Grateful

All I can think about is how grateful I am for knowing my twin soul.  It is becoming easier to remember his love and let all the rest go.  I do miss him a lot, and I look forward with confidence to when he is standing in front of me looking into my eyes.  We will hug and it will be beautiful.  It will be an EPIC hug, and I can feel his arms embracing me now if I just close my eyes and bring him close to me.

I love this song.  I heard it the other day and it made me cry.  I love how she sings, "I sold my soul- you bought it back for me."  And, "You turned my lies back into truth again... you even called me friend."  Joron has taught me how to hold on to my truth and defend my truth.  Through him I am being shown how to own who I am, take pride in my accomplishments, and know I am a strong manifestor.  Lies suck.  Lies are fear.  Love is truth.  Truth is he adores me, always has, thinks I am wonderful, pure, genuine, loving, kind and good- and that is truth.  I am all those thing, and he knows it.  He has always tried to show me myself to force me to own my truth, and in doing so I had to see the lies I tell myself.  I understand.

But he is a doll, truly.  We are the same, he and I.  And I love him.  "You held my hand when it was cold."  He always holds my hand.  I am beyond in love with my twin soul.  NO it is not "romantic" love.  It is wonderful amazing complete and total true unconditional love but our journey together concerns being in love, kissing, making love, being together and spending the rest of our lives together, which we will.  He is my destiny for sure.

Joron is only love, evidenced by how thoughtful and caring he's always been to me.  His generosity and patience with me, especially in treating me so gently.  LOL- we were talking fantasies one day. He said he'd never really want to spank me.  He'd rather do other things to me, pleasurable things.  He can do anything he wants to me though, lol.  I would be happy with anything from him.

I look forward to looking into those glimmering jewel-tone blue eyes again.  My heart does ache for him.  It is not pain but... love.  Love.  Only love.  He is fabulous, and so am I.  Honestly we are very much the same.  Both sweet good people doing the best we can, tender at heart.  Gentle in nature. Caring, loving.   I love how he took the opportunity to pick me up at work and take me to lunch.  We had Mexican and I was SO nervous!  Maybe it was like our third meeting and being in his presence was a bit overwhelming.  I could not eat much!  He is so cute.  I love his cheekbones, his facial structure is unique and my twin soul has the sexiest sweetest most adorable smile.  Gawd.  My hand in his makes me melt.  He always rubs his thumb against my palm and it makes me weak in the knees.  His slightest touch turns me on.  His memory alone makes me ache in all areas for him.  I can easily hear his voice, all smiley and loving, say my name.  I can see him looking down on me while making love, telling me "You are amazing.  I love you."  Hearing the intensity and honesty in his voice.

Yes he loves me.  This I have a strong inner knowing.  And one day soon I know I will see him again, and I will smile and hug him like I never will ever let go.

I do cherish you, always.

Where to Go from Here

The blog posts are pretty scarce now.  I mean, where to go from here?  I really don't have much left to say besides I love him and we are meant to be together.

"Here With Me"  I told myself the first song to play on Spotify would be for us.  It is "Here With Me" Susie Suh and Robert Koch.

"Caught in the riptide
I was searching for the truth
There was a reason
I collided into you

Calling your name in the midnight hour
Reaching for you from the endless dream
So many miles between us now
But you are always here with me

Nobody knows why
Nobody knows how or when
This feeling begins just like a spark
Tossing and turning inside of your heart
Exploding in the dark

Calling your name in the midnight hour
Reaching for you from the endless dream
So many miles between us now
But you are always here with me

All inside me I find my way back to you

Calling your name in the midnight hour
Reaching for you from the endless dream
So many miles between us now
But you are always here with me

Two worlds in your hands in your heart
Its one universe
You are always here with me."

Yes- I call his name in the midnight hour.  Here is some TMI for you- I can't "do it for myself" without crying at the end.  Every. Single. Time.  Every time I think of him and I cry, overwhelmed with emotion that washes over me, pulling, pulling, always pulling.

There is no reason for me to blog anymore right now.  I canNOT write anything more about the harsh mirroring.  Where ever I concentrate my energy is what I attract back to me.  I create my own reality.
I am wondering if this last time, a few weeks ago, when he responded and we reconnected, had I just totally IGNORED the nonsense like it did not even exist and ONLY concentrated on love, especially once he shifted, would he have stuck around?  I talked to a few people about our conversation, and I blogged, and in doing so I rehashed all the nonsense he wrote to me, and I think all I did was shift us backwards.  In talking about the nonsense I basically reaffirm it, at least I am pretty sure that's what is happening.

I only want to go forward now so either I won't discuss it at all, or I can only write or journal about what he felt like when he was here, and for how long now have I been telling myself {and you all} this?  Months.  Well it's time I just STOP the insanity.

I am tired tonight.  I had a fun weekend at a family wedding that I photographed.  Great experience, good company, lots of fun but I still missed Joron.  I wanted him there with me, and I am just so looking forward to this shifting.  I am tired tonight and there is not much more for me to write besides I know this man is my future.  I know he wants to be with me here, right now, and I do have to be totally aware of ALL my thoughts, my words, my intention and my beliefs every moment.  I have to since I am creating my reality.

And that's about it.  I created all this.  I am working to shift it to reunion.  I am aware of what is happening.  I am aware it is soul at work based off my intention.  I know he loves me, and I will stick with him through this.  I love him for going through this journey with me, and I look forward to when I have my Beloved back in my arms again.  I know he is with me now in spirit but he belongs in my arms too.  Kissing me for eternity.  My future.

Blessings to all,

Jennifer AKA Rosie

"I'm Never Too far Away"

Oh. My. God. I am melting.  This song.  This song is SO a message for me.

I have been reminded through song where to keep my energy and my priorities right now.  I am not always doing what I should.  There is quiet now and I can get frustrated.  I don't bring his memory back like I should.  Sometimes I dwell too much on the mirroring and then all the bad feelings come up, the untruth that he shows me, and I must- absolutely must- create more of what I know is truth {his love} instead of thinking about, dwelling on, or DISCUSSING, any of the mirroring or silence.

I KNOW THIS!  But do you have any idea how hard it is to follow sometimes?  Keeping my mouth shut is difficult for me, lol.  But my one TS friend and I have made a deal to just go inner now.  We are kinda not talking any more.  It's for the best for this part of our journeys.

I know why my guidance has told me forever to "Write about his kisses.  Defend his kisses.  Write only about the love.  Feel his love."  Because I get what I concentrate on.  Where I put my energy is what comes to me.  I know this.  I know this.  I know this.  I should be concentrating on love.  Every day I must write about our love, and only our love.  Good energy.  Why?  Because when I don't I then forget the real him and only the mirroring becomes my reality which is like... giving up.  It is about creativity, always creating good truthful energy, and yes always writing to him with love.

