I like this picture above. I love how it explains in one neat little picture what I feel is the truth about "God" and getting closer to God and knowing God. I've had so many people advise me that I need to forget about James and love and get closer to God and then I'll be doing what I am meant to be doing. Then I freak out because I have no idea how to "get closer to God." Like, how?
A long time ago my guidance told me about this twin soul journey, "Love is in charge." And I said, "Love?" I thought God was in charge?" But maybe I understand better now. Maybe it is clicking. God and Love are the same, totally the same. We have just mislabeled God and confused the fuck out our ourselves by attributing to God these human characteristics, like God is some kind of entity or being when God is really only Love. So I really love this picture above. It tells me that as long as I focus on love then I am always becoming more and more "one with God" like so many people want to advise me to do. So... I can love the fuck out of James and in doing so I am also growing closer to God in the process. And yes I love other people too. Love is my super power. How refreshing is it to know that in doing what comes natural to me, loving, I am actually doing the ONE thing that is needed to know God and get closer to God and really to be God. It is not two separate issues. Loving James is no different than getting closer to God or trying to become more one with God. What a relief to understand this.
Marvelous.
So on to a different topic, kind of. Still concerning "love."
Sometimes I wonder if I am delusional or if I am seeing truth. I still don't know with 100% certainty but I will share with you something I've noticed lately. You know how people say, and I've said it here on my blog, that we are meant to focus ONLY on what we love? And we should not focus on what we don't love? We should not focus on something we've done in the past that has brought about a result we did not like. We should not discuss the car accident we had. We should not discuss the things we do not want more of in our lives and instead we should only talk about, think about and write about the things we want more of. The things we love. This way MORE of the stuff we love can come into our lives since whatever we focus on is what we attract to us.
Okay okay so we've heard this already. It sounds good. It makes sense... but putting it into practice can be a real bitch. And I've noticed something lately. I could be wrong about this but it is an observation. I am just trying to come up with a good analogy to explain it...
Let's say I love a good sushi dinner and I have not had one in ages and I really really want one, bad. I had a great sushi dinner a few years ago and I loved it a lot. And I want to have a lot of sushi dinners in the future {and this is in a world where I can't just go buy a sushi dinner- I am gonna have to attract it to me.} So let's say I really want a sushi dinner over... sandwiches. And sandwiches are more readily available. And I am hungry but I don't want sandwiches even though I could have them if I wanted them but really I want sushi.
And whatever I focus on is what I am going to bring to me. Whatever I focus on is what I am going to eventually make available to me.
So. What I have noticed lately is this. If I set my mind on sushi and focus on all the things I love about sushi and I remember in detail the delicious and fun sushi dinner in the past then I start to dream about sushi and hear about sushi and see signs of sushi... and my hope is this is showing me that I am bringing the REAL sushi closer to me, and then maybe one day I will find that a new sushi restaurant is opening near my home so I can have sushi all the time, whenever I want it because right now sushi... is not part of my 3D reality and I want it to be. Badly.
Like I can taste it, that's how bad I want it. It's so very very GOOD.
BUT- here is the thing. If I instead talk about sandwiches, at all, then I am seeing signs of sandwiches and I am even dreaming of sandwiches and hearing songs about sandwiches and I'm having sandwiches thrust in my face. And I see no signs of sushi at all. The dreams about sushi stop when I instead focus on sandwiches. Sushi feels farther and farther away when I don't focus on what I want, sushi, and instead I even dare to breath a word about sandwiches.
Like the best thing I could do for myself is pretend like sandwiches don't even exist and only put all my energy towards thinking about, dreaming about, remembering, even talking about or writing about, sushi- how much I love it, how awesome it is, all the great things I remember about it. Because in doing so then the signs and dreams will start again, and hopefully this is a clear indication that I am bringing the reality of sushi into my life, by focusing ONLY on sushi.
Clearly realizing that the moment I turn my focus towards what I DO NOT WANT, sandwiches, I actually start de-energizing the sushi and re-energizing the sandwiches.
Does this analogy make sense to you? I hope so because now I am hungry. And I want sushi.
On the beach. I want sushi on the beach.
Like I said to begin- sometimes I wonder if I am delusional. Crazy? LOL- I don't feel crazy at all although sometimes this union makes me feel like I am going to totally lose my mind. I do ask myself if what I see is real or if I am just making associations in my head. But lately it seems if I discuss, even in passing or with my therapist, anything that's happened that I do NOT like then I will dream about what I do not like or want. But if I pay absolutely no attention to anything that has happened that I do not want or like and if I instead focus only on James, writing about him a lot in my journal, blogging about him, and ensuring I am very watchful of what I speak or communicate via email to friends {I try to say very little about James to anyone} and if what I write is all goodness, hope, love, affirmation that he loves me and is a wonderful person, then my dreams, signs, the songs I hear- they seem to shift to show me that my energy is "felt." And my hope is this will bring James closer to being able to show me his love again. Because I know his love for me exists. I strongly feel that he yearns to show me his strong love, the love he has for me, again. I feel like he is nearly exploding with love for me, just like he was when we were together, and it does not feel good for him holding back all of that love- he wants to be loving to me. He wants to be kind to me. He wants to be his true honest genuine loving angelic self to me again. And it seems when I focus on this, truth, then truth is shown to me via a good warm dream of him or hearing songs that speak to me of love, missing each other, soul, heart, etc.
But when I even for a moment shift that to speaking of something I do not like or do not want then I am shown that as well. So it would seem. I am going to err on the side of "Yes what I am seeing is the real deal" and try to keep my focus totally steady, focusing only on what I love and want more of which is him him him, my sweet James.
Actually the more I think about this... let's say I enjoy steak too but I like sushi better. It's very objective, actually. If I focus on steak I am gonna get steak. If I focus on steak then one of my friends is going to send me a gift of frozen steaks in the mail, lol. If I focus on sushi I am gonna get sushi. And this means for me to get sushi I must actively focus on it, wanting it, dreaming of it. I can't just ignore any thought of it or distract from thinking of it because then I am not empowering it at all and then it's not going to manifest into my life.
Yeah I know I could just go out for dinner, lol. I get that but you understand my analogy.
And we shall see what happens. I want to give a shout out to "myself" and say, hey make it as clear as you can so I SEE it strongly. I don't care how intense it is. I am strong- just show me. The stronger and faster the better so I can get to my bliss and dream as fast as I can.
Focus only on what we love. I am so working to be aware and focus only on what I love. James- I love James. I love the time we spent together. I love his friendly sweet loving caring kind personality and how gently he treated me, with such care and consideration. I love how attentive he was to me. I love that he is over-the-top affectionate and never hesitated to show me how much he loves me. I love that he loves my kisses. I love him so so so very much, and I love his huge love for me.
Sushi or sandwiches???
Sushi, at Union, please. With my Love.
XxOo
Jennifer
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