On our very first date my twin soul showed up wearing a big fat glaring letter "A" on his t-shirt: he wore an Atheist t-shirt on our first date, pushing my buttons from the very start! I laughed at his boldness, more mesmerized by how amazingly adorable he was, and how his huge bright smile nearly blinded me. He hugged me upon meeting me and I almost died in his arms right there. But I now think of it as his Atheist Super Hero shirt. It has this emblem on it, this big ole A. I miss him. Every single morning I drive by the same place we met. I look over and can see us standing there sharing our first kiss. The memory hits to the depths of me. To kiss him again would be... heaven.
I read something funny today, well funny and not so funny at the same time and I wanted to write about it here. Mainly because I miss the FUCK out of my James. Like... I am about to implode or explode or melt into a little puddle of goo or something... out of loving him so much, and he's not here for me to hug and cuddle and make out with and talk to and share with and otherwise adore so I am just about losing my mind. Only writing seems to help save me, hence the millions upon millions of words I've written in the last 20 months.
So the funny thing I read. It was in response to a blog post someone had written about her twin soul experience. It was the normal "We met and then he ran" experience. Many people commented on the blog post {and when I can find it again I will share it here.} What caught my eye was a women responded about her and her twin. She said they met and dated and one day she got drunk and stupid and cheated on her twin soul with an old friend. She said she felt horrible having to confess to her twin. Then she went on to say how much alike they are in their ways but that they are totally opposite in ONE large way.
She said, follow me here, that SHE IS THE LIGHT AND HE IS THE DARK.
She said her twin is "the dark." Puhleeeeese. Spare me.
She said that she is a "good Catholic girl" and he is an "Atheist ex-Catholic." She went on to say some other stuff but it was this comment that really struck me. Here she was the one who got drunk and slept with someone else but JUST BECAUSE he is Atheist she labels him as "the dark" and she as "the good little Catholic girl who is the light."
*sigh* *Major. Face. Palm*
I do recall how I felt about James when I first started talking to him. His Atheism gave me pause- I'd never met an Atheist before! Here I was using my pendulum daily to talk to "angels" and he was a God-disbelieving science-trip Atheist. Talk about opposites, right? Right? Talk about the IRONY- my twin soul, the human vessel that holds this energy that knows all about me, my every thought, my every dream and my every fucking fear and doubt, calls himself an Atheist. Does it get any better than that? Talk about Spirit stripping away ego and preconceived notions about "differences" and worth. Did I ever feel superior to him in my "spirituality?" No- I never felt "better" than him but maybe I felt more "in the know." I know I got terrified in the beginning that I was letting God down in falling in love with an Atheist. I cancelled our first date, horrifyingly, because I was nervous God wanted me with a "Christian." All my old religion-based fears surfacing to be washed away in meeting and loving a man who considers himself Atheist yet is the most loving, caring and soul-led person I've ever met. Oh. The. Irony.
We'd talked solid for about two weeks, totally connecting and jonesing to meet, when I text him and told him I could not meet him because God wanted me to date a Christian, and this was after I assured him I'd never judge him like those "other" Christians would. I was an "unconditionally loving" little spiritualist. Hardy har har. Lucky for me after missing his newly-acquired presence in my life I reached out to him, apologized for my stupidity and narrow-minded jackoffness and he forgave me and met me anyway.
*Whew*
But when we separated I had no idea what hit me. I could not see my issues that needed to be healed. I was totally blind to anything I may have energetically done to cause our separation, and only the steady and steadfast work of my Higher Self was able to shine some light on MY issues and MY shadows that my twin was showing me. But at first I was utterly convinced it was all him. I read online that THEY are the ones who run and yada yada and that fed my belief that he had been overcome with fear and left me. I also let his Atheism tussle me, just a bit. Maybe because he was not "as close to God as I am" he couldn't handle it. My Higher Self let me think this for a good week or two while I scrambled and fought and begged and pleaded and finally hit enough of a rock bottom that I began to actually listen and see that I, the Almighty Close to God "Spiritual" one, was the one who actually had all the healing to do. Me, not him. But at first I was SO sure it was him because he was not spiritual. He was an Atheist!!!
*YAWNNNN* Such outdated thinking. James is Atheist and he is so strong and pure and clear. He is clearly soul walking around in a body. He's so amazing on so many levels that you'd wanna barf by the time I listed it all out to you. His Atheism has absolutely nothing to do with why we separated, at all. And to read that woman on the blog say that her twin is THE DARK and she, almighty "Catholic" she is "the light" makes me want to laugh and gag at the same time. So disillusioned. She's the one who cheated on him yet she calls herself "the light" and a "good Catholic girl" while he is the Dark Atheist.
It is absurd and totally backwards thinking like that which will keep her apart from her twin soul until she sees truth, strips away the labels and realizes that we are ALL Light, no matter if we are Christians, Atheists or we bow down and pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I also find it very offensive seeings as I am majorly in love with a man who identifies himself as Atheist, and he is one of the best people I've ever met in my life, and I've met plenty of Christians and Catholics but he, my Beloved Science Trip, is at the head of the crowd when it comes to being a strong loving and moral individual.
Labels are something we need to strip away while working our way through our unions. Labels are something we ALL need to leave behind in this existence here on earth. God I just hate that negative judging other people bullshit, and James was right when he said he is a good person due to his own personal morals and WANTING to be a good person. He is not a good person because he feels, like many Christians do, that they have to appease "God." Or earn Heaven. *sigh* JESUS never said any of that; Jesus told us to love ourselves and each other because love is where it's at. It frustrates me because we really are all the same on the inside whether we want to believe it or not, and whatever "creation energy" is out there {I don't claim to really know what it is out there besides knowing it is loving and it forces us to own our thoughts and choices and beliefs and to learn our own lessons and it does not in any way "dictate" our lives for us, in any way} does not care whether or not we believe in it. All it wants is for us to love ourselves and each other.
We are all the same on the inside. There is no separation. We need to remember that. SOOOOoooo many twin souls who are "left behind" feel that their "lesser aware" twin just ran off, and that could not be farther from the truth. It's time for us to come down a few pegs, climb down off the "spiritual pedestal" where we've placed ourselves while we look down and judge our lowly "unawakened" twin souls- and see that they could actually be FAR more advanced spiritually than we are but it's hidden from us to help teach us our lessons, some of which have to do with being more humble and unassuming.
I love my little Atheist Geologist, my Science Trip with all my heart. God adores him. I pray to see James again soon. I'd do pretty much anything to see him walking towards me again wearing a HUGE brilliant smile... and his Atheist super hero t-shirt.
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