We danced together this morning, lol.  I shut my eyes and told him how much I love him, trust him and believe in him while Michael Buble' sang "Hold On."  I kept his adorable little sideways smile glance in my mind.  His chuckle.  How he always holds my hand when we walk and talk.  He always liked to be touching me in some way.  Even now.  Hence the songs.

Yesterday I heard a song that told me I don't "think" about him enough. Andy Gibbs' "Our Love, Don't Throw It All Away."  It says "You don't talk to me anymore. I am here waiting for you.  Please don't run from our love."  The song actually states that dreams must be worked for.  And to please let my love flow back to him.  I know I am not losing my mind.  I am being spoken to through song in an effort to make me realize this dude {no matter the mirroring he gives me} is over there aching for me, loving me still, missing me and praying for when I finally BELIEVE in his love fully.  It's been my main challenge because it all cycles back around to feeling WORTHY.  Do you understand?  It all cycles back around to HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF.  And learning to believe my worth is a huge part of my journey.

I have not been talking to him enough in my mind or on paper,  Keeping our energy connected is a priority, and in my journey I AM supposed to do this.  There is no "letting go" of him.  I need to let go of the shit but not him.  If I made a piece of jewelry I should do it with an intention of him.  Of our love.  His love as my muse.  If I do a photo session I should think of him there with me, happy to see me doing something I love, and he will still always be in my heart.

So this song.  This song.  Damn.  "Our flame can never die."

"I'm Never Too Far Away"

Another night without you here
Another day still waiting
It seems like forever
I can't see your face from here
Wish i could remind you 
not just in a letter

When I see you I see us forever
You're the reason that I live
The thought of you keeps us together
You're my parallel 

Even when it seems I'm gone 
On those nights when you are alone
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far away
The love we share it makes us one
Time an space can't over come
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far....away
I'm never too far away

Give anything to be where you are
Give anything to hold you
Even for a minute
If I could whisper in your ear
There's something I would tell you
Cuz saying it is better

When I see you I see us forever
Ur the reason that I live
The thought of you keeps us together
You're my parallel 

Even when it seems I'm gone 
On those night when ur alone
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far away
The love we share it makes us one
Time an space cant over come
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far......away
I'm never too far away

Think of the days
I wake up to ur smile
Can't wait to see ur face
Baby I know it's been awhile
Sparks fly when were together
Do u remember
I know u remember
Our flame can never die

Even when it seems I'm gone 
On those night when ur alone
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far away
The love we share it makes us one
Time an space cant over come
I'm never too far away
I'm never too far......away

Miss His Kisses

I don't have much to say, really.

I miss him.  So much.  I know he is my twin soul and always with me, helping me in spirit.  I really do believe that, and knowing him has changed me so much.

But I miss him.  I don't have much more than that for now.  I love him so much, and what we share together is divinely perfect.  I am whole and independent on my own.  I am so far from co-dependent that it isn't even funny but still I MISS my love.  A lot.  On every level.  In every cell of my body.

I do remember our kisses.  They are amazing kisses where our souls met somewhere in some other plane of existence and rejoiced together while our eyes were gently shut and our lips passionately kissing.  For hours.  And hours.  I love how safe I feel with him.  Like heaven is right there in his arms, being kissed by him.  I ache to kiss him again.

I know I know.  People say it's about finding God.  Learning mission.  Overcoming the pain of separation.  Being strong.  Having patience and the list goes on and on.  What I feel for this man far surpasses "just" romantic love.  Far far far surpasses it.

I am...

Independent.
In love with Spirit.
Listening.
Quieting.
Loving myself.
Loving others.
Loving my twin soul.
Patient.
Kind.
Lacking judgment as much as possible.
Growing fearless.
Increasingly calm.
Non-reactive.
So so loving.
Knowing my worth.
Remembering who I REALLY am.
Owning my power.
Thankful to my Higher Self.
Counting my blessings.
Aware.
Ascending.
Becoming Enlightened.
Helping others.
Helping myself.
Overcoming my vices.
Finding myself.
Faithful to my mission, faithful to myself, faithful to my twin soul.
Dedicated.
Committed.

He is...

Perfect in my eyes.
Perfect in God's eyes.

'Nuff said.

I AM going through the transformational process that twin souls bring to us.  I know I am.  I have not ran from it.  I've tried my best to face it head on.  And here I am.  I have stripped away a lot, and each time a new layer falls away I find myself faced with this raw overwhelming love for Joron.  I remember more and more who he really is, and it is yanking on my heart strings strongly.  So for now all I can really say is "I adore him."  I know he loves me.  I do believe.  He aches to be back with me, in my life.  I am increasing my self love and decreasing my self-judgment too but my GOD I love this man.  I just love him.  Love. Him.

I can remember how he'd sit on my couch after coming in, handing me some thoughtful generous gift, and hugging me.  I'd watch him bound up my stairs with butterflies in my belly.  I loved him so much already.  I sensed his perfection and my soul knew what he meant to me even if my brain did not quite get it.  It did not register.  All I felt was ecstasy being with him, anticipation in seeing him.  Love.  All I felt was love when he was on his way over, and then in my arms.

He'd hug me, smile, say hello.  His sweet gentle sexy... GAWD is his voice sexy... voice making me melt.  And we'd go sit down and chat for a few minutes.  "So how was your day?"  And after a few short minutes of chit chat he'd smile that knowing grin, reach out to touch my face and guide my mouth to his to kisssssssss me.  And kiss me.  And I lost myself in those kisses.  Time stood still.  Worries flew out the window.  The world ceased to exists outside that couch.  Outside our embrace.  His kisses are bliss, magic, peace, love, heaven.  Heaven.  Perfectly heavenly.

Here is the thing about that kissing.  Our kisses.  It is not wanton.  They were not "foreplay" kisses.  No.  They were... heaven in a kiss.  He would just relish being in my presence, my nearness, kissing me.  He got nothing out of it but loving me.  Adoring me.  Allowing me to adore him.  It was just this pure loving kind melty wonderful passionate caring exchange of innocent, pure and genuine love.  Taking the time after a long day of work and driving home from the city to drive to my house, bring me gifts, sit on my couch and indulge me in kisses for hours.  His kisses are like a full-body massage.  For hours.  A blessing.  He is so wonderful.  He so loves me.  So so so so loves me.

