Ego Death...

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
~ Erica Jong

Isn't that the most beautiful quote?  *sigh*  It makes my heart melt; I am so like Rose from Titanic, "I'll never let go."  Seriously.  This has been one hard wild ride but I am still hanging on.

Short post.  I'm going through the constant cycle of ego-death.  And it does not feel good.  It's been going on for three years while my Higher Will began working to heal my life of FEAR.  My twin soul came to me to work me through what I am thinking is the end of my monster ego wanting to be in the driver's seat... and my ego is loud, obnoxious and likes to drive really fast while I white knuckle it, drug along for the ride.  

Joron is being used as a channel for Spirit.  His actions- the strange almost dark eerie {totally unlike the LOVE I know he truly is} behavior, the "I'm coming home... oh I'm home... but I'm standing you up" and all the rest of the strangeness- has all been, and will continue to, be used to kill my ego.  Facing disappointment but living through it as gracefully as possible {and man is it not easy!} is part of the process.  I know it is.

I can literally feel my ego flare up.  It's terrible, a horrid nasty out of control hateful full of frustration feeling.  And then I can feel it ease up.  Then there is peace until the cycle begins ago- and often his silence is what flares up my ego {even though I know his silence is of Spirit- ego doesn't care.  Ego is just pissed off, hurt and dejected that my Love isn't contacting me.}

So oh yeah.  Ego death.  I wish my ego would just die already.  I can see how it is a process though- pushed any harder and I would not make it through.  Higher Will is orchestrating this process.  Joron is helping me even if it hurts right now.  I know in the end his love will be shown to me again, and yes I realize it is out there right now still.  His love never left; it did not end.  

Love IS everything it is cracked up to be.  I will not run off out of fear.  I'm sticking it out, fighting my fears.  I'm worth getting through this process so I am cleansed, walls knocked down and Light shining brightly, Higher Will strong and ego very very tiny.  And Joron is worth fighting for too, totally.  Again.  I love him so much that it's groan-worthy I know but if there is one thing about me I am not cynical.  We share a true love that is pure and genuine, and I look forward to when I get to see my dear twin soul again, once the roller coaster slows down, rolls to a stop and the ride, this wild ride, is finally over.

I think I'd like to ride a really slow peaceful ferris wheel next, one where I can sit holding my twin's hand while sneaking little kisses and grins:)