Reflection...

Some beautiful images...

I love this picture of swans, of course, because I am a romantic at heart.  They are a pair- facing one another and bowing head to head they form a heart.  Isn't nature grand?  Such a true mirror for what is actually most important in life.  Swans form strong monogamous pair bonds that last for years, and many last for an entire lifetime.  They are one of the only animals who mate for life- and their foreheads nudged together in a sign of affection forms the universal shape of love.  I mean... come on. Does it get any more beautiful than that? 

 GeeeeeOrgeous. 

And this.  Solitary Reflection.

There is much to reflect on right now.  My mind still questions my heart and intuition with thoughts of "But how can that be?  He has Free Will.  How could Spirit just work through him?"  I still battle with the hows but I cannot ignore the almost scientific cause and effect of this situation.  If I wanted to take the time and energy I could go back and chart out exactly what happened between us and why, and it is ALL energetic!  Joron and I had a very beautiful love relationship.  It was only ever sweet and loving- there was one tussle at the end that was a jumping board to the separation but it was SO not an infraction that should have, in "real life," caused such a stark difference, a separation.  Only now as I look back in a more fearless manner I can see how he truly is my mirror, and how I sent fear and loss and lack and more fear out into the universe and he mirrors that back to me.  Only until I absolutely know this in my heart, that "knowing" Spirit speaks of, will the energy shift.  This means a few things.  I have to shift my focus.  I love Joron.  Life is... not the same without him in it.  But if I sit here missing him, sad and mired in the quagmire of "How did I let this happen?" it's going to totally derail me.  I have to find a way to move forward.  Slowly but surely I've been battling this but it's been an intense journey, and I've heard that twin souls are tested the closer they get to the end of the road.  The silence is not easy BUT I have not really done my work to try and hardcore shift things around so that is my next step.  

I haven't known exactly what to do.  In my heart I KNOW Joron's truth.  I've written it here ad nauseum.  Once I wrote it here after a long silence and he reached out immediately after to show me that YES Rose- this is it.  This is what you do.  You shift your belief from the negative to the positive.  This journey for me has forced me to pay attention to my energy and intention.  It has also helped heal me of schtuff I had to let go of {some of it I am still working on.}  The drinking was a major vice I had to kick, and I am totally sober.  The experience back in June, found here: 

http://twinsoulssilenceisgolden.blogspot.com/2014/06/intensity-fear-love-rest.html  

terrified me into sobriety; I don't necessarily regret that it happened but I am saddened that I had to let it get to that point.  I won't ever need AA though- that moment scared the shit right out of me.  That moment changed the energy and it has not shifted back yet.  I SAW what happened yet it scared me, and I've had a hard time overcoming THE MIRROR he shows me.  It's not him.  It's my reflection bouncing off {through} him, and I don't like it.  It scared me but if I can suspend my disbelief and just trust that he's being used as my mirror, that he agreed to do so before coming here, then it's very easy to believe.

I've been battling with fearing him.  It's not an easy journey watching someone you love seemingly change before your very eyes.  This is why The Universe separated us by 2100 miles- because he could never have done this to my face, never.  Our connection was and IS too tight, too pure and loving, for this to happen any other way that via email.  Spirit surely does work in mysterious ways!

I've been guided to write about him, write about the love.  To "jingle" {code word for "believe"} in the love.  Jingle the kisses.  I STILL have been avoiding writing because I am not sure what to write.  I don't really want to write about the last year any more.  It is over.  The anniversary of us meeting, our love, and his leaving me has come and gone.  In a few days it will be a year since he made love with me for the last time, looked into my eyes, hugged and kissed me and then walked out my door... I can remember watching him walk across my lawn to his car and I had NO FUCKING CLUE just how dramatically my life was about to change once he left.  He is special, my Beloved.  I am a good loving person of The Light, and only someone as special as he is would be paired with me in order to help heal and cleanse me of my inner shit.  I am told to remember the REAL him- to know who is truly is, love, and to realize that crap that comes through him is from Spirit trying to get my attention so I won't ignore my lessons, my healing.

I did some searching yesterday and came across a TS website with recent posts.  One woman posted the following on 8-4-14 which is rather recent.  I got goosebumps: I think this is my answer because a HUGE ginormous part of this concerns my very strong ability to manifest through intention.  So when I place all my energy on my fear over him, worrying that he no longer loves me, that is the energy that comes back to me.  If I would just FORGET this last year of lessons and remember him, my loving sweet boyfriend who is like the cutest little angel ever and soooo in crazy in love with me, then I'd assume the energy will shift from fear to love.  Here is what the poster said about her twin soul, and I know I was meant to find this yesterday: 

"I can't live without hope.

