"Signs"

"Signs"

Ahhh another great Scully & Mulder 'shipper video.  Hey, cut me some slack.  If you had any real idea of what happens in my life or in this union with my twin you'd understand why I need something sweet and romantic to hold on to, something I love.  If not I might either lose my mind or lose heart.  And I don't want to do either one of those things.  I really want to see this through to the end even when running seems like a much easier option.  I have always been a fighter so I keep reminding myself of that.  Ha, God knew.  The one thing I will always fight for is love.  Because nothing else really matters to me besides love and relationships. That is the kind of heart I have, and the heart houses the soul, right?  My soul must be a real little fighter to keep pushing me forward in this.  My soul must really love James.  I love James.  But I think it is a love that comes from deep in my soul.

Involved in this union with me is another human being who I love with my entire heart and soul.  And I believe he loves me.  I really do.  I sense it in him, this longing.  Even when he is unable to tell me I can just feel it.  He loves my kisses and misses me.  And he wishes he could be with me, and I always have to remember that.

Signs... God there have been so many, so many.  All along I've been given so many SIGNS to show me he loves me.  Even my wee little "open" son will turn to me out of nowhere and tell me, "James loves you mommy.  James really loves you."  And I know it is the truth.  He told me many many times.  I was so lucky to have a man in my life who was so willing to shower me with love.  *sigh*  So free with his love and affection.  He does love me, and I so badly want to, one day, be reunited with the man I love.  The adorable bouncy humble friendly quirky passionate loving kind caring devoted man I fell in love with.  James just wanted to meet a nice woman to love.  He was hoping to meet his "one and only" and maybe he didn't think he'd find her.  But then he found me and he knew he'd finally met the woman he could love free and hard who would love him too, fully, and I did.  I have this feeling that all he wanted was a good woman to give his love to, one who would love him just as much as he loves.  Like I love, hard and pure.

My heart is aching.  I miss my sweetheart so much.