Soul Love

I keep having these really strange momentary glimmers of, I dunno, insight?  But it is really weird, strange thoughts.  I talked with a twin soul guide today but not as a psychic.  I just like what she writes and I wanted to talk to her, and heck it helps her too because I paid her.  I told her that my belief, after all this, is that he is a walking vehicle for our soul.  My soul that loves me dearly lives inside of him and powers him at all times.  Somehow he is different being Yang twin soul energy and he is pretty much all soul.  And my soul is here to heal me and love me any way it can.  So I've had to go through this order in order to see myself more clearly.  I must wipe away all ego, knock down my walls.  Walls are just ego, and ego comes from our pasts.  I chose my trials of the past so I could become more empathetic and understanding so I can help me a guide for others as more and more begin to Awaken.  That's all my past though so I gotta leave the baggage, fears, doubts and self-esteem issues behind.  No self-judgment allowed.  Soul has wanted to heal me for a long time, and I do believe my channeling in the past is the same energy that is inside Joron, and inside me.

I know it sounds weird.  I told Gina, my new twin soul friend, that I know he is just soul.  That when I kissed his lips I was actually kissing my own soul.  My soul wanted to kiss me, wanted to show me love.  But see soul must abide by free will, allowing me to do and create what I will.  So I created being shown my fearful mirror.  I also said because he is soul he knows everything about me so he pokes every little thing.  He will bring up my insecurities.  He KNOWS.

She said I am way more aware than most, lol.  I was glad to hear it.  I feel like I am seeing things pretty clearly although I still dream of seeing Joron again, like right now.  Like he should be walking in my door tonight.  Now I know my soul does love me.  This is why Joron was so amazingly special when he was in my life.  He is soul love, and at that time he was free to just shower me with the love I deserve, and it is a sweet wonderful divine pure love.  A love I cannot walk away from.  A love I will work towards by loving myself unconditionally.  Heck, if I am my soul then I should love me, right?  I know I share the same soul as Joron and it is a very dear energy.  God-energy.

But he also loves me deeply, and soul's goal is to show me love.  Yes.  My soul wants to have a love affair with me, and my soul wants to gift me, actually already did, with the present of this glorious human being called Joron who loves me tremendously, and inside of him is soul.  Our soul.

It seems really strange.  He knows everything I think, and it is an energy inside of him.  But it is also eternal and exists everywhere.  It knows I am writing this message, and if I sit down and write to soul in my journal- then soul will know it.

"Kiss his soul."  It means  "Kiss MY soul."

Very very different way to look at this situation.  Maybe, just maybe, soul really does want me to heal myself so it can bring me itself inside of Joron, to come together with me again fully.  Soul wants Joron and I to be together.  When we kiss each other it is soul showing us each unconditional love, and we both deserve that love.

I know it might sound a little off the wall.  It's just something that's been coming to me here lately. There really is no way to separate Joron from soul.  It's been shown to me too many times that whatever is writing me emails is not JUST him.  Not just his memory and consciousness, mind or thinking.  It fully knows me, and it's goal is to push all my buttons, all the time, until I do some more affirming and shifting things around.

But isn't it a brain bender?  That when he writes to me, when he thinks and feels, it is coming from soul, and it really is all based on love just some of it is tough love.

So different.  Just so different.  My soul loves me and wants me to know it.  Wants me to drop all my insecurities and just be love, trust love, feel loveD.

LOL~ I think tonight I'll write a love letter to my soul.  And to Joron.  Or both of them.