I miss him!  I do.  I know you can tell.  I miss him and there is nothing I can do about it.  *shrugs*

What a gift.  A. Gift, him.  His kisses.  His LOVE.

Perfect love.  Perfect love.  Two human beings bound in perfect love.

Those kisses are truth.  Those kisses tell me that he loves me, adores me, and wants to kiss me forever.  We will be together in all ways.  We will reunite.  I won't give up until we do and you can translate that to whatever you will.  Those kisses are magnetic and the power of their memory will bring us together.  I can close my eyes and feel those kisses again.  Just the right amount of intensity but mainly gentleness.  Luxurious.  Loving.  So loving.  I could and will kiss Joron forever.

I miss him.  I miss his kisses.  I love him so much.

And that's all I got for now.

God... I never knew a heart could feel this way.  I know what real love feels like. 

More on Self Love

I just like this picture.  I like how the angel is comforting the man in his sorrows.  It's beautiful.

So I wrote a message to my friend Crystal Ann Compton.  She is a huge ball of shining light.  A psychic intuitive who is a clear channel for Spirit.  My message to her was all about my issue with loving myself.  Feeling like I am not good enough to just accept myself and how to overcome it.  I told her, in my low moment of despair {yes I feel it too} that I often feel so "less."  Like I have to do more, be more, to be accepted by others, by my twin, by God... and by myself.  I told her I pray for someone to just tell me it is safe to accept myself as perfect right now.  Here is here response.  It is a beautiful response that applies to any of us, all the time.

BTW, first, if you ever want an amazing reading and some great loving guidance please contact her. Also her site is chock full of wonderful videos and writings by her.

http://www.crystalannecompton.com/about/

"Hi Jennifer!

My question to you is: why do you need anybody else to give you permission to be okay with yourself? Given everything you already know, you realize that nobody can give you this permission, nobody can suddenly free you to love yourself or your life completely, without guilt or with abandon. Only you can give yourself that. And you know what? You are entitled to do so. You deserve to do so.

You are correct, you have been through so much, and you have still achieved such a big heart, such a gorgeous spirit, and such wisdom on this planet. Your life is so valuable and yes, it is valuable just as it is.

Even though nobody else gets to give you permission to do something that you yourself are called to do on a deeper and higher level, I will tell you that yes, you are absolutely permitted RIGHT NOW and in every moment to be exactly who you are and who you want to be, just as God made you. You were created in perfection, and have come here for a reason. So many people think that the reason must be grandiose and over-the-top, when so often the reason is simply to be an instrument of God, who walks on this earth receiving and giving love.

If all you ever do with your life is spend time receiving love from God, transmuting it and then transmitting it, then you have done all you will ever be called to do. In life people --- or Light Workers-- find their own unique ways to be love. It doesn't matter what you are doing, what you are eating, where you were living, we can and should be love every day. Are you doing that? If you are, you are doing all that you are required to do.

But love must begin with self. And everything starts with awareness. Becoming aware of your own lovability, worthiness, and value is immeasurable. You are out of touch with your personal currency in life, and this is clearly where your work needs to be. You must understand the value of a child of God. You must understand the currency of a personality here to reflect love, in whatever way she can--be it to her child, to her body, to her life. So yes, it is absolutely good and in fact it is beautiful to spend those precious times with your son having a snack, or when you journal, or when you do those things that bring joy to your heart. Remember, joy is a high vibration and when you allow yourself to be in the space of sweetness, and peace, and joy you allow your vibration to raise. The more your vibration rises the closer to God you are, meaning the more access to love you have, which is the point of all life in all universes. If for you high vibration comes by doing these things--and not doing other things -- that's perfectly okay.

It's time in your life to give yourself a massive break. It's also time to really do that work where you begin to see yourself exactly as you are, in this moment as the being you are, which is a representation of extreme and perfect love. So love yourself, because you are worthy of that love, because the God who created you, created you with love and love is perfect."

*deep breath*  I needed to read her words there, "It's time in your life to give yourself a massive break."  I am a little upset with my Higher Self for telling me over and over that I needed to write a novel.  I am trying to understand it was only to get me to WRITE at all because writing helps keep me clear.  And if I do it with joy and belief then I am manifesting good things in my life.  So it's not about "getting something done."  It's energy.  But sometimes I get scared that I am supposed to be DOING something in order to reunite, in order to be "right," in order to fulfill my "mission."

I see this thinking EVERYWHERE on the web concerning twin souls.  People are so hung up on performing some spiritual mission, of finishing this project or writing that book, and I think it stresses us out entirely.  My belief is we are simply supposed to find a way to shift the energy whether it be writing on a blog, writing in a journal, writing a "book," painting a picture, dancing, singing, writing music, creating art, etc. but it's not because of the final output.  It's the energy involved.  Belief, manifestation, etc.  God is NOT asking us to "do" something in order to reunite.  I just DO NOT believe this.  God wants us healed and in love with ourselves.  Believing we are worthy of love, and yes loving our Beloveds who are mirroring us all our shit, is what is important.  All that shit reflecting back at us does not feel great but it is necessary to shine the light on what we need healed, and that's that.

Soul Love

I keep having these really strange momentary glimmers of, I dunno, insight?  But it is really weird, strange thoughts.  I talked with a twin soul guide today but not as a psychic.  I just like what she writes and I wanted to talk to her, and heck it helps her too because I paid her.  I told her that my belief, after all this, is that he is a walking vehicle for our soul.  My soul that loves me dearly lives inside of him and powers him at all times.  Somehow he is different being Yang twin soul energy and he is pretty much all soul.  And my soul is here to heal me and love me any way it can.  So I've had to go through this order in order to see myself more clearly.  I must wipe away all ego, knock down my walls.  Walls are just ego, and ego comes from our pasts.  I chose my trials of the past so I could become more empathetic and understanding so I can help me a guide for others as more and more begin to Awaken.  That's all my past though so I gotta leave the baggage, fears, doubts and self-esteem issues behind.  No self-judgment allowed.  Soul has wanted to heal me for a long time, and I do believe my channeling in the past is the same energy that is inside Joron, and inside me.

I know it sounds weird.  I told Gina, my new twin soul friend, that I know he is just soul.  That when I kissed his lips I was actually kissing my own soul.  My soul wanted to kiss me, wanted to show me love.  But see soul must abide by free will, allowing me to do and create what I will.  So I created being shown my fearful mirror.  I also said because he is soul he knows everything about me so he pokes every little thing.  He will bring up my insecurities.  He KNOWS.

