Forgiveness

 

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."  ~ Love Story

  

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

It seems most people around me canNOT understand, accept or empathize with my love and "forgiveness" for Joron.  I have told Joron he does not have to apologize to me.  This is, by far, the strangest experience ever, and with Spirit telling me that he is being "orchestrated" by soul I can't, in good faith, be angry with him.  As a matter of fact this situation with him has shown me a brand new more freeing way to view the world and the people in it where people and situations are brought to my life to test and challenge me, not as personal assault or criticism.  This allows me a higher level of forgiveness and understanding for people when I know that through them I am learning lessons, and through me they are also learning.  We teach each other.

When it comes to Joron I try to, at all times, assure him that I will not be angry with him.  Months ago a twin soul psychic {one of the only two I've consulted} told me, "You will get an apology soon."  Back then I wanted one.  I didn't believe all of this malarkey about the "soul orchestration" or that he didn't just run off into the California sunset leaving me behind to deal with the worst winter of my life.  Then a few weeks later I got a frantic e-mail from him.  His energy felt desperate and pained, and it was not in relation to anything I'd sent him.  He said he felt like he'd hurt me, and he was sorry.  That he wished I could visit him, wished we could start over.  Wished to kiss and hold me again... and I got a really strange sensation like he didn't understand what was happening.  He was hurting.  A wave of empathy washed over me and I immediately responded that he didn't have to be sorry.  He wrote back and said thank you but he still felt bad, and again he just didn't seem to get it.  It's always been where he seems to want to move forward but just can't.  So we stay in "soul mate limbo" while we continue to learn... and love.

It's not easy when people around me see me as "hopelessly" hanging on to a lost love- yet he is very near me.  They won't believe the telepathy, can't see that he's helped save me, are unable to understand the level of love, affection and empathy I have for my twin soul.  And MAN does it show me how naturally unforgiving most people are.  "I couldn't do what you are doing.  I'd have told him to fuck off ages ago," is what one friend recently said to me.  Others just kinda pat me on the head like, "Poor thing... she's got no pride."  ARGH! I was recently asked why I am not dating.  I said I am still very much in love with someone no longer "physically" in my life and you'd think I'd grown a second head- *gasp*  Cherish love?  Hold out?  Hold on?  Be forgiving?  We live in this crazy society of running through lovers like we change our shoes, or get bored with a handbag that no longer suits us so it gets tossed and a new one is ordered.  Sheesh.  That is just not me. 

Forgiveness is powerful, and I've always been one to say that only God needs to forgive- not me.  I don't need an "I'm sorry."  I teach my son to apologize because it is "the norm" but I don't need apologies from people.  I love them whether or not they say "I'm sorry."

This does not make me a Pollyanna or a floor mat, thank you very much.  Personally I think it takes a whole lot more strength to forgive than to resent {although it comes easily for me.}  Also- when you hate someone you totally give that person power and dominion over you.  There is such FREEDOM in forgiveness.  Now I know some affronts are harder to forgive.  I'm not trying to be preachy here... I'm just saying I've noticed how easy people are to strike someone down now that I've been through this experience with Joron.  

There is a lot of estrangement in twin soul unions during the separation phase.  Joron and I went six weeks with no communication, and this is directly after he promised to come see me then fell off the face of the earth; most women would have been angry.  Mom mom said, "Well what are you going to do when he contact you?"  I said- be happy and welcoming... and she just kinda sighed.  I think many twins who go silent are probably SCARED they won't be forgiven.  The last thing we need to do is place a guilt trip on them.

But see- these unions are nurturing us, teaching us, to reach beyond 3D and many people do not like this.  Many of us want to continue with "well I'm going to teach him a lesson now!" thinking, and I don't ascribe to that line of thought.  I am being shown with Joron that unconditional love and forgiveness is all important.  No attitude.  No cattiness.  No jealousy or trying to make him jealous.  Transparency is important... I tell him I am seeing no one else.  I slip in who I went to the movies with, or that I attended the wedding with my family so he knows I didn't have a date.  If I were to want to make him needlessly worried when he's over there trying to help me learn my lessons- SOUL WOULD KICK MY ASS, and I don't want to needlessly make him worry.  And no GUILT.  I do not make my twin soul feel guilty.  I can't really take the plunge and explain to him about twin soul connections so the least I can do is assuage his feelings of badness over going so long with no contact, over feeling like he forgets me, or whatever else makes him worry that he's got some kind of "problem" when we slip into silence.

These experiences are all about being as pure, genuine, loving, transparent and kind in thought, word and intention- and this means not holding grudges for the silence.  Estrangement is uncomfortable for both parties; it's not fun.  That lengthy silence creates a chasm that is hard to overcome- but with loving intention, gentleness and subtle reassurance it can be healed.  If I were to tell Joron how much I hurt, how sad and disappointed I am, etc. etc. do you think he'd be able to easily reach out to me when the time is right?  No.  I don't feel that is his lesson to learn, to be made to feel guilty.  I see this as a lesson through Spirit where he is playing a role to push me via my hatred of the distance and silent.  Maybe I am wrong.  Maybe some will disagree with me but I've always felt going easy on him through the silences is what is best.

If I were to come to a point where I could see I was being deliberately ignored, taken advantage of, disrespected or mistreated- I'd nip that shit in the bud immediately.  But as of right now forgiveness is what comes more easily for me.  Always has, for everyone.  I've always said, "I can't hold a grudge to save my life."  I might get hurt or even angry but it flares and then disappears.  Not that I'm patting myself on the back but for some reason I just don't have the "hate" or "resentment" gene, and that tendency to be forgiving works out well in this twin soul situation!

Bottom line is I love him.  I love him enough to dig down deep and BELIEVE what is happening to us and in doing so all I can do is treat him with warmth, love and kindness.  My heart overflows with love for Joron... and I hope he realizes it.  He is SO scared to come back and see me and I know some of his terror comes from soul and it is manifested in him feeling like "How can I see her after I've continued to ignore her?"  All I want is for him to be standing in front of me so I can touch his face, look into those beautiful baby blues, and tell him it's all okay and I love him.