Maybe It's Just Me...

But I heard the end of this song on XM radio when I got in my car this afternoon and I was floored because it seems to speak to me.  Like a myriad of songs seem to do these days.

Many people would tell me I am only hearing what I want to, finding meaning in EVERY lyric I hear whether it pertains to my situation or not but that is not the case here.  The songs I hear are downright X-Files SPOOKY-divine in how the point either to how I know he feels about me, or how I feel about him, or to my life and my "quest" in general.

I am no longer afraid that I was rejected or abandoned by James.  This has all been a divine situation, one I created due to my strong ability to manifest.  I believe he's out there holding on to truth which is he actually loves me very much but is contracted with me to show my what I create through my energy and beliefs {and unfortunately fear.}  He has been a "teacher" showing me the way.  Guiding me along.  And I really feel that he wants to be back with me like we were because we were the most beautiful couple EVER and he still reaffirms this to me.  We are perfect love together.

This song.  It is incredible how it speaks to my life right now.  I do feel the dots connecting.  I pray to everything in me and outside of me that I am finally "getting" this and shifting so this man is able to make his way back to me.  I do not, at all, feel this energy of "Please come back to me!" because that is screaming out to the universe that I am begging him to come back when this is not on HIM.  It is on ME.  I have to do what it takes to bring my love back to me.  I will not rest until I am reunited with my love.  Fear has disappeared.  All I feel now is love and an antsy "I really need to be with him" feeling.  We are SO meant to be together.  I know that is our Destiny, and I believe we will absolutely come together in love to have that future together, soon.

You wanna feel invincible, like you can take on the world?  Continue to believe in love and never give up on holding on to truth, no matter how dark it can get, while going through a twin soul separation.  I may miss him soooo much but I am stronger than I ever have been emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

This is my song for James.

"Invincible"

You know I was broke down, I had hit the ground
I was crying out, couldn't make no sound
No one hears silent tears collecting
You know I had lost hope, I was all alone
Never been so low 'til you came along
Teacher, I feel the dots connecting

Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed
So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
'Cause baby, I am ready to be free

Now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
And I'm a perfect storm

Now I am a warrior, a shooting star
You know I got this far, I had a broken heart
No one hears silent tears collecting
'Cause it's being weak that's strong
In the truth I found
I have courage now, I'm gonna shout it out
Teacher, I feel the dots connecting

Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
'Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed
So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall
'Cause baby, I am ready to be free

Now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
And I'm a perfect storm

I was running from an empty threat
Of emptiness
I was running from an empty threat
That didn't exist
I was running from an empty threat
Of abandonment
I was running from an empty threat
That didn't exist

But now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
And I'm a perfect storm

Now I am invincible
No, I ain't a scared little girl no more
Yeah, I am invincible
What was I running for
I was hiding from the world
I was so afraid, I felt so unsure
Now I am invincible
And I'm a perfect storm

Increased Clarity

I feel truth more and more each day concerning James.  I was scared before.  For all my blogging, my talking, my helping those who email me... I was still scared.  It can be difficult NOT to feel fear when one experiences something like I have.  But I can see now how my energy has lead all of this.  But even more important than that I can see along the way just how much he has loved me, and I am sure still does.

I have this ache in my chest but it is only because he is not physically here with me and I miss his presence like you cannot believe!  I miss my sweet little scientist boyfriend more than I can find words to express.  He means the world to me.  He is truly the nicest dearest man ever.  He is the man I am raising my child to be like.  I am allowing loving memories to come forward and I can't help but recall one of the last times we talked on the phone.  I think it was the second to last time back a year ago.  Exactly a year ago.  *sniff*  I was still scared while on the phone talking to him and I had this thought of, "I'd better hang up soon."  I was feeling anxious like maybe he was getting tired of me; we'd been on the phone for a while.  So I said something to him like, "Well I guess I'll let you go now," and quite forcefully which is not his nature he told me no, I was not going to hang up.  His voice was almost commanding and it surprised me.  The he totally softened and, lol, kind of in this gentle sexy voice said, "Touch yourself."  And he proceeded to say very personal loving things to me until I did it for myself.  And it was this totally loving and healing energy, like he wished he could be there to kiss me and hug me and taste me for hours.  I could feel that longing in him, like he wished so much to be with me right then.