She said I am way more aware than most, lol.  I was glad to hear it.  I feel like I am seeing things pretty clearly although I still dream of seeing Joron again, like right now.  Like he should be walking in my door tonight.  Now I know my soul does love me.  This is why Joron was so amazingly special when he was in my life.  He is soul love, and at that time he was free to just shower me with the love I deserve, and it is a sweet wonderful divine pure love.  A love I cannot walk away from.  A love I will work towards by loving myself unconditionally.  Heck, if I am my soul then I should love me, right?  I know I share the same soul as Joron and it is a very dear energy.  God-energy.

But he also loves me deeply, and soul's goal is to show me love.  Yes.  My soul wants to have a love affair with me, and my soul wants to gift me, actually already did, with the present of this glorious human being called Joron who loves me tremendously, and inside of him is soul.  Our soul.

It seems really strange.  He knows everything I think, and it is an energy inside of him.  But it is also eternal and exists everywhere.  It knows I am writing this message, and if I sit down and write to soul in my journal- then soul will know it.

"Kiss his soul."  It means  "Kiss MY soul."

Very very different way to look at this situation.  Maybe, just maybe, soul really does want me to heal myself so it can bring me itself inside of Joron, to come together with me again fully.  Soul wants Joron and I to be together.  When we kiss each other it is soul showing us each unconditional love, and we both deserve that love.

I know it might sound a little off the wall.  It's just something that's been coming to me here lately. There really is no way to separate Joron from soul.  It's been shown to me too many times that whatever is writing me emails is not JUST him.  Not just his memory and consciousness, mind or thinking.  It fully knows me, and it's goal is to push all my buttons, all the time, until I do some more affirming and shifting things around.

But isn't it a brain bender?  That when he writes to me, when he thinks and feels, it is coming from soul, and it really is all based on love just some of it is tough love.

So different.  Just so different.  My soul loves me and wants me to know it.  Wants me to drop all my insecurities and just be love, trust love, feel loveD.

LOL~ I think tonight I'll write a love letter to my soul.  And to Joron.  Or both of them.

Article on Higher Self

I really love this picture because they both look kinda like me, and I've been trying to think of my Higher Self in a more gentle, loving and feminine light instead of feeling like it is an energy always out to kick the shit, literally, out of me.

I know my Higher Self only has my best interests in mind, and it/she/us loves me totally and with no conditions.  I also know I've been through all the trails in my youth to teach me empathy and compassion, and I chose those challenges.

AND- my Higher Self thinks enough of me to have chosen this Twin Soul experience for me.  HS must feel I am worthy, strong and diligent enough to get the mission/quest completed- and I am.

I really like this article about Higher Self that I found.  One very important thing to note, though, is where it states that Higher Self is bound to the laws of Free Will and Karma.

"The Higher-Self ‘oversoul’ must nonetheless always observe the fundamental Laws of Karma which require that we all fully experience the cause-effect relationship between each of our actions and its results. Thus the Higher Self will always respect the self-determination or free will of each of the separately individualized lower soul-extensions. The High Self will only help when directly asked for assistance, and will never interfere to alleviate those hard lessons that each soul must learn for itself."

This means HS can educate us on energy and how our thoughts, energy, intentions and belief create our world but if we do not listen then we do have to suffer the consequences of what our fears create.

Why do you think they RUN?  Do you really think it is because all these male/Yang energies are such pussies that they can't handle strong love?  Do we really think they bolt so quickly from fear?  NO.  I do not believe this.  I feel that whoever leaves the picture, and it can be the woman at times, is because the other MANIFESTED that action out of some type of fearful belief or doubt.  Not many of us who are awakening right can are ready to handle that truth though.  They are more comfortable blaming the other, blaming free will.  Well, I am not one of those people.

Here is the link to the article and it's pasted here in its entirety, no part of it is mine.  It's a good read to know more about Higher Self's role in life and in the twin soul union.

http://members.dodo.com.au/~acceptance/YourPurposeWeb/HigherSelf.htm

We begin our long evolutionary journey as evolving ‘Sparks of Spirit’, created out of and as a part of our Creator's own Being, particles of His own Spirit and Thought Force. Each newly created Spark of Spirit near the Godhead in time becomes the "Parent" of an extension soul of themselves, and thus the originator of an extended "family" of closely inter-related soul units. This "family" relationship with its original "Higher-Self" soul allows for a close inter-connection between the higher planes and the lower planes of existence. There is also a continuous sharing of experience, not only from lower levels up to the highest, but also from the higher level down to the lowest. The higher level intuitive advice passed down to the physical level helps prevent individual souls from becoming enmeshed in any one particular area of evolution and thus losing an overall sense of direction. The "Higher Self" continually tries to keep its 'family members' on the correct path of evolution.

And so we have the establishment of an elevated group of ‘Oversouls’, also known to us as our ‘Higher Self" or the ‘I Am Presence’. Each of these Higher-Selves is then allowed to create or birth a further group of 12 ‘Prime Soul-Extensions’ so as to extend the experience life on worlds nearest to the Spiritual Light Plane. Then these 12 Prime Soul-Extensions are themselves each allowed to create a further group of twelve souls, or ‘lower soul-extensions’, for experience on yet denser worlds. Thus there can finally arise a total 'Family Soul Group' of up to 144 closely related ‘Soul Mates’, all linked to the same "Higher Self".

This Soul Group of 144 will not all be incarnating together at the same time, or on a particular vibration-level or dimension, but instead may be manifested throughout a Galaxy on many other dimensional levels or planets. However, all the individual members of these groups, under their collective ‘Higher-Self’, will remain linked throughout their long evolutionary journeys as a group of related Soul-Mates, often incarnating in a particular world with one another as life-partners or friends, or as members of an extended family.

The Higher-Self ‘oversoul’ must nonetheless always observe the fundamental Laws of Karma which require that we all fully experience the cause-effect relationship between each of our actions and its results. Thus the Higher Self will always respect the self-determination or free will of each of the separately individualized lower soul-extensions. The High Self will only help when directly asked for assistance, and will never interfere to alleviate those hard lessons that each soul must learn for itself.

As the soul-extensions then descend into the lower worlds of materiality (e.g Planet Earth), they further develop their inherent split into the two major polarities of positive and negative; each expressing more and more forcibly the male (positive, outgoing active force) or the female (negative, returning/in-going, nurturing force) polarity. This is part of the Creator’s Plan; to provide the soul with a deeper balance between the two major polarities of Creation, and provide a strong impetus for each soul to return to the Unity of the Godhead. Thus, two ‘Twin Souls’ or ‘Twin Flames’, are created as part of one spirit at the highest level, and remain forever as eternally joined parts of one soul-extension. After descending and ascending through the Cycle of Evolution together, they are eventually destined to re-unite at the end of their long evolutionary journey, as one complete and androgynous Being (that is to say, united male/female), and yet they shall forever also be two souls-in-one and even retain an element of their two polarities as well as their individualities.

