Safe

I heard this song today and every time I do I just want to cry!! Bittersweet tears. Because when James and I dated this is exactly how it was. Just like this adorably sweet song. But he is adorably sweet. He really is. When he was in my life my world felt more incredible than it ever had before. I'm not kidding. He made my life feel magical!! OMG! He was such a blessing when he was here.

Those were good times. He was this adorably sexy and brilliant and amazing single man who was choosing ME. He chose me. I could barely believe it. I have this problem with not knowing my worth at all. So when he, this perfect man, wanted me to be HIS girlfriend I was floored. He was perfect in every way. So fucking sweet. Not even normal. I did not think single men like him still existed or that I could ever be blessed enough to meet an angel of a man like James.

So when I hear this song my heart just weeps. It weeps because I miss having his perfect love in my life. I have my memories. So much has happened that it can try to overpower my sweet memories but they are still there.

Have I ever expressed here in my writings how sweet he was to me? A gift from above. I truly believe he is meant to be a gift from a above. My biggest gift. My gem. My treasure. I do treasure him. I so wish he was here in my life. I miss my treasure so much.

Right now I have to really remember James. I sometimes feel I have taken this too far but my God I do love him. He is so sweet. I miss him and I wish he was back in my life. I just love him so much.

He made me believe I am loveable. And I know I am. I also know soul love is sweet love because with soul love they love your inside so they are so in love with you. You don't have to worry about what you look like or what you achieve. A strong loving soul connection loves you no matter what; they see your honest perfection and that is a beautiful thing. I know James sees me as perfect and it is beautiful for me. I don't have to try. Don't have to feel perfect. He sees me as perfect because he recognizes my inside.

I miss James. I hear this song and it takes me back to how absolutely ecstatic it was experiencing his joyful brilliance in my life. Best time of my life. Knowing him made my world so colorful! He was so kind and gentle to me. He saw how hard I tried and all I was doing and he respected me for it. He recognized what a wonderful mother I am. He fell in love with me.

I miss James so much I don't think you can understand. I wish he was back here in my life like he once was. So sweet, gentle, kind, open and talkative. Life can be a challenge. Single momdom is a challenge and I wish James was here with us.

I'm tired. I wish I had the family I dream of. The one he had I spoke of. It's my dream. He made me feel safe and protected. I miss that.