Those are memories that are hard for me to accept or bring to mind.  A week later I had my huge inner ego-fit and I have not heard his voice since that moment.  The last thing he told me on the phone was that he loves me and yes we have a future together, and no my son was not a deal breaker.  He told me he thought my son was very sweet, and he assured me that yes our truth of a future together was still very much alive.

But I could not get past my fear.  And I cannot regret.  Oh how I wish I could have just held on, moved forward, believed.  But I didn't.

And I miss my love.  I miss him so much.

But I don't feel that pain of being rejected or left behind.  I no longer believe anything other than he loves me and this is a "quest" I am on, and Higher Self knows my inner.  I can SAY or WRITE anything I want to but it all boils down to what I actually believe.  And now I have a strong inner knowing that James loves me.  He always has, and I do believe he wants to come back to me.  It's been me all along blocking his ability to come back to me.  Blocked through my fear-energy.

I can go back through my journals and pick out what energy has kept him away.  Right now the ache comes from missing my love.  I can't help that.  I can heal from feeling all the negative fear-based emotions but I can't strip myself of aching for his presence back in my life.  We are meant to be one.  We are meant to be Skyping and talking and sharing videos and links again.  We are meant to be back to the moment when we could not wait to talk to one another, see each other or receive each others messages and videos.  We are supposed to be dating from afar while he is gone, until we are together again.  THAT is truth.  That is what we shared and it was truth.  That feeling like we could not get enough of each other, it never ended.  I know he's out there dying to reach me again.  I just know it.

He is so cuddly and loveable.  But sometimes I forget just how cuddly and loveable I am too.  If I was him and I fell in love with someone like me- I'd be sad to be forced away too.  Honestly.  I'm highly loving, nurturing, caring, passionate and I have a good mind.  I know the truth.  I know he meant it when he said he wanted to marry me, have me as his wife, be my son's step-dad and God-willing create a child together and "raise it with all of our love."  I know he still feels the same exact way now, nothing changed.

There were two wolves.  One was the wolf of fear, pain, doubt, worry and disbelief.  The other wolf was the wolf of love, truth, belief, trust, and faith.  Both are hungry hungry hungry.  Which one should I feed?

Which one would you feed?

I am feeding the wolf of love.  The wolf of truth.

I know our truth.  It is love, always.  I will see my love's face again soon.  I know it.  I WILL make this happen, our reunion.  And yes- we are all pieces of God so when people talk about "in God's time" what they really mean is in OUR time because we are the divine and WE create our own realities.  In reality there is no "sitting around waiting for God to make it happen."  WE make it happen through our fervent prayers, our meditation, our "conjuring" and ritual.  We make it happen in writing TRUTH in a journal.  Ritual.  Spells.  Anywhere we focus our energy is what we create because WE are "The Divine."  And we cannot forget that.

Again, feed that wolf of love.  I am.  I want to see my love again, so I am only going to feed the wolf of LOVE.

When There Are No Words to Explain It...

This is how I feel right now.  Someone emailed me the other day and thanked me for sharing my "raw emotion" on my blog.  And yes, it is raw emotion.  I feel like my heart has been gutted with a knife,  Luckily both my appetite and my sleep habits are good.  I sleep hard and strong, restorative sleep.  My heart and mind both realize that James loves me and that helps me sleep easy at night.  I don't have fears about my life, and that helps me sleep easy at night.  My life is fairly simple.  I keep it simple because I do not like complexity and chaos.  I don't like tons of "stuff."  TV and technology, media, is kept to the bare minimum in my home.  We do not have cable.  My son only watches his little kid DVDs and some Netflix kid's shows, ones I approve of.  I dislike most of what is on TV so we stay unplugged, and I don't even use the 'Net that much.  I pop on FB on a limited basis and I don't use Snapchat, Instagram, Skype and I don't even text or email much.  I like a very hermit-like lifestyle where my son is my primary focus,..