Each individual Twin-Soul, endowed during its descent into matter with a predominantly male or female polarity, thus acts as a balancing force to the other; one featuring an inherently forceful male/active/positive/outgoing characteristic, the other with a more receptive/nurturing/spiritualized/in-going female characteristic. This inherent division into two opposite, but magnetically attractive polarities, not only provides the necessary impetus towards a later re-unification of these two souls, but also promotes a desire within all individualized souls to seek unity with all other souls, and thus their eventual return to the collective Unity of the Godhead. As their evolution progresses, the Twin-Souls gradually learn to develop a greater balance between their two polarities or genders.

A confusion of sexual identity
Sometimes a Twin-Soul will switch gender for one particular incarnation in a physical world in order to learn from the inherent qualities of the other gender polarity. This explains the varying difficulties of sexual identity which many people experience down here on Earth, after they have in fact chosen on the spiritual planes to incarnate into an Earth body of an opposite and ‘unaccustomed’ gender. For instance, a soul of predominately female characteristics, when incarnating into a male body, will by nature be more attracted to the opposite sex, that is, another male. Likewise, a predominately male soul incarnating as a female, will most likely be seeking the close intimacy of the opposite polarity of attraction, another female. The sex-changes that many people have felt a strong urge to make through an operation, exhibit a more extreme example of this unaccustomed position of opposite gender.

Thus the Twin-Souls learn to balance the positive (male), out-going/forceful, with the negative (female), receptive/nurturing quality of their polarities. The masculine positive energy is thrusting and active. The feminine negative energy is receiving and acceptive. Both are equally necessary to achieve life. One cannot operate without the other. They will then eventually be in a position to become totally re-united as balanced parts of a united androgynous (male/female) soul, although they will each, as part of a greater united being, still retain a certain individually and an element of their original polarity.

When one Twin-Soul incarnates on a lower physical-level planet such as Earth, the other usually remains behind on a higher plane in order to provide a nearby spiritual connection with the higher world. There are occasions, however, when Twin-Souls do arrange to meet and share together an incarnation at the physical level, such as whilst undertaking an important joint mission on Earth. At such times, unless they have chosen to be born as close relatives or twins in the same household, the time and place of their first meeting on the dense physical level is always pre-viewed and pre-arranged on the Spiritual Plane. And so when they first meet on Earth, they often experience a feeling of instant and deep ‘love at first sight’, intuitively remembering their old love connection as well as recognizing their meeting place pre-arranged on the spiritual level. Such a ‘coming together’ forever touches a fundamental note of human longing amongst all of us, and is frequently featured in many of the romantic love stories of the earth plane.

Even when we may not be destined to meet our Twin Soul or Twin Flame down here on Earth, it is possible that we may instead experience a very close association with one of our own Soul-Mates, a member of our larger Soul Group. We may also quite likely have been closely associated with that particular Soul-Mate in a past incarnation, either as a former family member or as a close friend during a previous Earth experience.

The Higher Self
During the long evolutionary cycle, when souls descend into the lower worlds of 'matter' and then rise up again, the Higher-Self remains on the highest spiritual level, constantly accumulating and recording all the evolutionary experiences gained by those evolving soul-extensions on lower levels. This accumulated knowledge is then accessible back to them via the Higher-Self as an inner voice of conscience, always there to assist them in taking the correct course appropriate for their further development.

We can, therefore, with intent and suitable training, obtain access to all this accumulated spiritual knowledge via our Higher-Self, simply by turning our thoughts inwards in quiet contemplation and seeking a connection with our ‘I Am Presence’.

This store of evolutionary knowledge and abilities accumulated by the Higher Self also provides each of the lower incarnated souls with a background of traits, talents and abilities acquired during previous lives. This continuity of development and attainment explains why some people are born on Earth with unusually exceptional natural talents, such as in the field of healing or science, or perhaps as a scientific genius or musical child-prodigy.

The end of deception
As you advance further into the higher vibrations you will develop open communication with your own higher selves. At first this will appear as an increased connection to source. Everyone will develop more open communication culminating with a full connection to your own Higher Selves. In time you will be able to tap into the thoughts of each other through each other's higher selves. After a period of humorous adjustment, you will find this to be a great strength. When each one can see clearly the real motivations behind actions, there will be true understanding and compassion. This will leave no room for deception. Also misdirections of energy such as war will no longer be possible. The energy you are now walking into will bring possibilities you can not yet imagine. You are at the juncture of bringing the reality of "Home" down to your side of the veil.

Guides
To further guide and watch over us during our incarnations here on Earth, each of us has various Guides and Guardian Angels working from the Spiritual Worlds. At birth, our Guardian Angels keep a particularly close watch over us when we first incarnate into the physical body, especially up to the age of seven. Young children, whose etheric sight is usually still functioning, are indeed often able to see their Guardian Angels as they stand over them, protecting and guiding them.

A Guide may also be gaining some useful additional evolutionary learning experiences by watching our life and learning from our lessons.
However, whilst our Guardian Angels and our Guides are ready to advise and assist us at all times, there are two fundamental qualifications to this help. Firstly: they will not normally interfere unless we ask directly for their help; they must always respect our free choice and thus not deprive us of the important lessons we have to learn ourselves.

Secondly: we should not assume that ‘whatever we ask will be given’, for we must remember that Higher Beings have a higher, wider vision, and they will not help us to do something which is not for our ‘highest good’. It could be so easy for us to feel, when our fervent prayers for help do not appear to be answered, that we have been 'let down'. But we should understand that the links between us and our Guides were formed and exist on the higher Soul level. At this level they know, and indeed we too recognize when we are visiting the higher planes in our sleep-time, what is best for our ‘highest good’.

Ascended Masters
Apart from the personal help and advice we may receive as individuals, wisdom and guidance is also made available in its wider context to the Earth world by other Higher Beings, known as 'Ascended Masters'.

A Master may give his counsel unseen, perhaps guiding the voice or the hand of a prophet; or a Master may incarnate on Earth, giving through his life an example to mankind. A Master incarnate on Earth may even be "overshadowed" by a yet greater Master who, with his "junior's" consent, acts and speaks through him. The Master Jesus-Sananda was himself overshadowed in this way during the last years of his ministry by The Christ, the highest embodiment of the Creator. Thus "Jesus Christ" should not be thought of or referred to as one single "person", but rather as the Master Jesus-Sananda, for a time overshadowed by The Christ.

