Writing Love: Pirates, Parallel Dimensions, Vampires and Twin Flames

 I fucking love pirates.

Warning: another personal-type posting, not so much to "teach" but to share my thoughts.  I broke down the other night and wrote my twin soul a "novel."  I used to write him beautiful messages when we were dating, and he loved them.   I SO miss our communication!!  Unfortunately I was going to be taught a really hard lesson on what happens when a should-be author doesn't attempt to write and get published; I had my "gift" and pleasure of writing romance to my love taken away from me. But the other night I was overwhelmed with a desire to pour my heart out to him so I took the chance.  It's been months since I've shared like I did the other night.  Here is just the beginning:

"There are key moments in my life I wish I could go back and do again, and most of them I wish I could change something.  One I wish I could do again but I'd change nothing is our first date.  Honest I wish I could go back and repeat our first date over and over because it was the best first date ever.  Best birthday ever.  You were the best fortieth birthday present ever.  I remember seeing you walk towards me and I thought you were just adorable.  And you hugged me and you felt so good, familiar even though I didn't know you.  LOL- who knows, maybe we did see each other through our bassinets forty years earlier... I think those little bins babies lay in are transparent, aren't they?  And you had the sweetest smile when you told me I was as beautiful as you knew I'd be.  You made me blush and gave me butterflies immediately.  And when we got inside the bar to sit down as we were sliding onto our seats you made a comment about songs and their lyrics.  You said you liked music and some lyrics hold a lot of meaning, and you said, "Like this song" that was playing right then in the bar.  LOL.  It was NIN "Closer."  The I want to fuck you like an animal song.  I thought that was funny but it also showed me that you had a naughty side yet you didn't scare me at all.  Some guys can be scary when it comes to being sexy because it's obvious all they want is to get laid.  You obviously didn't come across like that but your comment about the song made me laugh.  And it made me want you bad.  It made me wonder what kind of lover you would be.  I assumed both warm, loving and kissy as well as a good hard..."

Okay you get it.  No need to go on. 

He's my love and I felt he could handle it even if I didn't get a response.  His response was... calm.  I knew better than to write it with any expectation {and it got progressively naughtier from here} but I had to get it out.  It's been ages since I've written about "love."  Or written with love.  I've felt forced to write about twin souls, and I am so tired of writing about "The Process" or my experience.  I last wrote about love in a blog post about Joron, the one where I reminisced about the man I knew when he was here with me.  I literally felt that creative love energy brewing inside of me; when I let loose with my words all that electricity, longing, lust, desire, love, passion... it churns and swirls inside of me and become a huge creative force.  And BAM minutes later Joron asked to speak to me after a six week silence.  Obviously there is some correlation there.

Spirit has always told me that my creativity, that energy I create, is my "magic and manifestation" but I didn't really believe it.  Now I do.

Jenna Forrest is a woman who speaks of and writes about Twin Souls.  Her website can be found here:   http://profoundhealingforsensitives.com/  Jenna's recordings about twin souls totally helped me a few months ago when I was struggling to believe; her soft gentle demeanor as she explains the process, the mission, the union and the need for utter and complete unconditional love echoed what my own guidance was telling me, just in a different way, and it helped me hold on when I almost gave in to doubt and disbelief- and I would have seriously wounded my twin soul union had I lashed out at my vulnerable, loving, confused and emotional twin.  My guidance had been pushing me to write write write and to draw and be creative but I had refused.  Then I heard Jenna talk about creativity as a step in twin soul healing.  She said at one of the later stages {and I know I've already hit surrender} it would do us well to turn to a creative endeavor and *channel* the love we have for our twin into that work, to use them as our "muses."  This really struck me since my own guidance had told me from the start to get fucking creative again, already!!!  I am an artist who creates no art... a dreamer who resists dreaming.  A creator who does not create- and it's killing me because in not being creative I am not generating that "twin soul energy" that has probably been brewing inside me since I was a child.  Personally I think Joron's essence has been guiding me my whole life and I just didn't realize it.  So my long-winded point is I feel confident that doing something really creative that builds, grows, strengthens, generates, "brews" that love energy inside of you is MUCH needed when it comes to twin soul reunion.  It redirects your focus back to you and your output yet you don't necessarily have to "run" away or escape or let go.  Instead you concentrate on something good and healthy instead of obsessing about your twin. 