And my twin soul.  I write a LOT.  Reuniting is a priority to me, my biggest one besides having a happy child.  I want my son to have a wonderful childhood and I treat him how I wish I had been treated.  Because I adore him.

All that said, I miss James.  I miss him so much.  And know that I had this amazingly beautiful wonderful love in my life and I manifested it away with my doubts and fears, sometimes that can be hard to handle.  I mean I know I needed to learn lessons and see life a different way and the space was necessary but not having him in my life right now hurts.  I hurt.  I think of him constantly.

My son has a good daddy but James would be the perfect step-father.  I can see in my mind's eye him standing there showing my son, so lovingly and patiently, how to golf.  How sweet he was with my child is forever ingrained in my mind as the TRUTH of the matter.

TRUTH.  Truth is he's perfect!  And he is not here!  And it is KILLING me inside.  Every single inch of me aches to have him here with me, with us.  I cannot find the words to express just how much I love him, and just how badly I wish he was back with us.  I know he is my future, and I want that future to begin now.

He told me he wanted to propose to me.  That is one of my dreams come true.  I have never wanted anything more in my entire life than for that man to say, "Will you marry me?"  I've never had a bigger dream than holding his hands, looking him in the eyes and exchanging simple meaningful vows together.  I will thank him for helping me, and I will tell him how much I appreciate the love he has for me.  I will tell him that the love I feel for him will last has always been there and is never-ending, and that we will have an amazing life together here on earth and then also in the great beyond once our human bodies are ready to be retired.

I KNOW we will be married.  He TOLD me.  He said he wants to marry me.  That is my truth, and I want my truth back.

I guess what I am trying to say is that saying, "You don't know what you got until it is gone," is kind of true.  I did not realize then just how wonderful he is. I mean I knew it but I was scared to believe it. I did not think "men" like him existed, my One and Only.  I thought that was the stuff of movies and romance novels but yes, my Prince walked into my life.  And I need him back.

I have no qualms in using the word "need."  I am independent, holy fuck do I know how to take care of myself and I love myself,  Yet still I NEED my divine counterpart back in my life,  My very soul cries out for him.  I know his goodness like I know the sun will rise in the morning, and I know, even thought it seems unreal, that the energy the fuels him, his heart and soul and his mind, it all has nothing but a total unconditional love for me.  I can do, look, say... anything and he will always love me.  What a refreshing FREEING knowledge.  I don't ever have to worry about him judging me because in his eyes I am perfect.  I know this.

And I need that love back here with me.  I do trust his love.  I can look back now and see it, just how hard he nearly begged me to accept his love.

Oh my dear twin soul, my love, my friend, my lover, my counterpart.  I just love you.  And I miss you.  And I pray for the day when I am finally able to gaze into your beautiful joyful safe blue eyes again.  To feel your arms wrapped around me will be heaven on earth.  And I know it will happen.  I will make sure of it because I know you are out there waiting to come back to me.  And I do want you here, and I trust your love.

I appreciate everything about you, my love.

The Importance of Belief & Destiny

For those of you who know me or who have read a lot of my blog you know that I've always felt that these unions are "orchestrated by Spirit."  Well I still believe that but in a different way.  WE are actually the ones in control through our emotions, thoughts and intentions.  Spirit only "creates" what we ask it to.  Always keep in mind these are my opinions only, based on my own experiences.  For me it's like whatever I think, feel, believe, say, write, etc. my Higher Self makes happen.  Not to be mean or anything but because that is the Law of Cause And Effect.  It is "You reap what you sow."  If I were to plant a fear bean then I am going to cultivate fear but if I plant a love bean then I am going to get love in the end.  It makes sense.

So this is what I realize, and I want to try and make this as short and simple as possible.  Last year my guidance would tell me things and I would write it all down but I did not entirely understand it.  Now that I go back and re-read it I can better understand it.  I cannot explain to you how these things happen between twin souls.  I think those people who are in twin soul unions are "special" on the inside and different than other people.  I do not mean BETTER just different.  We have to be.  Our twin souls have to be different.  Last night I was thinking of this, how is this happening?  How is he so KNOWING?  It's as if he knows about all this, like he knows my thoughts and he knows what's happening between us.  And this song started playing that I've never heard before. It is called "I'm Your Angel."  And I thought- you know what?  Maybe he really is my angel, for real.  He's not just some "normal" unenlightened human being.  Not at all.