Masters, such as are part of Earth’s Spiritual Hierarchy, are highly evolved Beings with a fully developed degree of wisdom and consciousness. They fulfil Universal Service. They are not usually linked to any one individual soul on the Earth as are your Guides. They serve a far greater cause, and when they come to this Earth they come, not so much for the individual, but for Humanity as a whole. They often speak through trained and inspired channels to give messages to Humanity. When they do incarnate on the Earth, they come in order to serve Humanity and to bring wisdom and knowledge to the Earth as a whole. They are not so much concerned with the individual as with the Greater Plan. It is through the Masters that Knowledge for this Earth is thus revealed and given to Mankind, and that the Divine Plan for this Earth is revealed and carried out. [Note - Most of the material on this website is channelled information].

There is indeed a wealth of advice and assistance available to those who seek it in peace of mind and humility of spirit. Spiritual knowledge teaches that through a process of bodily lightening, detachment from ego-centeredness, and a developing awareness of the Universal Unity, we can open to worlds beyond our present limited perception of ‘reality’ and learn to receive the ‘Higher Knowledge’, the wisdom of our Guides and the Ascended Masters. And it may be said without exaggeration that we need all the advice and assistance we can get, for the incarnations we experience here on Earth at the physical level are the most difficult and testing in all of our evolutionary journey.

Twin Souls
When one of the soul fragments is of the male energy, and the other fragment is of the female energy, and both vibrate at the same frequency, then that specific pair would be twin souls or twin flames.

As an individual achieves a certain level of development, it becomes possible that a counterpart (twin) be brought into its life experience on this plane. Recognition would take place on a spirit and soul level. On a material level it would be subconscious contact with much love and understanding between the persons involved.

Parts of the same soul will join together one day after they have worked out all their karma. Countless lifetimes are necessary for this, and much depends upon the swiftness of spiritual evolution within each part of the soul before it can be unified. At any one time, there might be twelve extensions (fragments) of your soul all experiencing living and learning. Ultimately these forms of your soul are brought together in total unity and balance.

I Like Her Stuff...

I did a google search on "twin soul+self-acceptance" and stumbled across this Keen twin soul advisor who is really the bee's knees.  She has tons of blog posts so I thought I'd share her with you here.  I am copy pasting one of her posts because I love it.  I LOVE it, and it gives me continued hope that soon I will be in my Beloved's arms again so our light can shine brightly for the whole world to see!

When I used to goo love all over Spiritual Forums for my twin soul he would then reach out to me.  I think there was a correlation between me always talking about how much I love him {which annoyed the piss out of certain people there} and him reaching out to me.  I really do think it is about the LOVE, always the love. First and foremost- love!!!

The highlighting is mine :)

http://www.keen.com/CommunityServer/blogs/45886591/archive/2014/11.aspx

How do TWINS Reunite ?

The important thing is to let go of the ego rules, for in ego rules lies implicit judgment, criticism, blaming, projecting,when you allow for yourself to let the ego reign, you create a deeper and wider separation, you separate what could be united, if you feel yourself judging either yourself or your TWIN, believing, that everything would unfold by grace, if your TWIN would just behave more like you, you are not in alignment with Source Energy, your Higher Self has been send out of the playground to sit in the corner, while you and your ego set the rules, whenever you state "I want", be alert, that this is a control craving of your ego, for in TWIN relationship, any relationship, it is a shared wish, that can further more love...ask your soul to sit next to you, and stay there, ask your soul to advice you on your journey and remember your soul is in your heart, and when you follow your heart, you will always end up in the arms of your TWIN, remember when you first met with your TWIN; remember how you adored and loved your TWIN - unconditional - judgment, blaming was never there, that is why, everything went so easy and life seemed so effortless, remember the loving words spoken back then, remember the respect and harmony in the relationship - let yourself find this amazing feeling of the first meeting - allow for yourself to stay in this feeling, speak nice words to your TWIN, focus on why you love her-/him and you will have more of that which you love and what you do not like will disappear (because it also disappears from you), you may then say, but the reality is different now - just know, that your reality is whatever you make it - so why not create a reality which is LOVE?

The Love...

How true is this.  The only words I have right now are that I love and miss my twin soul so much that I have no words to actually explain the depth of how I feel.  No words.  I can't find the words.  I am at a loss.  It is a feeling, a feeling I can't describe.  I can only feel it, allow it, and pray to have him back with me soon.  There is no way for me to NOT miss Joron.  It's just the way it is.  I experienced a gift, a true amazingly perfect gift, for a short time.  The gift of perfect love.  And I would like it back in all forms, physical as well as spiritual.  An unconditional "romantic" physical love along with the spiritual "tough love" learning, healing and lessons.

I am soooooo beyond ready for some more heavenly blissful Joron kisses~ his love is my gift from above.

Exactly.

I just keep reminding myself to be Love.  Always love,  only love... love for myself and love for him.  Love for all.  Love will reunite us. 

I love your face.
Your soul.
Your brilliant mind.
Your adorable smile.
Your passion.
Your humor.
Your glimmering sparkling eyes.
Your jovial personality.
Your cute little bow legs.
Your uniqueness.
Your warm loving nature.
Your generous heart.
Your protectiveness.
Your empathy.
Your acceptance.
Your strength.
Your respect.
Your wit.
Your intelligence.
Your willingness to be open and vulnerable with me.
Your desire to show me I am loved.
Your ability to show me how I am meant to be loved.
Your honesty.
Your faithfulness.
Your commitment and dedication to helping transform me.
Your kisses.  SOUL kisses- when I kiss you I get the blissful pleasure of kissing not only your human yummy goodness but also MY soul.  Our soul.  OMG how I love and miss those amazing "heaven and earth colliding together" kisses.  I long for your kisses.  I ache for your kisses.  I will not rest, not completely, until I am back in your strong, safe, loving and protective arms again, all wrapped up and making out like teens again, like we are meant to be.  My heaven, my dear, is to kiss you for eternity.  I love you.

Just A Hello

I am so lucky that my twin soul showed me so much love before separation.  Like so much love that I'd have to be totally just gone to deny his love for me.  This quote here is so him.  He always told me that while he is totally attracted to me and wanted to do all kinda of unmentionable things to my body he also just loves me and likes spending time with me.  We never did get a chance to spend the night together but I know that is because God knows what I can and cannot handle.  It will happen one day. One day {and night} we will lay down next to each other and sleep all wrapped around one another, and we will stay like the every night for the rest of our lives.

