"Don't Panic"

Every morning I pass by my bookshelf as I walk out of my room and I see this book sitting there.  It is my copy of "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy" that Joron bought for me while we were dating.  He mentioned the book to me a few times, said it was one of his childhood favorites.  He knew I'd never read it.  One evening he came over with this beautiful hardbound copy of all the books in one, and he had some cute Halloween Fannie May chocolate bars for me.  He'd walked to Borders in the city on his lunch break and bought me the book.  I have it plus some other things he gave me sitting on the top shelf of my bookcase.  He gathered some playing cards from the museum and gave them to me for my son; he mentioned more than once that maybe my son would be interested in science.  He was concerned I'd shove religion on him, lol.  I assured him that my son would have all options available to him- I have not even baptized him because I know God's already watching out for my son, sprinkled or not!

But when I wake and see my "Joron Shelf" it brings truth to my mind.  My heart and ego are seriously battling.  Right now my Higher Self will only say "defend truth, trust feelings."  I am being told to really know in my heart who he is, and yes I STILL battle, and it's ALL ego!  But at the end of the day I am ooooozzziinnnggg love for him so that must be my heart knowing the truth that he is a super good dude and very open to Spirit.

I read this today about twin souls and EGO.  I wanted to copy paste it here, and I'm going to highlight some areas that resonate with me.  It came from this site:

http://www.starseeds.net/group/loveincarnates/forum/topics/how-ego-can-hinder-a-twin?commentId=2312030%3AComment%3A850022&groupId=2312030%3AGroup%3A175398

Start copy paste:

"I need him to say he is sorry, I need her to communicate with me, I have nothing to offer, I can't trust him/her...I need a sign...."



Ok the higher selves don't require any of these things from their other half. Because of their connection to each other the only true need they have is to come together physically without their bodies egos setting stipulations for the relationships...You know the problem with the ego in a twin flame relationship is that it still tries to treat it like it is just a physical connection that needs to be propped up with all these physical requirements.
Unfortunately every physical requirement that you tack on to a twin flame relationship gives the chaos around us something to work with... You need communications and almost instantly the person stop calling and e-mailing because chaos makes its connection with the ego and convince it that communication is causing the other person to take you for granted...while your ego is insisting that if the person cared they would do these things.
Have you noticed when you look in the mirror and make a face you see that same face looking back at you? Well let us apply this idea to a twin flame relationship. You spend a lot of time wondering if it is going to work if he/she is going to turn around. And when nothing happens in the time frame you feel is right you start to think about giving up. Well here is where the mirror image comes in. Because he is reflective this would mean he reflects the hopes, doubts, fears,thoughts and disappointment that we feel. Of course you feel this because he/she isn't doing any thing unfortunately as we feel these things about him/her he/she starts to doubt it will work, fear you will not or do not want him/her. And the roller coaster ride of doubt and fear on both sides start.
I have noticed that many of you desire your partners ego to go away so that the higher self may take a more active and direct part in the relationship...I have also heard about the baggage that the Twin flame has and needs to get rid of...However as I continue to work with the relationships I notice that there is baggage on both sides and an abundance of ego on both sides...because the TF is not personally there to defend their selves they get painted as having the biggest issues...please remember that a great deal of the problems in a TF relationship can be seen on both sides of the relationship because of the soul connection many of the issues are the same to some degree on both sides...
As soon as you refocus inward to your higher self and be very honest with your self about the baggage you are carrying and the ego the size of the empire state building that is constantly whispering in your ears about your TFs short comings then began to do something about them he/she will also start to take care of that which appears to be such a major problem in his/her life...
Baggage may not always be recognizable as such in our own lives...but past relationship issues that are unresolved and unreleased, fears and doubts about the TF's feeling which are usually confused with the ego's feelings...and accepted as the "true feelings" in the situation...learning to recognize that the body and soul are not the same until they have merged on both a conscious and subconscious level which leaves no room for the ego to ruin things and set up false scenarios with the help of it's ever present friend chaos. All baggage must be cleared away but it must first be recognized as such...Chaos does not need a lot to work with ego and baggage gives it an enormous amount of building blocks to put that wall up between you and your TF a wall that you are unaware of your part in building which makes it all the more difficult to remove...
You would like your twin flame to let go of his/her ego so that the higher self may direct the body...You must know that because of the connection between you as long as your ego is ruling the day your twin souls ego will also do the same...
I know that many of you are not really aware of the ego still being in control. When the ego is in control you experience fear, doubt, worry, confusion and bouts of concern as to if and when your TF relationship will work out..."