That said, my guidance used to talk to me about my DESTINY.  One of the first things my love ever said to me was that he "held out for his destiny to be born before him" because I was born hours before he was.  Soon after we began dating he started speaking my very dreams.  I fell in love with him and he started talking about getting married and sharing a future together, and it was EVERYTHING I ever dreamed about.  A wonderful man in my life.  A dear man to be full-time in my son's life.  A sweet gentle man who understood me and appreciated me.  James is my every wish come true.  My dreams walking around in the form of a man, here on earth.  And it scared the shit out of me.  I just knew he'd get tired of me.  The novelty of me would wear off.  I was so afraid he'd still want to move to California and I would not be able to go with him, and that he'd not choose me.  I was afraid he'd stop loving me, or not love me enough EVEN THOUGH he was *constantly* telling me how much he loved me,.. and he'd stress "I sure hope you accept my love.  I REALLY love you!" He'd say he wanted to lay next to me every night forever and make love to me every night.  He'd say "When you are my wife I'll want to make love to you every night, is that okay?"  Oh. My. God. he's the epitome of my dreams come true.

But I used to ask him, "What if?  What if you stop loving me?"  I once said in response to him oozing his love all over the page for me in an email that yeah that was all find and good but what happens one day when he changes his mind and says... well the words I wrote out to him in that email, months later he repeated them to me almost verbatim.  Fear sucks.

I refused to totally believe in his love for me.  And it all fell apart before my very eyes, for no good 3D reason.  The separation began and suddenly it was like he no longer wanted to choose me. Like he changed his mind although he never came right out and said it.

And my guidance would tell me these things that I did not understand!  They would tell me to "defend my dreams" by BELIEVING in my "gentle gem" and his love for me.  They told me I was KILLING MY DESTINY by not paying attention to the love and goodness.  Instead I paid more attention to the mirroring and my fears than I did to the love he had always showed me.  I began to feel like that love was not truth, and that is a bad BAD thing when it comes to a twin soul union.  If you do not believe in the love then I don't think you will ever reunite.  We MUST believe in the love.

So what would happen is when I did not believe in him or his love for me I would actually PUSH my destiny farther from me.  I'd keep it away from me, and this was clearly shown to me through my twin soul.  The more I would feel like he was mean, or ignoring me, or being cold and harsh and Id wonder WHY WHY WHY- the more he'd show me "I'm not choosing a future with you."

And why would he do that?  Because they truly are our fucking MIRRORS, okay?  So for those of you who truly want to reunite, let go of all the 3D bullshit and quit reading most of the shit on the 'Net about twin souls.  That the runners run due to being full of their own fears and inability to commit is just not true.  They are showing us our fears about love.  When we do not believe then they are forced farther from us.  They will show us "I am not choosing you" and it's all FAKE.  An illusion.

Belief.  My guidance told me the way to defend my dreams is in believing in the love he has for me. Very clearly one valuable piece of information my guidance once gave me is this: "Gel nonsense not.  Only coming together if paying attention to kisses, not nonsense."  Allow me to translate for you.  The "nonsense" is the mirroring.  When I get weirdness from him it is "nonsense" and the opposite of truth which is love.  When I do not defend the truth, LOVE, then I get the opposite which is the "nonsense."  So my guidance means that I am not supposed to put any attention towards the nonsense or believe it at all.  I must pay attention to the LOVE he showed me.  Those kisses we shared were truth.  Only when I put more attention towards the love and I forget the nonsense, that is when he can come back to me.  Only then.  Because it IS manifestation, and where ever we place our energy and attention is what comes back to us.  I am defending my destiny when I concentrate on the love and kisses and truth which is that he loves me and wants a future with me.

If I believe doubt and fear then I am NOT defending his love for me and I push my Destiny {my happy future with him} farther from me and I am actively shown this through him.  It's like he's forced to move in the opposite direction and tell me about it so I can see it.