You will probably not find too much more from me for a while.  I few updates here and there. Maybe some things I might find to share.  But for now I am really working on affirming my self-love and self-acceptance as well as believing in his love for me and trusting him.  I am working on listening and following what Higher Self has told me for a long time, and I doubt many of you want to read me talking over and over about our sweet kisses, lol.

I do have to concentrate on the love and only the love.  So I will.  I love myself and accept myself just as I am.  I really am a good person, no better than anyone else but I am aware.  I will give myself some credit where credit is due; I've been going through a rather strong Awakening and I am more aware for it.  I know who and what this man is to me, and he is the embodiment of my soul.  And his soul.  And I do believe I am the embodiment of his soul too- so he is always going to want to kiss me again because in kissing me he is feeling what it is like to be physically loved by his own soul, and it is a blissful experience is it not?  I want to kiss my soul again in human form.  I want to adore my Joron again... heart, mind, body and soul.  He is a wonderful loving kind gentle protective man and I miss him with everything I have in me.  I will not give up, ever.  I do believe this is my mission in life, at least until we reunite, and then after that it will be bliss.  Besides my son's happiness and well-being nothing matters more to me than becoming one with Self, trusting and loving my twin soul, and coming back together in reunion.  And that is my prerogative.  I can make that choice because I have free will and can use it, and my soul tells me so because it is my soul's will to reunite with its own energy.  To be one.  I don't care about labels.  I really don't.  All I know is that man treated me like a princess, like I was to be tended to like a cherished porcelain doll, and in doing so he was trying to show me how I need to treat and love MYSELF.  So I will, and in the end we will come back together.  It is far past time for me to accept myself fully, and to know I am loveable.  He is such a dear man, and he loves me so much.  I truly believe on a soul level he wants to be back with me, kissing and hugging and talking on my couch.  He does not want all the rest, the nonsense emails and mirroring my insecurities.  He'd much rather be a mirror for love.  So that is what I am shooting for because God knows I am aching to have my love back in my arms.

My choice.  No one else will ever be Joron, and for that reason I am in for however long it takes to love myself and be reconnected with his humanity through soul.

True love {for myself and for my Beloved} is worth waiting for, working for, and trusting in.  This is my path.  My mission.  And I do believe I am doing a fine job of it so far.  I am made to love.  I am twin soul love.

XXOO  Jennifer

Self-Acceptance

Well.  *sniff*  I am at work, and as it happens I always get these glimmers of insight when I'm here and then I have to try not to cry.

I think I've had some of this all wrong, like not making him a priority, like I am being punished somehow for not loving him when I feel scared and hateful.  Like I am not working hard enough and for this reason God doesn't feel I am worthy for him to come back.  Bogus- not true.  Well- sometimes I feel scared and hateful because the shit he shows me is scary and it makes me hate life, hate myself and want to hate God because this process is just so damn hard sometimes, and it is fucking TERRIFYING to face my mirror!  My GOD just help me through this process of seeing my reflection clearly.  Of knowing what I still need to heal inside of me.

I am not being shown that I am "not a priority" because I have not been doing my work.  That means God is "punishing" me, and God is not a punisher.  No I think it still all comes down to not accepting myself as I am, and boy is that a harsh realization to make.

This is a highly suitable photo because I have gained a few pounds.  See when I stress out or I am in pain I do not eat.  Heartbreak will make me drop twenty pounds quickly.  I currently weigh 142 pounds and am a size 10-12.  I am 41 years-old and healthy.  But for a while I was the thinnest I've ever been which is like ten pounds less because I survived on STRESS TORMENT HEARTBREAK and basically wanting to die, not food.  I was a walking zombie begging God to kill me, knowing no one else on earth could understand the fucking HELL I was enduring!

Falling in love with a sweet, adorable, kind, compassionate, funny, loving, caring person who is your EVERY SINGLE DREAM COME TRUE and having that person speak your every heart's wish... feeling he will be your future, the one you've asked for for forever, and then suddenly for no real reason he is gone, and then he literally VANISHES from the face of the earth, all connection gone, and THEN he finally responds {like Invasion of The Body Snatchers weird and apathetic, emotionless} and seems like, sounds like and even FEELS like a totally different person- it makes a person feel like she just plummeted down to the seventh level of Hell, the one with the big-ass boiler room where Fred Kreuger lives, dragging his nails over scary-hot Hellish steam pipes.

That was my life for a while so I lost even more weight than I did with my soul mates; that sickly euphoric weight loss that feels like "Yes! I can at least control what I eat, if nothing else.  If nothing else I can subsists on four Saltine crackers and some water per day, and I can rejoice in the fact that my jeans are falling off me, my collar bone is sticking out, I can feel my hips, my belly is totally flat, and my hunger pangs have eaten my hunger pangs so now I'm not even hungry any more!  Yippee!"

Just how sick is that? 

So then some of the fear subsided and surrender began.  And I wanted to eat again.  And I LIKE to eat.  It is not a vice but it is a pleasure, and one thing my son and I love to do is go out for dinner.  So in the last six months and over the holidays I ate what the Hell I wanted to.  I do not drink alcohol or smoke or even go out to bars, etc. so going out for dinner with my child is one of my joys in life.  But I feel guilty.  Guilty for not eating like the spiritual gurus say we are supposed to when we "Awaken" because I still want cheeseburgers and chocolate cake and a mocha from McDonald's.  Guilty because I should be like Gweneth Paltrow and Apple... all vegan and healthy and just ugh.  Because I want pot roast and mashed potatoes with buttery green beans and biscuits instead of free-range organic grilled chicken atop a bed of lettuce.

And I love sweets.  OMG- and something funny?  My twin soul brought me treats All. The. Time!  Cookies, candy, suckers and pop rocks for my son.  Chocolate galore, and even pop corn balls because our last night together was right before Halloween.

Ugh.  He *also* brought me his home made perogies and grass-fed beef.  Maybe that was all a sign to tell me it was OKAY to eat.  Okay to enjoy food- he is actually a self-proclaimed foodie, and he likes dining out too.  Why did I not see that before?  Why beat the shit out of myself constantly?  Why?

WHY!!??

My belly is no longer flat.  I have a jiggly tummy.  I have stretch marks.  My boobs are huge and they, ya know, hang.  Gravity exists, lol.  But this body has been "unhealthfully" heavy in the past.  And it really changed my body- I got bad stretch marks and terrible heart burn back then.  But I got over that.  And then at 36 I got pregnant and I took damn good care of that baby growing in my belly.  And I nursed him too at 37.  And I walked with him every day, and I ran and played with him at the park.  And we explore and have fun together.  But I do hate traditional exercise with a passion, and I am a huge couch potato.  Always have been- I am very bookish and do not like exercise.  Still though  I should NOT be thinking constantly "Oh I have to be better!  My house has to be cleaner!  I MUST do yoga!  I should not eat that!  I should eat better!  I can't just sit and do nothing today because it is slovenly and lazy, etc. etc.  I have to write a book!  I have to be creative!  I'm just not good enough how I am right this very minute, sitting here reading to my son or cuddling him in bed, reading a book or even writing in my journal trying to figure out this self-inflicted Hell I am working through."

