More Interesting "Signs"

A few more instances have happened to me where I don't quite know what they are supposed to show me, and man if there is one thing that can make my mind spin it is wondering what a sign means especially if I can attribute maybe two possible separate meanings to it.

You know how in my last blog post I explained how I wrote in my journal to James "I remember when you wrote to me 'Not a day goes by that I don't think of you,' and I know this shows me truth" and then later that night my friend Jason text me and wrote, "Not an hour goes by that I don't think of you.  I was going to say day but it's much more often than that" and anyone, even a skeptic, can't deny the timing is too coincidental to be an accident.  Funny thing is I have not heard from Jason, at all.  I am not surprised though.  I am not really meant to hear from him.  I think I was getting a message from James through Jason.

So fast forward a few weeks.  I had an emotional week last week.  I back slid a bit in my energy.  Lots of crying, some hopelessness.  I don't know where James is.  I am following this union based on faith alone, and that can be scary.  Sorry- that is me being honest.  I am trying my best to be courageous but I am not going to lie and say it's not a challenge to believe based on faith alone.  Faith that despite time and distance he still loves me and faith that he's my twin soul meant to be with me in the end.  Last week some 3D "schtuff" came up at work that made me realize I no longer care what people think about me.  They can think I am inept, a dunderhead, absent-minded, that I don't do my job well, etc. and that is fine.  I still wish them well in all they do but I just don't care.  As long as I have my job and I am doing the best I can under my own personal experiences {Awakening can be a struggle} then what they think of me means very little to me.  Still it was a challenging {yet blessed} week.  Challenging because of work stuff but we all are getting a bonus so that's awesome.  And I get to practice not caring what others think of me, and practice knowing that 3D labels and "titles" mean little to me.  I feel BLESSED to be where I am because my job gives me what I need to live yet I do not define myself by this "lofty" title of  "Assistant Director."  I am not an assistant director.  That is not who I am.  I am LOVE.  And I am a Mother- a mother to all really.  THAT is my sole role.  Not assistant director.  

Anywho.  I got really down about James and I've been trying to shift it.  I did a lot of writing this weekend and last week, much about being devoted to him despite appearances.  I am committed to him and do not intent to find anyone else.  I did write that I have been getting a little lonely for male companionship but that I want HIM.  No one else.  I miss him.  When I go fishing with the kids I wish James was with us.  When I go for dinner alone I wish he was my date.  When I sit at home on  Saturday night I look at the couch and I try not to curl up in the corner of it holding a pillow, crying while I remember holding him and kissing him and being with him, wishing he was going to be bounding up my steps to knock on my door again.  I am aching for him.  Yes I tried dating a few months ago and it did not feel right to me, and I felt I got signs telling me so as well.  I know what I want and it is James, and I know James loves me.  I am not willing to walk away from divine love for temporary "scratching of an itch" or to assuage loneliness or something like that. I've been writing that I am committed to him, love him, know his love for me, that I am devoted to him.

I also did write that I feel like I could love again but still it would not be him and I'd always be thinking of him and longing for him and aching for him and it would be horrible to be with another man, even one I did love on some level.  I am a very loving person.  I fall in love with everyone and everything, and I find beauty in things and people easily.  I don't think I should feel guilty for admitting that I do love easily and if I allowed it- I could meet someone and "like" him.  But I don't want to because that man would not be my "one and only true love."

He would not be James.  Bottom line.  So even though I feel I could love someone else it would never be on the same level, with the same intensity, the same magical kisses, etc. as James.  Just like... I could love Ireland and feel like I want to be there forever even if I don't live there now {and this is just an example.}  Maybe I know my heart is in Ireland, like I need to find a way to be there forever, move there, because it calls out to my soul.  And then I also like Michigan too, and Michigan would feel nice and be easier to move to, and maybe way more convenient.  And I'd like it there a lot... but it would not have the same draw for me as Ireland.  At all.  That's a place not a person so it is different but still there's the analogy I can come up with.