I am only writing this out to share with those who want to hear it.  Most twin souls out there are still hung up on "He's treating me like crap, just ignores me and is an idiot," and they cannot be shown until they are ready to hear, and it can take a long time.  It's taken me a long time to finally REALLY begin to see and believe the truth, and the truth is my fear and doubt pushed my love from me.  It's like God reached out to hand me James and said, "Here is my gift to you, this sweet wonderful man who loves you fully," and as bad as I wanted it and loved him, it is like I am the one who turned and walked away in disbelief.  Like I was turning away from believing in my Destiny.  And not many can see that or accept it.

I love this man,  He is a good man and I know he loves me. As I was thinking about all of this this morning a song began playing.  "Never My Love."

"You ask me if there'll come a time
When I grow tired of you
Never my love
Never my love

You wonder if this heart of mine
Will lose its desire for you
Never my love
Never my love

What makes you think love will end
When you know that my whole life depends
On you (on you)

Never my love
Never my love

You say you fear I'll change my mind
And I won't require you
Never my love
Never my love

How can you think love will end
When I've asked you to spend your whole life 
With me" 

He did ask me.  My James.  He asked me to spend my whole life with him.

Believe.

When You Miss Someone...

A day feels like forever.
Every love song speaks to your heart.
The littlest things act as reminders, "Oh we ate strawberries together" lends itself to crying in the produce section when grocery shopping.
Sleeping alone feels like Hell.
A foot long subway gets eaten by one person instead of shared like it's meant to be.
Ten pounds either comes off or goes on way too quickly.
Looking pretty loses its importance.
An empty text screen or email inbox is torture.
Getting out of bed and brushing your teeth feels like an unimaginable achievement.
Staying home, drinking wine or tea, eating lots of pizza and chocolate and binge-watching "Bridget Jones' Diary" over and over is a standard past time.
Memories becomes a life line.
Your inner becomes tempered with time, softened and pliable.  It's like the missing forces surrender, surrender to a more peaceful and calm way of life, one that most "normal" people just can't understand.

I have to be careful with this ache I feel for Joron.  At times it's so overwhelming, knowing what I had that I manifested away from myself, that I throw up my walls, get all High and Mighty inside, and block my emotions on the inner.  It's like a constant teeter-totter of wanting to avoid "feeling" his goodness because being reminded of his goodness can, well, hurt sometimes.  Sometimes the TRUTH hurts, especially when that truth is physically 2100 miles away.  

In missing him like I do sometimes I look forward to going to sleep because only while sleeping do I not actively miss him.  Only then, while in a state of peaceful slumber, does my aching insides catch a reprieve, a respite from the beacon inside my heart that emanates a constant call of "I love you.  I miss you.  I need you... I love you.  I miss you.  I need you."

Some twin soul teachings say we are not meant to miss them but that would mean God is cruel, and God is not cruel.  We are all human, and we miss the people we love when they are no longer with us.  It's natural and for me it is almost necessary because if I do not "miss" him then I can become a runner.  But when I miss him, it's called empathy and love, just the way it is because I remember the real him.  My dear friend, a very strong spiritualist, tells me the missing, aching, longing and undeniable pull I have towards him is my soul's way of ensuring that I cannot walk away, cannot try to forget him, cannot run away from my mission.  I believe her.  I feel like my very soul is in love with my James.  

I know there are some who must force it away, and I understand.  I am blessed to be single and alone, as alone as one person can be with three children, three cats and another grown woman living with her, lol.  I am physically "single" though so if I want to spend my free time living in a fantasy world where my twin soul and I are happily married and making tons of monkey love every night.  And every morning... and that quick nooner, well I can.  I have the freedom to do so.  I can write in my journal every night and pretend he feels me, like I'm living in some cool romantic sci-fi novel where the heroine must hold on to bring back the love of her life... all while crying into my popcorn.