So this last go-round he pushed my buttons.  But one thing he did was to ask me this question, "So have you eaten a bunch of cheesecake and now your butt got huge?"  Of course he'd ask me that; he's supposed to bring up all my insecurities, right?  So I told him I gained a few pounds and he asked me for a full-body selfie {clothed- it was not for the purpose of him being stimulated or wanting something from me.}  So I sent one, shirt and jeans.  He wrote back and said, "You are so crazy!  You look like you've lost like twenty pounds!  You are gorgeous, and you look so young.  I'm too old for you!"  Well he's a few hours younger than me and the camera was in front of my face when I took the selfie so he didn't even see my face but still he told me "You look like you are about 28-30 years old!"

I am NOT going nuts here.  Do you SEE?  Do you see what is done through him?  I was so being told, "You are lovely like you are, love handles and all.  Eat what you want.  Be healthy AND happy.  Relax."  Lately I have been noticing my wrinkles more.  Age is starting to show.  And let's face it: single mom who works full-time and tries her best to take care of the bills and a big ole' tri-level home WHILE maneuvering a twin soul separation... can be just a wee bit stressful, you know?

This man, through him, has mirrored all my insecurities and lack of self-love.  He is also used, at times, to show me truth when he tells me how sweet and wonderful and beautiful I am.  But when I fear he does not love me after all, or that he does not want me, he shows me this too.  Intensely.  He's told me to go fuck myself SIMPLY based off the fact that I flopped in bed and told Spirit "Fuck off- I hate this!" He can shift mid-conversation.  He is my biggest mirror but through it all I have never stopped loving him or stopped believing.  I may have shit to work through but deep down inside I do believe that, in the end, we are meant to be back together so I've never lashed out at him.  I do not respond to the mirroring- why respond to the fear I created myself?  Why reaffirm it?  But it CAN be frightening, and it can be stressful, and I can see in my face that it has affected me.  The extra wrinkles are there... but that's life, right?  Beauty does not mean ageless.  Beauty comes from within, and he tries his best to show me this, like he did after asking me for the photo.

I've got a lot in my head.  I do have a inferiority complex, even now.  I still feel like I am begging for him to love me again, like his love stopped, like he forgot me and does not want me.  And that has to stop.  It has to.  I feel so inferior to him at times, and I still feel like he's not choosing me but his career instead, this other life while leaving me behind.  And he shows that to me over and over again.  And it feels like Hell.

So it is TRUE what people say, like Lois and Clark, that when your twin soul "rejects" you it is because you are rejecting YOURSELF.  OMG it makes SO much sense to me.  And I think the only way I can work through it is to accept both myself and him with total unconditional love because he is putting me through all this so I can finally see and love myself.  Just as I am.

I love this movie.  Bridget reminds me a lot of myself- she needs to love herself.  "I already feel like an idiot most of the time, with or without a fireman's pole."  That is me.  I often feel like an idiot when I should only love myself.  I am not an idiot!  I am not an embarrassment.  I am not a bother.  I always feel like a bother.  Sometimes I feel like the only person who could ever truly love me like I am is my son.  It's a bit painful to see really, what I am going through here.  How I think of myself even when I am trying to love myself.  How hard I am on myself.  It is so frightening to want to feel like you are okay, wanting to love and accept yourself right now without having to be better or do more, and being almost unable to do so.

And he tried.  They tried the easy way with him showing me love and affection again, and I could not accept it.  He told me that I am pure and genuine and that people like me are a rarity in this world.  He said, amidst a flurry of flirty text messages, that he felt it was what he loves about me most- being so genuine and pure.  A good person.  A loveable person.  He told me he LOVED me and wanted me to be his forever.  And this was after the separation.  But see- I ran from that.  I ran from it.  I was terrified I was being "fooled" again.  And when I emotionally cringed enough, doubting that love being shown to me, secretly thinking I am not worth it or him, he retreated again.  And then came the weekend when I was hating myself, wanting to hurt myself by drinking and hating and wanting to be all stupid and flirty with some random man, and he came through to beat the shit out of me with those craptacular emails  <---- had to be done.  HAD to be, and I can see that now that I was beating the shit out of myself, drunk and wanting to hurt myself, wanting to throw away my initial healing out of fear and lingering self-hatred.  He totally just showed me what I was doing to myself with my actions and my thoughts, all from 2100 miles away knowing nothing and ever since then it has been very different.  Difficult.  And for the love of Christ I've been going out of my MIND trying to figure out why.  Why?  What am I doing wrong?  Well- I think it all boils down to accepting love and loving myself and him unconditionally, and spreading this to all I come into contact with, to the world.  Because we all have these same issues.  We do.  It is a sad thing but our world {media, government, society in general, advertising which is the devil} causes us to hate ourselves, and this keeps us sad, lonely and powerless.  Unable to enjoy love with no angst... and I could go on and on.

But mainly he reflects back to me how I reject myself.  How I do not accept myself, and thinking he does not love me just tells myself "You are not worthy of his love."  I think- oh God please- I can see what is happening here, finally.  Because right now he shows me a lot of rejection, and he pops through to show me this ridiculous rejection, like so exaggerated and stupid {and he never 100% flat out rejects me, just makes it to where "I just don't see how this will work," or like he is ambivalent and doesn't want any "crazy relationship talk" where before all he wanted to do was talk about when were are married... and it makes me crazy!}  But I also know it is not real, and it is done to show me something.  But what?

Maybe I am finally getting the picture, maybe.  It is okay to enjoy myself.  To eat food that I like.  To RELAX and enjoy life.  My God. To adore and cherish myself.  *weeping*  It's okay.

And it's okay for YOU too.

I've always loved this movie, for years.  I watch it over and over.  Maybe it speaks to me and I didn't realize it then.

"I like you.  Very much.  Just as you are."  Best. Scene. Ever!!!

One thing that fucks me up is so many people say we have to be perfect in order to Awaken and reunite.  I think that is nonsense.  I think it has more to do with accepting ourselves fully, and accepting others, than it does striving for perfection.

I'd love your thoughts on this, Dear Readers.

XXOO  Jen