So Saturday morning I am sitting in the coffee shop writing about being devoted to James.  I leave the shop to take the kids fishing and as I get in the car I see Ryan.  I went for a walk with Ryan last October and he wanted to date me.  He is single, youthful, handsome and seems to be a good dad.  Did I mention he's highly attractive?  And he wanted to date me?  I saw him and had this fleeting thought of, "Funny to see him walking in.  Thirty more seconds and I would have bumped into him, a minute longer and he would have seen me in the shop and we would have talked.  Maybe I should go say hello."

But then I thought- you just wrote in your journal how committed you are to James.  Do you REALLY want to go in there and talk to this cute single man who recently was disappointed that you would not date him?  So I left and went home.

I wrote a little more in my journal, spent the day cleaning my car and some other stuff and am staying conscious of my energy.  I do write a lot because I know it keeps my thoughts and intentions focused. Sunday morning rolls along.  I'd written some more about being committed and wishing to see him soon and a lot about remembering the love we've shared along the way, even while separated.  I heard the song, "When You Say You Love Me" by Josh Groban and it really struck my heart hard.  My sweet little James often said "I love you honey."  He always made sure I knew he loved me.  He tried SO hard to get me to see.  And I did exactly what my guidance says is my "illness" which is I ignored the love he showed me, like it really was not real, like I could not trust it, etc. etc.  On Sunday morning my son and myself were shopping, standing in line.  A man checking out kept looking at me and smiling, very deliberately.  Finally I looked down and asked myself, "Am I imagining this because it's very strange, and so not a coincidence.  Yesterday I saw Ryan and now this?"

The man smiled again as he left and then I became busy checking out in line.  As I finished I noticed he'd come back into the store and was waiting for me.  THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME IN MY LIFE.  No man has ever made a point to come look for me or wait for me to talk to me, and he did.  He walked out with us and told me how cute I am, and he asked if I am married.  I could tell he was really genuine and not pervy or anything, lol, and I told him no I am not married.  And I paused and said, "But I am committed to someone."  He kinda smiled and said, "Oh shucks," and told me his name and smiled again like... like he thought I was the bees knees or something, and I told him, "Thank you though.  I am very flattered.  Have a wonderful day."  He got in his truck with a kid, like a pre-teen boy, and as they drove away he was all cheesing at me and waved bye really big.

Nice man.  About my age.  Someone I would have, in another life, been okay with giving my number and chatting.  It took balls for him to come up to me, and he was polite.  Pleasant-looking and I find beauty in kindness.  I find beauty everywhere.  I told myself- that could not have been a coincidence, and why did it happen?  It was SO blatantly "orchestrated" that I actually chuckled when I got in my car.  Here I am writing all about James and my commitment to him and then some guy my age totally approaches me and wants to know if I am single???

Why?

I can only come up with two options.

1. I don't like this option but by me admitting I can get lonely and would love some male companionship, did I "ask for" this guy to approach me?  Even though I always say it's James I want?  By me saying I know I could love again but would choose not to date anyone else, or be with anyone else, because James would always be the one I REALLY want- did that make the universe go,  "Oh really?  Is that what you want?  Then here- try this..." and then I had a seemingly interested dude approach me?  I don't like that option because it seems almost cruel.  Cruel that I would have a few casual thoughts that would manifest immediately when I am constantly working on my energy to bring James back to me.  It would feel like I can't even be honest in my thoughts {that I could love someone else yet I choose not to because I am so in love with my perfection, my angel, that I am making the conscious decision to instead stay alone until I get him back with me again} because if I am I will get what I do not want.  I did not say I want someone else.  I said I only want James which leads me to the second option.
2. Obviously this did not happen on accident.  I don't think I saw Ryan by chance either.  I think it was put in my face like, "Well are you going to go say hello or are you going to pass up a chance to talk to a man who you know likes you."  He did not see me.  I saw him, and thirty more seconds we would have been standing face to face, him walking in as I was walking out.  Then the very next day I have this man come up to me, something that's never happened to me in my life.  And both things happened after I wrote quite a bit about being devoted to James.  So maybe they were both opportunities to "walk my talk."  To see what I would do?  Maybe I manifested the chance to tell the Universe that I actually do mean it when I say "I want only him."  Maybe I created those men coming up to me JUST to show myself, and Higher Self, that I mean business.