I miss him.  But one thing I noticed as I look back through all of my private writings is all along the way I sent out this energy of, "Please come back to me."  Like he is choosing to be silent, choosing to stay away from me.  And this would be he is also choosing to do things like taunt me or terrorize me.  None of that is good energy.  In this union between he and I there is not need for "Please come back to me."  That energy will only keep him farther away from me because, again, it is me insinuating that he is purposefully keeping his distance, and when I think that- it is reflected back to me.  Instead I am working to change my energy to "I hope I can bring you back to me soon."  Like that song, "Goodbye Girl."  He sings, "The things you do my Goodbye Girl will bring me back to you."  It's more of a passive role on his part.  Not active.  He is not actively remaining distant.  I have to make sure my intention, my words and my belief highlight this fact. 

I have to find the balance in missing him but not blaming him at all, or passively feeling like he is being kept from me, or that he is staying away from me.  I have to OWN that it is my energy blocking him from coming back to me, and this is what I am working on most right now.

What a journey, this quest to believe in love.

I miss you my sweetheart...

Ohhhh This Song!!!

Oh I heard this song today and looked up the lyrics because they caught my ear.

My heart, my poor heart.

I miss him so much!  That's all I can really say right now.  I miss him so much.

 This song- is like he is talking to me.  The beginning of the song is like when we were together, and then he sings, "I don't want to run away..."  I remember James saying to me, "I don't want to leave you."  He actually text it.  I still have those texts.  "Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?"  That sounds so much like him. 

My heart.  I love him.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm prayin' you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Atheism And Other "Labels"

On our very first date my twin soul showed up wearing a big fat glaring letter "A" on his t-shirt: he wore an Atheist t-shirt on our first date, pushing my buttons from the very start!  I laughed at his boldness, more mesmerized by how amazingly adorable he was, and how his huge bright smile nearly blinded me.  He hugged me upon meeting me and I almost died in his arms right there.  But I now think of it as his Atheist Super Hero shirt.  It has this emblem on it, this big ole A.  I miss him.  Every single morning I drive by the same place we met.  I look over and can see us standing there sharing our first kiss.  The memory hits to the depths of me.  To kiss him again would be... heaven.

I read something funny today, well funny and not so funny at the same time and I wanted to write about it here.  Mainly because I miss the FUCK out of my James.  Like... I am about to implode or explode or melt into a little puddle of goo or something... out of loving him so much, and he's not here for me to hug and cuddle and make out with and talk to and share with and otherwise adore so I am just about losing my mind.  Only writing seems to help save me, hence the millions upon millions of words I've written in the last 20 months.

So the funny thing I read.  It was in response to a blog post someone had written about her twin soul experience.  It was the normal "We met and then he ran" experience.  Many people commented on the blog post {and when I can find it again I will share it here.}  What caught my eye was a women responded about her and her twin.  She said they met and dated and one day she got drunk and stupid and cheated on her twin soul with an old friend.  She said she felt horrible having to confess to her twin.  Then she went on to say how much alike they are in their ways but that they are totally opposite in ONE large way.

She said, follow me here, that SHE IS THE LIGHT AND HE IS THE DARK.

She said her twin is "the dark."  Puhleeeeese.  Spare me.

She said that she is a "good Catholic girl" and he is an "Atheist ex-Catholic."  She went on to say some other stuff but it was this comment that really struck me.  Here she was the one who got drunk and slept with someone else but JUST BECAUSE he is Atheist she labels him as "the dark" and she as "the good little Catholic girl who is the light."

*sigh*  *Major. Face. Palm*

I do recall how I felt about James when I first started talking to him.  His Atheism gave me pause- I'd never met an Atheist before!  Here I was using my pendulum daily to talk to "angels" and he was a God-disbelieving science-trip Atheist.  Talk about opposites, right?  Right?  Talk about the IRONY- my twin soul, the human vessel that holds this energy that knows all about me, my every thought, my every dream and my every fucking fear and doubt, calls himself an Atheist.  Does it get any better than that?  Talk about Spirit stripping away ego and preconceived notions about "differences" and worth.  Did I ever feel superior to him in my "spirituality?"  No- I never felt "better" than him but maybe I felt more "in the know."  I know I got terrified in the beginning that I was letting God down in falling in love with an Atheist.  I cancelled our first date, horrifyingly, because I was nervous God wanted me with a "Christian."  All my old religion-based fears surfacing to be washed away in meeting and loving a man who considers himself Atheist yet is the most loving, caring and soul-led person I've ever met.  Oh. The. Irony.

