Exactly

I saw this today and it makes me cry.  This is exactly how I feel about James.  He has the cutest smile ever, like totally adorable.  And he is friendly and laughs a lot.  He was so easy to meet and talk to and get to know, very easy to fall in love with.

But his caring heart is what swept me away and made me feel like... he was just too good to be true.  Because he was perfect in every way, and he was so caring with me.  He was gentle and kind and thoughtful and caring, loving and attentive, affectionate.  He did everything "right."  He "dated" me old school, was patient, respectful.  Yet still flirty and cute and so affectionate.

Yep.  That's why it hurts.  When you've had the best ever- so so so hard to be without him.  Hurts from morning until night.  I have never ever loved or missed anyone more than I love James and miss him.  I wish he was with me, a part of my life.  It is killing me on the inside to be away from him- it's the no contact, not knowing him, not being able to talk to him or say hello or see how he is doing- being away from my FRIEND- is the hardest part.  I love James.  I care about him, and when you love someone and care about that person you naturally want to talk and share and connect; it's how I feel about anyone I love.  But him the most.  I love him like I love my child to where James and PJ are the two people I want the closest to me... and one of them I can hug and love and talk to every day but the other... it hurts.  It hurts to ache to speak to the man I love most in the world yet have to accept the quiet while praying with all my might for it to change.

He is my biggest wish.  I miss him with every breath I take.  I miss his smile and his laughter and his caring loving heart.  I wish I could spend the rest of my life with him by my side.

Jennifer