So here I am again not knowing exactly what it all means but I know it was not a coincidence.

The only thing I felt as I walked away was this sense of, "Dear God I surely pray I am making the right decision here in believing in something so strongly."  I really am trying to do what I feel my Higher Self has asked of me, to be faithful and true to my twin soul, to believe in this journey, to love myself, to love James, and to TRUST and believe in him and his love for me.

If anything I really hope it's a step in the right direction.  The silence can be deafening.  I don't know where he is or what he is doing.  I miss him so much I can't even explain it.  I'm so in love with him and I ache to be in his arms again.  I sit back and think... how would it feel to be in another man's arms?  A good man.  A kind man.  Like the guy I met, John.  It would be a thrill at first, something to take my mind off of this journey.  And then when trying to kiss another man I'd be at least partially faking it and my heart would be breaking thinking of James, and I'd be passively lying by withholding that I'm entirely in love with another man who, if he came back, I'd drop any other man for.  And if James contacted me, and it seems they always do, I'd lose my fucking mind.

It just would not work.

After knowing with 100% certainty that he adores me and he's been... insanely in love with me, like when we dated, before the separation and then even afterwards, he could not stand to be away from me, couldn't wait to get his hands and lips on me, constantly in contact, always being so kind to me, making me happy made him happy, and he was not content unless he was somehow communicating with me whether it be email, text, hours on the phone or even better, alllllll of our evenings spent smooching, inseparable... and then he had to pick up and leave me, and I know he never wanted to.  And I know it hurt him to do so.  For me to run off to another man is heartbreaking to me.  I cannot do it.  I have more to do, more to shift, more dedication to put forth.

I pray we are together soon.  It hurts being separated from the one I love, from the one who loves me.  I don't know exactly why I'm having these "strangely divine" experiences but my hope is they are good signs showing that we are getting closer to reunion.

I love this song.  The words are so fitting for me and James.  My heart soars when he says "I love you," and he blessed me with those words so so often, and I know he wishes he could say them right now too.  Without the words I know he loves me... but his sweet sexy little voice saying, "I love you honey," is one of the most beautiful sounds on earth to me, very similar to when my son says, "I love you mommy."  It's that pure and genuine, my twin's love for me.

Odd Occurrence

Something strange happened and I am still not quite sure how to take it.  I mean I know it was Divine but I am unsure how to think of it.  I have one or two opinions on it, and I thought I would share it here and I'd love to read your take on it.

I was writing very hard and deep about James the other day.  And I mean REALLY breaking myself open and digging down deep into my stores of "I know you love me because I am..." and really trying to feel his love for me.

As I did this I was reminded of something he'd written me in the past during one of our "up" and connected moment.  He wrote, "Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  Just know I do love you."  I wrote this in my journal when I remembered it the other day.

Later in the evening I was talking with my friend Lori about her twin soul.  While I was talking to her I got a text message from Jason, one of my other soul mates who I had a relationship with in the past. We are friends now and Jason knows of my love for James.  Jason also knows not to flirt with me, and lately we have not really text much at all.  As a matter of fact since this night, like about a week ago, I have not heard from him at all.  But this night, right after I wrote in my journal about James, Jason text me the following, "Not an hour goes by that I don't think of you.  I would have said day but upon reflection it is much more often than that.

I am unsure how to take this.  I got very angry actually.  Not at Jason but at Spirit.  Why is it that I want the message so badly from James, I write about James, I think about James, I LOVE James, and I get Jason?   Saying the same words?

Being my mirror?

Is it because as of yet James cannot say it so the sentiment was coming through Jason?  Thing is I care about Jason and his well-being and happiness but I do not care if he misses me.  I hate to sound mean but I do not miss him.  At all.  I have unconditional love for him and nothing more.  I don't want to see him and honestly I only care to say hello to him here and there to know he is okay.  His message was oddly timed because I had not heard from him for a while and when I responded with a "Well I am glad to know I am thought of," he never did respond.  The message did not even SEEM like it should be coming from him!  It was from left field, did not fit with our most recent conversation.