Every time I lose hope, I get some really loud signal to tell me HE IS THE ONE, HOLD ON! When I feel like things are beyond hopeless...so I hang in there and I trust.

What I've been doing is saying positives affirmations about my twin and about our relationship. My twin is beautiful. He is gentle, kind, sincere, he would never hurt me. That he loves me and wants the best for me. Every positive thing that I know to be true about him I say it over and over again in my mind. To remind myself of the true essence of him.

I renounce all negative traits, because it's not really him, it's not the true essence of who he is so I'm not even going to acknowledge it anymore.

My twin is perfect in soul and spirit. There is darkness, but it is obliterated in the face of the light of the truth of who he is. I am mad not to love him, he is everything to me.
Once God asked me, I want you to love your twin as much as you love me. And I was like, for real? Equally?

So that's taken me a while to fully embrace that and just see my twin as good, that he is a child of God and he embodies everything that is of God. So I keep believing, hoping and praying that everything will fall into place at the right time. I even pray for our unborn children.

I am realistic and practical though...I know we both need to heal our past wounds so we can have a stable future together. That's a given. From now until we meet again I will continue to see the best in my twin and never stop believing in love."

BAZINGA!  Bingo.  Ding ding ding!  She is hearing her soul speak to her whether she clearly realizes this.  It is basically what my guidance has been telling me, and it is why when I posted months back a totally loving description of how wonderful he was when we dated, right afterwards he contacted me and asked me to call him after weeks and weeks of silence, and after he promised to come see me and didn't show up- again... for those who might find my blog, read it and think my twin soul is a total asshat- he is NOT.  Each and every time we have reconnected I freak the fuck out inside, get fearful and my energy sends him off again.  He is NOT a runner.  Spirit uses him to teach me how to control my energy, how to create love instead of fear.

I am making a concerted effort now to shift this.  I HAVE to.  I read the forum as SF and it is ALL darkness.  All the others fault.  People say {the universe knows I'm just using this as an example} "My twin is narcissistic.  My twin is selfish.  My twin is mean and hateful and a jerk and etc. etc."  In doing that those people are just sending out to the universe what type of behavior they will get back from their twin soul.  I WATCH it happen in my situation, and believe me- if I was any less aware, if I could not see what is truly happening, I'd think this guy was a freak... and then I'd continue to manifest him being everything I fear.  He IS only love, only my little angel... my Beloved.  

Most of this will be written in my journal but for the record I too know that Joron's intention is only to treat me with love and affection.  That man longs to be married to me, cuddled up on the couch together at night, slipping into bed next to each other only to wake and say good morning and make amazing sweet early morning love.  He desires to share his life experiences with me.  He wants to again share links and info and thought and dreams and likes and similarities with me like we used to.  He is thankful that he found a woman with a mind like his... he loves that I love his nerdy science stuff like he does.  He wants me as his future, and we have a child out there just waiting to be born.  He wants me and my child in his life, always has.  He loves my son, and he cares for us.  He is goodness and Light, and loves humanity.  He is pure and kind.  Full of empathy.

Something interesting as it concerns mirroring.  In my heart I feel, totally know, that Joron is absolute sweetness and Light.  My desire, my leaning, through all of this has been to reassure him of his goodness and that I love him no matter what.  I do NOT have to force that- it is innately inside of me concerning him and his energy.  When I get craptacular messages from him the energy, stilted, disjointed, eerie, feels NOTHING like the man I love.  It's not him, and I have always knows this from the start.  This must say something about him because as everyone wants to remind me: I am HIS mirror too, and I have only ever wanted to shower him with love and affection.  This tells me it is because he deserves it.

And with me, despite all the craziness, Joron always tells me I am wonderful, beautiful, kind, sweet, etc.  He might show me a lack of affection because this mirrors my fear that he doesn't love me, but he NEVER ever says negative things about me because he can't.  As my mirror he can ONLY reflect back to me my own energy- and because I am a good person too he tells me as much but when I fear that he does not love me then he is apathetic and refuses to show me love.  When I fear that maybe, just maybe, this strangeness is really him THEN he writes things like "I'm such an asshole" referring to himself as an asshole to reflect me thinking that maybe he is a jerk {when I clearly know he is wonderful but fearful Monkey Brain can take over at times} but he does not fear that I do not love him so he still receives my love, feels me.  I am still "on" for him because he is not the one who fears- I do.  Does that make sense?  I hope it does.  I don't just sit here and write because it helps me, and it does help me.  But it is also my heartfelt desire, wish and intention that someone else who is on this strange journey dealing with similar feelings, fears, thoughts, etc. will find my words and take heed.  You are NOT going crazy.  God DOES work through them, very specifically.  It will feel like that have been taken over by an alien- and it is YOUR own energy.  

