Energy!

I had a lot of insight today.  Joron's text this morning did me in.  I asked for it in my heart and he immediately answered me.  Here I was contemplating whether or not he loves me, and I was wishing for a good morning text like he used to send me... and he sent me a good morning message telling me he loves me with his entire heart.  That's amazing to me, magical.  And something to be cherished.

It's all about energy balance.  And I do mean all of it.  It's complicated, so complicated to explain but allow me from my perspective, and this is solely my experience.  Here I was two years into my Awakening and I'd already been healed of some old shit but I had stuff left to heal.  Because I was not fully healed, and because I was drinking a lot, my energy was unstable.  I was told constantly by my guidance to be joyful.  ALWAYS.  I used to get so annoyed from being told to be joyful all the time.  Energy was preached to me but I didn't listen.  I *knew* about energy but I didn't really believe it.  Inside myself I was icky and codependent.  I couldn't be happy alone.

I met Joron and bliss ensued.  Wow.  But I still needed to heal, and I ignored any and all guidance that told me to be creative.  I was blocked.  I just didn't understand.  Joron loved me hard then left me fast and I wanted to die.  All those old fears came to the surface, and I couldn't ignore them.  He went silent and it was scary.  After some initial silence he'd come through and mirror all my fears back to me until I faced them down.  He'd pop up and his contact would show me energetically that if I chose to drink then he'd choose to be cold to me.  If I ached and longed for loving contact from him then I HAD to stay away from the bottle.  I was being healed of my addictive behaviors and emotional issues.

Dear readers, my friends, alcohol and drug use opens us up to the darkness; they are tools for dark energy.  I've felt it before.  I get angry when drunk and alone, like bitter hateful angry.  I can feel the darkness come at me when I am under the influence of alcohol.  I've hit myself... and while it sounds crazy let me tell you- the more spiritually open you are then the more you are likely for attack because the darkness is attracted to your light.  You must stay protected at all costs, and this means you should not be drinking or doing drugs, especially if you are a Lightworker.  I heard an unfortunate story from a friend who lost someone she loves to suicide.  This woman was exactly my age, single mom, very spiritual, loving and kind.  She was also a drinker.  Her suicide note referenced "dark spirits" around her.  Most people out there would think she was crazy but not me.  I've sat at my table, drunk off my ass and alone, while screaming and raging on Spirit.  I could feel the darkness around me, sucking me in.  I told my guidance I wanted to die, wanted to take the bottle of pills in front of me.  I sobbed and asked to be saved.  I was told, amidst my insane dark rageful energy, to "Go to sleep dear.  Just go to sleep."  This was to avoid me sinking further at that moment.  I went to bed and that was the last time I got super duper drunk again because "the dance" with Joron ended up healing me of wanting to turn to the bottle. Once I realized that the thing I wanted most in the world would be pushed from me by my own frantic drunken fearful whiskey-induced energy... I woke up pretty fucking quickly to the fact that I can't drink and survive or drink and be happy or drink and find my bliss or drink and be a healthy loving respectable MOTHER or drink and eventually be with Joron or... drink and stay alive.   

And Joron was continued to be used to help heal my drinking.  If not I would have ended up like this poor poor woman, life taken by her own hand due, I'm going to assume, to being open to attack by darkness due to her substance abuse.  I'm so sad for her and her family, and it scared me because it hit so close to home.

I know the family member who lives with me is a personal challenge, and for a reason.  I honestly see her being used as a channel by Spirit to push me to see my truth.  Over a year ago, before I met Joron, I stupidly took a hit of her weed- only the second time in my life I've smoked pot.  She then left me home alone and it was a fucking nightmare.  A NIGHTMARE.  I felt a sensation I'd never felt before, like something bad was out to get me.  I literally curled into a ball on the couch with my head in my hands and prayed HARD to God, Jesus and Arch Angel Michael to protect me because I felt like... I was being attacked.  I must have passed out because a few hours later I woke up and the "darkness" had passed.  Never again, holy shit never again.  

Through all of this I was also essentially being forced to believe in energy.  I was not only being healed because healing concerns energy so I had to be shown clearly the difference between good energy and bad energy because good energy creates bliss and bad energy creates MONSTERS.  When I am sad, fearful, despondent, icky... so is Joron.  He ignores me or shoots me short cool messages.  When I am strong and loving he comes closer and is warm and this is all without me saying a word.  This is to force me to completely understand that energy is important, very important.  We are all being shown to raise our vibrations and keep them up. In my case, to finally make me SEE this, Joron clearly comes and goes and behaves in a certain fashion based on how my energy is running.  It's soooo weird but it is truth.