My friend told me it was still to show me I am creating the right energy.  I don't know exactly what to think so I am going to try and think that I was getting a strange form of affirmation through a man who really truly cares for me to show me that I am to keep working with this same energy of knowing James loves me and one day it will shift.  But Jason had to be the messenger this time because Jason is not my full mirror and James is.  Maybe James still has some sort of energetic restriction on him that Jason does not.

Anyone reading this care to share your thoughts?  It could not have been a coincidence.  The words were almost exactly the same, undeniably so.

I'm just over here trying to have faith, writing love.  I love James so much.  All I want is to be reunited.  I'd do anything to hear from him again and have more of our loving kissy intimate chats.

Mirror Mirror around Us All...

This is me and my son, my mirror, at Disney World this past October 2014.  I want to make a comment about my son being a mirror for me.  I know kids are sweet but this kid- he is DIVINE.  Lately, or actually since the shift between James and myself happened, my son constantly tells me how sweet I am, or how wonderful I am, or what a sweet mommy I am, or how beautiful I am, or how "wovely" I am.  Just this morning I briefly walked into the room pretty much unclothed to grab my shirt really quickly.  He glanced up and said, so innocently while looking at my naked body, "Mommy you are soooooo beautiful."  Now let me tell you- those words were him being used as my mirror.  I have gained a good ten pounds since James left.  My belly is soft and jiggly.  I ensure my upper arms are covered at all costs, and I am thankful it has been so cool this year so I have not had to bust out my swim suit yet! 

But then I have this *above* little guy touching my arms or my legs and saying, in total little kid-honesty, "I love your jiggly legs mommy.  You are soooo beautiful," and I realize it is a sign from above reminding me to love myself fully despite my self-perceived flaws.  I am blessed to have a youthful appearance and I am healthy and happy.  That is enough.  I do not need to be 3D "perfect." I do not have to see my hip bones to be beautiful.  I get thin when I am unhappy and stressed out and when heartache eats me alive, literally.  Through my twin soul union I have healed so much that I got my appetite for food {and life} back so I EAT.  I enjoy life.  I dine out with my child.  We get ice cream.  I LOVE chocolate!!!  So does my son, lol.  For three years I did not want to eat.  I felt better starving myself.  It was unhealthy and I shed those extra twelve pounds that makes me feel SO thin and SO perfectly "beautiful" all from being so sick at heart that I cannot bear to eat more than a few mouthfuls of food.  And thin does not equal "perfection."

This body carried, grew, nurtured, birthed, nourished, cuddled and still cuddles this amazing child God blessed me with.  It is a beautiful vessel.

Last night me son and I were having our night time cuddle time.  I was reading and he was watching "Handy Manny" on the Ipad.  He was making this little sing-song voice and he sang as he motioned towards me, "This is my angel mom, this is my angel mom."

My angel mom.  *sniff*  He called me an angel.

My son says things like this to me All. The. Time.  He has blatantly channeled before, to where I cannot {even in my stiffest moments of doubt and disbelief} deny that "something divine" {probably Higher Self} is speaking through him, so I KNOW Spirit speaks through my child to show me that I *am* sweet and beautiful and as my son says, "kindful." 

He's also told me before, "James loves you mom.  James does love you!" for no reason except that I was thinking hard, contemplating, despairing and he is meant in those moment to remind me and lift me up. 

Make sure to listen to the wee ones.  They know of what they speak!!!  Truth.

I love my little man with all my heart.  I look forward to the day when James blesses our lives again so he can experience the love of my son like he is meant to, and my son can again experience James' love.  James met my son and loves him too.  I know we are all meant to be together as a family. 

More on Self-Love, Kindness to Self, and The Twin Soul Union

An interesting thing about the definition of "self-love."  When I googled "Self-love" I found reference to being "narcissistic."  Self-love is the regard for one's own well-being and happiness.  What is so wrong about that?  Our world has shaped those of us with sensitive hearts to have a deflated ego meaning we do not practice strong self-love.  We often feel like we are "less than" and honestly the 3D society we live in would like us to stay that way, feeling "narcissistic" and "egotistical" if we dare love ourselves because it keeps us powerless.  Higher Self says otherwise and is working to have us all learn self-love, kindness and niceness to self.  Just like Jesus said.

