When I see you again.
I want to see him again. I will one day. He once told me he can't ever go without seeing me again, and I know that is his truth. I know he aches to be in my arms again just like I long to be wrapped up in his warm embrace.
I want to be his Strawberry Fields. A long while ago we felt like we were going to reunite. And he told me I remind him of a character from a movie called Strawberry Fields. She is sweet, loving and kind and she had been waiting for her Love to return to her after a long time away. When he finally makes his way back to her he is unconscious and she's singing to him so lovingly, stroking his face and obviously adoring him. He wakes and they share a huge embrace and yes when I watched that scene I cried because it's us. It's how it will be when he is finally back in my arms again. I will hug him so tightly. I won't be able to breathe while my arms are wrapped around him. I will silently say "Thank you God! Thank you!" and silently I will tell James "I understand and I'm so happy you are back."
I know a miracle can happen between us. They already have. I know he can just come back without much discussion or explanation. All it would take is a hello, a shift in another direction leaving the nonsense in the past allowing truth through. No question. All I want is him back in my life like I had him, my loving, sweet and kind dear friend and love.
I miss James. I love him so very much. We shared the best conversations. Its funny because for a while in this journey I felt I had 3D communication taken from me because I enjoyed it too much. I felt I was being forced to let go of my desire to speak to my Love, like forced to only rely on soul communication. But I no longer feel that way. I know why our contact is how it is and it's due to my own energy blocks; it's fine for me to ache to speak with my amazing friend again!! And oh I do!!
A song that really hits me hard is Neil Diamond's "Hello my friend Hello." Because when I'd shift my energy to belief and love James would text me asking to talk after weeks of me-created silence. We would get on the phone and it would be like nothing ever happened! He was sweet and jovial and kind. He would tell me how much he loves me and misses me. He told me one night to ask him anything and with some prodding I asked him what happened to us? Our dreams? Very slowky, deliberately and carefully he said, "Nothing changed. I feel the same exact way as before."
Good God! He's tried this entire time to get me to fully believe in him!! I know it from deep in my heart. When James was in my presence, when he was in my life as my physical boyfriend, we basically just kissed! Lovely sweet kisses. We spent our alone time together close, intimate, touching, caresses, deep deep long lingering gently sweet kisses, light giggles. Always close like I was almost pulled into his lap and we'd make out for hours, lose time, world stopped spinning and heaven crossed over and replaced our earth at those moments together. I think our souls were so very close while we kissed so it felt so glorious. I miss his kisses so much. I only want his kisses and I want them now; there is a deep yearning inside of me to experience James' sweet kisses again.
But, as this song "I'm Only One Call Away" just started playing (God ease my aching heart!) Because we did not do much talking when we were together we spent oodles of time on the phone. I remember our first conversation. He asked to speak on the phone right after meeting online. He gave me his number and said he really wanted to talk to me. I knew I'd love this guy! I just knew it! And when he answered the phone with this huge smile on his voice I just melted. We talked for hours. Laughed, debated, shared, giggled, and really enjoyed each other. He called me a lot. I always always knew he would contact me. James said good morning and good night every day after first talking to me. He's everything a woman could ask for. If I could build the perfect man it would be him. He's sweet, affectionate, caring, loving, kind, generous and very attentive. Responsive. He made me a large priority in his life. He wanted to text and say hello. He wanted to call and hear my voice. He would always ask me how my son was doing. He always said hello. And he always answered my emails, not only did he readily respond but he told me how much he welcomed my thoughts. He appreciated my words and he always responded. As a matter of fact he told me he made a point of answering because he knows it's worrying and disconcerting to get no response.
He is perfect to me. My Love wherever you are- you are perfect to me.
Nothing changed between us. I believe our connection and love is still real; he is out there loving me and I believe he aches for me and misses me and loves me just like I do him. He's out there wishing I'd get the energy shifted so he can come back. I have a lot to overlook in order to do that and I know he's hoping I can make it happen. My Love hurts to be away for me. He wants to be back with his Love too. I just feel this and I've had things happen that show me this is truth.
I know he still loves my words of love and he's thankful that I've held on to my love for him. I also believe truth is he would be hurt if I dated another man or shared myself with someone else; he wants me with him as his Love and he hopes I stay strong and committed to us. He's a very faithful man and he cherishes me and I know he wants me with him only because he loves me.
I miss our time together. I miss our late night hours-long phone calls where I would lay all curled up in bed talking until 2 AM and then when I would say I needed to get to sleep he would beg for just a bit longer. He said he hated saying goodnight or goodbye.
*sniff* He hated saying goodnight or goodbye Because he never knew when he was going to be able to contact me again so he wanted as much of me as possible right then like he never wanted to ever let me go... and it breaks my heart.
My Love is the sweetest man alive. I know truth is he's out there somewhere hoping with all his might that I will see past the mirroring "nonsense" and know his heart no matter what. And I do. His is a beautiful heart. Honest and loving and true. He would much rather hug me and love me again. This silence is hurting him just as much as it does me, aching to be together again. He wants to be together with me again.
I want to be his Strawberry Fields. I wanna wrap him in my arms and cuddle the fuck out of him so he knows it is all okay, all good. I love him for being my twin soul. I'll love him through anything and forever. I just wanna hug you again my Love. I miss your sweet face, your brilliant friendly boyish smile, your beautiful blue eyes and your wonderful loving kisses. I do love you so so much. I want to spend eternity with only you. I dream of reaching up to gently stroke your face while looking into your eyes before kissing you. I dream all the time of kissing your sweet gentle lips again. I love you and miss you so very much. We need pillow talk and cuddles, Love. You mean the world to me.
I believe in us.
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