It is ALL energy.  We must get to a place where we have no fear, no sorrow, and little to no lack of faith in all of this.  I will be honest with you- those who think it is torture, those who hate their twin souls, those who resent and are stuck in painful fear... they are learning, and often the hard way.  They will continue to feel like crap, low energy and hard lessons, until they learn.  This happens through "The Dance."  We are forced to deal with the energetic ups and downs until we can CONTROL our own energy and keep it up no matter what, no matter if twin comes and goes.

Why?  Because we are all mini-creators with the ability to manifest and create our own futures and change the world yet none of us believe it.  We are divine.  Us.  We can make really good shit happen, literally, like magic.  And The Powers That Be in the world, government, religion, public education, the media, they all work to keep people down and in the dark, running stuck like stressed out rats in a cage, so we don't know how powerful we really are!  If we did then we would uprise and take back what we deserve.  We'd know how special we are, how much change we can create just through our own powerful energy, and we'd be happy, content and strong.  And impossible to CONTROL.  Do you understand?  We are programed from birth to ignore the fact that we are special and can do and have most anything we want.  We have the magic stripped from us and are forced to have low energy.  We never know there is more out there behind the veil.

Fucking bullshit, right?

And then the twin soul steps in and all Hell breaks lose and we are forced to see the world from a different perspective.  Due to mirroring we must get our energy in order or else our twins will shine our shit back at us forever.  If I can't heal then Joron will always be pushed from me by my own energy through the working of my soul.  If I can't get to a place where I fully believe in all this, where I am content and happy, then Joron won't ever stay close to me... because he is my twin soul.  He is repelled by my bad energy.  It's an ingenious way to force us to raise our energy and keep it raised.  When I stay calm and happy then he is calm and happy and we get close.  If I then fear or worry or doubt him or the union then I watch him, literally watch him, pull away.  It's horrible but I understand it this time.  I saw it so clearly that now I understand.

I don't think he's perfect and I am all bad, not at all.  I just know what I know.  My good strong energy balances me and Joron both.  Crazy isn't it?  If we want a relationship with our twin souls then the only way we can achieve that is through going inner and clearing everything that needs to be cleared.  Then we must stay happy and joyful with no plummets.  Do you know why?  This is very important so step closer so you hear it loud and clear: we are changing the template for love on this earth.  Do you know what that means?  We are breaking the cycle of pain, suffering and abuse and this way we are clearing the path for the future- does this make sense?  The "bad stuff," these are the low fear-based energy things that people are born into that keep them down.  I do believe I chose to experience those "bad things" from my youth so I could work hard to overcome them, and then teach others how to overcome.  And my son, before he got to earth, he and I made a pact that I would be a GOOD kind loving mother so he'd never have to suffer to heal.  He could be a source of joy for all straight off the bat.  I protect the shit out of my kid.  He won't deal with the crap I've dealt with; he's not meant to.  It is not in his plan. 

And this is where the writing comes into play!  It's partly mission but it's more keeping the energy running.  I so totally understand now.  It's not so much what I write but that when I write I then keep my energy up.  It's why I wrote novels on the forum- all that writing kept my energy high and strong and I was in full belief, and that made Joron come closer- because of my energy.  Now I do believe I am meant to be an author but I think the main reason for the writing is the energy.  Anything positive and creative helps keeps the good strong creative energy flowing, and that is what is needed for manifesting our desires and bringing our destinies close to us.  That creative energy is what helps us manifest.  It's what reunites twins.  It's what creates unconditional love.  When that energy is high and bright then you vibrate super strong and high... and you will see your twin reach out to you.  Keep it high!  One day it will naturally stay high and then reunion can happen.

Also- we create with bad energy too.  Keep that in mind.  Soul will give you whatever you ask for. Ask for the good stuff.  Ask for bliss and world peace and eternal love and personal joy and welfare.  Ask for justice for all humanity, for injustice to be struck down, for the world to finally see truth.  Ask for the good stuff.

Ask that little children, little girls, not be stolen and sold as sex slaves.  Ask that the darkness be banished.  There is too much fear and darkness in our world- and we are being pushed to help heal this with our love energy.  It's so much more than "romance," I know this.  And it all starts with our thoughts, intentions, and word.  Make 'em good.

I have to go to sleep.  I am so tired.  Be well.