We'd talked solid for about two weeks, totally connecting and jonesing to meet, when I text him and told him I could not meet him because God wanted me to date a Christian, and this was after I assured him I'd never judge him like those "other" Christians would.  I was an "unconditionally loving" little spiritualist.  Hardy har har.  Lucky for me after missing his newly-acquired presence in my life I reached out to him, apologized for my stupidity and narrow-minded jackoffness and he forgave me and met me anyway.

*Whew*

But when we separated I had no idea what hit me.  I could not see my issues that needed to be healed.  I was totally blind to anything I may have energetically done to cause our separation, and only the steady and steadfast work of my Higher Self was able to shine some light on MY issues and MY shadows that my twin was showing me.  But at first I was utterly convinced it was all him.  I read online that THEY are the ones who run and yada yada and that fed my belief that he had been overcome with fear and left me.  I also let his Atheism tussle me, just a bit.  Maybe because he was not "as close to God as I am" he couldn't handle it.  My Higher Self let me think this for a good week or two while I scrambled and fought and begged and pleaded and finally hit enough of a rock bottom that I began to actually listen and see that I, the Almighty Close to God "Spiritual" one, was the one who actually had all the healing to do.  Me, not him.  But at first I was SO sure it was him because he was not spiritual.  He was an Atheist!!! 

*YAWNNNN*  Such outdated thinking.  James is Atheist and he is so strong and pure and clear.  He is clearly soul walking around in a body.  He's so amazing on so many levels that you'd wanna barf by the time I listed it all out to you.  His Atheism has absolutely nothing to do with why we separated, at all.  And to read that woman on the blog say that her twin is THE DARK and she, almighty "Catholic" she is "the light" makes me want to laugh and gag at the same time.  So disillusioned.  She's the one who cheated on him yet she calls herself "the light" and a "good Catholic girl" while he is the Dark Atheist.

It is absurd and totally backwards thinking like that which will keep her apart from her twin soul until she sees truth, strips away the labels and realizes that we are ALL Light, no matter if we are Christians, Atheists or we bow down and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  I also find it very offensive seeings as I am majorly in love with a man who identifies himself as Atheist, and he is one of the best people I've ever met in my life, and I've met plenty of Christians and Catholics but he, my Beloved Science Trip, is at the head of the crowd when it comes to being a strong loving and moral individual.

Labels are something we need to strip away while working our way through our unions.  Labels are something we ALL need to leave behind in this existence here on earth.  God I just hate that negative judging other people bullshit, and James was right when he said he is a good person due to his own personal morals and WANTING to be a good person.  He is not a good person because he feels, like many Christians do, that they have to appease "God."  Or earn Heaven.  *sigh*  JESUS never said any of that; Jesus told us to love ourselves and each other because love is where it's at.  It frustrates me because we really are all the same on the inside whether we want to believe it or not, and whatever "creation energy" is out there {I don't claim to really know what it is out there besides knowing it is loving and it forces us to own our thoughts and choices and beliefs and to learn our own lessons and it does not in any way "dictate" our lives for us, in any way} does not care whether or not we believe in it.  All it wants is for us to love ourselves and each other.

We are all the same on the inside.  There is no separation.  We need to remember that.  SOOOOoooo many twin souls who are "left behind" feel that their "lesser aware" twin just ran off, and that could not be farther from the truth.  It's time for us to come down a few pegs, climb down off the "spiritual pedestal" where we've placed ourselves while we look down and judge our lowly "unawakened" twin souls- and see that they could actually be FAR more advanced spiritually than we are but it's hidden from us to help teach us our lessons, some of which have to do with being more humble and unassuming.

I love my little Atheist Geologist, my Science Trip with all my heart.  God adores him.  I pray to see James again soon. I'd do pretty much anything to see him walking towards me again wearing a HUGE brilliant smile... and his Atheist super hero t-shirt.