Focus

I have not heard from my twin now for a week. He reached out from the ethers and told me he does love me, wants to be with me and he said "accept it." I'm not gonna lie- I get so much nonsense in his messages (being mirrored back my own crap) that I'm looking at what was recently sent and asking myself what is real? Because I feel like these messages were partially sent to ensure I keep my focus on my twin. But I also believe that anything said with love and affection is truth. Because love is always real. And I swear I have been working to stay as gentle inside as I can while also thinking speaking and writing good loving stuff about my twin. Still I'm sure there is more to shift though.

I had prayed for some hope to know I would at least hear from him again. A few weeks ago something happened that made me worry "Maybe I killed this forever!" which is always one of my worries. So hearing from him at all is a blessing but to be shown the energy of "Jennifer I do love you and I always have" is such a huge blessing. And it shows me, clearly, that I must keep my own energy very gentle, loving, tempered and kind. It means I cannot be negative about this journey and especially not about James. But to me it also shows that I need to focus that his words as truth. He does love me. He would like to be with me and I need to believe that no matter what the 3D circumstances are right now. Just means I have more "work" to do in order to allow this to happen.

So now I ask myself... what do I do now? Yeah my focus was sliding away a bit but my energy maybe needed a bit of love to help pull me through. To elevate me and bump me out of the hopelessness, fear and despair I was feeling. It's odd because I can KNOW something (like the mirroring is not real) yet at times it becomes difficult to shake it off no matter how much I want to or how hard I try.  

But again what do I do now? No amount of me emailing James is going to earn me a response if my energy is not right or if I'm not focused or if Higher Self doesn't feel it is necessary (or however it works.) I only know I will only hear from James when I've done whatever it is I need to do to shift the energy even more.  And I gotta keep that in mind when I start getting frustrated. Because I do get frusrated and I want to be peaceful and calm! I always need to remind myself that I have created all this so I need to accept it with a tempered attitude- sometimes easier said than done but I'm working on it. I'm not perfect. I do get irritated or I do sometimes want to run off but I realise what I created and I wish and want to fix it So it can be beautiful real honest love again. And I know I'm the one responsible. I feel if James could then he would already be here with me meaning he wishes he could be together here with me but it's up to me so I gotta figure this out. It has a lot to do with what I'm manifesting. Well, all to do with what I'm manifesting. 

I wish I had a handbook!! My big ole' pipe dream is that we come back together, total reunion, all my persistence and stubbornness and faith and love allows us to make it to reunion, and then I will write that handbook with the clear intention to propel others through this process. But for now I have to get through it! So I have to be patient and focused. I have to stay out of pissy anger. See I WANT to hear from my twin. I want to see James. I desire the stuff he mentioned to me like seeing me again and spending time together. So when I hear nothing else I tend to get irritated at the process and I'm seriously trying to avoid that. And hint hint I'll take any help I can get from my blog reading friends!

I know my focus has not been where it needs to be. I realise him reaching out to me was partially a tactic to ensure I don't turn away from my journey. Yet I also know if I had been being a monstrous shit in my energy then the messages would have been much different. So at least I feel confident that since I feel love for my twin soul and I will only speak of him with love and I know he is a dear sweet wonderful man who has been my angel and divine counterpart this has made some kind of shift. And I swear I'd rather poke my eyeballs out with hot pokers or attend a Trump rally than bitch and moan or get pissed off about any of this because in staying tempered and accepting and kind I then keep the reflection the same. 

Focus. As I get close to 200,000 blog hits (how did that happen?) I am still asking myself WTF do I need to do to shift this more? I think I can let go of recent events as far as worrying if it is a set back or not. It is what it is. What's done is done and I can only go forward. 

I think I'm shown what I have been all along and that is to just remember him with love. Recall our good times even if I focus on the same handful of events daily like a meditation or mantra. And I feel pretty certain that I need to make sure I create no other connections to anyone but James. Which means enjoying my son's company, friends and family but that is all. Focusing on James and our love, enjoying life as much as possible.

Luckily it is festival time again! My son and I love festivals especially carnivals. I end up dropping all the money I don't spend on makeup clothes and shoes on Tilt A Whirl rides, corn dogs and "throw the dart at the balloon for a prize" games! But that is okay because it is my kind of fun and I carefully brought my son up to love the festivals too and he does, LOL. We hit four rides, had some ice cream, listened to the band play some Pink Floyd and didn't make it to bed until almost midnight and to me that is a fun time. So I do have fun. I enjoy life.

But I'd sure enjoy life so much more if James was with us. Having fun with us. I miss him and I hope I can change this so I do hear from him soon. It would be so great to walk along with him and PJ having fun. I pray that day comes. But for now I feel the only things I can do is stay gentle loving and kind inside while remembering James and focusing on our good times. So that is what I will do. That means I won't be blogging as much because here I tend to rehash the journey and I don't want to do that right now. If I feel like I want to come share a memory or a song then I will but otherwise I need to keep my focus steady with my more private writings. 

Love to all. Enjoy the beginning of summer and the upcoming full moon! 

Jennifer