Bittersweet...

Ah I love this man!  He's a brilliant actor and his soul clearly shined through because it is obvious he's a good human being.

Very sad to hear of his passing from, again, cancer.

This was our first family Christmas after losing my Uncle Nick from cancer last year right after Christmas.  My Aunt Sherry, his wife, always has Thanksgiving and Christmas but 2014 she did not because my uncle was, sadly at age 70, dying from cancer.  He fought for a while but due to complications from pneumonia after his cancer returned he decided to be taken off life support and he died in the presence of his wife and family December 2014.  This year was different without him with us.  He was a good man who treated all of us kids well.  I had a rough childhood and my aunt, my dad's older sister, would often come scoop me up from home and take me to her home for a few days to visit with my cousin who is six months older than me.  She is my God Mother and loves me very much, like her own daughter.  My Uncle Nick was her second husband and he treated me well, always.  He taught me how to ride my bike, a fucking miracle.  Me and anything to do with wheels do not get alone well.  I have horrid balance and bad gross motor skills.  I never did learn how to roller skate, and I barely learned how to ride a bike!  But he was patient and saw me through to learning, finally.  I think I was like... 16 years-old.  I jest.  It took some working with me to get me there and he managed to teach me.

I also lived with them for a while in my twenties.  I'd moved out of my home and into a relationship with my first boyfriend who turned into my finace' who turned into my first major heartbreak.  My parents would not allow me to come back home and I had nowhere to go.  I had to ask my uncle if I could live with them for a while, and bless him he said yes.  He was very fatherly and gave me advice and gave me a copy of "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People."  And I stayed with them rent-free for as long as I needed to, heartbroken and crying most of the time.

My Aunt Sherry asked me to speak at his funeral and I did.  I got there and there were like TONS of people because he was well-known in his community and well-loved and the priest said "the eulogists" would speak first and I started crying.  I didn't think of the loving words I had to share about him as a "eulogy" for someone who'd died until that very moment.  I'm still sad that he's gone. 

So the holidays were somber this year.  I miss James a lot, and that's something I have to keep to myself lest my family think I'm insane and wasting my life, and then I also missed my uncle.  And I felt for my Aunt Sherry and his sister, my Aunt Genny because they both dearly missed him as well as the rest of my family. 

Damn cancer.

David Bowie, "You remind me of the babe," will always be him in my mind.  "Labyrinth" was one of my all-time favorite movies in my youth.  And Alan Rickman, God- I adore him as an actor.  He is amazing and has a voice like crushed velvet... and melted butter.  So many of my favorite movies have him in a role.  When you watch someone so much you almost feel like you know him.

And I'm sure his family feels the same way about him as we do my uncle, losing a piece of their family and their hearts.

Let's pray for a cure for cancer.  And for the survivors and for those currently battling and for those who move on to the next dimension when their time has come here on earth to go home.

Blessings,

Jennifer