I wrote an email to a friend of mine but after writing it out I decided to post it here.  It concerns the link between self-love and the twin soul union.

"Hello friend,

I just gotta share this with you.  Divine stuff happens to me all the time.  You and I have been discussing not going out on the web to watch videos and read stuff about twin souls, and I agree totally.  I am stopping the madness.  I already know what I need to know.

But then out of the blue this man sends me a video.  Trying to be brief here {hard for me lol} he's Craig, the quantum healer from January 2014 who could not hypnotize me.  We talked for hours at my appointment and he knew I was trying to stop drinking.  Weeks after meeting him he, out of the blue, called me. I was *just* cracking open a new bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey when my cell rang.  I answered it and he said, "Hi Jen it's Craig.  Just calling to see what you are doing."  He totally called me to help show me I was not to drink that whiskey.  I was honest.  I told him, "Well I am just getting ready to drink this whiskey."  He told me no.  He said, "You know you are way too sensitive and not meant to drink," and he made me dump it out while he was on the phone with me.

And I had not heard from him since!

But yesterday he sent me a video on raising vibration, manifestation and self-love.  Oh... it's such a freeing message, and I love this guy who does the video, Matt Kahn.  He's funny and calming.  He says there is ONE purpose for each and every person on earth and it is to learn to be kind to ourselves which means transcending our egos that tell us we are not good enough, not loveable enough, not worthy enough, etc.  And when we learn to be kind to ourselves we will be nicer to others which in turn means in being kind to ourselves and others we are being kind to the mass consciousness on earth {the whole "we are one" thing.}

That is all.  NO yoga, no "super duper lightworker who saves the planet."  No meditation, no having to do anything to be "better."  Nothing besides being kind to ourselves.  And I believe this.  He says it is liberating to know the only important things on earth are goodness and niceness and it starts with self-love.

So it gets better.  He says there is this little "inner child" inside of us that we neglect.  And it is our Higher Selves.  It tries to tell us forever to get out of ego {thinking less of ourselves, not loving ourselves} and for years we don't listen.  And because being kind to ourselves is THE main purpose we have while being on earth {since we all basically want to hate ourselves because of ego} HS is always wanting us to learn self-love.  And the more we love ourselves the more we can manifest better.  He explains this is because HS starts... blessing us with our joys once we start loving ourselves.  He's really funny.  But he says the more we love ourselves the more our vibration naturally raises and the more we begin to bring to ourselves that which we want because HS is actually "making" it happen based on increased self-love.

I've learned throughout the course of these last few years that it is a Universal Law that we reap what we sow; Higher Self cannot avoid us from experiencing what we create so HS is always trying to get us to create from love not fear- it's basically the same thing Matt is saying in this video just in a little bit different way.

We are not meant to hate ourselves, and HS will spend the eternity of this lifetime on earth guiding us to love ourselves because only in loving ourselves can we reach our destinies.

So I was thinking about this and how it applies to James.  I know I was sent the video by Craig as divine intervention.  I was meant to watch it and pay close attention; Craig is used as a messenger for me and when someone like him sends me something THEN I am meant to pay attention.  I do not have to seek because guidance is given to me when it is needed.
 

This is what I've come to believe about James.  When I refuse to believe in the love he has for me, or when I refuse to believe that he could be out there missing the shit out of me like he lost the best thing that ever happened to him, it is because I do not love myself enough to know my own amazingly huge worth to myself and others.  I find it so hard to believe that I could be the best thing that ever happened to him even though he basically told me I am the answer to his "wishes" and prayers."

The email to my friend ends there but here are a few more of my thoughts about this self-love thing.

I really do believe these twin soul unions ALL come down to us learning to love ourselves more fully, and to believe immensely that we are accepted and loved by our twin souls because their love for us forces us to have to believe in that love for us, and believing in that love for us can be so so hard and scary because we are then forced to believe that we are that loveable!!!