End copy paste.


One thing I have always asserted here is that my twin soul's ego is very quiet.  I saw this in him when I dated him.  When I doubt, fear or get really nasty inside he reaches out and shows me this, immediately.  It is beyond it "just" being his ego, or "just" being reflection.  It's not "just" The Law of Attraction or The Law of Cause and Effect.  Hell to The No- it is our combined Higher Self working through him to shove my energy right back in my face, and he is used at the channel to do so.


I will go to my death believing this because it is shown to me.  Do I still get scared and fall into ego wondering WTH could be wrong with him to treat me so coldly?  Um, yeah.  But I look at the book he gave me, remember how he was always only sweetness and light, remember how clearly I saw Spirit working in our relationship even back then, and I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that the "mirroring" is Higher Will working through him.  Maybe he is scared of me- but it's because Higher Self puts that emotion in him... and I feel this way because NOTHING I send him via my 3D words, attitude, etc. should push him off.  I am polite, sweet, kind and forgiving but MAN when I cave to thinking he is simply ignoring me or rejecting me or pushing me to the side BAM I get hit even harder, or he goes totally silent.  And it's all based on my energy, thoughts and intention.


When he "ran" back in March I'd done nothing in 3D to push him off.  I forced myself to be patient in my words.  I watched Every. Single. Thing. I wrote to him to ensure I did not come off as clingy or desperate- but my intention was all of fear, "Please don't leave me again!"  And Higher Will ensured he went quiet again.


Listen I still can't explain it but this guy here who posted the quoted stuff above gets it: we are not to worry about THEM.  I personally know in my situation it is not him.  It is me.  He wanted to come back to me but I kept pushing it away via fear, and that sucks because NOW I can see it- and I hate that we are here in this silence.  I wish I would have just accepted his love back then instead of being so damn afraid.  I wish I was in his gentle loving arms right now.  In REAL twin soul unions {not soul mates who are mistaken for twin souls} they begin to mirror our inner shit and it SEEMS like they are all fucked up, or more screwed up than they actually are.  They start acting cold or distant or erratic, or they shut off for a while.  We see them as the ones with the issue because we don't realize they are mirroring our inner shit that we won't acknowledge or don't know how to acknowledge.  We are blind to our own emotional issues and it isn't until we are hit with clear "mirroring" that maybe finally one day we think "Hm- he just sent me this fucked up message but it is EXACTLY what I was thinking about him or myself or us.  How did that happen?"  THEN the lightbulb may go off.  Or maybe Spirit is guiding you and explaining it all to you like with me.


But yet I know it is hard.  I can still doubt Joron even after all this, and it is my ego flaring up HUGELY.  And I am working on it.  My adorable sweet angel of a boyfriend shifted into my worst fears in a very twin soul textbook manner.  With distance comes some clarity, and I can see it.  I also love him and would like him back.


If anything I know that if I were to enter into a new love relationship I would not have the same fears as before, and if they cropped up I would work very hard on standing up to my fears.  I am very valuable and realize that no man who really falls for me is going to be able to walk away in a heartbeat, no matter what.  Most people just don't do that but twin souls sure do when it's time to heal fears, and it makes them seem like the demonic bad guys when they are just playing their roles.

And please- don't try to tell me I'm living in my own little fantasy.  I see it from every angle.  He was a dream when he was in my life, perfect.  He loved me greatly.  I feared that wonderful love until Spirit was like, "Okay it's time to turn this shit around!" and BAM my world completely changed overnight when our twin soul separation began.  It's been almost a year now.  I wish I could go back to last year, right now, knowing what I do now and SAVE it.  But it had to happen.  It's over and done with- and now I would just like to love my twin soul and let him know I appreciate what he's done for me.

It's a very pretty book, all glittery with silver-dusted pages.  Pure sweetness is he.  My Love.  My Light.