So be kind to yourself.  LOVE yourself.  I know I am memorable and worthy, one to be cherished and held on to despite time or distance or situation.  Know that about yourself too.  Be kind to others. Be kind to God, and be kind to your twin soul.  Think good thoughts.  Try to let fear go and replace it with love.  I am right there with you.  We truly are creating our own lives so let's create love, nothing but love.

I can't live without hope. Every time I lose hope, I get some really loud signal to tell me HE IS THE ONE, HOLD ON! When I feel like things are beyond hopeless...so I hang in there and I trust. What I've been doing is saying positives affirmations about my twin and about our relationship. My twin is beautiful. He is gentle, kind, sincere, he would never hurt me. That he loves me and wants the best for me. Every positive thing that I know to be true about him I say it over and over again in my mind. To remind myself of the true essence of him. I renounce all negative traits, because it's not really him, it's not the true essence of who he is so I'm not even going to acknowledge it anymore. My twin is perfect in soul and spirit. There is darkness, but it is obliterated in the face of the light of the truth of who he is. I am mad not to love him, he is everything to me. Once God asked me, I want you to love your twin as much as you love me. And I was like, for real? Equally? So that's taken me a while to fully embrace that and just see my twin as good, that he is a child of God and he embodies everything that is of God. So I keep believing, hoping and praying that everything will fall into place at the right time. I even pray for our unborn children. I am realistic and practical though...I know we both need to heal our past wounds so we can have a stable future together. That's a given. From now until we meet again I will continue to see the best in my twin and never stop believing in love.

---

- See more at: http://www.beyond-hearing-voices.com/my-twin-flame.html#sthash.S1kREsTE.dpuf

It's an insane merry go round, this whole thing. This back and forth, playing games with our twin. Are we having fun? God laughs at my torment, I guess because He knows that things will be okay one day. I hope that day is soon because the longer I am without my twin...the more I long for him.

I can't live without hope.

Every time I lose hope, I get some really loud signal to tell me HE IS THE ONE, HOLD ON! When I feel like things are beyond hopeless...so I hang in there and I trust.

What I've been doing is saying positives affirmations about my twin and about our relationship. My twin is beautiful. He is gentle, kind, sincere, he would never hurt me. That he loves me and wants the best for me. Every positive thing that I know to be true about him I say it over and over again in my mind. To remind myself of the true essence of him.

I renounce all negative traits, because it's not really him, it's not the true essence of who he is so I'm not even going to acknowledge it anymore.

My twin is perfect in soul and spirit. There is darkness, but it is obliterated in the face of the light of the truth of who he is. I am mad not to love him, he is everything to me.
Once God asked me, I want you to love your twin as much as you love me. And I was like, for real? Equally?

So that's taken me a while to fully embrace that and just see my twin as good, that he is a child of God and he embodies everything that is of God. So I keep believing, hoping and praying that everything will fall into place at the right time. I even pray for our unborn children.

I am realistic and practical though...I know we both need to heal our past wounds so we can have a stable future together. That's a given. From now until we meet again I will continue to see the best in my twin and never stop believing in love. - See more at: http://www.beyond-hearing-voices.com/my-twin-flame.html#sthash.fI1jRpyJ.dpuf

It's an insane merry go round, this whole thing. This back and forth, playing games with our twin. Are we having fun? God laughs at my torment, I guess because He knows that things will be okay one day. I hope that day is soon because the longer I am without my twin...the more I long for him.

I can't live without hope.

Every time I lose hope, I get some really loud signal to tell me HE IS THE ONE, HOLD ON! When I feel like things are beyond hopeless...so I hang in there and I trust.

What I've been doing is saying positives affirmations about my twin and about our relationship. My twin is beautiful. He is gentle, kind, sincere, he would never hurt me. That he loves me and wants the best for me. Every positive thing that I know to be true about him I say it over and over again in my mind. To remind myself of the true essence of him.

I renounce all negative traits, because it's not really him, it's not the true essence of who he is so I'm not even going to acknowledge it anymore.

My twin is perfect in soul and spirit. There is darkness, but it is obliterated in the face of the light of the truth of who he is. I am mad not to love him, he is everything to me.
Once God asked me, I want you to love your twin as much as you love me. And I was like, for real? Equally?

So that's taken me a while to fully embrace that and just see my twin as good, that he is a child of God and he embodies everything that is of God. So I keep believing, hoping and praying that everything will fall into place at the right time. I even pray for our unborn children.

I am realistic and practical though...I know we both need to heal our past wounds so we can have a stable future together. That's a given. From now until we meet again I will continue to see the best in my twin and never stop believing in love. - See more at: http://www.beyond-hearing-voices.com/my-twin-flame.html#sthash.fI1jRpyJ.dpuf