how close we are the whole time! I feel like you have done so much work and you are SO CLOSE..that if you were able to shift your energy through this decision and hold it there regardless of conditions, that Union could happen really quickly for you..I feel like you are part of the group that is set to come into Union through Mayish-Juneish and you are just a little stuck but not far off the path at all!! I'm actually a psychotherapist that incorporated this stuff into my practice (and all of a sudden had a bunch of Twins walking into my office), and am transitioning to doing intuitive work now, but I can promise you (as I think you know) that this dynamic follows an energetic "formula" that is super predictable..that "Divine Timing" is just YOU (I love Cassady Cayne too:)..and that you are already in your Union, you just have to make the decision to experience it as it is now and hold it steady! Bc the holding your knowing is an incredibly powerful energy, it just needs to be kept up so that things can catch up in the physical to manifest. You have to look for and find your Union and the love in what is here NOW, bc it’s there!
I emailed you! Thank you for caring :) I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
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