I know I was sent this video for a reason.  I had better start concentrating on knowing that I am loveable and my James fell hard for me FOR A REASON.  And my soul mates all fell so hard for me for a reason, and they all wished they could be with me, and heck they still do.  Because I am so loveable and sweet and kind and gentle and good, and they knew it.  Immediately.  So did James, and he still feels that way.  I know he does but I am being forced to totally believe I am a person who could be missed that much or loved that much.  *I* have to know it now.

Ugh, right? ;)

Seriously I do feel these unions come to us to force us to own our own love-ability, knowing we are loveable.  And I'll bet once we love ourselves fully, that's when we are totally Awakened.  When I love myself fully then it does not matter what anyone else thinks of me- nothing will bother me because I will know that I am perfect so that's all that matters, me loving myself and being nice to others too.

This does not mean that I will ever want James with me any less than I do now.  It does not mean that I will ever not feel like I need him in my life- because I love him for all the same reasons I am meant to love myself.  He is so like me that when I see all the things about him I love, I know those are things about me to be loved as well, and I will always love him.  There is no need for me to have to "give him up" just because I love myself.  I love myself enough to know I want him as my companion and he wants me as his companion.  I love myself enough to know it is okay to feel I am meant to have my twin soul in my life, forever, here in the physical- curled up together at night, every night.  I will always want him as my life and love companion.  Loving myself does NOT mean that I need to be content being alone, Hell no.  What it does mean is to open my heart and accept when I am loved and cherished.

To accept when I am loved and cherished, instead of denying or disbelieving when someone loves me and cherishes me due to not feeling worthy of having someone find me loveable enough to love every last bit of me inside and out, unconditionally. 

Makes sense to me.  Many of them, twin souls, are out there showing us our fears/ego so we can be forced to finally work through it all and love ourselves when all they really want to do is show us the love that we are.  They are "shattering" us on purpose, and it is a Divine purpose {watch the video below if you want to know more.}  I love James so much for walking this path with me, and I am working on shifting this so we can come back together.  I know he wants to.

Last year this time I asked him if his quiet was due to him being interested in someone else.  He assured me no, he was too busy and also he found me to be his date-able one.  He said that I am the one he clicks with and wants, me.  *sigh*  He also smiled {I could hear that sweet smile in his voice} and said, "If you were here with me right now I would not need this electric blanket because you would be keeping me warm."

Oh my dear sweet soul, I know you ache to have me there with you keeping you warm.  It will happen, I promise.

xxoo

Jennifer

Matt Kahn Raising Vibration

Hello My Friend

This song reminds me of our late-night phone calls.  I'd open the door with my positive energy and belief and James would VAULT through, like he'd been just praying for that opening, aching for me to "get it right" so he could run through and say, "Hello my friend.  Hello my love.  I miss you and I need you in my life."

 

Oh my dear friend and love.  I know you are out there aching for me like I do you.  I know you think about me every night.  I miss you too, so much.  I know we will be together soon.

 

xxoo, honey~

 

Hello again, hello
Just called to say hello
I couldn't sleep at all tonight
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait

Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you ev'ry night
When I'm here alone
And you're there at home, hello

Maybe it's been crazy
And maybe I'm to blame
But I put my heart above my head
We've been through it all
And you loved me just the same
And when you're not there
I just need to hear

Hello, my friend, hello
It's good to need you so
It's good to love you like I do
And to feel this way
When I hear you say, hello

Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you ev'ry night
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait
Hello

Listening to "Inner"

Yeah I know I just said I was taking a break but this will be a short posting.  One of the things I've said I know I need to do is totally pay no attention to any guidance but my own.  No psychics, no "twin soul couples" out there giving advice, no blog posts, no forums, no people trying to offer helpful info.  Often when I go looking it blows up in my face because I am only meant to do what my own Higher Self has told me to.

Had I done that from the beginning instead of doubting and being so scared then I might actually be reunited right now.