So my e-mail.  He told me he liked my words, that I am too much.  He said I am such a good writer, and I should write romance or "some type of naughty novel."  SO so so SO true, and I am sure that was from Spirit through him.  He ended his message with, "You are like the perfect girlfriend."  UGH- do you see?  I'm so being shown... he wants to be with me.  But while I am not truly living, not being myself or exploring my gifts, my energy won't connect with his because he's out there doing what he loves- and I am stifling myself.  I write romance like a champ.  That shit flows out of me because I am hot-blooded through and through, and I have one Hell of an imagination.  There ain't no Shade of Gray I can't top once I let my words mix with my emotions to create a combination of... totally passionate intense lusty love.  And not some shitty dime-store novel romance either; I don't like cookie cutter romance {although they are published I am not so...} but my work is emotional and deep while being exciting, funny and quirky.  I am quirky and it comes across in my writing.  So does my sassy side.  All the bits about me that most people don't know about, my inner world.  The REAL me.  Not this "me" people assume I am.  I am so much more than what people assume I am. 

I've written about pirates.  Vampires.  Parallel dimensions.  Cellular memory.  USOs {Unidentified Sea Objects, lights in the water.} Mediumship {talking to the dead.}  Artificial trees being sold, financed like cars, in a world where humans ruined earth to the point where no real trees grew any longer.  My newest idea is a story about me and my two girl friends opening a Cajun restaurant in Indiana called "Three Crackers And Some Gumbo."  Yes we are all three whiter than white and I think it's funny.  Maybe not PC but funny.

All of my books circle around love, solid strong passionate love.  I wrote about soul mates before I knew what they were, lol.  I channeled so much and didn't realize it.  Writing keeps me healthy and strong... but it's the love writing that really does it for me.  Getting lost in a story.  Growing so passionate about a topic that it is all I can sleep, eat, think or breathe for months.  My family says I get "obsessive" but I call it passionate- and I feel badly for them that the passion I experience never flows through their veins.

I quite literally must have come from the stars because I absolutely without a shadow of a doubt do not belong with or fit into my family, God bless 'em.

My ideas come from Spirit because they hit me with the force of an out of control freight train and gather speed while I write like a fiend, and often I know very little about what I'm writing.  I love research though- and the info seems to just come to me when I need it.

Lately my guidance keeps tells me, "Ignore your gift and be ignored."  When I see how every time I delve back into writing Joron comes through to me I assume this must mean when I create good strong energy he feels me and reaches out.  No I don't mean "If I write then I'll win him back" but I've been blocking out my gift of writing and it's killing me.  Really killing me, and I just can't write about this twin soul thing right now- not unless I find a way to fictionalize it and romanticize it {more than it already is because under a week ago my twin was moaning my name on the phone and it was pretty darn sexily romantic.}  I feel stifled and dead inside, like the walls are caving in around me- and I know it's because my passion died for a while.  For some reason Joron is being used to show me this, and it's time for me to pay attention because there is a writer inside of me, not just a blogger but an author who deserves to be published. 

I want my name in print, on the side of a book sitting on the shelf in the bookstore.  I've always wanted that.  Authors are my rock stars, and I write wonderful love because I am a giant ball of glowing unconditional love.

I'm exhausted with trying to know my "mission" and plodding along trying desperately to write a book about twin flames to help others when I'm in the midst of trying to KEEP IT ALL TOGETHER.  God can't possibly expect that much from me.  My love is still up in the air, and I need a shift in my focus is all.  I will always love.  I will not run from him, and I will not distract through the arms of another man or through booze or something equally self-destructive.

But I can write.  I can readdress my sexy Vampire Jeremiah and make love to him for a few hours through the key board and send all that Smexxor energy to my twin.  There will be no actual knicker-dropping or bodice-ripping happening around these parts until my twin soul is standing before me {then, oh then, watch the fuck out because it is ON!} but I definitely can write about it and it will make someone smile.

Anyone who needs to know something specific that I've been taught about twin souls, who need to know my words, will be lead here to my blog.  Otherwise it's time to bust out the Big Guns and let my imagination live again.

I so miss being naughty!