OH did he love me, and I am sure he still does inside although his love is sorta "shut off" to me right now. Again, to refresh, my soul tells me that when I ignore his love then he ignores love. When I get all freaked out over whether or not he loves me then he turns into "lack of love." It's not the real him. I think this is an issue in many twin soul unions although we don't want to admit it. We want to blame them, think it's their ego issues, their fears, their running. Well- either I am going through a VERY unique experience where I am the only twin soul going through this {highly doubtful} or else I am being shown with VIVID clarity exactly what happens when we have strong fears and those fears become real in a way that we cannot ignore. In our limited 3D reality it SEEMS he is stuck in ego. It seems like he left, went away and suddenly became a cold monster after one tiny scuffle. If I did not know any better I'd think he is a narcissistic apathetic com-passionless dickhead just trying to hurt me. That is, if I didn't know any better. Luckily for me I've been shown the "mirror effect" very clearly and now I can believe. He is still the same loving, kind, compassionate, caring and wonderful individual I knew here in my hometown. The Universe, God, conspired to separate us so I could be shown my fear through him- so I can no longer ignore my fear and distrust concerning being loved, being love-able, being worthy, being someone who is easy to let go of...
We can ignore signs and synchronicity from above, even if it means life is falling apart in order to try and get our attention. This may all be signs from soul/higher self/God yet we could overlook it if we want to. Or if you are like me then you get strong clear guidance from above but you ignore that too. I was told for a solid two years before meeting Joron to be very aware of my energy. To be joyful. To stop fear. To believe I am love, and that I am LOVED. But I would not listen. I guess I just couldn't. I was too scared. I was raised in fear, and fear is what I knew. I could ignore the signs. I could even ignore this invisible entity that spoke to me from above... but I'll be fucking straight with you- I COULD NOT IGNORE IT ONCE THEY BEGAN USING JORON TO CHANNEL MY FEAR BACK TO ME.
Oh no. No no no. That shit I could not ignore, and that is exactly what happened. My fear hit me like a ton of bricks because Joron is used as my mirror to show me my fear, and it ain't pretty. I would not believe in the love. I ignored the fact that he loved me!!! How sad is that!!! He perfectly oozed love. It hurts when I look back at it now and see TRUTH. He loves me so much. He wrote things like "I think about you every minute of every day." Or "I. Love. You. So. Much. Totally. OMG." He so totally completely showered me with a strong pure love. A love mixed with a good dose of attraction, and he found me inspiring. A love I'd never had before. No one cared for me like that but HIM. He treated me like a goddess, with respect and good old-fashioned manners. Doted on me. Cared. Opened the door. Was sweet to my adorable child. Was patient with me. And I did appreciate him, and he knows this. But I was too damn scared to let it flow. To let the love in completely. Fear was always there, in my mind, killing me inside. "But when might he get bored of me? When might he choose work over me?" OMG- the list of fears is endless. I'd been schooled to believe in his love, cherish him, think nothing but goodness of him, and really just enjoy him. And I couldn't do it.
I stopped trusting him. I doubted him. I feared him. He was too perfect. I waited for it to fall apart... although I loved the stuffings out of him!
The more I worried and fretted the worse it got, and believe me I didn't really show it TO him. It wasn't like I was some clingy desperate female. Oh no- I am more clever than that; I tried to show him strength. But inside I was scared. I didn't just dive in to his love and swim around the the nice warm pool for a while. Instead I let fear drown me. And then he got the job offer. And then he moved. And then he... became my fear. Quite literally. I wore my best masks and soul saw right through them.
And the more I believed in the coldness he showed me {reflecting my inability to believe in his love} the more quiet and aloof he became. The more I did NOT fully believe my higher self telling me that it was all orchestrated from above in order to heal me the more I saw my fear reflected through him. I'd get it under control for a bit and he'd come back with a vengeance, his love cascading over me like the warmest most comforting waves... I'd feel him again. He was the same man I knew and loved. It was so unbelievable, hard for me to accept. I was scared! At times I wondered if he was psychotic and messing with my head, playing me. Torturing me. I can't believe I thought those things about this sweet amazing man. He didn't, doesn't, really know what is happening either. I can't even imagine what he thinks- probably that he's losing it. My higher self resides inside my Love, and it works through him to teach me, heal me, and has saved me. But being separated hurts.
I could write about this for hours. I honestly think that there are others out there going through the same thing I am right now. Fear has "changed" the one they love. They don't understand why or how. All they know is suddenly this amazing person "runs" off, shuts off, turns cold or even cruel- and it's heartbreaking, a nightmare. And it is actually them reflecting our fears back to us.
If your twin soul has suddenly started acting like a prime dick, or if his love suddenly disappeared and he seems heartless, cruel or vicious... or maybe just lacking love and affection when he was once a jolly loving soul- it is not because YOU are an asshat. No- it's because he is reflecting back to you some fear. If you fear he will reject you- then he's gonna reject you. If you fear he's gonna abandon you- then he's going to leave. If you fear he will stop loving you then expect that love to be YANKED away one day. And if your twin, like mine with me, lusts after you- then that lust will remain but the love will be gone and all you will receive are cold sexual messages that will push ALL of your fear buttons until you finally wake up one day and remember who he REALLY is, and stand up to the fear.
Read this and don't believe it if you don't want to. I read all the time about "My twin is this or that or the other." In doing so all you are doing is ensuring God makes your twin soul into the person you say he is. If you say over and over "My twin is a narcissist" then expect to see him present that behavior to you. We are not supposed to worry about what they are doing. Maybe they are just really good people and GOD is working through them because WE are not ready. It appears otherwise I know. Maybe they have their own healing to do and YOU are supposed to love them through it while they are used to heal you, and them, accordingly. I dunno your situation but I do know this... with my twin soul I am meant to love him through all of this. I see clearly that no matter what has happened between us HE is a doll. A dream come true. My champion, my helper. So am I, don't get me wrong. I am a great person. Loving, kind and true. And he lets me know this- but he also reflects my fears to me.
I don't know exactly what is going to happen from here. But I am in love with this man, his heart mind and soul, in a way I cannot express in words. I can't date any other, and it's not some sick obsession. I don't hear from him yet I feel him with me. I can see him smiling in my mind. I'd rather be alone than be with someone other than him {and that says a lot for me, someone who does not love being alone.} I am independent, whole and healthy... and very much in love with my Joron.
My twin soul is love.
My twin soul loves me very much.
He is gentle.
He is kind.
He is caring.
He respects me: mind, body and spirit.
He only wants to protect me, help me, love me.
He is my friend, my confidant.
He loves me with no conditions.
He loves and accepts my son.
He knows and loves my wonderfulness, my loving self, my goodness and pure genuine nature.
My twin soul aches to see me again.
My twin soul wants me in his arms, forever.
He will melt when he sees me.
We are made for each other.
He is my future.
For my little science trip- I love you always.
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