The Moment

Love never fails.

Throughout this journey I've felt a lot of stress to try and be as perfect as possible although trying has never made me perfect. I am pretty sure I can go back and see the things I've said and written and thought to be clear on how those things have affected my connection with my twin. I have some general ideas of the "do nots" on this journey. And maybe some "dos."

 I've been living my life and trying to focus rightly. I love James. It's pretty simple. I adore him and I want to think of him only with love. He has had to really reflect a lot of stuff to me and man I'm trying my best to let go of anything inside that needs to go. I am torn over something right now but I'm telling myself to address the situation with love and it will all be okay.

I really do want my twin soul in my life. I miss him and love him a lot. I remember how perfectly good and loving he was to me. I realize most 40 year-old handsome hot-blooded men don't take the time or patience or effort to get to know a woman as slowly as he did me. As carefully and with total consideration of my feelings and my role as a mother. He took his time. He was gentle and caring and wonderfully kind. And funny, very friendly and funny. I was entirely blessed to have him in my life. He is a gift from God to me. I still can't get over how careful and protective he was of me. It is one thing that stands out to me. He was absolutely so so careful of my emotions and wanted me to feel loved, reassured and good. Such a sweetheart.

I miss him. I miss going out together and having fun, always holding hands. I miss being able to have an open honest conversation with him where he could be his exuberant expressive affectionate self. I miss talking with my friend. I miss being in his arms for hours while we softly gently kiss and talk. I think those sweet endless hours of just kissing were some of the best hours of my life. It means so much to me that he took such care with me!!  I miss hours on the phone together where he would ask for just five more minutes. I miss his sweet soft voice saying "I love you honey." Oh how I would love to hear him call me honey again.

Men like him are a rare gift. HE is a rare gift!! A treasured gem. This is why I'm so in love with him still. He is genuine and rare. I wish he was in my life right now. We had such a great loving time together, beautiful and healthy and real. The best time of my life. It is why I miss him so much.

Right at the moment I'm not sure what to expect or do. I don't know how to be perfect or always know what the best choices are. I'm trying to remember him as he was, amazing, while keeping my insides clear of any darker energy. I am still human and won't ever be perfect but I'm doing the best I can. He means a lot to me and he ultimately is the one I want as my future and my family. I can only hope and wish for my dreams with him to still come true.