One thing about MUCH much much of the twin soul advice out there is it is VERY cynical, and this can be terrifying for someone who is really battling to hold on to hope instead of "letting go" of their twin soul.  Everywhere I turn I read that we are meant to "let go"of the expectation of being with them in the future- but this does not mesh with manifestation.  How can I let go of something but desire it at the same time?  Since when did wanting something so badly that I am willing to fight for it become a bad thing?  Since when did staying celibate and growing stronger and more independent while believing in what God is showing me mean I am weak?  It doesn't- although I recently read something on the web that said those of us who are "waiting around" for our twins are ridiculous and pathetic.  I disagree- I believe we are courageous and protective of ourselves {no distraction dating, no texting or talking to men, no running around dating, no sharing ourselves with someone who is really nothing more than a way to run from our situations, making sure to concentrate on our healing, diving inner, digging deep, etc.}

I love this quote.  I live by this quote:

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
~ Erica Jong

People are cynical about love because when THEY begin to feel hopeless then the only way they can manage to survive is by saying "Well it's not meant to be for any of us, including you," and that's just not true.  It's them trying to convince themselves so they can sleep easier at night.

Love IS everything it's cracked up to be, and this is why I am fighting for what I know to be true.

Just throwing that out there for anyone feeling the strain right now.  Don't give in to the naysayers who say twin souls are not meant to reunite for this or that reason.  I believe in a gentle kind Creator and that Creator would not introduce us to the greatest love in the universe ONLY to keep up away from it in the future as some type of "lesson in loving without being together."  God does not expect us to be content forever with only the "spiritual connection."  I find that teaching to be erroneous and yes another way for the hopeless to feel better about where they are in their union by telling themselves it is supposed to be a connection in spirit only, and that is not the case for all of us, at all. This journey is a challenge of self-cleansing.  Speaking for myself I do realize it is only my energy keeping me from him, no one or nothing else is keeping us separate in the physical.  He is away from me physically so I can continue to learn what it is I am meant to learn to continue clearing so I can feel and trust only love.  When the time comes that I am entirely balanced then we will shift back together, and the wait can FEEL hopeless, like we are never meant to be together but that is not the case.  We *are* together in spirit right now and will be together in person, in the {hopefully naked} flesh sometime soon.

He's realllllllyyyy cute naked ;)

So again, go inner and feel your heart.  Block out the rest.  There is a lot of fear out there right now so do not let it get the best of you.  God wants us all to be together with our Beloved divine counterparts.  Don't give in.  Don't give up. I know I'm not.

XXOO

Jennifer

Taking Another Break :)

For my few reader friends I just want to let you know I am again taking a break from my blog.  I feel like I am still being pushed even farther inward to seek within myself.  Because I get no more guidance spelled out to me through my pendulum I am going strictly on signs I get from around me to affirm me that I am headed in the right direction.  Sometimes I can get discouraged and I don't want that.  Also sometimes the pain in missing him so much wants to take over and I can't allow that either.  I ask myself what it is I need to FEEL to bring him back to me.  I am not a believer that we have to "do" something to reunite.  It is all about what and how we feel that matters.

I watched a video the other day, Ralph Smart, and he says we do not manifest that which we want.  We instead manifest that which we feel.  I think I need to concentrate even more on how I feel and less on talking about twin souls.

I ask myself- what would I be thinking, feeling and doing right now concerning this situation with James if I had no access to the Internet and all of its teachings?  If I had only my guidance from above and the experiences with James himself- would I be doing things differently?  Probably so.  I'd put even more energy into "feeling his love" which is what I've been told to do.  Instead I allow myself to be derailed by the thoughts and beliefs of others, and that's gotta stop.

I also really don't have the energy right now to guide anyone but myself.  I'm so tired and I need to be quiet now.  I can write but it's going to be in my journal.  There is something about this "feeling" and where I put my energy that still needs to continue to shift for me and I have to do it alone now.  If anyone is going through an experience like mine I hope they find my blog and it helps them to know they are not alone.  For now though- I am tired.  I am very blessed but I am also tired and I need some rest, some quiet, some totally going inner.  I love James so much.  I know he is my destiny and I'd like him back in my life NOW.  I know he will return and I want it to be soon.  My life is meant to be shared with him.

As always, best wishes to all.  May all of your dreams come true.

xxoo Jennifer